I'm having so many problems right now and so much to do. My school is being jerks about my loans. In fact, the loan in question was to be a PRIVATE loan that didn't have any communication with my school to begin with, but without my knowledge I guess they changed the rules now where they ask my school how much I need (as if they freakin know!) and regardless of how much I ask for, they decide what my financial needs are. THEY ARE SO WRONG! The amount will barely cover anything. We already had to put tuition on a credit card because of their being jerks. Tuition was due August 14th, they told the loan people it was September 11th! ****, class starts way before that!
I was going to pay off the credit card with the loan money, but that won't be happening! So now I have to shop around for a private loan that won't contact my financial aid office (know of any??) because they are so far beyond what is reality in terms of cost. I live 40 miles from school (No, I can't move closer) obviously off campus which is more expensive. I've TRIED talking to them but did I mention they're jerks? Because they are. I'm an older student, I'm not an 18 year old who just fell out of their parents house. My needs are not the same as theirs and I don't have any help whatsoever. There is no mommy or daddy to send me a check when things get rough. Muchless for any extras.
I also run a group which has a meeting in a week and I am not prepared whatsoever to lead this group this coming week. I haven't gotten any materials together whatsoever. I'm thinking of quitting the group, even though I know some of my friends will be disappointed. I don't know what else to do, I'm about to crack here, and a group is far down the totem pole of priorities.
Class also starts on Monday. I'm not prepared for that either and sometimes I feel like I don't want to be. Life was so much more simple before college. Now I feel tangled in a web I can't get out of. I desperately want out of this place, but I feel like I'm serving a prison sentence until graduation. Don't get me wrong, I love learning. But I don't love the bureaucratic BS that comes with American education.
So for those who've even read this far I guess you want to know what does this have to do with weight loss?
Because all I want to do is sit around and eat and eat and eat and watch some tv and then go and order a big huge meal from my favorite restaurant. I can't handle stress like this and first place I turn to is food and the solace of my bedroom. I've already eaten a huge salad, a banana, a jar of yogurt, a pack of imitation crab, and a whole bowl of fruit dip. Which I might add is nothing but marshmallow creme and cream cheese mixed together. Fruit be damned, I ate it all straight. And I 'd eat my blanket if I didn't think the chenielle fabric would be so binding. Afterall, my cats like chewing it... guess it can't taste that bad. And it isn't even noon yet!
All I've done for three days is sit and cry over how my life is going. It's not depression, it's purely situational. I feel trapped because of school, I'm scared I won't be able to afford it anymore because of the at school making life harder, I'm scared I'll be fat the rest of my life because how am I ever going to get anywhere if I keep this up? I feel like a cow because for some odd reason, I don't fit into Lane Bryant clothes anymore. I have LB sizes 26/28 that I could wear fine when I was 330... and now when I go try on the same size I can't EVEN get in them at all? What the **** happened there? How can I lose 20lbs and be a size or two larger???
Im miserable and I feel like food is my only comfort. I don't have anyone to talk to who'd understand. I'm pretty much the fattest person I know. And, out here in health nut ****, I'm basically the fattest person in any given crowd. The same type of crowd that generally sneers at me and acts like i'm livestock.
Thank the gods I have a therapy appointment today.
Well, here you are one of our crowd. You vent all you want, we're here to listen and hold you up.
Tonight, go for a wee walk ... even just 20 minutes. Then get out your materials for your group and sip a glass of wine while you read. Dump everything else out of your head just for a few hours.
Escapism? probably. Refreshing? yup.
I know exactly what you are going through with school loans and stuff. I can't call the financial aid people jerks because my best friend is Assistant director of Financial aid for a local college. HOWEVER!!!!!!! at a different school I was already given my loan dispersment I spent what was left over on books/supplies/and credit card bills when I got a letter stating I was elligible for blah blah blah and therefore I needed to pay the school back $600 within 10 days, and I would recieve less for my future dispersments!!!!!!!! I gained 20 pounds that quarter. I don't understand how a private loan could contact your school to find out what you "need" AURGHHHHH!!! I feel your pain, it brings back old frustrations.
Instead of eating try getting out and walking or maybe writing in a journal. good luck with everything
I agree that financial aid people are usually jerks to us students...
