[RobinW]

You have to talk to him. Gently, but firmly you have to get your point across.

I had a husband who did this.....but I was pushing 300lbs. He would not leave me alone, the constant grabing, and being poked in the back in bed...you name it he tried it. I kept eating.....and eating....thinking, christ enough!!!! It seemed the fatter I got, the worse he got. Turns out he liked fat girls!! I had no idea! I was 165 when we met! I tried talking to him, but he was one of those thick headed types....even refused to notice the weight gone when I lost 100lbs.

So, my advice......talk to him about it. Use specific instances and point out what he is doing, and how it is making you feel. The very last thing you want to do, is start eating (unconciously)(sp?) to stop his behaviour. You have come so far and you have done an amazing job, dont let him ruin it for you. In the same breath tho, the ladies are right, he needs to be reassured. He needs to know that he is still your very sexy husband. Try turning the tables on him, I know you dont feel like it, but just initiating it for a while, might curb his insecurities.

Hope this helped

[lucky]

I wish I could find the link, but there was a study of married couples where one partner lost a significant amount of weight. I thought the results were very interesting. Basically, if the "losing" partner had always been overweight then their weight loss had a negative impact on the relationship. If the "losing" partner had been more fit at the start of the relationship, gained weight, and then returned to being fit the weight loss had a very postitive impact on the relationship. Things got back to "normal" for these couples and the relationship grew stronger.

Some of the couples whose relationships became rocky worked it out, some didn't. Most of the marriages that didn't work weren't very happy to begin with. The losing partner had perhaps settled for less than they deserved thanks to weight related low self esteem/confidence. Once they lost the weight and felt good about themselves they had the courage to leave.

Some of the marriages turned into exactly what you've described, though. The losing partner gained self esteem and confidence which brought out the insecurities of their spouse.

[LLV]

Originally Posted by RobinW

needs to know that he is still your very sexy husband. Try turning the tables on him, I know you dont feel like it, but just initiating it for a while, might curb his insecurities.

Hope this helped

I think you're very right. I should do that more often. But it's hard for me because I just don't have that 'libido' anymore. You'd think after losing all this weight I'd be a sexual dynamo or something but I'm not. I lost it a long time ago and just never got it back.

[LLV]

Originally Posted by lucky

Some of the marriages turned into exactly what you've described, though. The losing partner gained self esteem and confidence which brought out the insecurities of their spouse.

Yep, that's exactly what's going on. And he REALLY started this the night we all went out together and said I looked beautiful and noticed other guys looking at me.

When I first met him, I was a normal weight. I gained all of this weight while with him, although it never stopped him from desiring me. And most of my weight I gained while I was pregnant. But it's been quite a few years since I've been a normal weight. I went years trying this diet and that diet (which is what made me fat!) but this is the first time I've actually done it. I haven't been this weight for about 15 years.

[blues4miles]

Originally Posted by LLV

I think you're very right. I should do that more often. But it's hard for me because I just don't have that 'libido' anymore. You'd think after losing all this weight I'd be a sexual dynamo or something but I'm not. I lost it a long time ago and just never got it back.

I know what you mean. I think a woman's desire goes through spurts and starts and even when I think "oh, I'm kind of in the mood now, I should probably initiate so he think I'm interested some of the time" I usually come to my senses realizing I have plenty of other things I need to do that are more important and he can just let me know when he wants it Okay, maybe I'm lazy.

I was thinking though with this whole thread, that you and everyone are assuming that this is because you lost weight. What if it is about him and not about you? Is there anything going on in his family life or work life that might change him? You might be attributing it to weight loss, but what if it is something more personal to him and he is just looking for support or going through kind of a mid-life crisis type thing. Just a thought.

[Ready2ShedLBS]

My fiancee does the same thing as your husband, as far as the pawing, pulling me down, ect. I dont really mind it though. The only time it really got on my nerves is when I was not exercising and I felt like I had put on some weight. So I know how you feel. Hes always makes little comments about how guys stare at me. He hates it. I ask him would he rather have a woman that no one looks at. Hes like no, but I know what they are thinking when they look at you like that, and I dont want them thinking about you that way. I said well, I dont want girls thinking about you that way but they will.

He doesnt really worry about me getting with someone else, he knows the average joe would go broke trying to keep up with me, because my fiancee has me spoiled rotten. I have everything I want and then some.

I dont worry about him getting with someone else because she better put on her running shoes because I do everything for this man... keep a spotless house, cook dinner every night, fix his plate, run all the errands.. ect basically all he has to do is go to work, come home.

