So... I hope this doesn't sound mean. I think it's great you are going to start and I'm very sorry about missing your husband, but you're not going to get anywhere with the mentality that you currently have.
I hear a lot of things I use to tell myself when I gained an additional 20lbs in a few months. "It won't be possible to eat healthy with this happening! I'll wait until after...." "I need some sweets or breads to function right now... so I'll just eat them." "Diet starts Monday.... I'll do what I want now" then on Monday "WEll.... I can't start NOW!"
To be honest, those are the things you need to change. Weight loss is a life long process. There will ALWAYS be an event, or family, or your kids wanting pizza. Before I just committed, I would think I can't diet now, because I have an Aunt in town! Last time she came to town, I told myself my health and weight mean more to me than that. At the restaurants I ate from the light menu and had veggies on the side instead of fries. I worked out for 20 minutes before leaving the house to see her. She wanted to try this doughnut shop, I told her I'd love to go in with her and I did NOT have a doughnut. At first I thought I would make her uncomfortable or it would be awkward, but I didn't even need to tell her I was on a diet. I didn't need an excuse. I just said I didn't want one, and we just enjoyed each others company and had fun. That felt way better and I was more proud, then I have EVER been eating a doughnut because family is here. Family will always come to town, we just have to stick to our plans. Sure, on occasion a sliver of cake for a birthday won't kill you, but we need to set a plan, and stick to it. No excuses.
Also, making an excuse for chocolate because you are upset is also something I would do. When stressed, I use to think I couldn't function without a starbucks caramel latte. I use to think I needed chocolate when I was sad. In order to make those life changes, we need to realize we use food as a crutch. Try replacing your hormone drives, try walking. Next time you go for an emotional strike with food, instead get water, clean a room of the house, go on a walk/run. Find something else to redirect those emotions to so when you honestly feel you can't function, which will ALWAYS happen in the future, your go to isn't something that will make you feel guilty.
Don't let the diet start on Monday. Do it today, because in a year from now, You'll be glad you started today
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