Follow-up to Staring Guy
 

:O( Well, I asked my guy if it would be ok if I went to the next show with a girlfriend or alone, and explained how I felt about his excessive staring at the festival and how bad it made me feel (from thread: "Comfort :O(" ), and how I really didnt want to set myself up to feel that way again. I was VERY nice about it, I didnt try to make him feel guilty, and I talked about how I know I need to change the way I look...

Well now he wont touch me :O(. He sat there and stared and looked depressed for a long time, wouldnt respond more than a word or two to anything I said. He wouldnt explain what his feelings were. I told him I felt like he was punishing me. He said "sorry" and hugged me. He told me he loved me at some point, but it didnt have the feeling of any sort of love behind it, just felt like he meant it in a general, plutonic way... and he wouldnt kiss or touch me.

I think he is going to leave me now. I think he doesnt want me intruding on what he wants to do (which includes lusting after women in front of me -no, rather, when and where he wants)... I think he was embarrassed that I was aware of what was going on in his head... embarrassed that it is out there in the open between us... that I know he really wants one of those girls and is just killing time with me.

I know you say well who wants a guy like that anyway? But he really is very, very nice to me... he says very nice things to me, he does nice things for me, he never puts me down, he is helpful and tries to make me happy. Its just that he wants a different box than the one I come in, and he cant hide it.

Oh well, thats what happens to fat girls with mediocre looks, right? I mean I can improve things as far as I can get my body to go, so it wont always be quite as bad...

I just really... I want to be desired. I told him that. Yeah, right, and Hitler just wanted to be understood. Tough luck, fat girl. But I did also say right after that that I know I need to change the way I look... and he knows Im working at it, so it wasnt like I was saying he has to pretend to desire me as I am, though he might have felt that way.

Anyway, theres more but Im getting mental blockage now. thanks for letting me ramble here.

Oh Honey,
Life is too short for you to be so hard on yourself. Believe me, I remember how it was to be in love and feel like the guy is everything to you. But, as cliche as it many sound, YOU have to be everything to YOU! When a man is skirt gazing, he isn't making you happy - he never will. A man will always look at a pretty girl, just like a woman will look at a handsome man, but it's different when the staring involves forgetting that you are even there. It doesn't matter what package you come in - you deserve respect and caring. I truly believe that the man that is destined for you is out there, and then the staring will be AT YOU. Continue on your journey to health - do not let this discourage you. If he stays, ok, and if he goes you just put on your walking shoes, turn your back and keep moving. No man - no person for that matter - is worth your self esteem. You have always been an encouragement to the gals in this forum, and with a heart like yours I know that the world is at your doorstep! KEEP IT UP FOR YOU!

Barb

Originally Posted by PeeB:
:Oh well, thats what happens to fat girls with mediocre looks, right? I mean I can improve things as far as I can get my body to go, so it wont always be quite as bad...

I just really... I want to be desired. I told him that. Yeah, right, and Hitler just wanted to be understood. Tough luck, fat girl. But I did also say right after that that I know I need to change the way I look... and he knows Im working at it, so it wasnt like I was saying he has to pretend to desire me as I am, though he might have felt that way.

Okay, STOP IT. RIGHT NOW. The negative self-talk gets you abosolutely NOWHERE.

You DESERVE to be with someone who loves you from the inside out. Don't waste your young years with someone that cannot respect you enough to not embarrass you publically like that.

And as for changing so he will desire you--SCREW THAT!! Change for YOU and only YOU!!

Originally Posted by Jen415:
Okay, STOP IT. RIGHT NOW. The negative self-talk gets you abosolutely NOWHERE.

You DESERVE to be with someone who loves you from the inside out. Don't waste your young years with someone that cannot respect you enough to not embarrass you publically like that.

And as for changing so he will desire you--SCREW THAT!! Change for YOU and only YOU!!