However... as far as my experience with student loans (federal and private), your school as a set amount for cost of attendence each school year (which should be the cost of 12 credit hours tuition, dorm, minimal meal expenses, books for the year - does NOT include expenses to live off campus). My school's cost of attendence for this school year is just over $13000 (which is unfortunately the cheapest state university). As far as I've ever known, you cannot get more loans (fed or private) than what the cost of attendence is. When I got my Sally Mae loan back in 2003, my parents had to cosign, as it is a private loan, and I could take out almost the whole cost of attendence because I couldn't get anything but a small unsubsidized Stafford loan (they said I was considered a dependent, and I couldn't appeal it - long story...they were wrong, but oh well).
So, short of going to a bank and getting a personal loan, you can't go get a private student loan without the school's cost of attendence for the year being a factor.
DON'T EAT! I know how you feel, I've been there... I'm heading toward that feeling right now... What does eating really accomplish? NOTHING. If you binge now, all your problems will still be there later. There is no reason to eat.
You know I used to be a stress eater too. In fact sometimes I can still feel myself leaning that way. I tried like **** to make myself a stress worker outer instead hehe. Now when I am stressed or upset I go take it out with a run. You probably can't over workout....maybe you should try it!
I was so glad to read at the end that you have/had a therapy appointment today! How did it go? Was it helpful?
Talk, vent, rage all you'd like and need, and we will listen, try to help as we can
I don't live in the States so I might be off my rocker on this one (and I feel a bit naive saying it), but how about student bank loans (like a line of credit), would those work?
Quote:
I'm scared I'll be fat the rest of my life because how am I ever going to get anywhere if I keep this up? I feel like a cow because for some odd reason, I don't fit into Lane Bryant clothes anymore... Im miserable and I feel like food is my only comfort. I don't have anyone to talk to who'd understand. I'm pretty much the fattest person I know. And, out here in health nut ****, I'm basically the fattest person in any given crowd. The same type of crowd that generally sneers at me and acts like i'm livestock.
People can be very mean - they have no right to treat you badly because of your weight!!!! But you know what - you are working hard, you have already lost twenty pounds which is amazing! People can laugh, mock, and scorn all they want and in the end all they will have from that is a nasty personality and a lack of understanding (which I personally find totally unappealing). But you.. keep working dear, and you will have so much more from all your efforts!.. health, pride, confidence, satisfaction... so so much ! You'll be dancing like the little carrot, hehe.
You CAN DO IT You really can. I know it's so difficult for everyone, and when stress hits the fan many of us seek comfort in food (I know I do)... and usually that just makes me feel awful once it's done, but then think of all the times you've picked yourself back up and grown strong again when you've felt like you really couldn't. You can get through this, I know you can Try to take it one thing at a time and do the things you can do, as you can do them.
This quote comes to mind, I hope you don't mind me sharing:
"Things always work out at the end; if they haven't worked out, it's not the end!"
Good luck! I'll be cheering for you - and keep us posted!
I hope you are feeling better, I to was a student and I remember the stress of doing the loan and bursary thing. I can't believe the amount they expect people to survive on. I was a mom and going to school, I had to find an under the table job just to make ends meet.
It is a crazy world, don't beat yourself up because you turned to food for comfort. I have done and I am sure it will happen agian, but remember tomorrow is another day and life has a way of taken care of it's self! Best of luck to you.
As far as I've ever known, you cannot get more loans (fed or private) than what the cost of attendence is.
That's the wierdest thing though, because I never had that problem before. I've always borrowed as much as I've needed and no one ever contacted the school about squat. It's only this time that I've had an issue. And I'm using the same loan institution, too.
I hope you are feeling better, I to was a student and I remember the stress of doing the loan and bursary thing. I can't believe the amount they expect people to survive on. I was a mom and going to school, I had to find an under the table job just to make ends meet.
It is a crazy world, don't beat yourself up because you turned to food for comfort. I have done and I am sure it will happen agian, but remember tomorrow is another day and life has a way of taken care of it's self! Best of luck to you.
Let us know how things are going!
Thanks
Like I said, they seem to expect every student to be the same. I've been on my on for nearly 10 years and for me to have to revert back to living like an 18 year old (in other words, minimalist) is ridiculous. I have far more expenses than most 18 year olds because I've been out in the world longer and am far too old to still be supported by my parents (who hasn't supported me since I was 15 anyway) or remain on their insurance or whatever is typical for college kids. I pay $250 a month on therapy and medication alone. And, I have no medical insurance.
