[KO]

so today I had a moment of triumph I'm back on track and losing 2 weeks in a row and exercising.
so today I ate all day ALL BLEEPING DAY
Thus far I've also exercised 51 minutes to counteract my "binge" and I'll probably go up and do more
first I was like ok its the afraid of being thin thing
no
its actually not (which is kind of nice)
My company is facing layoffs. . .I went to my boss today and told her I'm applying for another job in the company. I did this 2 months ago and got witched out
today she seemed relieved. Which to me means1 thing getting axed I could be wrong but every time I go in my kitchen I get freaked out now (which I realized when starign at my near empty pantry
tallying up the cost of food.
I'm sitting here crying. DH is great but all he's going to say (when he gets home) is you don't know if its going to happen so why worry Easier said than done
So I made a cup of tea and I'm not going back in the kitchen but my brain is full on freak show
I want to scream and stomp my feet or maybe go do 10 miles on the arm bike
I feel bizzarely hollow I want my mom but I don't want her to freak out.
Anyway Thanks for the ears/eyes I just didn't want to eat any more.
Kierie

[mrs dorson]

it is very scary to NOT know.
i dont have much advice but i know where you are coming from.


i am certain it will all trun out for the best!

[nanj]

A big hug to you!! I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't know what to tell you about not eating during this time except, DON'T. Just take one moment at a time. No one knows the future, and that usually scares the heck out of most people. Especially, with something like this hanging over your head! Lay back, turn on your jazz station, and just lose yourself in it. Or get up and dance around the room; take a long bubble bath with at hot drink. Don't go into the kitchen again, well maybe for a refill of tea. When hubby comes home just hug him for a while. Be thinking about you.

[missangelaks]

Oh honey, I understand! I am staring at another huge career thing (reopening the studio! The load of things I have to do... ) and having to go through some more of my mother's things this weekend is bringing home my grief...so right now it's harder then Heck to stay out of the fridge! Sometimes I am successful and sometimes not. I am who I am and that is something I am working on excepting.

I do know that food changes nothing about my Studio or starting up a business again in our current economic climate and nothing will stop the flow of feelings about my mom...I just have to walk through them. The only thing that eating does is keep my mind busy for a second while I plan it, fix it and eat it. Maybe again for a few minutes while I feel guilty, then it's back to feeling whatever it was I was feeling. Not a good distraction in the least, it just makes me gain weight.

Working out sounds like a great idea! Hey, you got a hobby? Something that will keep your hands busy? I love to draw or paint and playing music helps me. At the moment I am pouring myself into planning for the Studio by putting together my new business plan. You know, it's a better distraction then food Any Day!

I'll be thinking about you tonight, sending you some friendship and strength to get through this with your self-esteem in a good place, the ability to feel the feelings and let go of trying to eat them.

Besides, don't you agree? They just don't taste that good!!

Angela

[KO]

Thanks LAdies
I went upstairs and did 4 miles on the bike before JAmes came home. THe first thing I needed to do was admit that I'm afraid. which believe it or not helps I'm a shove down emotions girl from way back (surprise!) I'm Irish Catholic what do you want lol
I got up this AM work out some m ore and am just trying to keep perspective!
Angela I wish we lived closer both for the Salsa and I miss being in a creative environment!

[jiffypop]

oh honey - my heart goes out to you. but i PROMISE you - things will work out, one way or the other. and this is the voice of experience talking here!!!

and eating isn't going to fix a darn thing!!!!

[KO]

Jiff I have found Stress exercising! it definitely feels a lot better than the old solution. I just have to enact a plan and then I will feel more in control!