I'll drink to that!

lol

Originally Posted by PeeB:

Well now he wont touch me :O(. He sat there and stared and looked depressed for a long time, wouldnt respond more than a word or two to anything I said. He wouldnt explain what his feelings were. I told him I felt like he was punishing me. He said "sorry" and hugged me. He told me he loved me at some point, but it didnt have the feeling of any sort of love behind it, just felt like he meant it in a general, plutonic way... and he wouldnt kiss or touch me.

If there's any awkwardness at all, there's almost NO QUESTION about the space between the two of you. If he were comfortable, he'd tell you exactly how he felt when you brought it up to him. To me, it seems a bit obvious that this guy doesnt deserve you because he can't show his appeciation. Words alone mean nothing, but the person saying them has to truly express it and mean in a way that makes you know that there's NO DOUBT in your relationship at all.

Originally Posted by PeeB:
I think he is going to leave me now. I think he doesnt want me intruding on what he wants to do (which includes lusting after women in front of me -no, rather, when and where he wants)... I think he was embarrassed that I was aware of what was going on in his head... embarrassed that it is out there in the open between us... that I know he really wants one of those girls and is just killing time with me.

Younger guys have a tendency to be ashamed- but come on! HE SHOULD BE. Hes staring at other girls with a certain BODY type. Doesn't that make him shallow? Shouldn't being shallow be something to be ashamed of? My opinion. Even if there was silence, you shouldn't go on with him any further. Do you really really really like him that much to keep him? If you knew he liked staring at other girls but "kill time" with you anyway, would you still want him?

Originally Posted by PeeB:
Oh well, thats what happens to fat girls with mediocre looks, right? I mean I can improve things as far as I can get my body to go, so it wont always be quite as bad...

Darling, when you're a fox, this boy's gonna wish he never stared at other girls, ever. You're on your way, trust me. Trust yourself. This is how we do it.

Originally Posted by PeeB:
I just really... I want to be desired. I told him that. Yeah, right, and Hitler just wanted to be understood. Tough luck, fat girl. But I did also say right after that that I know I need to change the way I look... and he knows Im working at it, so it wasnt like I was saying he has to pretend to desire me as I am, though he might have felt that way.

Do not let yourself down- you did nothing wrong. Confidence is the key to the next level. You can't bash yourself for being born for what you look like, but you can make simple changes to your life that in the end will serve as the better. Please realize that there are more guys in your future, one of which will eventually steal your heart and prove that he;s worthy of being a partner. There are also many out there who have intentions to make your heart break and you'd wish you'd never love in your life. But stop here- look on the bright side, you've learned something. You won't make the same mistake again. And you'll never curse yourself for something that was his fault. You should always be on your side (providing youve done nothing wrong, and in this case, I don't believe you have) and you'll always be your number one fan, cheering yourself on til you reach that goal of yours. Being desired by guys is great, but what good is it if the guy's not worth a penny? FInd yourself another male who can appreciate you for who you are.:hug:

Well as a fat girl with mediocre looks myself, I can tell you that there are some fabulous guys out there. I know, I married one. He never does anything that makes me feel worse about myself and manages to be encouraging about my weight loss without making it seem like there was anything wrong with the way I was before. There's one out there for you, too.

You sound very young and it may take some time, but eventually you will really believe that you deserve better than someone who makes you feel bad about yourself and is emotionally distant. Hang in there.

Thank you so much for the support, so so much.

I understand the things yall are saying, I wish I had your strength. Most of what each of you said made me feel good, and I wish I had yall living inside my head 24/7!

I just have an impossible time of convincing myself that I could be as valuable to a man as a beautiful woman. I dont know after, oh, maybe 18 years of feeling this way how I am to change it. Especially in the world we live in.

I truly envy the positive thinking.

I have been through all sorts of different types of fellas... I may sound like a naive teenager, but I am 29. But I do not believe that there is necessarily anyone out there who is going to be so accepting of me unless I am small.

It has never happened before... and I have dated my whole life, fairly constantly. Sure a couple of guys have wanted me fat, but they didnt really have much too offer (not bright, not very interesting or unique or ingenuitive or inspired to do much of anything...). No one I have found any interest in.

