[Ameline]

Empty... depleted. I wasn't tired, not mentally, not physically, but there was this huge empty space when I woke up yesterday. A craving. Not for food, specifically, but food would do. I felt like a dried up lake. It's the holidays drawing near. The work at the post office is pretty much customer service. People are nervous, we are severely understaffed (especially the delivery guys). Stuff often doesn't arrive on time or goes straight to the post office without even an attempt on delivery and it's up to me to calm the people down and explain to them that as much as I'd want to help, there's little I can actually do about it. Friday I was so tired of people that as I sat in my corner on the bus home, I seriously thought of missing my stop and going to the end station - a good two hour walk away - so that I won't have to fight through the full bus to the exit. I'm having a hard time on public transport lately, the lack of personal space is getting uncomfortable.

Yesterday I went shopping for some groceries. I didn't realize they were trying to do this huge sale per inspiration from the US. Tons of people, bright lights, so much noise, a proper maze of a store I didn't know well enough, nobody to ask for directions. I thought I'd lose it, either start throwing things and scream, or break down at the aisle floor crying. Why are they hiding the lentils? Eventually I got out without causing a scene, though.

Today I am better, thanks in no small part to my boyfriend. He's just doing things he believes are "normal" and "common sense", but they are huge to me.

For so long I was trying to be the unobtrusive child (and later adult), the one without needs. Like some sort of saint-like asceteic. Food is just... invisible in the grand scheme of things. Nobody is angry when you just need to eat. It doesn't take a whole lot of space. You can easily feed yourself, even without exiting the current frame of mind (as opposed to self-nurturing behaviors. You first need to admit to yourself that you do need that sort of thing, then be actually able to do it). But seems food is not the only nutrition I have access to anymore. To fill up the empty feeling I don't need food or rest, but love, care and perhaps some yoga or a walk in nature instead. Seems there are many more aspects to proper nutrition than food.

[abbilutz91]

There is so much more to being healthy than just food. Mental health is probably the most important, and unfortunately, too often overlooked. I'm glad you've been able to realize this for yourself and your life and have a boyfriend that is able to help you get through the harder times. A walk outside really helps me when I'm feeling down, or in the colder months a cup of tea and a relaxing hobby (I like reading or doing jigsaw puzzles)