Having a hard time - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

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Old 06-10-2015, 08:58 PM   #1  
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Default Having a hard time

I just joined today and I don't even know where to start. I am here because I really need some support from like-minded people, people who understand the weight struggle, and people who are, like me, working to beat it.

I have been steadily gaining weight for a few years now, my father is a terminally ill addict and I have been taking care of him alone, while working and going to school full time, mostly online so that I could always be home. He is really reckless and whenever he drinks he is very destructive because he doesn't see a point in behaving anymore. I myself have a few health issues to work around. I used to be very in shape, in the best shape of my life (which was great after being an overweight child), then right around when he got sick I went on a birth control that made me gain a lot of weight, of course in combination with stress eating and never leaving my house.

Now I am 80 pounds overweight, on the wrong side of 25, jobless and living at home. I did finish college (woo hoo!) but I am so, so ready to get the rest of my life back. I miss being out in the world and really living and I miss having a body that can move easily and doesn't ache and get tired all the time.

I am having a really hard time getting started, as these habits have been a few years in the making by now. I am just so unhappy with my life, though I have made great strides in loving myself unconditionally no matter what my body looks like. I just want to get my health back and my ability to move and function. I feel like I have been punished having to control and babysit someone reckless and self-destructive to such an extreme degree when all I want to do is live happily and be healthy.

Basically, this is my first day trying to gain control back, any words of wisdom would be great.

Thank you!!

Last edited by Icontrolmyweight; 06-10-2015 at 09:06 PM. Reason: Posted before I finished
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Old 06-10-2015, 09:06 PM   #2  
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Welcome. My advice is to make small steps and take it one day at a time. Use the scale to guide you (you should see good losses at 242lbs, 5'7" with small changes to your diet and exercise) and use losses to motivate you to do more. To truly beat something, you have to learn to love it.

I started my diet at 281lbs giving up soft drinks and chips.

Fast forward two years with incremental changes and I am 173lbs eating a diet consisting entirely of fish and salad. Running 4 miles every day. Weight training every day. And boxing twice a week.

Just skipping the soft drinks and chips, got me to here. In stages. And it's been a lot of fun.

Last edited by IanG; 06-10-2015 at 09:13 PM.
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Old 06-10-2015, 09:28 PM   #3  
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Icontrolmyweight Welcome, you are among friends. Look up Alanon in the phone book or online and run don't walk to a meeting. They have the answers to enable you to cope with your fathers drinking problem. Until you take action on this your stress will continue to get worse.

I know what you are going through I am an Alcoholic and I have not had a drink in 39 years. I am happy, joyous and free and you can be also.

I wish and pray for the very best in getting your health back but I am afraid the future is not bright until you learn to handle the effect your dad's drinking is having on your life.
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Old 06-10-2015, 11:12 PM   #4  
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HI Icontrolmyweight and . You've come to a great place for support and advice to help you with your journey. Larry hit the ned on the hail....or the nail on the head when he talks about Alanon. It's not easy living with an Alcoholic parent and Alanon they can give you steps and coping skills to help.

As far as your journey this is going to be great. You working on you will be an escape from what's going on with your father so you can focus on you and get you back on track. Just start slow and always give yourself a break along the way and don't beat yourself up too much. Even taking a walk everyday just to start out would be a great way to take some time for yourself and get some exercise

Last edited by JenDestiny; 06-10-2015 at 11:14 PM.
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Old 06-10-2015, 11:40 PM   #5  
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I agree with all of the above. Small changes with start the ball rolling and then the motivation sort of snowballs. This site is great help too. As far as your father goes, try the Alanon. Until you can cope with the stresses of taking care of your father, you will have trouble with this journey. Good luck and welcome.
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Old 06-11-2015, 11:04 AM   #6  
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Welcome, Icontrolmyweight! I whole-heartedly agree with the Alanon suggestion. You owe it to yourself. Also, if your father is terminally ill, perhaps hospice can help. They'll work with your father's doctor and they take medicaid, medicare, and insurance, but I don't believe they turn people away for an inability to pay if he doesn't not have any of those resources. You might ask his doctor about it or check the phonebook for a local chapter. Just because your father has made poor decisions doesn't mean you owe him your health, your self-esteem, and your potential for a career. You have to start being selfish. You are still so young and you deserve a life! I wish you the best!

Last edited by Jacqui_D; 06-11-2015 at 11:05 AM.
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Old 06-11-2015, 12:41 PM   #7  
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Larry is right. Run, do not walk to an Alanon meeting. My father was an abusive alcoholic during my childhood and teens. I wish I had known about Alanon. I have recently learned to forgive him for the miserable childhood I had. He died in 1988.

Learn to deal with this. You can get your health and life back. I am 60 years old now and I wasted too much time angry and bitter.

