Feeling disgusted and frustrated
 

WARNING: part rant.

I lost a ton of weight about eight years ago, and now I've gained it all back. I've been trying to lose it, but I'm fundamentally an impatient person who is not given to moderation. I don't like schedules, I don't like predictability, and it's really hard for me to do anything halfway. If I diet, I want to eat 800 calories a day and exercise it all off. But I also want to lose weight fast, and that just doesn't happen for me any more after all the crap I've put my metabolism through. It disappoints me when I work out and diet for two weeks and don't see much improvement, and I head right back to eating fast food for breakfast.

I feel like what I'm doing isn't working, and the fat on me grosses me out like it's a parasite that I want to get rid of RIGHT NOW. I'm starting to think of more and more extreme things like ketogenic diets (even though I know it would be bad for my heart and kidneys and I already have some unexplained chest pain/palpitations) and chewing nicotine gum. I feel like what I need to stick to a weight loss plan is some sort of "kick off" where I actually lose a lot of weight and feel better.

Apart from the previous rant, I just can't see a way to move forward from this . It's really stressful to be this disgusted with my own body all the time, and it's hard not to soothe that stress with further food. So I guess first of all, does anyone have anything that they've tried to produce fast, short term weight loss, at least to kick off a more long term plan? And second, if you've felt this way, how have you dealt with the disgust and impulse control issues and made piece with living a moderate lifestyle?

I have got absolutely no advice for you. I just wanted to say, I know exactly how you feel. I really do.

Feeling disgusted is a great place to start from.
You have a feeling, and you have identified it rather than numb the feeling with food.
I have been sick of myself and disgusted too. I gave up sugar, carbs, grains, chips,bread, roasted nuts, raisins, dry fruit, and ALL processed foods.
If a food has a list of ingredients I do not buy it. My life is better, cleaner and I am now thin!

Pattience: That's very helpful. I may check the first book out.

My plan as it stands now is to ask a doctor what's going on with my bloodsugar in general, since I've been having symptoms of it being a little bit wonky lately, and then ask if, given all that, it's dangerous at all for me to go on a low-carbohydrate diet. But if that clears I really think I will try low carb. I think it looks like it works, the restrictiveness of it might satisfy my desire for something different, and I don't really care for sugar and bread that much anyway. Most likely the biggest challenge is going to be trying to do all this healthily and on a budget, but that is what frozen broccoli is for.

I second Pattience with the lower carb approach.
Back the late 80s and 90s, when I started dieting, the "low fat high carb" diet was in. Diet yogurt sweetened with sugar, fear of eggs, the lot. I could never stick to it for more than a few days tops. I got fatter and fatter, as I binged myself to 101 kg at my fattest.

I've lost weight almost effortlessly on the lower carb, low calorie diet back in 2011, and now again.

Books such as "Sugarettes" (likening sugar and many carbs to cigarettes) were very helpful in shifting my diet behaviour.
"The End of Overeating" explains a lot about junk food's addictive qualities, and will help you overcome any self-loathing and blame you may have towards yourself.

I have to disagree, feeling disgusted is not a great place to start. Desperation is a poor motivation because it reaches for unrealistic unecessary goals. Hence why you're looking for fast temporary weight loss. I'm so confused by that, why do you want it fast and temporary? Doing that in the past has resulted in this - feeling disgusted and frustrated. If you need some chills and thrills why not go hand gliding or parachuting? Leave your metabolism out of it, it's already experienced enough damage don't you think? Research shows that yoyoing increases a person's risk for heart disease. It's not worth it.

So much self negativity, nothing good comes from that. You wouldn't that another person like that and expect them to do well, why do it to yourself? And remember that weightloss doesn't solve any problems. Lots of skinny people have low self esteem and suffer from unhappiness. Self love and respect is required at any weight, don't deprive yourself from it. Your goals sound misguided, unrealistic and even harmful.

Slow and steady, make better choices, learn to love moving your body and you'll get there and stay there.

Agreed ^. You might have lost all the weight but a desire for immediate validation won't hold up in maintenance. You become a new normal and that's when we learn to live without daily results. Losing weight fast motivates a lot of people and then they are left dumbstruck at goal because they haven't learned long-term behavior that keeps them there, being content in your body is a big one. Hating yourself doesn't go away at goal, and as you've learned, it seems to bring people back to square 1.

All the diet plans and recipes in the world aren't going to fix an inability to be content without instant reward. I respectfully believe that too much diet/food advice will distract you from the real issue here.

I feel for you and I know how it is to feel disgusted with my body. That's why I'm here really....for health reasons too, but really, I'm quite vain and wanna look good.

You might consider Intermittent Fasting. There's a great thread on it here and a lot of people like the (limited) freedom it provides.

I highly recommend figuring out which foods you can't eat in moderation. For me, it took a very long time to come to terms with the fact that I can't manage eating sugar and flour (including whole wheat). I thought a life without those items wouldn't be worth living, but now I'm so much more in control of my food and life has greatly improved, along with my body image. I do eat fruit but not too much and I avoid dried fruits because they make me want to binge.

