You have received some good leads here. But I wanted to say hello and I share in your frustrations. Last year at this time I was at my lowest weight ever and have since gained back more than 40 lbs!! I feel awful and stuck. I read a good book once that helped and will dig it out again, called beck diet solutions. It is a book to help learn about yourself while losing weight and works with ANY plan/ or eating style. Best of luck to you.

Very well said!

Consider mine a vote for self-acceptance and self-love, regardless of size, flab, cellulite, etc.

We all have to do the same thing -- figure out what works for our bodies and our lifestyle and our minds to make us lose weight. I worry that disgust as a motivator keeps us miserable until we are perfect. Which, of course, translates into permanent misery. I'd rather be obscenely obese than miserable and unpleasant.

You know what motivates me? Flexing my arm and feeling the bicep muscle continuously get more defined. I notice the fat in the arm, and then work on ignoring it, because it may never go away, but I am confident it will get better. I noticed when my boobs started sticking out further than my stomach, and it was a victory! My stomach still has far too much fat on it, but at least I am becoming proportional. I notice and appreciate how functional my body is. It carried children, it cares for others, it makes it possible for me to work and to live and to love. Lots of fat on it, for sure. But also so much strength and resilience.

There's a reason they photoshop even the most beautiful women in the world. Not one of us will ever look perfect. Disgust as a motivator tends to lead to self-punishing behavior--whether that be food or laxatives or purging -- that may (or may not) cause us to become skinny, but too frequently does not help us become healthy. But almost always ensures a certain degree of misery.

I love my 239-pound body. And I want it to stay healthy and strong, and get healthier and stronger. That's why I'm monitoring food intake and exercising regularly. But I want to be a positive force in the world regardless of how I am doing on that particular goal, and hating myself for this superficial quality never helped me quiet a child's tears or comfort a friend in misery or finish the legal brief that will make sure a mother gets some measure of compensation for her son's tragic death.

Consider it my vote, also.

Self loathing is actually counter productive. The worse you make yourself feel, the more you will crave relief. For most of us who are obese, food is our reliable "go-to", to feel better. It's a vicious circle. It's why "fat shaming" doesn't work.

A calm acceptance of where you are in life, together with a commitment to the process that will work (lower calorie, some exercise, avoid most sugar) through thick and thin, will get you so much further than emotionally based binge-purge-starve routines.

I'm going to work on responding to everybody- you've all been really helpful, but there's a lot to read! First of all, Pattience, thank you for repeatedly spending so much time on responses and being reasonable at me when I was not being reasonable. I drink an excessive amount of water, and I know I have an iron deficiency but other than that nothing has turned up with the doctor. I've been tested for diabetes, but I strongly suspect that even if I don't QUITE have pre-diabetes, something is going on with my blood sugar, and the less sugar and more protein/fat/whole grains I eat, the rarer those symptoms get. I've also had my heart checked out extensively, but didn't catch any arrhythmias during the time I wore a heart monitor. I have anxiety problems, and my current doctor is a bit callous with patients she thinks are hypochondriacs (based on my experience and some testimonials), but I just got medicaid, so I'm switching doctors anyway! Good things may be on the horizon in terms of finally getting a diagnosis. And hopefully this means I can also seek treatment for the anxiety.

I like the short-term goal idea. It really depresses me to think that I need to lose almost half my bodyweight to look the way I want to. But smaller goals might be easier to focus on. I"m not sure there's anything I can cut out of my diet, though, sadly, because my trigger foods are savory, and are mostly the kind of things I need to eat a fair amount of to keep my blood sugar stable. I have cut out saturated fats whenever possible, but that probably has more health benefits than weight loss benefits.

I'm not sure I want to get involved with religion right now, but I am planning on going to an overeaters anonymous meeting tomorrow. I think I probably do need some outside guidance on how to change some thought patterns.

Munchy: I hadn't even considered mixing vegetables into meat. That is a great suggestion. And thanks for the forum link, too. I am a terrible chef, and too often I fall back on just microwaving and consuming an entire pound of frozen broccoli. I"m sure there are better options out there!

2salads: I think for sure some of my symptoms are anxiety, which is why I didn't include chest pain and palpitations in the list- they are confirmed anxiety issues. Some of the others might be too, but it worried me that I couldn't find anyone else saying they got blurry vision etc. from anxiety. As far as friend-making, there are not a lot of options where I live, I think. I am going to university in the fall, though, and I might get along better with people there. I know that it's possible to be fat and have friends, but I also have some pretty bad people skills and lack of experience with 'normal' people that compound the issue to the point that my options are even more limited.

I hesitate to weigh in on the enormous debate that seems to be going on, but I'll briefly say that I never actually reached my goal weight. I got muscular and kind of in-shape, but I just got distracted when I ended up with a huge circle of friends and I guess was satisfied enough with where I was at a less squishy, still obese 160 pounds. So my primary issue was that I didn't have the motivation to continue then, and I gradually just started yoyo dieting to compensate for slip ups. Now I guess I"m less impressed with losing five pounds because I expect it to come back in a couple weeks anyway, and my metabolism is shot, which both make me kind of doubt my long-term weight loss capability and also make me feel like maybe I need to find a way to change my tactics. Clearly what I'm doing isn't working. And the first time I was eating 800 calories a day and exercising 5 hours a day (school sports). I don't have that kind of time anymore, and I chalk it up to youth that I didn't seriously damage myself then. I don't think the way I lost weight before is something I can, or should, do again.