No I will not be ruined if he leaves, if he leaves that is fine. Granted I will cry and feel bad and think of all the things I could have done and been to make that not happen, but Ill get over it soon. And more time will I have to concentrate on my goal.

But still I cant pretend that the whole situation doesnt make me feel really bad about myself.

I know yall say I should be instead with a man who doesnt make me feel like that around other women, but there are a couple of problems with that. Where are they? There has been a long dry spell since Ive been my biggest, sprinkled with a few of the forementioned dull guys. I dont feel like going back to that just yet... I like having the attention and the warmth of a guy I actually LIKE... it had just been so long since I had that, and Ive really been enjoying it, save for this issue.

I know we cant continue forever like this, I KNOW I need a guy who doesnt make me feel inferior to other women. I guess I just am not ready to be alone.

Why does your self-esteem have to be measured by whether or not there is a man in your life? YOU ARE ENOUGH!!

Take some time to discover who YOU really are. I think you will be pleasantly surprised!

WHAT JEN SAID!

Take a look around this board. You'll find lots fat women who are are happily married to wonderful men who love us from the inside out. We are the rule - not the exception to it! But, you gotta love yourself before anybody else can. So, acknowledge what you like about yourself and keep working to improve the things you don't. Build your confidence and then let it shine because THAT is what determines how "pretty" people think you are.

Haven't you ever met a guy that you didn't think twice about until you got to know him? Then, he's especially funny (or whatever trait you like) and all of a sudden he's really good looking? Trust me. The same thing happens to men. My husband can look at cookie cutter pretty girls all day long (heck, I have trouble not staring at those women) but that doesn't mean he thinks they can hold a candle to ME. You didn't turn out to be what this guy is looking for on the outside or otherwise. So what? That isn't a reflection of the person you are...it is a reflection of what he's looking for. That doesn't make him a terrible person but it doesn't mean you aren't worthy enough for anyone else either. Really!

[QUOTE=PeeBI know you say well who wants a guy like that anyway? But he really is very, very nice to me... he says very nice things to me, he does nice things for me, he never puts me down, he is helpful and tries to make me happy. Its just that he wants a different box than the one I come in, and he cant hide it. [/QUOTE]

Take it from some one who's in your position right now. Being nice to you and doing nice things for you is probably nothing different than he'd do for his best friend. Lusting for other women in front of you is not nice, and not respectful. And if changing your "box" is going to make him lust for you like he does other women, then he's shallow and superficial and doesn't deserve you. A healthy relationship is based on what's on the inside, not what's on the outside. And in my experience, those that come in pretty "boxes", are usually empty on the inside. It's just pretty ribbons and paper outside, and rocks on the inside.

I know what you are feeling. My hubby and I are literally "just friends", roomates living in the same house together. He's nice to me, does nice things for me, talks kindly to me, but rejects me over and over and over again in the "hubby/wife" department.

I remember once about a year ago. We were sitting at the gas pump, and the guy next to us was checking me out pretty hard. Made hubby furious. I looked at him in wonder and asked, "why do you care? You don't want me, is it so out of this world to think somebody else just MIGHT find me attactive?" well, that made him even madder. Its kinda like, he doesn't want or desire me, but he doesnt want anybody else to either. very confusing.

[QUOTE=PeeB]



It has never happened before... and I have dated my whole life, fairly constantly. Sure a couple of guys have wanted me fat, but they didnt really have much too offer (not bright, not very interesting or unique or ingenuitive or inspired to do much of anything...). No one I have found any interest in.



There has been a long dry spell since Ive been my biggest, sprinkled with a few of the forementioned dull guys. I dont feel like going back to that just yet... I like having the attention and the warmth of a guy I actually LIKE... it had just been so long since I had that, and Ive really been enjoying it, save for this issue.

