[KO]

Ok No one here really understands this

I had this Epiphany that I'm afraid of being thin or rather uncomfortably with it.
SO I have been sabotaging myself.
I'm waiting on the shrink from the WLS doc to call me back for an appt and I'm hoping she takes my insurance.

I made the mistake of sharing this epiphany with some friends both 2 who are heavy and 1 who is naturally thin and basically got the suck it up and "I wish i had your problem blah blah blah"

GRRRR


I'm so blessed to have you guys!!!
Kier

[mistymed]

i made an appointment with the crazy dr too this week. i am sabotaging myself also. i need to deal with the reason i got so fat i think.

[FlourGirl]

Dont feel bad kier you not alone. I have thought about going to the Dr. that did my psych eval for my surgery. She was AMAZINGLY easy to talk to and I would tell her things that I probably would not tell others about. I remember telling her about the a time in my life when I actually got my weight down to 145 but I did not "see" that I was thin....I still thought I weighed 230 ....at least that was the image that was in the mirror. She told me that that does sometimes happen...and she told me that I can come and talk to her if I need to. I definately stored that in my memory bank because I really liked her!!

[KO]

Thanks girls!! Its so nice to know that this is "normal" or at least not the freak everyone here thinks i am!

[missangelaks]

I'm with ya honey! Before I decided to have surgery, I spent years in therapy to be able to say..."I chose to create a living barrier of fat to keep people away from the volnerable, injured woman inside." Wanting to be thin and yet wanting to be safe...constantly at war. I think that my "crazy doctor" has been the greatest source of sanity in my life.

Angela

[Michelle125]

Funny you should post this... just this morning I was thinking to myself "God, I'm terrified to be thin... even though I want it more than anything." And I think it's a fear of rejection from people. (Not from my boyfriend though, I know he really loves me deep down b/c I met him when I was thin(ner), and he fell in love with me then, but we didn't date til I was fat(ter). But like, I think it's just people in general maybe won't like me, and if they don't like me now then I can blame my size. But when I'm thin, there's nothing to blame. If I'm good-looking all around then it must be something inside they're rejecting.

Like Ali said on TBL (I've just gotta quote this b/c when she said it I totally knew what she meant!) "when people leave me now, it's b/c I'm fat. But if I'm thin... then they're actually leaving ME."

But looking at this logically... there's almost no one I know of who doesn't like being around me (not to be arrogant, but I'm trying to type this out to myself here)... so, if everyone likes being around me now, then when I'm thin nothing will change, unless I somehow change for the worse myself.

So, do you have lots of friends now? Do people just love to be around you? Then none of that will change when your body changes!

[nanj]

Kier: I don't think you are a freak. And if you were a freak than that makes me one also. I think that what you are thinking is probably a problem for many people. I know that when I'm fat, I don't have to participate in stuff, participate with people, participate period. Fat was a great insulation for me about dealing with people. I've never been comfortable with compliments from people, attention from people, and yet I want to be liked. I remember in high school I weighed 121 and the next year weighed 140, and I was a cow!! Well, I thought I was. Go find out about yourself and have some peace in your life. It goes by pretty quickly and you don't want to spend it all angsted. I've seriously been thinking about it myself, but afraid that I already know the answers and just don't want to deal with them. LOL!! You know that you can share with us here and we don't judge because we all dealing with it in someway or other. And for those of you who do have it figured out.....come on give us some hints.

[KO]

The crazy doc doesn't take my insurance! GRRR I'm wondering if the NUT has one who works with him
I really don't want to go to some random doc and be like HI I'm afraid to be thin
It's insane btw that post op care isnt covered!

[Ophelia924]

I am having an opposite problem. It's not that i am afraid to be thin. It is that i am so terrified to gain weight back that i still automatically cut everything in half or if eating out ask for a box to take home half so I don't eat it all.

[merryterry]

hey KO,

Go to ObesityHelp.com. In the SHARE box on the home page click on Messageboards and Forums. On that page click on the drop down box that says Select a forum and choose your state. then on the left of your state page is a box that has links to reviews of different professionals. Maybe you can find a new psych there. They can list themselves and there are also some reviews by people who have worked with them.

[KO]

THanks Merry! it's such an odd place having been obese and not being and trying to wrap our brains around some sort of normality!