i don't understand the woman...

when i was about 9 years old, i was diagnosed with high cholesterol, being extremely overweight since i was about. my mom didn't really do anything about it. she thought it was just baby fat or something. she let me eat whatever i wanted and never let me go outside to run around, despite how much i begged her. so i just got fatter and fatter, and my health became worse. im actually still upset with her for letting this happen, but it's also partly my fault, but in 4th grade, i didnt know much about being healthy.

now im 18 and am working my hardest to bring my cholesterol down. my doctor told me that i was at a high risk for getting diabetes. so, i decided to take some initiative. everytime i'm about to exercise, she tells me that i shouldn't and puts me down about it, telling me that she doesn't want me to lose any weight and thinks that im only trying to lose weight bc i have low self-esteem and want to be anorexic or something...oy vey... and im thinking, why does she want me to stay overweight and unhealthy? shouldn't she want the opposite? she is finally concerned about my cholesterol, but still continues to discourage me from eating healthy and exercising. for instance, im a vegan (it's a totally cholesterol-free diet and im forced to eat tons of veggies, which lower cholesterol) and she continually tries to get me to eat meat and dairy...she tricks me with the dairy, telling me that she picked up soy smoothies for me, but theyre actually dairy (you can't really tell the difference bc the bottles look pretty much the same...ridiculous) it's funny bc i eat far healthier than her and she thinks IM the one who's losing out on nutrients. she eats cookies, chips, cakes, and random fast food items.

i mean, before i started exercising, climbing to the top bunk of my bunkbed would make me out of breath, my heart would be racing, literally! it was ridiculous. but all this means nothing to her. she barely cares about her own health. she has extremely high cholesterol, high triglycerides, and diabetes. i dont want to end up like her.

i dont want to end up just ranting, but this has really been bothering me. if i tell her that im going biking, she tries to talk me out of it, usually succeeding. when i want to go the gym, she discourages me, saying the cabs are too expensive (i dont drive), etc. i tell her that i'll bike instead, she says it isn't safe, i'll get hit by cars, blah blah. i told her about my plans for college: joining the cycling club, taking up tae kwon do, and going to kick-boxing classes 3x a week...she tells me it's impossible and pretty much says that i wont be able to do any of it...she's just so discouraging.

it sort of hurts bc i wish she would support me in this. i have no family support. it sucks yeah, i just read this msg over...it's pretty much a rant, but i needed to get it out i guess.

I am sorry you are subjected to this unhealthy behavior...
Just remember, it is YOUR decision to be healthy! Not your mother's! I know it is hard not to listen to her, but you have to think about how you feel! You know what is best for you. You are 18 now, and you are officially an adult! You are right to want to exercise and be healthy, don't EVER let ANYONE tell you any different!
I admire you for wanting to do something. Just think, by eating right and exercising, you are saving your own life. You CAN do it.

HUGS,
Mandy

My bf used to be the same b/c he thought if I lost weight I would dump him for other guys, and I just told him 'why would i dump you for someone who didnt even give me a second look when i was overweight when you've always thought i was beautiful no matter what' and he isnt like that so much anymore.

I dont know what to tell you about your mom...my mom is the opposite, she wants me to lose weight but she can be a real B*$%# about it..for example the other night she was talking about a woman she used to work with, who is now on permenent disability b/c her arthritis is so bad, and apparently she has gained alot of weight from her medications, well my mom just stood there saying things like 'she is just HUGE' or 'she must be at LEAST 200lbs' and im thinking to myself thanks, im 213, so your calling me HUGE, inconsiderate. She used to be around 200lbs herself, and she is around 140 now but she isn't exactly the healthiest, she hardly eats, and she is one of those people who won't eat this or won't eat that b/c it is "bad" for you. I believe nothing is "bad" in moderation...she is very gullable too, believes almost everything she reads...

I could go on and on about her and how she has been lately, and how she drives me bonkers and I just want to get away from her (Im *hopefully* moving out within the next 2 months) but I'll spare ya... lol

Anyway just remember this is your choice, do it for you, maybe sit down and talk to her, or get your doctor to explain to her the negatives of being overweight and why your trying to change it, to be healthy, not to be 'anorexic' or anything...? Or maybe a counsellor session or two together could help sort some things out???

Pimpish, aw geez, I am so sorry your mother did that to you. Maybe she is just feels that if you are fat, you will be "protected" from men/boys? I really have no idea. It seems that a red flag would have been raised when you were diagnosed with high cholesterol in the 4th grade. That is astounding.

My only suggestion is to tell her why you are doing this. Lay it all on the line. Tell her you are fighting for your life, and that you want to be healthy. Explain that you feel better when you eat vegan food (you go girl, I couldn't hang as a vegan) and you are not lacking in nutrients. Let her explain the reasons that she doesn't want you to lower your cholesterol, reduce your risk of Type Two Diabetes and live a healthier life. Maybe...just maybe, when she is explaining her side, she will see that it is not valid.

If she still won't support you, explain that you are 18 and if she won't support you in something that is actually GOOD for you, then tell her you will find support elsewhere. That would be hard...very hard, but you need to get your body in order.

