I came home yesterday to what I thought would be a normal Thursday evening and was told to sit and we needed to talk. Apparently earlier that day, my boyfriend of 10 years moved most all his things out and told me that he was in love with somebody else. I feel like garbage. This doesn't have much to do with weight loss but in a way it does. If you were around when I first joined this site in April, I noted that my ah-ha moment was when my bf sat me down and said that the only thing that was stopping him from proposing to me was my weight. He made it seem to so rational despite how it hurt my feelings. I believed him, but it was just a lie. Since April I've lost over 40lbs trying to get back to being myself bc in reality I had gained a lot of weight. I thought we were on a good track. Last night turned my life upside down when he told me that he had been emotionally cheating for some time and was in love. Since last night, all I've been able to do is drink some water and eat a banana. I know that its not healthy but my emotions are out of control. I went through so much with him in those 10 years and I thought my time was finally coming as I look on social media and most of my friends are getting married or having babies. This was such a huge goal for me and now it seems impossible. I know it sounds dumbs bc obviously my bf has little heart, but I can't imagine loving anybody but him. I know that there are people on this support site that must have gone through something even remotely close to what I am going through. Please any words of wisdom??? bc all I can do it cry.

i am so sorry you are going through this. a few years ago i split after almost 9 years and it is so hard.

All i can tell you is be kind to yourself, look after yourself and allow yourself to grieve the life you have lost. It will get better and you will find the real you again.

thinking of you tonight and can only hope you take comfort from everyone who loves and cares for you.

Oh Kiwi, I am so sorry! That is a horrible way to find out! Sending you a pm now!

My husband of 12 years and boyfriend for 5 before that left me for someone else, 4 years ago now.

My best guess is that it never was about your weight. He probably knew you were self conscious about it and it was an easy out. I don't think people that are truly in love, especially after 10 years, leave for that reason. My ex committed emotional adultery also. So many minimize it as "not really cheating" but it is. Even more dangerous than physical. I truly believe that love is a choice. He chose to give his love to her and not me. I don't know your relationship or why he was vulnerable but I think some people don't see that love is a choice and they follow what makes them "happy" without realizing that they could much more easily fix what they have - and that's a choice also. I have learned this also - women need validation and men need appreciation. If I am honest to myself, I didn't give him this and he didn't give that to me. It's a cycle that can easily end in the death of the relationship. Unfortunately, it takes two to work on a relationship to make it healthy. I could have chosen (if I was self aware at the time), to give him that but without his responding in turn, I would be miserable. So I realized that I can't make someone love me. All I can do is be me and love them as much as I can and if I don't get it back, let go.

I know so much of what you're going through. Another biggie for me was forgiveness - even when they don't ask for it or deserve it. That one is harder some days than others, but so necessary. You can't have a happy positive life if you fill your head with negative emotions, justified or not.

As for weight loss, the irony was that I was so emotionally distraught that I lost 65lbs. I ran when I wanted to cry. The endorphins helped hold me together. And I barely ate - not something I recommend, but it was reality. Also, my new lifestyle without him helped me lose weight. I wasn't spending my nights in a sports bar eating wings anymore.

The good news is it gets better. I promise it gets better. You will have some crappy days ahead of you, but you will have more wonderful days very soon without so much that brought you down. And now, when you are ready, there will be room for a man that loves you just the way you are. (But spend some time on your own first, getting right by you.)

Hugs!

Thank you for everybody that has put some words down for me. I am so confused. He just texted me saying, that he needed to end the relationship to teach him how to respect it. He said, "I have to see what you mean to me. this is the only way." Its all very unfair

No way, he is full of crap, no offense. He is making excuses for his behavior, just the same way he did when he said your weight was holding him back from proposing. That text sounds like a way to keep you holding on while he explores other things. Sorry if that sounded harsh, but that is a bs text. You deserve better!

i think hes scared and regretting or feeling guilty about it.
Please dont give any consideration to what he is feeling (i know thats hard, trust me i know) but try to focus on you and how you feel now you have been hurt this way and if you want to even try to talk to him without ripping his face off

I'm going through something similar right now. I've been with my boyfriend for 15 years. We bought a house together and have two children. This year, after being told I just "keep getting fatter and fatter" I finally but my best effort towards losing weight. I also started taking classes because he began complaining because I don't contribute since I've spent the past 8 years raising our children instead of working.

