My first long-term relationship was for 8 yrs. We were engaged and both in school at the time. I finished nursing school at the same time he finished medical school. He is now an anesthesiologist. He was always critical of my weight and watched every bite I took. Actually he would order food for me and would only let me eat what he thought was best. While we were planning our wedding, he mentioned wanting a prenuptial. Part of what he wanted was for it to be in prenup that I would never be over 150 lbs. or not be entitled to any of "his money" if the marriage dissolved. I don't know if this is legal or not, because I left his sorry butt. We had already had a child together and he did have to pay lot's of child support. I saw him at my son's high school graduation and he now weighs at least 300 lbs. and his wife is a lot bigger than I am. Poetic Justice in my opinion. I guess she didn't sign that prenup either.
Was that his picture I saw next to "poetic justice" in the phrase dictionary?
I thought so...
I can't believe the amount of response this thread has received. I was expecting maybe an answer or two, tops.
You guys gave me a lot to think about, I'll share a few here, but I wanted to thank all of you for your support and kind words. I have to tell you, I rested a bit better when I read all the comments. Its a remarkable thing when people get together and care about people who they don't even know. Thank you so much
When I look at the big picture, he isnt any healither then I am. Mind you, I'm not using this as ammo, although I've told him, "Just because your thin doesn't make you healthy." And I know that there is truth to that logic. He doesn't eat any better then I do. I know he doesn't exercise, but he is thinner. He's lucky to have that metabolism. All I have to do is look at the food he eats and I gain 5 pounds. Not all of us are born with the genes to make us thin. Sometimes, we have to work hard just to stay within our range. And that's the case here.
Although I LOVE the idea of an ultimatum, I know he'll call me on it. So I couldn't use it in a direct way. But we did have a conversation with him going on about my weight and with me saying that he needs to respect my feelings. He then looked at me wit the diapporving look and said, "We need to talk." I said, " You're damn straight we do." and walked away. I think that got him thinking that he could lose me. That I wasn't playing the game anymore. That may have been enough, for right now.
Do I think he'll back off if I do loose the weight? I don't know. I would like to think so. I think he would like to think so too. Something tells me that he would. But who can say for sure? He is in part concerned about my health, but its mostly the eye candy issue. I do want to loose the weight. But its so hard. Our lifestyle is complicated (whose isn't??), although that isn't an excuse.
So for right now, things seem to be stable at the moment. We'll see where it goes. I'll be sure to keep you posted. Again, thank you all. And for those who are going through the same issue or have been there, I'm so sorry. This is just a horrible situation that no one deserves. I'm glad you are all doing okay.
I hope everyone is doing well. I'm sure we'll talk again soon.
I I know he doesn't exercise, but he is thinner. He's lucky to have that metabolism. All I have to do is look at the food he eats and I gain 5 pounds. Not all of us are born with the genes to make us thin.
My finance in college was like that. He was very thin, but it was a "flabby" thin with 0 muscle tone. He ate like crap and didn't exercise. We broke up for a lot of reasons, but one of the big catalysts was a snarky comment he made once when I ordered a strawberry milkshake from Hardee's.
slightly off topic, but slightly on topic...You know I once read that men think they are more attractive than they are and women think they are less attractive than they are. So they told men to aim lower than what they think they should get and for women to aim higher than what they think they should get. Honestly, I think it just comes down to the way the mind works for these guys. They've never had a weight problem, they don't get the pettiness that comes from chicks when they lose weight, they don't get the same bombardment of skinny models like we do so they think differently and for them to say "hey you're kinda fat, might want to lose that" is ok for them whereas it just breaks us to pieces to hear comments like that. Strange. Same people, same planet, same country even and completely different way of thinking.
We're pulling for you, heather! Just remember, you are entitled to be treated well no matter what you weigh. So while I think losing weight is a good thing for you to do for YOU, I don't think it should be a bargaining chip on his side. Weight loss and maintenance is often (usually) an on-going battle and you need to know your man will stick with you through thick and thin (pun not intended but definitely appropriate!).
Do I think he'll back off if I do loose the weight? I don't know. I would like to think so. I think he would like to think so too. Something tells me that he would. But who can say for sure? He is in part concerned about my health, but its mostly the eye candy issue. I do want to loose the weight. But its so hard. Our lifestyle is complicated (whose isn't??), although that isn't an excuse.
heather
Let me just butt in with my 5 cents. You shouldn't have to wait until you fulfill some condition in order to be treated well. My friend went from 200 lbs to 125 lbs because her BF said he wouldn't marry her otherwise. I know, talk about a red flag. But at the end they broke up anyway.
Any relationship based on superficial grounds is doomed in my opinion.
I know it sounds harsh, but the sooner you realize it, the less time you will waste trying to please someone who should be there for you through thick and thin (pun intended).
I was 130 lbs when I got married and I was 315 at my heaviest just a few months ago, not that it's something I'm proud of mind you.
I've been married 10 years now and it never even entered my mind that my DH would be ashamed of me. It is actually the other was around, he's the one who always wants to go places and "show me off" whereas I prefer to "hide out".
My point is that you need to take a hard look at the reality of your relationship and decide for your self what's important to you.
Good luck to you.
. Part of what he wanted was for it to be in prenup that I would never be over 150 lbs. or not be entitled to any of "his money" if the marriage dissolved.
Wow...That takes the cake! (pun intended ) I'm glad he got his. LOL
Yes, he was a real winner and quite a catch to the next unlucky woman that came into his life. He just wanted eye-candy for a wife and I didn't fit that description. He wasn't faithful to me and according to my son, he isn't at all faithful to his current wife. I'm so glad I got out of that miserable situation.
You know what I would do if my boyfriend did that? I mean, come on! If he's worried about how you look, its not for your benefit, its for his own, and there is no room for selfishness in a relationship! Of course, if hes worried about your health, thats another issue altogether, but i didnt get that from your post. Personally, i would dump his sorry @$$ in a minute, but my advice to you is to talk it out, if he doesnt seem willing to change, or doesnt change, just leave, you dont deserve that crap.
The way he's badgering you does NOT sound like love to me
You say you've thought about leaving him... personally, I think you should. He should be supporting/helping you, not downing you because you've not succeeded YET.
Through all my weight woes, my husband has been a beacon. When I get down & feel uber-fat, he says: "Sweetheart, you are beautiful to me, no matter what you weigh." When I succeed, he is cheering for me, when I fail, he comforts me.
Every woman deserves that kind of love in her life.
) I'm glad he got his. LOL
I mean, come on! If he's worried about how you look, its not for your benefit, its for his own, and there is no room for selfishness in a relationship! Of course, if hes worried about your health, thats another issue altogether, but i didnt get that from your post. Personally, i would dump his sorry @$$ in a minute, but my advice to you is to talk it out, if he doesnt seem willing to change, or doesnt change, just leave, you dont deserve that crap.