Okay, see, THIS is what I meant by my post. These guys you've described aren't necessarily unworthy or terrible - they just aren't what YOU are looking for. There is nothing wrong with recognizing that and moving on to look for the total packge (as defined by you). So, why on Earth do you feel bad because you happend not to be this guy's total package? I'm not suggesting you shouldn't feel bad that it might not work out but you certainly shouldn't feel bad about YOU.

Mel Im sorry he treats you like that, and geez, that really isnt fair. But ha Im glad you said something.

Lucky thank you, I will try to keep this in my brain,

"There is nothing wrong with recognizing that and moving on to look for the total packge (as defined by you). So, why on Earth do you feel bad because you happend not to be this guy's total package? I'm not suggesting you shouldn't feel bad that it might not work out but you certainly shouldn't feel bad about YOU."

I will try, but Im not sure how, but it makes sense when you say it!! If I step back from things its easier to see.

"Take it from some one who's in your position right now. Being nice to you and doing nice things for you is probably nothing different than he'd do for his best friend. Lusting for other women in front of you is not nice, and not respectful. And if changing your "box" is going to make him lust for you like he does other women, then he's shallow and superficial and doesn't deserve you. A healthy relationship is based on what's on the inside, not what's on the outside."

thank you Mel, for this support.


I cant figure out how to quote a message. I see the option below, "Quote Message in Reply?" but nothing happens when I click it. Then I try highlighting the message and clicking that box, thats not how it works either.
Can someone enlighten me?

I may be wrong, but i feel that there's a big communication gap here. He might be acting quiet and hurt because you told him you didn't want to go to the next concert with him, not because he wants another woman....or am I like totally outa the ballpark here??

Originally Posted by :
I know you say well who wants a guy like that anyway? But he really is very, very nice to me... he says very nice things to me, he does nice things for me, he never puts me down, he is helpful and tries to make me happy. Its just that he wants a different box than the one I come in, and he cant hide it.

But do you love him?

I went through this before and even got engaged to the guy before I asked myself that exact question. I know how hard it is to be by yourself (I'm now a single mom) but you need to learn to be able to live with yourself and be happy before you can expect to be happy with someone else in your life.

Originally Posted by :
I truly envy the positive thinking.

You sound like me not even a year ago. I have since decided that the only person who can change my life is me. It takes work, alot of hard work but it's worth it. Write up a list of characteristics you like about yourself everything you can think of, then write up a list of everything you think you can improve on, now rewrite that list as if you have done it all or are in the process of doing it (eg, I lose fat quickly and easily) write it all positive do not use the word not. Eg, instead of: I am not fat, say: I am fit, slim, ...
Read this list to yourself at least once a day, more if you can. Also any time you find yourself thinking negative thoughts replace it with a positive one.

It is not an overnight change, it takes time and commitment.

Originally Posted by :
I know what you are feeling. My hubby and I are literally "just friends", roomates living in the same house together. He's nice to me, does nice things for me, talks kindly to me, but rejects me over and over and over again in the "hubby/wife" department.

Have you tried talking to him about it in a non-confrontational way? Sometimes we get into a rut and forget the things that matter. If you have problems comunicating about subjects like this without it turning into an argument try writting him a letter, it will give you a chance to truly decide what you want to say without losing your train of thought.

Another option is counceling, I would try the letter first though because alot of people feel that they have done something wrong if the other person wants counceling.

Originally Posted by mudbugs:
I may be wrong, but i feel that there's a big communication gap here. He might be acting quiet and hurt because you told him you didn't want to go to the next concert with him, not because he wants another woman....or am I like totally outa the ballpark here??

I was thinking the same thing but didn't want to say anything. I should've. Frankly, I think I would be upset too. You didn't tell him how you felt until after you had uninvited him. You didn't even give him a chance. And I think in his head he's thinking for one that you must not want to go anywhere with him now and two, he's probably mad that you didn't think he would be sensitive enough to your needs to stop so you just completely uninvited him altogether. Don't get me wrong, I am not excusing what he did. I can't stand what he did either. But he is probably very hurt as are you.