I also think it's important to include healthy fats in a diet (avocado, raw olive oil, raw nuts/seeds).

I hope you find what works....I think most of us here have felt beyond frustrated and eager to shed the weight quickly. However, those crash diets aren't good long term. Just keep reminding yourself that in one year, you could make slow, steady progress and be in a much better place or you could keep going around in circles and stay where you are now or even at a higher weight. Slow and steady wins the race just about every time when it comes to weight loss.

As far as budget, right now I have about 25 dollars a week for food USUALLY, but I'm hoping that when I'm living off student loans instead of the fruits of my part time minimum wage labors I can spend a bit more.

I think I am feeling so desperate to lose weight primarily because it's been a long time now since I was able to make new friends except for my current boyfriend, and I feel frustrated since I have put a lot of effort in and people don't return it. At the same time, I see people that I think I am more interesting and fun to hang out with than surrounded by people, even when they rarely say anything. I feel like it's not a thing anybody wants to be true, but that people dislike me or at least ignore me because of my weight. I'm sick of hanging around with people who talk about how they won't date fat people etc. and who also won't talk to me when we're alone in a room together. There isn't meetup.com events anywhere near where I live, and while I'm a pretty nerdy person, most people in the small ton where I live are not. I think if I could be appealing on a first impression, it would give me an opening.

Secondarily, it is an issue that I am 23 and I feel like my lifelong obesity is starting to take a real toll on my health. I have a ton of symptoms that my doctor has not found a cause for, but that I think are likely related to the weight (occasional blurry vision, shaky hands, random fast heartbeat), and I'm getting real sick of having PCOS and being the hairiest, most potentially infertile woman I know.

Meanwhile, my boyfriend is frustrated with me because while he steadily lost weight and kept it off, I've gained a lot in the time we have known each other. We are very honest with each other, and I know that right now while he loves me as a person, my body isn't very attractive to him. That doesn't seem fair to him, since he takes such care to maintain his own weight and deal with all my anxiety and internal drama. He deserves to have a pretty girlfriend at least. And it makes me feel awful to realize that even the person who loves me more than anything doesn't like the way I look right now.

As far as my desire to do it quickly, I've never been able to eat moderately. I can restrict my food for today, but I'm happiest when I'm eating weirdly (3 cucumbers for lunch or something), and there is always the day when I just mess up and keep messing up and then I don't stop the next day. So I feel like I should lose as much weight as possible to minimize the impact of those days when they happen on my ultimate weight. I would love to be able to adopt a moderate lifestyle, but I really have never done that and I don't even have a clue how to begin.

I'm not saying my feelings are good feelings to have, but right now I realistically see no way out of where I am mentally and socially without losing some weight, and since I'm an impulsive person, I don't know if I can do that in a non-impulsive way.

For me, taking as much emotion as possible out of the weight loss journey, and treating it as a science experiment, has helped me the most. Impulse control, and containing your own emotions, is vital to weight loss and maintenance, and having a successful life generally. I'd start with emotional healing, and treat orderly eating as an expression of that. "Constructive living" might be helpful. Fwiw I was highly neurotic until about 36, so I know how horrible painful emotions can be.

You are completely entitled to your opinion. But not everybody thinks the way you do or must do what you do in order to be successful, i find your posts to be quite preachy. Perhaps loving herself first will work better, who knows? She already knows how to lose weight, maybe its an issue of keeping herself at goal through other motivations as immediate scale reward stops at goal.

If you have $25/week, then I'd focus on eating things like legumes, eggs, cabbage, oats, etc.

It costs about $5 to make a great frittata and cut it into 6 servings so you have daily breakfast. Oats are super cheap and can be another breakfast option.

A big pot of soup - I love curry lentil and split pea - sets me back around $3 and gives me 8-10 servings. Tomato soup and carrot soup are another two very cheap options, but also black bean soup, white bean soup, and broccoli cheese soup. I freeze them in 1-cup servings so I don't get bored and can pull out a healthy meal anytime I want.

Stretch your meat. For example, I'll use shredded zucchini/squash mixed into my meatloaf, burgers, chicken nuggets, meatballs and more. This stretches the meat so that we use 1lb for many meals, but also it cuts calories because we're eating more vegetables.

If you can shop at places like Aldi, Pricerite, Asian grocery stores, and any discount market, you can really stretch your budget even further.

We have a forum Shoestring meals that has plenty of ideas on how to eat on a budget, but you should also check out budgetbytes.com.

Imapala, I have been where you are on both sides of the coin. In high school one of my best friends was tall and, well, beefy, for a lack of a better term. Clearly she was overweight by a good margin. Yet people, and boys especially, flocked to her. She had a radiant personality. She was always genuinely smiling at people and she had a genuine zest for life. She never "chose" her friends. She would befriend anybody without even trying. She had goals and ambitions. Here I was half her height and weight and I was the nobody in the room. I was very, very jealous. I bet you would be surprised at the number of people who would like to approach you for a friendship but are as afraid as you are, that you might reject them.

