Have you tried talking to him about it in a non-confrontational way? Sometimes we get into a rut and forget the things that matter. If you have problems comunicating about subjects like this without it turning into an argument try writting him a letter, it will give you a chance to truly decide what you want to say without losing your train of thought.

Another option is counceling, I would try the letter first though because alot of people feel that they have done something wrong if the other person wants counceling.

I was thinking the same thing but didn't want to say anything. I should've. Frankly, I think I would be upset too. You didn't tell him how you felt until after you had uninvited him. You didn't even give him a chance. And I think in his head he's thinking for one that you must not want to go anywhere with him now and two, he's probably mad that you didn't think he would be sensitive enough to your needs to stop so you just completely uninvited him altogether. Don't get me wrong, I am not excusing what he did. I can't stand what he did either. But he is probably very hurt as are you.

Just a quick note on all of this!!

What a great thing to see..... Every single one of us KNOWS that we need to love ourselves first...before we can be truely happy. Look at the support that you get from people you really don't even know... they seem a lot more sympathetic and supportive of you than your "nice" boyfriend.

Step back from your man... Let him go.. He'll realize too late what he had.. In the mean time .. Start loving you!!!!!! Focus on you and all of the great people on this site that are there for you... Before you know it - the man of your dreams will be in your life.

And because you already love yourself, you will be able to love him completely and not have to worry about wether or not this one has eyes for other body types.....

Best of luck with your decision!

If he wanted something different, wouldn't he have it?

Look, guys will be guys. If they see an attractive woman, especially one that's half naked, they're gonna look, dammit. If I'm with my husband and I see a half naked guy with a nice body, do I look? You betcha. If my husband sees a half naked woman with a nice body, does he look? Yep, he sure does. And I usually just smirk at him and giggle it off because it's me he's going home with. I don't mind. Because it's human nature, especially for men. And sure, 'evil' little thoughts probably go through their mind. But it doesn't mean they don't love US. My husband even looks at porn when he's by himself. It doesn't bother me one bit. He's even joked that he needs to write a program on his computer (he's a computer programmer for a software company) to consolidate all of his pics of women. I tell him, "Well then do it!"

And this may sound crazy, but him looking at porn is how I discovered that he's not just looking at tall leggy blondes, he looks at women of all shapes and sizes.

Your honey probably not only feels bad that you don't want to go with him, but a little ashamed and embarrassed that you called him on his 'antics'. But yet he's still hugging you and telling you he loves you. Whether he means it or not, that's something YOU have to decide. Guys aren't the best characters for expression emotion. But they do their best, some of them, anyway. Some guys don't know HOW.

But it's human nature for a man to gawk at beautiful women. I'll admit that some of them could be a little more TACTFUL about it, sure. Especially when they're with their girlfriends or wives. But give the guys a break, man. Their second head rules their lives. God made 'em that way, blame him, lol!

Maybe, but he wouldn't get caught doing it more than once if he cared deeply about PeeB. I think she is probably right that about him.

I agree w/ Robert above. He wouldn't do this if he cared deeply for PeeB.

PeeB, happiness begins with you. You must decide what you want to look like, and be, in order to make yourself happy. Then work on finding someone who you can share your happiness with. I feel as many people who posted here do, that staring at other women as though you are not even present, is disrespectful to you. And whether it is in "his nature" or not, if it makes YOU feel bad, then he should not be doing it. It doesn't matter if it's right or wrong, if it's hurting you. Good luck finding the happiness you want! ((HUGS))

guys will be guys.even if a guy has a thin beautiful girlfriend/wife he will still look at other girls.im not saying that it is right but thats how it is.and women do the same thing.if a women has a boyfriend/husband that is handsome she will still look at other guys;its human nature. my mom always tells me that there will always be someone who will look better than you and there will always be someone who will look better than that person and so on.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not justifying what he's doing because I've been there myself and I know it can hurt. But sometimes guys do these things without even realizing they're doing it.

you know what would bother me though? Even if I found a nice guy, there's always a possibility that he could find someone better. That's when I say to myself, "so what? I know I CAN'T find anyone better than me!!!!"

