I'm letting it all hang out in this post...

I'm getting close to being in the onederlands and i'm struggling right now. my eating has been bad and not getting as much exercise.
I don't want to sound ridiculous.. but something deep in me feels anxious and scared maybe it's scared of change and although a few lbs isn't much of a change, I haven't been in the 100's since I was younger, and I don't know how to handle this change... I try not thinking about the scale, or making a big deal of the 1 in front of my weight but it's not easy...I want to get back on track, I'm trying. I feel like I've been sabotaging myself just to avoid the "scary unknown" that doesn't actually exist outside of my head.
Can anyone help or relate?

I could write what you did, yes, it is scary, I relate to what you are saying
totally. It is so easy to lose my identity with what I am used to seeing in
the mirror. It's not black and white, not just about science of weighing
less, there is so much mental/emotional, even spiritual matters going on.
I am used to me being a certain size, change is scary. I don't know who
that is, this person that will be when I cross over to onederland. It is a
mind trip for sure. I've come too far to allow fear to rob me, again. The
best thing I can do is set my face to the goal, not look to the right or
to the left, press on toward what my heart so wants. I don't want my life
to end thinking what I could have, would have, should of had. Pressing on
to make my wish come true: not to be over weight anymore. It isn't more
simple than that and I cannot allow myself to make a monster out of it.
I hope that helps! It is a struggle for me as well.

When I crossed into onederland I felt like I went from invisible to visible. Yes, that is a scary and strange reality. Along with it came the fear that I would cross over to the 200s again so when I got under 200 I focused on maintainance. I stayed 197 for a couple of months and then fell under 190 within a 6week period. Now I'm focused on staying under 190 for a couple of months. It's a slow process but I like that, drastic weight loss does NOT interest me in any way. My experience with drastic loss is that it comes back easily. So I know it's scary but go slow and you'll adapt much better to your weightloss.

Thanks to both.