I've done under the table work since before I could legally get a job. People who have money can be your best friends there... I got paid to do all sorts of odd jobs that they didn't want to do and didn't have time to do and would rather pay someone to do. As a consequence, I'm a great housekeeper!
I am applying for another student loan who told me that they do not contact the school for certification or anything. So hopefully this was a quirk of some kind and I'll have luck elsewhere.
I was so glad to read at the end that you have/had a therapy appointment today! How did it go? Was it helpful?
Talk, vent, rage all you'd like and need, and we will listen, try to help as we can
I don't live in the States so I might be off my rocker on this one (and I feel a bit naive saying it), but how about student bank loans (like a line of credit), would those work?
People can be very mean - they have no right to treat you badly because of your weight!!!! But you know what - you are working hard, you have already lost twenty pounds which is amazing! People can laugh, mock, and scorn all they want and in the end all they will have from that is a nasty personality and a lack of understanding (which I personally find totally unappealing). But you.. keep working dear, and you will have so much more from all your efforts!.. health, pride, confidence, satisfaction... so so much ! You'll be dancing like the little carrot, hehe.
You CAN DO IT You really can. I know it's so difficult for everyone, and when stress hits the fan many of us seek comfort in food (I know I do)... and usually that just makes me feel awful once it's done, but then think of all the times you've picked yourself back up and grown strong again when you've felt like you really couldn't. You can get through this, I know you can Try to take it one thing at a time and do the things you can do, as you can do them.
This quote comes to mind, I hope you don't mind me sharing:
"Things always work out at the end; if they haven't worked out, it's not the end!"
Good luck! I'll be cheering for you - and keep us posted!
Thank you for your support and motivation
Just as an FYI, student bank loans are the equivalent of private student loans. They are based solely on credit... which is the absurdity that if I get approved for what I want, the school changes it to a smaller amount.
Food isn't comforting. Food is a tightrope walk over a pit of alligators.
I kinda resent having to eat at all.
I almost (but not quite) wish I felt that way about food. I wouldn't be where I'm at now if I did. But then maybe I'd just be anorexic and therefore struggling in other ways. Albeit, it's more societally acceptable but a struggle is a struggle. I don't wish to hate food. I wish to be neutral about it and think of it as a way to satiate hunger and keep my body going and a bonus it can also taste good. But until I get to that point, I struggle with food being my drug of choice. I don't feel much different than an alcoholic might when it comes to turning to a substance for comfort, control, relaxation, etc.
I almost (but not quite) wish I felt that way about food. I wouldn't be where I'm at now if I did. But then maybe I'd just be anorexic and therefore struggling in other ways.
Believe me, it's a lot better that you want the "eat to live" sort of view.
When I read that you almost wanted to eat your blanket, you made my day a bit better. I've been feeling a tad bit down lately because I feel like eating y whole blanket but my parents won't let me (My mom's thinks that I might have diabetes type II). Don't obsess over food- it's just a thing of nourishment. Next time you feel like reaching for something, go brush your teeth, rinse and floss. You'll feel better, and you won't regret it ! Good luck ol' friend.
Food isn't comforting. Food is a tightrope walk over a pit of alligators.
I kinda resent having to eat at all.
wow boy do I differ in the way I feel. I love food when I really need it, but I'm rather indifferent when I'm not. I really wouldn't see food as a threatening or scary thing. Not when it nourishes me...
Stressed!!!
And it isn't even noon yet! 
at school making life harder, I'm scared I'll be fat the rest of my life because how am I ever going to get anywhere if I keep this up? I feel like a cow because for some odd reason, I don't fit into Lane Bryant clothes anymore. I have LB sizes 26/28 that I could wear fine when I was 330... and now when I go try on the same size I can't EVEN get in them at all? What the **** happened there? How can I lose 20lbs and be a size or two larger??? 
- they have no right to treat you badly because of your weight
People can laugh, mock, and scorn all they want and in the end all they will have from that is a nasty personality and a lack of understanding (which I personally find totally unappealing). But you.. keep working dear, and you will have so much more from all your efforts!.. health, pride, confidence, satisfaction... so so much ! 
You really can. I know it's so difficult for everyone, and when stress hits the fan many of us seek comfort in food (I know I do)... and usually that just makes me feel awful once it's done, but then think of all the times you've picked yourself back up and grown strong again when you've felt like you really couldn't. You can get through this, I know you can 
Try to take it one thing at a time and do the things you can do, as you can do them. 
- and keep us posted! 