My mom told me something once- If you love him, let him go. If he comes back to you, then he knew that it was meant to be. Certainly not my virtue, I wouldn't forgive him so easily, but it seems practical to let a man go and explore what he really wants, otherwise you wouldn't be happy because you know he's not satisfied.

I've always told guys, "Hey, you know where the door is."

Because I agree with this philosophy. I'd rather let them go and let them do what they wanna do than walk around day after day knowing I'm the reason they're not happy.

I don't want that on my conscience.

PeeB, I definitely think you did the right thing to confront him about how his behavior made you feel. You are smart and brave to do so! :hug:

Now that you've confronted him, I hope you will give him a chance to prove if he does love and care for you. It is easy to say, "I love you". Let him SHOW his love for you by changing his behavior. If he refuses to change, knowing how it hurts you, he doesn't deserve you!

You wrote that:
"Well now he wont touch me :O(. He sat there and stared and looked depressed for a long time, wouldnt respond more than a word or two to anything I said. He wouldnt explain what his feelings were. I told him I felt like he was punishing me. He said "sorry" and hugged me. He told me he loved me at some point, but it didnt have the feeling of any sort of love behind it, just felt like he meant it in a general, plutonic way... and he wouldnt kiss or touch me."

Well, maybe he feels really guilty and doesn't feel that he deserves to touch you!

When I first dated my dh he did the SAME thing! :o I talked to him and told him that I understood his desire to look at beautiful women but that it really hurt my feelings to do it in such an obvious manner. I thought he'd get whiplash the way he'd throw his head around to watch a babe prance by! I said, "just wait till I'm not around and stare till your eyeballs pop out".

I don't think he realized how hurtful his behavior was. He has changed 1000%! I know I am lucky and blessed to have a wonderful dh who cares about how I feel. You too deserve a wonderful man!

You must think this through and put your own needs first. Is his constant attention toward other girls making you miserable. Does it make you feel even worse about yourself. It sounds like it does. Is he worth it? No man is worth the damage to your self-esteem. I have found one of those men that loves me no matter what my size. I weighed 207 lbs. when we got married and he loved me. He now loves me at 153 and says that my weight never mattered to him. There truly are men out there that will love and respect you for who you are, not what you weigh. Good luck and know that being alone is better than being with someone that is hurting you. You will decide in your own time when to let this relationship go. It happens when the hurt you are experiencing out-weighs the good times.

Now this is an excellent point.

And I agree with many of the points here. Again, I wasn't trying to justify what he did. There's glancing at a woman because she's beautiful and then there's standing with the tongue hanging out. There's a fine line here. A VERY fine line. I see nothing wrong with a man or a woman admiring someone that's attractive. Like I said, it's human nature. But yeah, if the guy is standing there with googly eyes and making it a point to stare so long that he gets a rock in his pants, then I'd have to say, "Hey, go get 'er, champ. And have fun."

[QUOTE=LLV]If he wanted something different, wouldn't he have it?

Look, guys will be guys. If they see an attractive woman, especially one that's half naked, they're gonna look, dammit. [QUOTE]

I had mixed reactions about this situation. I think that you shouldn't apologize to him and say that you need to change if he's looking at other girls. At the same time, this guy (and you) are 18. That's young, and he's inexperienced with women and relationships, and it's major guy hormone time. I do believe that women mature emotionally faster than men do too; he may be floored by what you said.

I do look too, and I would imagine my bf does too. But at our age it has to be very respectfully done (ie not in front of me or so I see it, heh heh; and I do the same).

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

"Oh well, thats what happens to fat girls with mediocre looks, right? I mean I can improve things as far as I can get my body to go, so it wont always be quite as bad..."

Sorry but that is just not true at all! I have a WONDERFUL hubby who loves and desires me, as I am!!!! You don't have to "settle" for nothing!!!!! I think you need to have some confidence in yourself and that will then show through. Don't let your guy walk on you like that! Demand the best or find someone else! Don't use "Oh I'm a Fat Girl so that is all I deserve excuse" Fat Girls deserve love and attention AND the most important--RESPECT just as much as skinny girls do! That is just my humble opinion!

Chin up Girl!

*Flady*