Wow you've lost a lot of weight! That's fantastic, you must feel very proud. But I understand what you mean about self confidence, you're not the first person I've met who's lost a lot of weight and yet still feels unsatisfied with their self image.
Firstly, we base our self confidence on whether or not we're thin and that's not exactly realistic is it? Skinny people have confidence problems, they go through divorces, they get fired from their jobs, being skinny doesn't guarantee a glamorous life. It never has and it never will. So why do we hang our hopes on our life being different when we lose weight?
Self confidence is a skill, it's something you have to work at daily! And it doesn't matter what you weigh or what you look like, you can have self confidence no matter what. It's not something that will automatically be rewarded to you when you reach your goal weight. You have to work for it and sometimes that's even harder work than losing weight.
I've seen tremendous growth in my self confidence since I started working at it. I used to hate looking in the mirror, hated taking pictures, hated being near skinny people because I paled in comparison, I had no confidence at all. What I didn't know is that I was the one who was holding myself down. I imprisoned myself with self abusive talk. Everytime I looked in the mirror I said terrible things to myself like "your thighs are disgusting" and "look how your belly hangs there, it's disgusting." I justified this behavior by thinking that I was being REAL with myself, that I was giving myself the swift kick in the butt that I needed. But really all it was was self abuse. I wouldn't speak that way to my child or my friend or even an enemy, so why did I speak like that to my own self and expecting some kind of result? And here's the worst part, I didn't even realize I was doing it. It was so ingrained in me, the dialogue was going on for so long that I didn't notice it anymore. That's why I would wince when I caught a reflection of myself in the mirror, not because I looked bad but because my immediate reaction was so abusive.
Anyway, I changed all of that. A good start is a book called Beautiful You: a daily guide to radical self acceptance
http://rosiemolinary.com/beautiful-you/
which has a daily journaling exercise for a whole year, it's really helpful in getting your mindset towards self love rather than self hate. There is also a book by Tara Brach called Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha which is also wonderful.
Then I set out to look at myself in the mirror and say kind things. Stand naked and observe without judgment. Describe your body using words that are descriptive but not judgmental. Do this for several days and then slowly start adding positive words. I still do this. Then you have to learn to recognize the random negative thoughts that enter your mind throughout the course of the day and swing at them like a baseball bat. They pop up out of nowhere and when they do find at least THREE positive statements to combat it. For example if you randomly come across the thought that your arm fat is gross combat it with "my arms are strong" "my arms lift my baby into my arms every day" and "my skin on my arms is looking so good now that I've committed to exfoliating regularly." After you practice these things for a while it becomes ingrained, it's a habit.
I can tell you that even though I still weigh a lot I feel really really good about myself. And that has translated into feeling more confident in all my clothes, looking forward to pictures, not feeling intimidated by other women, and wearing cute clothes even to go to the grocery store.
Confidence and body image
How do you feel in your body? Thoughts?
