It's not even who ACTUALLY (down there, under all those layers of fat) AM!
Sorry if this sounds weird but this is the realisation that brought me here (again). I really, honestly just realised that I am at the point in my life when I am happy with everything. EXCEPT, my weight.
I have four wonderful children (I gave birth to my second set of twins since the last time I was here).I have a loving, caring (and skiny, arghhh) husband.I love my job and I got to the point when I'm actually quite good at what I'm doing. I work from home while taking care of all my children.
I am a dedicated mother, I love my children to bits and I really enjoy coming up with new ideas and activites, taking them for long walks, reading books together, all this really makes me happy.
I have all these blessings in my life, and I should be smart enough to deal with my obesity too. I have degree in molecular biology. I speak four languages. I do have will power so why, on earth, am I still FAT?
And yet, I can not control the way I eat, and therefor the way I look! This just doesn't add up: I'm a grown up women, a mother of four on the top of that, so I should finally be able to deal with the root of all the eating issues I have had. I know the bad eating habbits go all the way back to my childhood but I sure as h*ll should be able to overcome that already!!!
I tried to lose weight many, many, many times. But this is the first time I got really angry with myself. I look at myself and I don't even FEEL fat. Then I see pictures of me and I'm like WHOA, who's that fat lady holding hands with my children?
So...yes, I'm here AGAIN. And this time, for real. I'm going to lose this weight. I-have-had-enough!
I'm wishing you the very best. Like you, I am a food addict, and addiction is nothing to trifle with. It's especially hard when we have to "eat three square meals" of our addiction. It's not like giving up any other addiction where you still have to "use", to live.
That said, you have so many wonderful reasons to get healthy! I am cheering you on!
I used to wonder why it was so hard for me to quit smoking as I was an intelligent woman who was well aware of the harmful effects of tobacco. I came to realize that it isn't just about intellectual understanding or even motivation. Arresting addictive behavior permanently is a process that requires a multitude of tools and quite often at least a few training attempts.
Don't be angry with yourself, though I know that is easier said than done. If permanent weight loss was easy, over half the population wouldn't be overweight or obese.
You absolutely can do this. But until you do, please remember that you are an awesome person for all the reasons you stated. You just happen to have a little more adipose tissue than you'd like to have. It doesn't change who you are.
Ronja, I respect your ability to share and be honest and vulnerable.
If I had to start again in my weight loss journey the first thing I'd tell scrawny upper body and chunky lower body me is: Always BACK YOURSELF.
Focus on your success's... and they will expand. Learn from and quickly move on from any 'feedback' situations, so that you're even better the next time.
This of course is exactly the way you act in the areas of your life in which you are already most successful… with your 4 kids, your career, your relationship... AND it is also the way to lose the weight and get the body that reflects every other success in your life.
Get better and get more self certain.
Be certain in your commitment to giving your body the best fuel. You teach others how to treat you. Politely, yet resolutely decline the cake enough times and people will learn not to offer it to you...or at least they'll not take offense or resort to guilt-tripping when you decline.
Eliminate any negative language that you use when you describe your body or your ability to achieve your goal. By replacing the 'self-talk' that has held you back you'll have room to create more resourceful thoughts => language => actions => RESULTS.
In the area of my life that holds me back I write down ONE reference point for success a night - one little thing I did well… it's too easy to focus on the bad, however I know if I consciously focus on the good it will - with time - become natural and automatic to take the right actions.
Last edited by brainb4body; 02-22-2015 at 02:05 AM.
Thank you so much for your comments and input. I was really quite angry with myself (for the first time in my life, because I am usually quite good at loving myself and making excuses for my shortcomings!). I realize what I wrote may sound perhaps weird but I feel like the anger I experienced really helped to push me on a good start.
You are all very right about food being addiction, however I already know I can lose weight, I can omit sugar, milk, gluten, I have done all this for health reasons and lost around 50 pounds - but I happyily gained them all back once I got healthy again. So, the good thing is, I have already done this once. The bad thing is, obviously, losing weight is not the hardest part - it's kepping it off I suck at....but one thing at a time, and now the time has come to lose the weight again.
I'm not setting goals in term of amount of kilograms (or pounds) to lose before this or that event. My goal is to permanently change my lifestyle in a way that will allow me to both lose weight and keep it off. If it takes years, then so be it. Though, I sure hope to see at least SOME results soon
Thank you again for your support. It means a lot to me.
Thank you so much for your comments and input. I was really quite angry with myself (for the first time in my life, because I am usually quite good at loving myself and making excuses for my shortcomings!). I realize what I wrote may sound perhaps weird but I feel like the anger I experienced really helped to push me on a good start.
You are all very right about food being addiction, however I already know I can lose weight, I can omit sugar, milk, gluten, I have done all this for health reasons and lost around 50 pounds - but I happyily gained them all back once I got healthy again. So, the good thing is, I have already done this once. The bad thing is, obviously, losing weight is not the hardest part - it's kepping it off I suck at....but one thing at a time, and now the time has come to lose the weight again.