Just a quick note on all of this!!

What a great thing to see..... Every single one of us KNOWS that we need to love ourselves first...before we can be truely happy. Look at the support that you get from people you really don't even know... they seem a lot more sympathetic and supportive of you than your "nice" boyfriend.

Step back from your man... Let him go.. He'll realize too late what he had.. In the mean time .. Start loving you!!!!!! Focus on you and all of the great people on this site that are there for you... Before you know it - the man of your dreams will be in your life.

And because you already love yourself, you will be able to love him completely and not have to worry about wether or not this one has eyes for other body types.....

Best of luck with your decision!

If he wanted something different, wouldn't he have it?

Look, guys will be guys. If they see an attractive woman, especially one that's half naked, they're gonna look, dammit. If I'm with my husband and I see a half naked guy with a nice body, do I look? You betcha. If my husband sees a half naked woman with a nice body, does he look? Yep, he sure does. And I usually just smirk at him and giggle it off because it's me he's going home with. I don't mind. Because it's human nature, especially for men. And sure, 'evil' little thoughts probably go through their mind. But it doesn't mean they don't love US. My husband even looks at porn when he's by himself. It doesn't bother me one bit. He's even joked that he needs to write a program on his computer (he's a computer programmer for a software company) to consolidate all of his pics of women. I tell him, "Well then do it!"

And this may sound crazy, but him looking at porn is how I discovered that he's not just looking at tall leggy blondes, he looks at women of all shapes and sizes.

Your honey probably not only feels bad that you don't want to go with him, but a little ashamed and embarrassed that you called him on his 'antics'. But yet he's still hugging you and telling you he loves you. Whether he means it or not, that's something YOU have to decide. Guys aren't the best characters for expression emotion. But they do their best, some of them, anyway. Some guys don't know HOW.

But it's human nature for a man to gawk at beautiful women. I'll admit that some of them could be a little more TACTFUL about it, sure. Especially when they're with their girlfriends or wives. But give the guys a break, man. Their second head rules their lives. God made 'em that way, blame him, lol!

Originally Posted by LLV:

But it's human nature for a man to gawk at beautiful women. I'll admit that some of them could be a little more TACTFUL about it, sure. Especially when they're with their girlfriends or wives. But give the guys a break, man. Their second head rules their lives. God made 'em that way, blame him, lol!

Maybe, but he wouldn't get caught doing it more than once if he cared deeply about PeeB. I think she is probably right that about him.

I agree w/ Robert above. He wouldn't do this if he cared deeply for PeeB.

PeeB, happiness begins with you. You must decide what you want to look like, and be, in order to make yourself happy. Then work on finding someone who you can share your happiness with. I feel as many people who posted here do, that staring at other women as though you are not even present, is disrespectful to you. And whether it is in "his nature" or not, if it makes YOU feel bad, then he should not be doing it. It doesn't matter if it's right or wrong, if it's hurting you. Good luck finding the happiness you want! ((HUGS))

guys will be guys.even if a guy has a thin beautiful girlfriend/wife he will still look at other girls.im not saying that it is right but thats how it is.and women do the same thing.if a women has a boyfriend/husband that is handsome she will still look at other guys;its human nature. my mom always tells me that there will always be someone who will look better than you and there will always be someone who will look better than that person and so on.

Originally Posted by RobertW:
Maybe, but he wouldn't get caught doing it more than once if he cared deeply about PeeB. I think she is probably right that about him.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not justifying what he's doing because I've been there myself and I know it can hurt. But sometimes guys do these things without even realizing they're doing it.

you know what would bother me though? Even if I found a nice guy, there's always a possibility that he could find someone better. That's when I say to myself, "so what? I know I CAN'T find anyone better than me!!!!"

My mom told me something once- If you love him, let him go. If he comes back to you, then he knew that it was meant to be. Certainly not my virtue, I wouldn't forgive him so easily, but it seems practical to let a man go and explore what he really wants, otherwise you wouldn't be happy because you know he's not satisfied.

