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Old 04-19-2018, 05:49 PM   #1  
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Default My shocking diary post after looking in a full length mirror after 1 year!!

My husband and I went to a hotel and I saw my 300lb self naked in a full length mirror after avoiding it for a year. 😱Here is the letter I wrote myself that night after he fell asleep:

"Darling, do you remember the mirror? It was someone you would look at and say at least I'm not THAT bad. Darling, it's that bad. Besides beyond uncomfortable, it's beyond just a bigger girl...it's a turn your head and look twice situation. We gotta change this, we can't be a good mother or wife like this. It was shocking and documentary material. You don't want G (son) being embarrassed of his mother and to have a poor sex life with your husband because you're uncomfortable with yourself. You wouldn't even want to have your wedding ceremony like this! It's hard but it has to happen...I mean can you get any bigger, you're gonna become a hermit and handicap!! We HAVE to!!!! You're the biggest you've ever been and unless you change you're only gonna keep growning!! Please, please, it's so uncomfortable amd miserable and embarrassing!! For G (son), for R (husband), for the family you've made, for your future children and all the things you want to complete in the future. You don't have to be tiny but you gotta get back down to a better place...ya gotta!!Please!!!"

Despite all the desperate pleas to myself I have not lost 1lb. My motivation is so low and I'm terrified of having diabetes, high bp, etc..

I'm at wall! Can anyone give me some advice, some encouragement, some motivation or let me know that it's possible??

I always quit, I get depressed, all consumed and just unhappy when I try to diet! Please help, my baby, my husband and my family needs me. I don't want to lose them and I'm terrified of dying from abusing my body! 😥

Tell me there's hope of living healthy and being happy please..
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Old 04-19-2018, 07:25 PM   #2  
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It’s definitely possible! I started at almost 300 lbs (wow, I’ve never actually said that phrase out loud before) and worked my way down. I’m getting ready for maintenance, which is a whole different battle.

As cliche as it sounds, it honestly is 1 day, 1 lb at a time. A year is going to pass regardless, why not be in a whole different place!?!
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Old 04-19-2018, 07:33 PM   #3  
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I agree - you take each day as it comes and you try and try again. I’m not doing super well myself, but I’ve managed to come down a bit but it’s been a struggle - I won’t lie on that one. But I think if you make small changes and the scale starts to move downwards you get a bit of a bug to keep fighting for a new lower number or the fact you can fit in a smaller size or other NSVs you never thought of spur you to keep trying.

Find a thread on here you feel you fit and post - daily if you can! I find that helps me most on this journey - people making like minded changes and the struggles that can go with it - I’ve found a home with good natured people willing to listen and to give support.

Good luck to you!

Last edited by lemonthyme; 04-19-2018 at 07:36 PM.
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Old 04-23-2018, 02:25 PM   #4  
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Make tiny little changes. Start small! Do you drink soda during the day? Cut down or better still, cut it out! Take a five minute walk in the morning! Big lifestyle changes can be overwhelming and then you get paralyzed.
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Old 04-24-2018, 01:48 PM   #5  
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You have already taken step 1 in acknowledging something has to be done. You also taken a second step in seeking advice. I want to say that self-love is a way better motivator than it's dark twin of self-loathing when it comes to weight loss. I successfully lost once, then regained. I am losing again, but I had a 2 year period with depression and insecurity before I took a look in the mirror moment. Then I got up and realized I was worth achieving whatever goal I had set for myself (job, health, whatever). It has been fun getting to know me again, the me with goals and joys as I try to achieve whatever I have set my mind to do. I hope you have a joyful journey as change into an image you are happy to see in the mirror no matter if it is tomorrow, next month, or next year.
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