[LesnarsTXF5Diva]

You all remember seeing the pictures of me when I finally hit 180 awhile back, but now I've managed to let it creep up to....*210*. Yipes! I even did the no-salt, low-salt eating canned vegetables with no salt added, and eating baked plain chicken, limiting alot of carbs just since early this summer. I ended up in the E.R. about 2 weeks ago on Friday morning AND Sunday morning because my digestive tract was messed up. I don't know if it was because of the food or what caused it. I'm currently in the process of finding a plastic surgeon here in east Texas to get all of the excess skin removed. That is my biggest downfall. Everytime I look in the mirror, I see what used to be me, and I can't see the 'thinner' me that everyone else tells me I am. I feel like when I lose weight and I then look in the mirror, like I'm beating my head against the wall because I don't see results other than the scale numbers being smaller. I had been working out at least 4-6 days a week before I ended up in the E.R. I know lots of you have gone through this too, losing mass amounts of weight though. I've done every diet and non-diet including starvation, bulimia, and anorexia, but there's nothing else I can try really that I haven't already I think it's because once I started losing the weight a few years ago, it seemed to come off so fast that now when I do it, I expect the same results and it just won't happen - I dunno. What are your thoughts?

[Glory87]

Originally Posted by LesnarsTXF5Diva

I've done every diet and non-diet including starvation, bulimia, and anorexia, but there's nothing else I can try really that I haven't already

What you said resonates with me, I had tried a lot of diets too. I started them, lost weight and then...stopped them. And the weight came back on. And more weight with it.

When you say you've tried everything, have you tried just eating well? Limiting fast food, packaged food, processed foods, booze, sugar, candy, packaged baked goods and instead concentrating on whole foods? Eating 5+ servings of vegetables a day, fruit, lean protein, whole grains and enough healthy fat every day to keep your body satisfied?

I finally managed to lose weight and keep it off ONLY after I fully accepted the idea that the way I typically ate was making me fat. I couldn't eat like that anymore and expect to be thin. I had to CHANGE FOREVER. It was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be.

I looked at the foods I liked to eat - pasta, stir fries, quesadillas, sandwiches and thought, how can I change to make all the things I love healthy but yet taste good enough to eat for the rest of my life? I switched from empty, nutritionless calories to whole foods - from white rice to brown rice, from plain tortillas to whole wheat tortillas, I started reading food labels and picking only whole grain bread with a lot of fiber per slice. I cut down on the cheese and oil when I cooked. I started adding more vegetables - wilting spinach in pasta sauce, adding broccoli to stir fry.

I made the commitment to start bringing my lunch to work everyday instead of being tempted by the yummy cafeteria. I found something healthy and tasty that I liked for breakfast instead of the high fat muffin/coffee combo that I normally ate. I started counting calories and committed to doing it forever. I wanted to be sure I was in the "sweet spot" - eating enough to lose weight while making sure I got all the nutrients I needed to keep the body satisfied and to avoid the dreaded restrict/binge syndrome.

You know what - I had never tried anything like that before. I always "dieted" and it was restrictive and I was always hungry and wishing it would be over so I could go out and eat the forbidden things again.

The best part is, I didn't realize how much that unhealthy way of eating made me feel lousy. I've never felt better, had more energy. I wouldn't trade the way I feel now for all the chocolate croissants in the world.

Congratulations on your significant weight loss - losing weight is only the first step. How to keep the weight off is a lifetime commitment. Plan long term, plan something you can stick to forever! Plan to be healthy.

[buckettgirl]

I think I would have to direct you to the calorie counters forum and to the whole foods forum... those are places where you can get some great information on what to eat, and how many calories to try, etc.
As far as plastic surgery, I wouldn't even go there until your weight is stable... either you stop gaining and maintain at this weight, or you get down to your goal weight. I don't even know if you can get it done if you haven't been maintaining.
As far as not being able to "see" your new self... I would highly recommend seeing a counselor. I have had some issues with this, and also self-image and self esteem issues, and having a counselor has worked wonders for me. Its not just about weight loss, but it is a new way of looking at yourself and the world, and a counselor can help you make progress in that respect.

[HarpoChicoGroucho]

I'm sure that you aren't experiencing the same quick weight loss results because of the damage you've done to your metabolism through your struggles with your eating disorders.

I think we all struggle with distorted body images. I have a hard time seeing much of a difference when I look at my photos even though I've lost so much weight. We are also more aware (and critical) of our bodies now as compared to before when we might have been in denial or even indifferent about them.

[LesnarsTXF5Diva]

That does bring up something that my E.D. counselor told me that I had forgotten about - she kept telling me during that first week how after I'd told her about everything I'd done that it sounded like I'd basically killed my metabolism. Which makes sense because I just can't tell when I'm hungry. She was saying how usually people can tell when they are hungry because their stomach growls or whatever, they know, but mine just doesn't do that anymore. I had been just bringing some fruit to work and eating it just every few hours just to keep my 'metabolism', or whatever's left of it, going. I do agree about the restrict/binge cycle. That's the worst thing I've been doing, but I've been doing it for so long, I guess it's like I don't know what else to do other than that. It's like I eat right and either my body can't tell or it's just used to me switching food every few weeks, I know that sounds crazy, but it's like the way it's working, I don't know. What freaks me out is that my mother just had a blood clot in her heart about 2 months ago and luckily they found it in time to get it out. She's only 47 and since I'm only 25, it kinda scares me because heart problems and diabetes runs bad in my family. I don't have it...yet, but I don't really want to continue trying to help it along with the restricting/binge eating either.

[nelie]

I can understand you having issues with your body image and even wanting to do anything to lose weight but I think you are hurting yourself more than helping. I think that you need to decide what type of relationship do you want with food. Do you want a healthy relationship where you learn how to eat sensibly? Do you want a dysfunctional relationship where you are always looking for the next gimmick, the latest fad, any means to lose a few lbs only to gain them back later?

I think if you choose the dysfunctional path, you will always be having wild fluctuations in your weight and possible health issues due to your eating habits.

I also think that if you learn to have a healthy relationship with food that you will be able to lose some excess weight and maintain it. I don't pretend that having a healthy relationship with food is easy. Lots of people struggle with it. I know I do.

As Amanda said, calorie counting and whole foods may be your answer to having a healthy relationship with food. I also add in portion controlling. Don't try to drastically restrict your food but use food to nourish your body and to help you with your weight loss. Learn about avoiding empty calories, learn about getting a well rounded diet and learn about eating a minimum and maximum amount of calories per day.

I would also hold off on surgery until you can establish healthy eating habits and don't feel the pull to eating disorders. I know it isn't easy but I believe you can do it.

[LesnarsTXF5Diva]

I think what I really should do is just take this week through this weekend, re-evaluate how far I've come and just try to do everything right. I was looking through the photo galleries on here of everybody. I hadn't visited them in probably a year, but I remember back when we were all posting our before and after pics last summer and how we all had lost a big load of weight and how far we had come since we were at our highest.

[Glory87]

You really can't do EVERYTHING right, don't get hung up on perfection Try for a life that you can live. I do a lot of planning, but I realize that I must stay flexible, life will go off plan occasionally. I don't try for perfect anymore, I try to make good decisions as often as I can and I try not to beat myself up too much when life throws curveballs.