Originally Posted by veggielover:
you know what would bother me though? Even if I found a nice guy, there's always a possibility that he could find someone better. That's when I say to myself, "so what? I know I CAN'T find anyone better than me!!!!"

My mom told me something once- If you love him, let him go. If he comes back to you, then he knew that it was meant to be. Certainly not my virtue, I wouldn't forgive him so easily, but it seems practical to let a man go and explore what he really wants, otherwise you wouldn't be happy because you know he's not satisfied.

I've always told guys, "Hey, you know where the door is."

Because I agree with this philosophy. I'd rather let them go and let them do what they wanna do than walk around day after day knowing I'm the reason they're not happy.

I don't want that on my conscience.

PeeB, I definitely think you did the right thing to confront him about how his behavior made you feel. You are smart and brave to do so! :hug:

Now that you've confronted him, I hope you will give him a chance to prove if he does love and care for you. It is easy to say, "I love you". Let him SHOW his love for you by changing his behavior. If he refuses to change, knowing how it hurts you, he doesn't deserve you!

You wrote that:
"Well now he wont touch me :O(. He sat there and stared and looked depressed for a long time, wouldnt respond more than a word or two to anything I said. He wouldnt explain what his feelings were. I told him I felt like he was punishing me. He said "sorry" and hugged me. He told me he loved me at some point, but it didnt have the feeling of any sort of love behind it, just felt like he meant it in a general, plutonic way... and he wouldnt kiss or touch me."

Well, maybe he feels really guilty and doesn't feel that he deserves to touch you!

When I first dated my dh he did the SAME thing! :o I talked to him and told him that I understood his desire to look at beautiful women but that it really hurt my feelings to do it in such an obvious manner. I thought he'd get whiplash the way he'd throw his head around to watch a babe prance by! I said, "just wait till I'm not around and stare till your eyeballs pop out".

I don't think he realized how hurtful his behavior was. He has changed 1000%! I know I am lucky and blessed to have a wonderful dh who cares about how I feel. You too deserve a wonderful man!

You must think this through and put your own needs first. Is his constant attention toward other girls making you miserable. Does it make you feel even worse about yourself. It sounds like it does. Is he worth it? No man is worth the damage to your self-esteem. I have found one of those men that loves me no matter what my size. I weighed 207 lbs. when we got married and he loved me. He now loves me at 153 and says that my weight never mattered to him. There truly are men out there that will love and respect you for who you are, not what you weigh. Good luck and know that being alone is better than being with someone that is hurting you. You will decide in your own time when to let this relationship go. It happens when the hurt you are experiencing out-weighs the good times.

Originally Posted by telemetrynurse:
Well, maybe he feels really guilty and doesn't feel that he deserves to touch you!

Now this is an excellent point.

And I agree with many of the points here. Again, I wasn't trying to justify what he did. There's glancing at a woman because she's beautiful and then there's standing with the tongue hanging out. There's a fine line here. A VERY fine line. I see nothing wrong with a man or a woman admiring someone that's attractive. Like I said, it's human nature. But yeah, if the guy is standing there with googly eyes and making it a point to stare so long that he gets a rock in his pants, then I'd have to say, "Hey, go get 'er, champ. And have fun."

[QUOTE=LLV]If he wanted something different, wouldn't he have it?

Look, guys will be guys. If they see an attractive woman, especially one that's half naked, they're gonna look, dammit. [QUOTE]

I had mixed reactions about this situation. I think that you shouldn't apologize to him and say that you need to change if he's looking at other girls. At the same time, this guy (and you) are 18. That's young, and he's inexperienced with women and relationships, and it's major guy hormone time. I do believe that women mature emotionally faster than men do too; he may be floored by what you said.

I do look too, and I would imagine my bf does too. But at our age it has to be very respectfully done (ie not in front of me or so I see it, heh heh; and I do the same).

