[kiwi1222]

So I am sure that I am not the only person that feels this way, but I am starting to feel very secretive about my weight loss. Secretive is actually not the right word. I just feel like I don't want to talk about it to quite a few people....even people that I am very close with(ie:my parents). The problem is that its an elephant in the room. I've lost 120lbs since my heaviest and so its obvious that I lost some weight. I think the problem is that I struggled with my weight for my whole life and its not like they ever said, you are really fat. But now that I am closer to what I think is my goal weight, I just keep hearing, "Hi skinny mini..." which don't even get me started.....I find that condescending bc I am far from skinny or mini. It just seems like a constant topic. I totally understand that somebody may make a quick comment if they haven't seen me in a while and I lost maybe 30 or so lbs since I last saw them. It would be normal to maybe make a comment in passing. I know I sound whiney AF but I don't know how to just hear the positive compliment instead of hearing, "you used to be really fat and unsightly, but now you're not....thank God." or, "I'm happy you finally decided to do the hard work and stop effing around." Those are literally the things that I hear in my head when in reality the comments are, "oh wow, you look so good." or, "see? Hard work pays off." The hard work pays off comment actually really gets under my skin bc I was working hard when I was 317lbs. I was still at the gym 2x/wk, on the soccer field 2x/wk, with a personal trainer 1x/wk, and in the dance studio doing ballet, hip hop and jazz 3x/wk. I wasn't necessarily as disciplined with food as i am now, but I was by no means eating an excessive amount or anything completely awful. I have literally been overweight since I was a little girl. I remember going to a pediatric doctor appt and the doc shaking his head at me saying, I was obese. I didn't even know what that word meant. I asked my mom when we left the office and she just said, "it means you weigh too much." I was at an age where weight wasn't even something that I thought about. I wasn't getting on a scale. I was running around outside with my friends, riding bikes, playing soccer and going to dance class. I didn't eat candy or your standard junk food, bc my parents never kept it in the house. I loved vegetables. I was the member of a gym by age 13 or maybe even 12. I'm pretty sure I weighed in at weight watchers around that same time or my life. I thought I knew what I was supposed to do...exercise and don't eat fatty foods or a lot of foods. I am quite unclear of how I didn't end up with an eating disorder bc psychologically I was broken with how much I "worked hard" but kept gaining weight. As I got into college, I thought I heard about people with thyroid issues. I thought, "finally! This must be the reason." Nope....fully well functioning thyroids (Thank God of course). I was not lazy. In case you didn't know, if you're overweight, people just assume you are lazy or have no self control or discipline. This comment of hard work pays off just reinforces that and pisses me off so much. The fact of the matter is that weight loss isn't just eat less burn more. Our genes and hormonal situations play such a large role and I only in the last 6 or 7 mos figured this out. I found a ketogenic way of eating and that is what works for me. I understand that this way of eating could very well not work at all for somebody else. I also now understand that this way of eating may not work for me in a year or 5 years. I am happy that I am prepared for that now. I worked really hard for a long time and failed. I am just lucky bc I found what works for my body and quite honestly, I'm not working very hard at all. The fact that after the immediate anger of the hard work comment, I find the humor of my literally not working hard at all but losing all this weight now is the only thing that keeps me from blowing a fuse. Its clear that I uncomfortably clam up when people start to talk to me about my weight loss or have the audacity to ask me how much weight I've lost. Long story short, do you guys have any experience in this or can you give me any ideas in how I change the subject other than saying, "I really don't like talking about it." I tried that with my dad just about an hour ago and he could just not get it. He kept saying, how much more do you wanna lose(as if I really know) and you should be proud and celebrate. I know he has good intentions, but its hard for me bc I SHOULD celebrate losing 120 lbs but it just reminds me that I was a slow failure for so long. I don't think that anybody that hasn't lost a large amount weight really understands that. People that struggle with a cosmetic 10lbs, I don't think really get it. Sorry I am being whiney about getting compliments but I am sure somebody here understands how I am feeling. I can't be crazy....well maybe I am

[PandaCupcake]

I HATE when people comment on my weight. When they are making comments about my body, that is personal and I find it extremely intrusive and rude. I have in the past had comments from my parents, coworkers and even my male boss.

I haven’t heard any comments lately but I tend to change the subject pretty abruptly, to anything else. Although it’s hardest with my parents. I was at a family dinner last year and someone brought up my weight - so then that was the discussion at the table of about 12 guests. I was SO irritated. PLUS the person beside me (a long lost relative) shoved her phone at my face without warning, and I saw she had someone on FaceTime video and told me “I want my mom to see what you look like.”
I felt like, how are these people my blood relatives? I have nothing in common with them. I told my brother privately that I’d never go back to that house.
But I have. Because it’s my parents.

I haven’t thought about what I would say next time but I suppose I could try to say something like “I don’t want to talk about my body size. Can we find something else to talk about?” And I won’t even care if it comes off as rude because they were rude first. (I have wondered how the commentators would react if I turned the focus on them and asked how they were doing with their body size- I would never be so rude but I wonder of that would wake them up to how rude that is)

[IdealProteinNewbie]

First of all, congrats! You have been and are continuing to kill it! I literally could have written this word for word.

It’s incredibly awkward and I have patients commenting on my weight every.single.day - sometimes multiple people in a day. I haven’t been able to come up with a suitable response bc I like my job and want to keep it and I know I will get fired if I say what’s actually going through my head

I also get “how much have you lost?” or “what do you weigh?” constantly.

I’m curious to hear other people chime in but I, 100%, agree - if you haven’t lost a significant amount of weight you will never understand what it’s like.

Keep going, you’re amazing!

[hummingbird lady]

Hi Kiwi1222,

After reading your post the first thing I thought about is how to me it's an issue of objectification. I've lost weight in the past and also felt like compliments were an embedded criticism of how I'd been before, like "thank god you're not so fat anymore" and for me it's because I don't want my body appraised and evaluated. Period. It's objectifying for someone to say "you have big boobs" or "your butt is big" and it's also objectifying for someone to say a version of "your boobs and but have shrunk." This is going to break some American rules of nicety, but I personally think you should cut to the chase and say something like, "I find evaluative comments about people's bodies, including my own, to be objectifying and I would appreciate it if you would respect that." If they don't hear you, then repeat it with some clear eye contact and then (this is my own inner snark coming out) ask them if they know what the word objectify means. Sometimes you have to startle someone to get their attention. This is just my two cents. Good luck and keep us posted on how you decide to handle this intrusion.

[kiwi1222]

Thanks so much. For the comments. Hummingbird, I have less of a problem telling people I am not super close with how I feel. The harder problem is dealing with people that are close with me that I know are really just proud of my achievements. For instance, I know that my dad is proud of my weight loss bc he's obviously known me my whole life and saw my struggle, but it's just weird bc as I was steadily gaining, he never said a word (likely to not hurt my feelings) but now all of a sudden he is all, "you're doing so great....how much more weight do yo plan to lose.....hard works pays off...." This whole thing is a weird multidimensional issue bc the feelings of displeasure are different depending on who it comes from. I am working on my namaste mind though and knowing that even the most annoying feelings I get when somebody says something, are meant from good intention and good place.