Self-esteem wise, I think that it would be nice to have some, and the last time I lost weight it was because I was in a situation on a sports team where people were supportive, treated me like a part of something, and thought that I could succeed. I don't think disgust is the way to go if you have a choice, but I kind of need people to check my judgment about whether I"m good or bad, and the consensus right now seems to be that the people I'm around don't like me. I don't want to be blindly confident in all my abilities and actions, because feedback is important. But I agree I should find a way out of being blindly un-confident, because that is not very much more useful.

Remember this when you start dismissing exercise and preaching that starvation mode is real.

No psychology here! Just some advise that works for me.

Money/shopping: I tend to shop and buy all sorts of things "because we are out of it". Way over buying. About 3 weeks ago I started making a weekly diet plan for every day every meal. Exactly what I was going to eat for the next week. All I needed was 4 things at the store! The next week did it again and needed a few more, but I'm eating things in the house. Best of all I don't have to ask myself every meal "What am I going to eat?" It's been decided. YMMV

I found Jamie Oliver (UK chef) videos on You Tube very helpful. He does cool salads and taught me to make my own dressing. Plus 15 minute meals.
His stuff is easy.

Good Luck!

So, there is a lot of anger in this thread. I'm on the "don't hate yourself" bandwagon as well. When I first started, years ago, it was because I hated myself. That lead to bulimia, pills, laxatives, and a lot of BAD habits. When I started from a place of loving myself and accepting that I was a human, and like SO many of us, I had put on weight due to bad choices and lack of exercise. That didn't make me a bad person, just something I could change. Then I lost 20lbs, healthy. I felt GREAT I felt AMAZING I didn't hate myself. Then school, stress, tax season, and my current Fiance wound up in the ICU and almost died. All of this led to binge eating and gaining about 40lbs. (Over a year of hospitals, school work, tax season, and depression at the idea of losing the man I loved the most). I'm back to the self loving and in 3 weeks, I've lost 5lbs. Most of that is the first initial water weight, but I know that it will come off. I all ready feel good about myself and I'm not worried about maintenance because this lifestyle is something I can do. I enjoy the work outs I'm doing, I enjoy the foods I'm eating, I'm not giving up foods I love (like carbs, I could NEVER go low carb, personally, pasta and sandwiches are too good). I think you need to pick eating habits that are healthy, but also something you can do for the rest of your life! Low carb works for some people, calorie counting works for some people, some take Atkins, IP, low fat, 5:2 IF, so many on these forums. I picked the one I know I could do for life. I chose exercise that I wouldn't cry at the thought of doing. Some people in these forums can do it without exercise depending on the calorie intake, I don't personally think this is a great way to go only because exercise HELPS with depression, self esteem, stress, sleep, getting fit, and makes the low calorie eating seem like it's more "active." Not only that, but the days I work out, are always good days. I can work out so many issues on a bike path or smacking a ball over a net with my Fiance. Those days, I can always say "I worked out today, I'm awesome." Really, it's great! If you chose to go with just a diet and no exercise, that's fine too, but I would try to at least get a walk in and get out of the house, simply because it's such a beautiful world out there and movement can do you wonders!

I should try to find it, but there is a pintrest link to "100 slow cooker meals." You spend about $100 at the store, then a day (take a Sunday) just cooking. You make 100 servings of various healthy food and FREEZE them. They are good for a few months unless they get freezer burn. Then, you can just grab one, heat it up for dinner, or in the microwave for work, and PRESTO food. I plan on doing this next tax season, as I'm a tax accountant and I never find the time to cook! I can have 50 days worth of lunch + Dinner all ready to go, pre-planned, and really cheap. ! I need to find the link.

If you find the link please share :) I would love that!

Anyways... group hug people lol :hug: There is no way that one single path is going to fit everyone. We are all different and may need to do things differently to get to our goal. AND THAT IS OK!!

sheesh lol


But I know for myself I have alot of self hate. It has almost killed me. And it is super easy to snowball, you hate that you are overweight and so every misstep you take feeds that hate. And then even good things that you should enjoy begin to turn negative too. You treat yourself to a nice meal you have been missing, stay within your calories but still feel guilty. I also think that until I heal my inner self I can't work on my outer. Because all those ugly feelings will still be there just directed at something else. You can see this alot when some people lose weight and find that they are not happy.

I have no friends because I have severe social anxiety. I also am diabetic & have PCOS. I sooo feel your pain there about being a hairy infertile woman sigh. I also was just diagnosed as bipolar. I just got a new doctor myself and she is amazing at working with me. She put me on medication and wants me to see a therapist as well. So I do suggest getting a new doctor and perhaps seeing a therapist as well.

ps I sooo love your avatar ImpalaHoarder :hug:

If you felt my post was an attack on you personally, then I'm sorry. I mentioned the anger because a lot of people in this thread got upset. I wanted to point it out to start dialog. We are all on the same path of trying to make our lives better.