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

"Oh well, thats what happens to fat girls with mediocre looks, right? I mean I can improve things as far as I can get my body to go, so it wont always be quite as bad..."

Sorry but that is just not true at all! I have a WONDERFUL hubby who loves and desires me, as I am!!!! You don't have to "settle" for nothing!!!!! I think you need to have some confidence in yourself and that will then show through. Don't let your guy walk on you like that! Demand the best or find someone else! Don't use "Oh I'm a Fat Girl so that is all I deserve excuse" Fat Girls deserve love and attention AND the most important--RESPECT just as much as skinny girls do! That is just my humble opinion!

Chin up Girl!

*Flady*

PeeB, I would ask him what he wants, and tell him to be honest when he says it.
I would tell him that you don't want to KEEP HIM FROM what he wants, or what he thinks would make him happy. Because in all honesty, if I were in your shoes, I would want to know WHY he's acting like this. Whether or not he's feeling guilty or actually guilty of what he's being accused of.

Well I once broke a guy of drooling after other women when he was with me... and BTW I was very thin and attractive at the time! One evening we were at a fair and he spent the entire evening drooling over some sexy chick wearing next to nothing. Finally I had enough, grabbed his hand and said "Come on.. I'm going to introduce you to her." He was aghast and reminded me I didn't KNOW her. I said "Doesn't matter... I will walk up to her and say this is my boyfriend and he has been lusting over you all evening so I wanted him to meet you." He knew I would do it too so he backed down VERY quickly! Stopped his rude remarks for the rest of the evening too! Unfortunately that was all too typical behavior for him so that relationship didn't last too long!

Misti that is a %$@(% riot!!!! HAHAHHAA!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!! I am going to do that in my life, if anyone every stares like that. It would make me feel so much better. LOLOLOL.

Im not sure where the comment that Im 18 came from, Im 29. Wish I were, though! Know I sure act like it, but thats okay! Youre as old as you feel, right?

No he wasnt upset about not going with me, he was only going because its a band I want to see. It was already clearly determined that he didnt care about going. And I didnt INFORM him he wasnt, I asked would it be ok if...

Anyway, so update. Well he is touching me, and isnt cold and distant any more. He still wont talk about how he feels, so I have NO idea what the _____ he is thinking. But we went out with some friends last night, and I think I saw him making effort not to stare... if a gorgeous girl went by, he would immediately look at me, lol.

I dont know how long this will last, I guess we will see. Im doubtful its a permanent thing... but who knows?

Maybe he just felt bad that I felt so bad? And just wasnt handling it well by ignoring me? I dont know. I certainly felt like I was being punished. I sure wish he could talk about it.

You all are amazing, I cant believe how much your support helped me these past couple of days. You really help me keep my head together, thank you for taking the time.

Well it IS a very rude thing for a guy to do, and you need to deal with it now IMO. However, guys can be pretty clueless sometimes too so perhaps your nicely confronting him about it in a kind way will do the trick! Maybe you just needed to let him know it is not going to fly!!! :)

Originally Posted by Misti in Seattle:
Well I once broke a guy of drooling after other women when he was with me... and BTW I was very thin and attractive at the time! One evening we were at a fair and he spent the entire evening drooling over some sexy chick wearing next to nothing. Finally I had enough, grabbed his hand and said "Come on.. I'm going to introduce you to her." He was aghast and reminded me I didn't KNOW her. I said "Doesn't matter... I will walk up to her and say this is my boyfriend and he has been lusting over you all evening so I wanted him to meet you." He knew I would do it too so he backed down VERY quickly!

That's it! That's what I'll do if that ever happens to me!!!!!!! What a great friggin' idea, Misti! I'll keep this one in my little black book lol

Originally Posted by PeeB:
Im not sure where the comment that Im 18 came from, Im 29. Wish I were, though! Know I sure act like it, but thats okay! Youre as old as you feel, right?

sorry about that, I thought you said the two of you were 18 :o

looks like the message did get through though. good luck with everything :)

Its okay Dragon, and thank you! :O)