Yup, been there done that, got the t-shirt!
I don't know if this will come out coherently or not, but i'll give it a try. This is probably a long one.
I have tried SOOOOO many times in my life to lose weight and have been very successful a few times, always to have it come back. It gets very embarassing to have friends and aquaintences get so excited for me and tell me how much better I look a)because it just reminds me how bad off I really was and b) because when the weight comes right back, it shows what a failure I am.
I have been at the same work place now for about 5 years and have a friend/co-worker that has seen this struggle once before. I try as hard as I can to be inconspicuous but my food choices and habits obviously change and everyone makes comment about it. I actually made the excuse (while this is also the truth, not the whole truth) that I am now unable to eat salt and everthing around me is either filled with salt or sugar, so I have to bring my own stuff from home. Do I think i'm fooling anyone? probably not, but it's a mind thing. While confiding to her this time that I had lost 25 pounds, she said, "why don't you want anyone to hear?" I was obviously being very quiet and watching for others while I was talking to her. I wasn't aware that I was that obvious, but it goes right to the heart of what I'm talking about. I don't want anyone to know and will do anything to down play it.
I have at times considered being evaluated for depression as I haven't had any interest in "life" for a long time, but I am aware that shutting myself off could be part of the weight issue as well. I want to give this another go before I consider medication.
I must say that other than at work I feel more confident about my outcome this time. One of the things that I realized about my past "performances" is that I was usually going about it for the wrong reasons, or quite frankly hadn't made the changes enough of a priority. The last time I started, I gave up when things got a bit hectic starting school again. I put my eating/exercise habits on the back burner as it were. I've taken this summer with its extra time to try and instill habits that will last me through the school/work year.
I also had issues as many have of the lonely, disjointed childhood to overcome. Food was a friend, no one else could be trusted, they would always hurt you. Trouble was, it was slowly, or maybe not so slowly, killing me. I've also absorbed the idea that i'm not a failure until I give up. That was a biggie.
As to the surgery, yes, I believe that will be necessary for me. It's been far to long for this skin in to large a body for it to bounce back. I was quite shocked the last time I lost over 100 pounds. After all the work I did, to have that body. It was depressing. I had visions of the lean body that I had always dreamed of and came up REAL short. It was one of the reasons that I started eating again. I didn't realize the problem with skin was so prevalent before I came to this site, but i'm trying to keep my eyes wide open now and save my pennies.
I know you had other questions, but this is getting to long, so i'll have to quit here. Just take it one day at a time and avail yourself of the great resources and inspirational stories here. All the best!
Help/advoce please? I'm new!