The anger is coming partly because you dismissed people's opinions as "rubbish" and others here also said some mean things (such as getting so offended as to say that you were "preachy"). We all got a little uptight. I think everyone needs to realize that WE ALL have differing opinions, different points. Sure, someone can do it without exercise, but some can't. That doesn't just have to do with calories in and out, it has to do with mindset. Exercise is so good for your mood, that some people can't combat eating issues and depression until they start something new and once they do and get through the initial "OMG my legs hurt" suddenly it's a new world. Other people are different and may never need to do more than some short walks. I also agree that diet has the biggest part to do with it, and if helps, so does my doctor. But there are different tools that everyone uses, and that's really what MFP, fitbits, calorie counting, exercise, these forums etc are. Tools.

This is an advice thread, we can talk from our own experiences, but we all must remember, it's ADVICE. No one will have the same answer, we will all have different perspectives. We can't just make a statement and then tell other people they are wrong because of our personal experiences. They may be correct for their own experience. Also, it's different for everyone, some can exercise regularly. I don't know why it wouldn't be sustainable in the long run unless serious injury, even then there are alternative ways to exercise. Just going on a walk can help, we don't need money to work out. There are free things we can do such as videos on the internet. We do have time, even when we claim we don't. I even managed to get walks in with my dog while I was taking Master classes, working 60-70 hours for tax season, and visiting and spending the night with my fiance in the ICU for 2 months. I didn't get healthy food in, but I did get in small amounts of exercise which made me realize that I can always find some times to do 30 minutes of exercise no matter how crazy things get.

Also, I don't think that it is true for everyone that "accepting themselves at 250, will most likely mean they will remain at 250." Some people I could absolutely see that being true, but I personally believe a lot of people just need to be able to let go of their anger towards themselves so they don't turn to food. Once they can accept themselves, they can face the emotions that caused that problem and then work on it. I know so many people for this to be true, and a lot of stories in these forums as well.

I also think that disgust at yourself may be what some people use to start, but I think that should be the end of the disgust. If you don't start realizing you can be amazing and that you are worth it, then depression is going to stay there, and I find that sad. I just hope that the disgust with yourself doesn't stay long, and people can find peace. If it's through weight loss, therapy, exercise, relationships, or anything that works. I think that's why these forums are great, because some people find that inner peace through something like hikes, while others through therapy. You get to hear ideas, and you get to try them for yourself. Sometimes, you can even combine ideas for bonus points.

In that instance, no one's opinions are "rubbish" and no one should be considered "preachy" because we all come from the same place in a way. It's hard to evoke emotion on the internet as we only see words. We don't hear infliction in voice, see facial expressions. Sometimes we hear anger when what someone is saying is coming from a caring place, not a hostile one. I think we should just choose our words carefully, and when we do offend someone, even if we don't understand why or agree with their reason for being offended, just apologize and move on. Or just tell them you really didn't mean to offend them as I'm sure no one here, at first, wanted to butt heads. And when we are offended, we shouldn't just attack, we should state that what the other person hurt us, and why. And if that person isn't big enough to accept we were offended, then we need to move on as well. No one should hold pent up anger in forums that are meant to encourage.

I can't find the one I was looking for, I swear I pinned it. I will dig later, It's possible I shared it on FB or some other thing. I did find this though: http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/201...eezer-recipes/

Not the same, but also a good way to prepare. You get things ready and freeze, then you have to slow cook. That can take 4-6 hours. I once brought in my slow cooker in my office and cooked while I was there. It was done about 4 oclock for me to take home at 5, and my co-workers could smell it. XD Somehow two of them convinced me to eat dinner with them in the break room, It never made it home. Won't do that again!

I'm sorry about what you've been through. My sister is also Bi-polar, I know it's very hard to deal with. She's on medication, which actually helps her a ton. I use to think that we all just liked to medicate ourselves for nothing, but she's so functional on medication, less dangerous to herself (her manic stages left her over drafting and depression parts got very worry some), and it made her happier. I also know her therapist has done wonders for her.

As for making friends, I understand you get anxiety, but perhaps you could try meetups? You can try for people that have a lot in common with you and go for smaller groups. Just a thought. I wish you luck and hope things start looking up!:hug:

Well said, thank you. Self acceptance is a very tall mountain. We have nothing to lose and everything to gain by accepting who we are and being content with who we are. The does not mean we are incapable of aspiring to becoming even better. My son who is 3 can't do many things for himself in have to toe his shoes, help him brush his teeth and cut up his food. I want him to be able to do these things on his own but being angry with him, yelling at him and scolding him for not achieving them yet is senseless and would undoubtedly stump his growth. Out self hatred does the same, it stunts our growth.

Come join is on the intuitive eating threads. We seek to stop the diet mentality from harming us further, learning self acceptance and mending out tortured relationship with food.