I guess what I am trying to say is, if you dont feel like being physical with him, maybe you can do little things for him, buy him a card, make his favorite dessert, his favorite dinner, little cheesy stuff here and there, just to show him you care. How long have you all been married?

[LLV]

Originally Posted by blues4miles

I was thinking though with this whole thread, that you and everyone are assuming that this is because you lost weight. What if it is about him and not about you? Is there anything going on in his family life or work life that might change him? You might be attributing it to weight loss, but what if it is something more personal to him and he is just looking for support or going through kind of a mid-life crisis type thing. Just a thought.

Not sure. I can only go by what he told me and he said it was because he's afraid that I'm going to wander someday. And with the way he's been acting, I'm pretty sure that's it. He wants more of my attention as reassurance that I'm not interested in someone else.

If it *is* something more besides that, he'll have to tell me. I can't read his mind.

And you may be onto something with the mid-life crisis thing. He's 37.

[LLV]

Originally Posted by Ready2ShedLBS

I dont worry about him getting with someone else because she better put on her running shoes because I do everything for this man... keep a spotless house, cook dinner every night, fix his plate, run all the errands.. ect basically all he has to do is go to work, come home.

Yep, same here.

Originally Posted by Ready2ShedLBS

I guess what I am trying to say is, if you dont feel like being physical with him, maybe you can do little things for him, buy him a card, make his favorite dessert, his favorite dinner, little cheesy stuff here and there, just to show him you care. How long have you all been married?

Well, we're not technically married, although I refer to him as my husband because we've been together for 16 years. 16 years this November. So he may as well be my husband. Even his family introduces me as his wife, lol.

We're comfortable where we're at. I've never had a desire to get married and although he's suggested it a few times, he doesn't push the issue. I'm just one of those people that believes I don't need a piece of paper to prove I love someone.

[Ready2ShedLBS]

I hear ya girl, sometimes I wonder about the whole marriage thing. I know that I want to be with him forever and marriage (unless your religious) is a piece of paper. For him its about me having his last name, and he wants us to have a child together ( we have children just not together) and he doesnt believe in having kids out of wedlock, obviously I do because I have 2, and Ive never been married. Also, I think marriage would be good because if he ever did leave me, Id get HALF Thats too funny for me.

[LLV]

Originally Posted by Ready2ShedLBS

I hear ya girl, sometimes I wonder about the whole marriage thing. I know that I want to be with him forever and marriage (unless your religious) is a piece of paper. For him its about me having his last name, and he wants us to have a child together ( we have children just not together) and he doesnt believe in having kids out of wedlock, obviously I do because I have 2, and Ive never been married. Also, I think marriage would be good because if he ever did leave me, Id get HALF Thats too funny for me.

lol!

Yeah, he wants me to have his last name for insurance purposes, but oh well. We have a son together, he's 6. And my son bears his last name, not mine.

[veggielover]

awwwwwwwwww... sounds like he's just suspicious of your new found hotness!!!!!!!! He should be a bit more trusting though...

[LLV]

Originally Posted by veggielover

awwwwwwwwww... sounds like he's just suspicious of your new found hotness!!!!!!!! He should be a bit more trusting though...

Yeah, well, you know how men are. They're babies.

[lilybelle]

Loved it LLV, Men truly are babies. Mine is a big, strong State Trooper, and acts helpless. I am guilty of doing pretty much everything for him. But, he works and supports our family and I finally get to stay home and run the house so I'm not complaining. I hate it when he whines though, makes me feel like saying "you sound like one of the kids", but I never say it.

[LLV]

Originally Posted by lilybelle

Loved it LLV, Men truly are babies. Mine is a big, strong State Trooper, and acts helpless. I am guilty of doing pretty much everything for him. But, he works and supports our family and I finally get to stay home and run the house so I'm not complaining. I hate it when he whines though, makes me feel like saying "you sound like one of the kids", but I never say it.

Oooooo, a state trooper. I love men in uniform.

My father was a police officer for 30 years. In fact many of the men in our family were either cops or worked some sort of security. I remember when I was younger how I admired him when he'd walk through the door is his uniform. To this day men in uniform, especially cops for some reason, get my attention. I was pulled over once (I went through a construction zone when I wasn't supposed to) by this young cop and he was absolutely gorgeous. I had a hard time talking to him because I couldn't take my eyes off of him. It's moments like those you want to go, "Say, ummm... are you free for about an hour? We can forget all about this ticket, you know."



I'm so bad.