Boston,
I am so, so sorry your family is not being supportive of your journey. It is hard to understand why the people who are supposed to love us most, hurt us the worst. I can share in your hurt in some ways, as my husband of 17 years keeps trying to shove pizza and desserts in my face, laughs when I go walking in 85 degree heat, and swears he cannot tell that I have lost weight and inches. Basically, I think they just don't understand how important these journeys are for us, and they don't always take the time to care. I feel your disappointment, but you did remind your own self in your post, the magic rule....we are doing this for ourselves. We can control what we put in our mouths, how much activity we engage in, and what we do with the wide range of emotions that weight management brings. What we can't control is everyone around us. I needed to stop looking for approval from my family, and instead find inner approval, maybe you can do that too. Please try not to binge, you will only end up feeling worse about yourself than you already do. Even if it takes everything you have, stay strong and true to yourself. Come here when you need reassurance and a pick-me-up. We care and we're on the same sort of journey too, so we hear you and feel you. I know you can do this!!! Let's continue to get healthy and live our lives for ourselves. hang in there!
Shannon
It's so difficult when you realise that family don't really care that much about you. They live to criticise, to make themselves feel better, but don't care about progress, improvements, etc. You sound pretty young so this could take some years to come to terms with. But when you separate your own self worth from how your parents (and others) treat you, it will do wonders for your mental health. Just keep on going and reap the rewards for your own sake.
ETA: 115 lbs is probably a bit on the low side for 5 foot 6. 125-130 is probably a healthier size, but it depends on your frame size of course.
Last edited by sonickel77; 07-28-2015 at 06:51 PM.
BCPrincess, some research says that men really aren't as observant as women, so although your dad might have noticed you had put on weight (and since some men tend to be "fixers," he probably thought he was helping by saying something to you about it), it doesn't mean he would also notice that you've taken it back off. Let me give you an example of just how obtuse men can be: I usually have quite long hair, like mid back. Last week, I cut it much shorter, almost up to the top of my shoulders, many inches off, and I added bangs and layers, which I did not have before. My husband didn't notice. I finally pointed it out to him days later and he hem-hawed around, trying to come up with some feasible excuse for why he didn't notice something so obvious on "the love of his life," whom he should notice, right? Lol! The fact is your dad would probably be surprised to learn that you've been hurt by his silence for something he didn't pay close enough attention to. I'm sure he did not purposely set out to hurt you. Men are just different, and sometimes they're difficult for us to understand. The good news is we're even more difficult for them to understand, so there is more than just a little payback there, lol! I really do hope you begin to feel better, and please don't punish yourself by bingeing. You don't deserve that. You've done a wonderful job!
I agree with what Jacqui D is saying. There's a chance your Dad is not trying to purposely slight you. If you want him to notice, ask him about it. If he still doesn't react the way you'd like, it's likely because he's got such high expectations for you, not that he doesn't care.
Your dad is who he is. You can't change him. You can only control who you are. Try to find a supportive, encouraging friend. Or come here! You're doing great! I bet you already look fabulous - another 30 pounds sounds too skinny to me. And going to the gym at 4 am? Amazing!!!
I totally agree with the 2 posters above. There will be times that men will not notice such things, I know my husband does not notice sometimes when I get a haircut or buy new clothes etc. It doesn't hurt my feelings though, I've learned that he notices others things.
I know it hurts but you have to prepare yourself a little bit for how your weightloss might affect other people - most people who have lost weight can attest to feeling unsupported and even sabotaged by their friends and family during their journeys. Your weightloss may arouse feelings of jealousy, resentment, anxiety, and it plain old makes others feel threatened. Spouses feel like their wife's or husband's weightloss may affect the family meals.
I'm not sure what your Dad is feeling but maybe you could talk to him? Could you maybe say "Dad, I feel a little disappointed that you haven't noticed how much effort I've put into my health these past few weeks. I've lost a few pounds too. You were very quick to criticize me when I was heavier and I would appreciate some support because it's not easy to change lifestyle." Do you think he would be receptive to such a conversation?
I don't think I've ever gotten a compliment from my dad about anything in my life, though he is quick to point out flaws or anything that I've done wrong. I feel some people just don't know how to communicate positivity.
Sometimes you just have to point out your efforts (because they aren't psychic and most often they aren't really paying attention to the changes you are making). When I visit my parents I announce to them how much weight I've lost or what I'm doing to improve my diet. It basically keeps my dad from saying anything negative. I realize that he will probably never say anything positive to me, but that's ok, that's just the type of person he is.
But here's a question for you. Have you tried to lose weight a bunch of times before and quit? The reason I ask is because that was me. And my husband at the time would get so upset with me every time I would stop. So he finally stopped noticing and saying positive things.
Hugs to you....I know it's tough when your own family member is acting like a buffoon. Hang tough....you'll be okay
Last edited by JerseyPAGirl; 07-29-2015 at 02:25 PM.
A little over ten pounds is hard to see. No one noticed that I had lost weight until it I was close to 30lbs down.
And who cares what he has to say (or not say). Aren't you addressing your health for you? Or are you doing it for the approval of others? Because doing it for anyone other than you is a recipe for failure. Do it for yourself and stop seeking external approval. You don't need it. You need to be healthy to live your best life.
I've lost over 100lbs and my parents haven't said anything to me (I see them once a month or so)! It used to bug me but in the end, who are you doing it for?
I'm so sorry the people around you aren't supportive.
I think sometimes people are challenged and uncomfortable about change and your Dad could be one if those. They sort of feel that if you change physically you may change emotionally and maybe you won't want/love them anymore.
And then again, some people are so wrapped up in themselves they don't really notice others around them unless it impacts on them!
| hope you'll keep going as you are the important one and you're doing so well. Keep it up hun, you're worth it.
Nobody cares I lost some weight
I realize that he will probably never say anything positive to me, but that's ok, that's just the type of person he is.