You can do this!
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Old 06-13-2015, 12:00 PM   #8  
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Wow, thank you all so much for your support and helpful responses. I can definitely see that I came to the right place!! I am so grateful for this site. He has not had a drink in a few months, which is why I am currently feeling very ready to begin my journey. Not to say he will not pick it up again, but I am taking advantage of the calm that is occurring right now.

I appreciate everyone's information that has gone through this before, it is definitely the biggest challenge I have ever faced, mostly because he is happily consuming everything that I have to give, and for a long time I felt very guilty about not wanting to give so much...which made it hard because I was battling with him and myself at the same time. Now that I see more clearly and have really been able to grasp what my life has been reduced to, especially after being so happy and healthy before this all occurred, I am ready for my life to be my own again. I am ready to get my health back and to get my vision of a happy, healthy future back.

Thank you so much, everyone!!!!
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Old 06-14-2015, 04:51 PM   #9  
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Well others have already said what I wanted to say. My advice is the very first thing you do is find a support group for being a caretaker of a terminally ill person. Since he is an alcoholic Alanon makes sense. You need support from others who are caring or living with an alcohol abuser.

Also, being a caretaker to someone who is terminally ill will take a toll on your health and well being. You should look for some form of assistance or help with your caregiving so you can have time off to yourself.

Once you have your support group in place you can then concentrate on treating yourself and caring for yourself again. That will naturally fall into place with a good support system.

Good luck. Take it one step at a time so you don't feel overwhelmed.
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Old 06-14-2015, 11:02 PM   #10  
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I agree with what everyone is saying. It's not only a great way to get support but it's also a step out into the community where you can meet new people.

One thing I'll warn you about is that sometimes addicts feel threatened if someone really close to them makes life changes that are for the better. I'm not entirely sure why, maybe a jealousy since they can't seem to control their own situation, but it's just my experience that they will try to tear you back down. My dad is that way. Whenever I choose to take control of my life and work towards being healthy he does everything in his power to tear down my self-esteem. I hope this doesn't happen to you but I hope knowing it's a possibility will help you to not take it personally like I did. I now know that my dad's issues are his problem and it has nothing to do with me.
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Old 06-16-2015, 11:38 AM   #11  
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Hi and welcome... okay, so look at the positives.. 80 pounds - not so bad, not morbidly obese, not insurmountable and even just losing 10 pounds you will feel it right away.

As for the wrong side of 25... early 20's are overrated, best years of my life were 35 - 45! Better days to come.

Take it a day at a time, do the best you can everyday and you'll get there. Good luck!
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Old 06-16-2015, 12:16 PM   #12  
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You lost me at "the wrong side of 25", lol. I'm on the wrong side of 25, too. And 35. And, well, I'll stop there...except to say Hot Flashes SUCK. Trust me, there's a lot of life left for you and the person you are at 45 will be different. You never know WHAT life has in store for you.

Alanon sounds like an excellent idea. I was looking up Alanon meetings and looking forward to maybe meeting people who understood what it's like to live with a drunk when I finally was like, "No. I'm not finding new ways to cope with the problem by handing out punch at the Alanon meeting. It's not my problem, it's his, and I'm done being the one who has to cope with it" and I just left. (Well, not just. There was discussion and guilt and packing and house buying and moving, lol, but I left.) So, Alanon helped me and I never even went.

You can't really leave a dad, though. Try Alanon. I'm sure there are people there who've been through it.

It just sucks so much to be the one who has to deal with all the problems a drunk brings when the person who is causing all the problems deals with them by...of course!...swallowing more booze. It's too much. It's not fair. It's just a world of craziness and emotional upheaval and...ugh.

I really don't know how anyone who doesn't leave manages to cope. But I'm sure you'll find help at Alanon.
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Old 06-16-2015, 07:53 PM   #13  
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It sounds like you are in a dark place at the moment. I can only offer you what has helped me in similar situations. My strategy is to not let it overwhelm me. I have always attempted to sit down and analyze the situation. I have noticed that if I keep a relatively clear head about a particular predicament then a solution transpires. The worst course of action has always been to let it get the better of me.

As far as your more specific concern about weight and health then take a measured approach. Again what worked for me was to realize that a lifetime of bad habits was not going to disappear overnight. I had to understand that changing the course of my life was similar to a ship changing direction. It's achieved in small increments. Eventually with enough of them you'll find yourself headed in a completely new direction. That is what happened to me
I am sure it can happen to you too!

Last edited by rkhan3366; 06-16-2015 at 07:53 PM.
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Old 06-16-2015, 11:42 PM   #14  
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Thank you all so, so much for responding to this post. I had started making changes in my diet and lifestyle about a week before I wrote this and I am proud to say that I have already lost 4 pounds since my last weigh in, a total loss of 6 pounds from my highest weight

I am so amazed and grateful for the support on this site and I am so happy to have come across it.

Thank you so much for all of your insight, it is especially helpful to hear from people who have gone through the same thing.

Last edited by Icontrolmyweight; 06-16-2015 at 11:43 PM.
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