I'm trying not to cry here so please bear with me. I'm at work on a break and can't let loose crying. I am coming to realize I have a bad problem with closet eating. I eat in the car a lot when I'm alone. Whenever I go to a store it seems like I always get something to munch on before I get home. I don't bring junk into the house generally because I will keep munching on it until it is gone. Last night I had the most humilliating experience. I had skipped dinner before school at night because I was full from lunch. After class I ran over to the Big Lots store to look about a desk and was kinda feeling like I wanted something to eat, not really hungry, just empty I guess, so I grabbed an ice cream sandwich out of the freezer. I was eating it going down the road. Well I had stopped at a light and must have zoned out and took a bite or two while setting at the light when all of sudden out of the corner of my eye I notice a commotion. When I looked over as I was pulling through the green light I saw a blazer with 2-3 young guys hanging out their window at me and screaming and waving their arms at me. I can only assume they saw me take a bite of the ice cream. I immediately turned into the next driveway of a store so I wouldn't have to continue going down the road with them next to me. I was so shocked I couldn't even cry. I did cry when I got home though. My husband and I were talking in bed before going to sleep about our weight problems. I told him about what happened and started to cry. I told him that I hate myself and the way I look and that I really have no focus on dieting. I have a 19 month old daughter and I feel like such a failure in her eyes. I know that unless I lose weight I will have a hard time keeping up with her this summer outside. I don't just want to lay around and watch her play. I want to get involved. I just don't know how to make me feel better about myself and make myself focus more on losing weight without driving myself nuts about it either. Thanks for listening. I just needed someone to listen.

Casey

Big Hugs to you! I feel what you are going through. This site is a great place to vent and have other people listen that are going through the same things as you are. First you always have to remember that you are a great person no matter how much you weight and that you have to try really hard to not let the people that don't understand what you are going thru get to you.( I know that is hard to do) Try changing things one day at a time and take small steps. For example the first week that you make your changes try to up your water intake don't drink any soda or sugary drinks. Then on your second week keep up with the water but add something else, like cutting out the sugars that you eat. Just take small steps and if you fall don't beat yourself up over it just tell yourself "well I slipped this snack or meal, but I will start over right now!". Good luck with you weight lose and lifestyle change, if you need someone to talk to feel free to IM me or email me.
Rachel

PS: I forgot to mention starting a journal. Write down everything that goes in you mouth. You will be very surprised. This is a great way to track the things that you want to change or have changed and you can see the differance from week to week at what you were eating to what you are eating after you have made your changes.
Rachel

((big hug)) I'm so sorry that happened to you. You have definitely come to the right place for support. We are all on different plans and what not. I think the key to success is finding what works for you. That may mean that when you try something that doesn't work to try something else and not give up. Scorpio has given you some great advice about trying to make a few small changes. That has worked great for me. I remind myself all the time that this weight didn't magically appear on my body overnight and I cannot expect it to just fall off in my sleep.

If you do need some support, you might check out a weight watchers, tops, Over eaters anonymous meeting. I think WW is having a try a meeting free or something (they are advertising it here.) Search the web and find something that you think you'll be able to do. Personally I count calories and get in my exercise. If you put your mind to it, you can do this. Just don't give up.

Don't ever allow anyone to make you feel less than what/who you are. Your weight doesn't make YOU. I've yo-yo'ed up and down for the past few years....constantly gaining a 100, constantly losing 100. But no matter the size I'm still me...just like you are still you! And whether large or small, you have much to offer. But now, it's up to you to determine what is it you want to offer the world and those around you.

Don't beat up on yourself...a weak moment does not make a weak man or woman. Yesterday wasn't the greatest, but today's not over...and tomorrow can be even better! Wake up with the mindset that you're doing this for YOU! You can do this. Start small...walk a little more...I find when I exercise, it kind of gives me a boost because I don't want to eat and un-do what the exercise did! Hang in there...you'll find your rhythm and what works for you...but if you fail one day ...shake it off...there's always tomorrow I didn't mean to write so much...but I've felt that despair before and I'm sure most here have...we're HERE! But always remember, you are NOT alone...there's a whole bunch of us here with you...working towards the same goal

Hi
Sometimes it is good vent. I know just how you feel, I too am a closet eater. I don't eat alot around others, maybe just my husband LOL. I think binge eating is a disease. It has alot to do with self esteem. Please come here and vent, as I have been a lurker for sometime, I realize I could have gotten support sooner.
You are worth the effort to lose weight. You have a wonderful husband and a child that depends on you.