Last few weeks, I've been feeling a little off center about this whole WLS thingy. I suppose it is really hitting me that if I haven't been serious about setting up enough new eating habits, new exercise habits, and new mindset that I'll be a regainer. The first initial bloom is off WLS and I'm getting down to the brass tacks of this.
I feel like I'm eating too much and the danged plateaus don't help. I went into town and was there longer than I should have been and begin to think about eating out. Now that used to be a highlight for me, but I won't eat fast foods, buffets are out, Chinese has rice, and it all seemed to be just too big of an effort and I realized that I haven't been enjoying my FRIEND very much lately. My DH came home last night and wanted to take me down to Cold Mountain Creamery for their Splenda, lowfat ice cream (another one of those useless calorie thing) ended up watching "Mr. Bean" and lower my IQ!
I really needed to put some things into perspective: 1. This is really a life-long struggle. 2. I have to have some other interests besides food. 3. I'm neglecting some things because of my obsession with me and weight related things. This one is kind of a twist on my old self from a narrow small world of pain and sleeplessness, now to menu planning and every three hour meals, and snack. Wondering if I'm ever going to have a normal life that doesn't revolve around ME?!?!?
Now for the things I seem to forget to be grateful for everyday: I'm alive and with the grace of God will live tomorrow and the day after that relatively pain free and rested, I can lay on the floor with my new granddaughter and not have someone assist me up or crawl somewhere to get up, I can cross my legs, I can bend over and look on the bottom shelf at the store without having a coronary, I can walk down my driveway get the mail, without a cane, and get back up the back steps without assistance, I can go down in the basement and do laundry now and not have to crawl up and down the steps, I can clean my own bathroom floor, sweep the rugs, walk my three dogs, I can re-organize the attic and carry things down without pitching them down the stairs, I can walk around my yard without falling and rolling around like a beached whale, I can sit in church without having to get up and walk in the hallway because of the pain in my back and right leg, I no longer drag my right leg, on and on.
All of these things are a miracle to me and my family. I need to remember all of these things everyday. I'm so much better off than just 5 1/2 months ago. I must remember that the world doesn't revolve around me or my WLS and the oh, me oh my stuff. So Nancy, get your head out of where it stinks and get on with life and LIVE and quit worrying about what you can't have, how much weight you still have to lose, what kind of clothes will cover up my bagginess the best and remember to love those who have traveled with you and stuck by you during this whole MO episode and just LIVE life!!!!
I think you are just going through all he normal processes of the first year of WLS. You are growing and changing and sometimes change is not easy. The lifestyle changes that we are all going through are definetly NOT easy. You have achieved so much and should be very proud of yourself. For most of us NOT putting ourselves first got us where we are. Part of all the changes are that we have to do that. Keep smiling and keep on going. You are going GREAT!
I'm learning so much from you ladies! Even though I'm pre surg I've been thinking I haven't been doing anything to prepare for post surge life. still eating and drinking the same dumb things while trying to get through all the hoops for insurance approval.
Nancy, You have some good thoughts, but at the same time you need to experiment a little with doing some of the normal stuff (like eating out). Go somewhere that serves grilled/broiled fish or grilled chicken, order that with vegetables, or a salad. This is what I do & usually I have enough for 2-3 meals. If you don't know how something is prepared, ask. I still don't do refined sugar things or fried things. I order sauces, dressings, etc. on the side. I find most eating establishments are becoming more health conscious--even the fast food places have pretty good salads with grilled chicken, many have fruit as a side now as well if you order grilled chicken & throw away the bun. I eat mostly chicken & about half the lettuce. I also have learned to always order water with my meal, even if I don't drink it because then I am like everyone else at the table when drinks are ordered. If I am by myself shopping around lunch time, many times I go to a grocery deli & order 1/4 # finely shaved turkey or chicken or some cheese and get a piece of fruit or baby carrots (usually they sell individual veggie packages now).
You are doing so good, don't let that devil play with your mind & make you feel like you are missing something (other than alot of extra weight ;-D ). I go in for my 2 year appt. Monday and believe me, I have been where you are more times than I want to admit and have just decided that I went in this for the same reasons you did--to be able to live and enjoy living. At 58 having a model's body was not my goal only being healthy, getting off meds, & finding a healthy living style so I could look forward to enjoying retirement in a few years. Oh yea, going from size 26 to size 12 in 1 year wasn't bad either!
I feel for ya and with ya! I too have been wrapped up in who, what, when, where and why of my WLS...but honey, Whitelion is right, we need to focus on us still. As my first counselor said constantly "who will be there for you if you aren't? Who understands what you need more then you do? Who will know what to give you and exactly what you need when you need it if you don't? How can you give to your family and friends if you don't take care of you first?"
I love that you put your gratitude list in there! Good for you and good for me to remember to do that...I need to remember that right now. (Gallery is almost empty and I'm still feeling peaceful about it.)
Anyway, thank you so much for voicing some of my own concerns and don't worry, we will get through this together Nancy.
Hugs for you!
Angela
Last edited by missangelaks; 03-30-2008 at 11:35 AM.
Thanks for reminding me that this is a life-long process with ebbs and flows and that one doesn't make those life-long changes overnight! It's so easy to fall back into old habits - just takes practice, practice, and more practice to re-learn and re-do. Although I'm pretty fresh post-op (3 weeks) I'm already finding myself using too big a spoon to eat, forgetting the water, etc. etc. Those pitfalls are everywhere - I just have to learn to recognize them before I fall in the hole, LOL! It sounds like you're doing great, Nancy J - just keep on truckin'
oh nancy - i wish i had a working internet connection at home so i could respond in more detail later!!! but i don't
here's what i want you to think about, though - maybe the world SHOULD revolve around you and YOUR needs for a little while at least - until you figure all this out and get into a routine. it DOES get easier - more of a habit. but it's truly unwise to let your guard down. sooo, get some good habits going - as long as you're being the CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE for now!
Feeling a little bit off, but.....
It sounds like you're doing great, Nancy J - just keep on truckin' 