I'm not setting goals in term of amount of kilograms (or pounds) to lose before this or that event. My goal is to permanently change my lifestyle in a way that will allow me to both lose weight and keep it off. If it takes years, then so be it. Though, I sure hope to see at least SOME results soon
Thank you again for your support. It means a lot to me.
Personally I do not believe in food addiction. I've never come in contact with someone who is a self proclaimed "addict" who didn't yo yo up and down in large numbers of pounds. I think the addiction model is set up to fail (one cannot eliminate the source of addiction effectively for abstinence to even work.)
Anyway, I'm with you about the success as a person vs success at losing weight. I've got all the degrees, the important career, the beautiful family, the clean home, I have so much success that it doesn't make sense that I can't succeed at weight loss.
And when I looked deep into my soul I just knew for sure that I wasn't willing to give up certain foods FOREVER the way that an addict has to. The key for me was to make peace with those foods. Is it realistic that I never eat chocolate again? No, it's not and putting myself through the ritual of doing so felt unnatural and led to failure each time.
You have to know what your goals are and choose the method that is going to get you there and keep you there. Why turn myself into a low carb paleo gluten-free sugar-free person if that's not sustainable? Because I know myself and getting up on the wagon means inevitably falling off that wagon at some point. Instead I focus on building a healthy relationship with food, in which I understand that overly restricting myself from certain foods makes me want them more.
Different people have success with different methods. For me, moderation works best as long as I'm not restricting and making myself feel guilty.
Here we go again with the addiction-exists-no-it-doesn't debate. Without intending to hijack OP's thread:
It seems each participant in the discussion brings distinct assumptions about what constitutes an addiction, what are its features, how is it best dealt with. Some who bash the concept because it creates a state of victimhood are continually proclaiming to be victims of something else, e.g. 'The Diet Industry" "Big Agro", "Junk Food Industry" etc. Binge eating is not food addiction, btw, it is addiction to binge eating. That is distinct from viewing food itself the substance of abuse. The neurological reward pathways & enslavement of the mind are some of the features that the behavior of bingeing shares with other addictions. The goal is to cease bingeing, rather than "abstinence from food", which is really just a straw man argument and logical absurdity.
Semantics aside, we're all basically describing the same phenomenon, and it is hard-wired into our circuitry to some degree. That does not mean it is impossible to change. To me, there is nothing 'victim-like' about addiction. It is also morally neutral to me, though some substances lead the addict to horrendous behavior that IS morally repugnant. That is to a large part due to legal & socio-economic factors associated with a particular substance. Why some of us are more susceptible to addiction & to one substance or another is not well understood. It is probably determined by a combo of genetic, cultural, enviro, and who knows what other factors.
It is a fallacy that addiction recovery demands abstinence, though it may work for some people with some addictions. It requires thinking out of the box to find what works for the individual and tuning out what does not work.
Ronja: please keep us posted. Maybe your pattern of eating is a sign that something is out of balance. All of my forays into overeating began with being too busy to take care of myself. As fulfilling as your life is, it sounds like there are precious few minutes for yourself, maybe not even enough time to shower when you want, sit down to enjoy a meal, etc. Those basics matter a lot more than we realize! Coming to this forum might be your gateway into carving out a little me-time, so you've already taken the first step. Wishing you the best!
This of course is exactly the way you act in the areas of your life in which you are already most successful… with your 4 kids, your career, your relationship... AND it is also the way to lose the weight and get the body that reflects every other success in your life.
Thank you so much, this is an excellent point and it really got me thinking. I seem to have the tools, I just need to apply them on my weight loss, you're right. Thank you for that, this really helped.
Mars735 thank you for your input. I've been obese all my life, with few short breaks when I managed to shed some weight. You're right though that the hectic life with four little children (my older twins weren't even three years old when the new set was born) doesn't help. The biggest problems I have I would say are two:
First, if I get tired, I crave all the wrong food, sweet, fat, simply junk. And believe me I do get tired: without going inot much details, one of the babies doesn't sleep and there're nights when I haven't slept more than 3 or 4 hours. Broken into 30-60 minutes spells.
Second, I tend to use sugar as a comfort food when I get stressed. Again, there's certain, quite high level of stress connected with my current lifestyle.
Just by sitting down now and typing his down, I feel like I'm discovering and realizing the issues and that's a good start. Very, very good start.
It's not a debate, I do not debate whether or not someone believes themselves to be an addict. I'm posing another option, addiction is not applicable in most cases. However one decides to deal with their "problem" is completely up to them. But sometimes people blame regain on themselves rather on the diet they followed. If a diet is not sustainable long term then it's pointless to try to make it work when it doesn't.
This is not who I want to be