About two weeks ago I found out he was cheating on me. I felt like complete and utter garbage. I had gone through all of this to become a better person for him and it felt like I was being rejected because I wasn't good enough. At the time, I was practically starving myself and wearing myself thin because I'm taking classes full-time and caring for my children pretty much on my own (he's a trucker and gone a lot). We aren't broken up. He apologized. I decided to pull it together for now for the kids even though I'm still incredibly hurt and angry. Still, I don't feel like this is the basis for a lasting relationship and our future together is pretty uncertain right now.

But, the thing is, I'm glad I did all of those things. I'm glad I lost the weight and I'm glad I'm working towards a better career. In the beginning, those were for him, but now I'm doing them for myself. It doesn't make what happened any easier, but at least I can hope for a better future where I'm healthy and dependent (with or without him).

This, Kiwi. I'm so sorry you are going through this! But there is a long term positive, imho. Anyone who is worth your love does not impose conditions, like losing weight. Seriously??? As excruciating as it is now, you are better off with him gone. It will take time to grieve the loss. But you have an opportunity now to meet someone who knows how to love, & who will value you as you are.

I hope you feel a bit better this morning, Kiwi!

ill be here all day if you need someone to vent to.

Unfortunately, I am still feeling absolutely horrible. I just don't understand how this could truly happen. The few friends of mine that I've told keeps telling me that I am strong and even he and his mother have been texting me telling me that I am strong and will get through this, but I haven't eaten since Thursday afternoon and have no desire to. I tried a banana today and could only get two bites in. All I want to do is sleep. I can barely take care of our dog, which I feel awful about bc he's such a good boy trying to take care of me, but he's hurting too... looking around for his dad and staring out the window waiting for his car to return. I am not strong and all I want to do is cry. cry and sleep and when Im awake I feel sick and cry some more.

I am so sorry that you are going through this and hurting so much. Those are totally normal feelings and reactions though. Just cry it out during this phase, but it does get better. And you are strong, they are right about that part.

I am so sorry you are going through this Kiwi You deserve to be loved wholly and completely for the beautiful person you are inside and out, without reservation. For a LONG, LONG time...it just hurts like the worst kind of he11 and it feels like it'll never get better. Hang in there, dear, it does! And you will see this person was never really as great as you once thought, and may even wonder why you put up with him.

From experience, do not under any circumstances take him back. A person who leaves you, is a person who leaves, as they say. All taking him back would accomplish is showing him you are willing to accept his lousy behavior. He may very well try..if his new thing doesn't work out...don't be surprised if he does come crawling back. My ex did this multiple times. I didn't love myself enough to break the cycle until very recently and it is the BEST feeling to walk away and not look back.

You are far better without someone who told you he wouldn't marry you for such a reason! And an excuse though it was, what an incredibly low and hurtful thing to tell someone you allegedly love! There are people out there who will love you no matter what, forget that clown. And he's sucking up your energy like an emotional vampire, why is he still texting you? He should back off and let you be.

Take it day by day, try to eat what you can. And lots of self love and care: be lazy as you want, watch movies all weekend, cry your eyes out, take long bubble baths, listen to music (my Adele playlist was on constant rotation for a year I bet). Be indulgent, keep busy. It's going take time mostly, but you will get there. (((Hugs)))

I'm so sorry about what you're going through! That has to be really rough. It's normal to be crying and to think you might never love anyone else right now: you just broke up. You'll be sad for a while, and it'll suck big time for a while, but it will get better.

"I have to see what you mean to me. this is the only way."
That is a red flag that he's pretty full of BS. I wouldn't listen to that. It sounds like guys I've dated who don't leave their partner until they have someone else on the line, but they don't let go of the previous partner completely 'just in case.' You deserve a lot better than that.