It's sad that you would have to be wary of the food that your mother provides, but maybe you should. I know nothing of your mother, but it seems that she is trying to sabatoge you. She seems to be pulling every trick out of the bag to not get you healthy.

You are going to have to stand up for yourself, aganist your mother (I know easier said than done) and take charge of your life. Only you can decide when enough is enough. If this is what you really want to do...then you are going to have to do it. You are 18 now. You'll be going to college and away from her. If you want to take up dance, martial arts, cycling and anything else you want to do, then do it.

Well, I don't know if I helped you at all. I hope I did, or at least gave you some ideas to what you could do in regards to your mother and weight loss.

Your mom's really got some unhealthy mind issues going on within herself. You can't fix her, but...you can ignore her. STOP telling her what you're planning to do and just do it. Wear earplugs when heading out the door for a run or bike ride. READ the labels on the products she buys. Take the initiative to do this without her input and override her tricks by being proactive and not taking her word for it.

She's not meaning to lie to you exactly, but she frankly can't help it. Something deep down emotionally has scarred her. Whether it be that she wants to keep you from boys because of something she experienced, or because she's so afraid of her own health and refuses to change it that she wants you to be just like her...she probably doesn't even realize she's like this or know why she's like it. It would take some serious counseling to figure out the causes. But regardless, she DOES lie to you. You know that now. So just stop believing those lies. READ the milk label. If it's not soy, skip it, or tell her it's not soy, that she made a mistake.

Join the things you want and if she asks where you're going, just say out with friends. You'll be meeting lots of friends there, so no lie. Get a friend to go walking with you, so when you head out for a walk, you can just tell her you're going to see this friend. Not that you're going walking with this friend.

Hi there!

Good for you for forming healthy habits and knowing that what your mom says is destructive. There is a light at the end of the tunnel -- specifically, going to college and moving out. At college, you will meet a lot of people who exercise and who eat healthy. Odds are you will find more fellow vegans at college than you will among your friends and family at home. So you will get support there.

Plus, you will always get support here, too.

You and I are exactly the same SW, GW, and height. I'm vegetarian, not vegan, but I have a ton of vegan recipes that I'd be happy to share. PM me if you're interested.

Wishing you much success.

Congrats on your wt. loss of 28? lbs. You're doing GREAT and you've taken control of your life and health! and not to diss Mom, but GO, go to the gym, take the cab, bus, etc. it's worth every extra penny! And yes you CAN take classes in specific exercises, why not? You're doing the right thing and it makes you feel good. your current weight isn't so much, but it is the health issues you are addressing too. Mom should be really proud of you for caring about your body and future.

I'm thinking that you might be an only child? and Mom is afraid of your success? But that is her issue and you need support, not sabotage. As you have elevated cholesterol, tryglcerides, you are in a high risk group and you must see your doc. regularly for testing? Don't be afraid to voice this problem to him/her. They may be able to offer additional support that you need to keep motivated.

good luck!

Based on what you are saying, it sounds to me like your mom is jealous of your success, maybe because she needs to lose weight and be more health concious and she doesn't believe she has it in her to change her lifestyle. Maybe by you doing all that you can to be more healthy it is convicting her. You know the saying "misery loves company?". Well, it sounds like she wants you to be miserable with her. Hang in there - you are doing your part - don't let your mom's issues stop you from bettering yourself!

You are doing wonderfully! There are many people out there who would love to support you and see you succeed, so please use all the resources you can! I would stop involving your mom in all aspects of your weight loss - don't tell her your plans from now on, just do what you have been doing.

Keep your head up
Melanie

I can understand your mother not wanting you to get too thin: we all read a lot about anorexia and other eating disorders, and frankly I think they're much scarier than a few extra pounds. Is it possible she's afraid you won't get the nutrients you need as a vegan? If that's the case, maybe you could reassure her by showing how you're getting a balanced diet and enough calcium without animal products. While your weight is not excessive, your goal is also perfectly reasonable, especially at your young age.

As for the exercise, I'm one hundred per cent with you. Get out there and move, your body will love you for it!

First of all, I think it's awesome that you are vegan. Most people who have high cholesterol still eat products with cholesterol, which I don't understand. I don't think you can really lower it while still eating it. (I'm a vegetarian, but I eat mostly vegan. I don't know what's holding me back from going all the way, though.)

You might as well stop telling your mother that you are going out to exercise. I think she has some serious issues going on in her own life. Maybe she is jealous of your success so far and feels like she can't compare to you. Or maybe she is afraid of letting you go or something.

But yeah, you know what is good for you and if your mom can't support you, plenty of people here will.

thanks everyone for your replies. yeah, i can't really figure out my mom, but im just not going to talk to her about things concerning my health/weight loss. also, i'll be gone in about 3 weeks to college, so it's not too big of a deal when i think about it.

my mom was really skinny as a child and teen and was always made fun of bc of it...i don't know if this partly explains anything...i have no idea.

maybe during my next cholesterol check-up appt, which will probably happen this winter (i should be by my goal weight by then) she'll see how much healthier i've become and hopefully follow my lead to at least lower her cholesterol.

i'm sure she just wants the best for me but doesn't really know what "the best" is.

but again, thanks everyone. i'll be taking you advice.
oh and marble, im not an only child, the eldest of three actually. i think my mom's just weird lol.