Flash forward to adult hood. I have lost touch with my high school friend. Made others. When I moved in with my husband, then boyfriend, I made friends with one of the girls in the building. We were both thin, cute, with boyfriends. We even got pregnant within a year of one another. I thought I had it made. Then I started to gain weight after my son was born. And that old jealousy came roaring back as my friend lost her baby weight and I kept gaining. People would call her beautiful and all but ignore me where as once I had drawn my own fair share of admiring glances.

Anyway my point is it doesn't matter what your weight is. You can still make friends and be popular without having to make a mockery of yourself, if you are overweight. My friend in high school did so. When I was skinny it didn't matter a lick if I was skinny. In fact in school, even though I would say I was fairly attractive, people still ignored me or bullied me.

If I may be so bold I think that you are trying to make friends with the wrong sorts of people (if they are ignoring you). Also, you may unknowingly be projecting an "I dare you to get close to me" kind of vibe. If you don't feel worthy of yourself people pick up on it and will respect your unthinking "keep away" vibe. I may be rambling a bit but my point is that it doesn't matter if you are overweight or skinny.

That being said a great many of us here are struggling with similar feelings to you. Myself included. It is easy to dish out advice and not follow it ourselves. I tend to agree with the people who say slow and steady wins the race. Unfortunately I take it so slow that I find it hard to start. LOL If these feelings you are having motivate you to start your weight loss, so be it, but as others have pointed out it is NOT sustainable. Especially since your stated goals for losing weight may be a bit out of whack.

As to physical manifistations of your weight. I wonder if you might not be having panic or anxiety attacks? That would account for a number of your symptoms?

Good Luck!

I think right now Impala is thinking too far ahead. It is great to have ultimate goals, i.e. things to motivate you when nothing else seems to work. I think she would be better served, though, with a one day at a time approach and build her self confidence from her daily achievements. She's already thinking ahead, and focusing on, maintenance which is why she wants to rush the process. Learning the process, and coming to terms with her feelings and motivations during that time, is critical for successful maintenance later on.

Excuse me? Speak for yourself, you like being disgusted with yourself and urging others I be disgusted with themselves that's your own business. I have been disgusted with myself and over time developed a very skewed sence of reality. Like the OP, who seems to think that other people are disgusted by her and can't make friends. That's not reality, that's her perception, skewed at best.

Do what you will. You have a lot to say and onviously you think what you say is very important. I can't agree with what you but it's not in my nature to call other opinions "rubbish". I hate to hear anyone that they are disgusted with themselves. It's so unecessary. Nothing good comes from it, feelings of disgust don't change when people lose weight, I've never witnessed it. When someone says terrible things to themselves it becomes their truth. There are plenty of skinny people who hate their thighs and wouldn't be caught dead in a bathing suit. Self disgust is not only unecessary but it's terrible to live with. I guess I'm jut surprised that in a forum where we try to boost each other people are saying "yey self disgust!!!" That's you, that's not me.

Our beliefs are thoughts that we say to ourselves continuously. Tell yourself that you're disgusting and boom, there's your reality b

You have received some good leads here. But I wanted to say hello and I share in your frustrations. Last year at this time I was at my lowest weight ever and have since gained back more than 40 lbs!! I feel awful and stuck. I read a good book once that helped and will dig it out again, called beck diet solutions. It is a book to help learn about yourself while losing weight and works with ANY plan/ or eating style. Best of luck to you.

Very well said!

Consider mine a vote for self-acceptance and self-love, regardless of size, flab, cellulite, etc.

We all have to do the same thing -- figure out what works for our bodies and our lifestyle and our minds to make us lose weight. I worry that disgust as a motivator keeps us miserable until we are perfect. Which, of course, translates into permanent misery. I'd rather be obscenely obese than miserable and unpleasant.

You know what motivates me? Flexing my arm and feeling the bicep muscle continuously get more defined. I notice the fat in the arm, and then work on ignoring it, because it may never go away, but I am confident it will get better. I noticed when my boobs started sticking out further than my stomach, and it was a victory! My stomach still has far too much fat on it, but at least I am becoming proportional. I notice and appreciate how functional my body is. It carried children, it cares for others, it makes it possible for me to work and to live and to love. Lots of fat on it, for sure. But also so much strength and resilience.

There's a reason they photoshop even the most beautiful women in the world. Not one of us will ever look perfect. Disgust as a motivator tends to lead to self-punishing behavior--whether that be food or laxatives or purging -- that may (or may not) cause us to become skinny, but too frequently does not help us become healthy. But almost always ensures a certain degree of misery.

I love my 239-pound body. And I want it to stay healthy and strong, and get healthier and stronger. That's why I'm monitoring food intake and exercising regularly. But I want to be a positive force in the world regardless of how I am doing on that particular goal, and hating myself for this superficial quality never helped me quiet a child's tears or comfort a friend in misery or finish the legal brief that will make sure a mother gets some measure of compensation for her son's tragic death.

Consider it my vote, also.

Self loathing is actually counter productive. The worse you make yourself feel, the more you will crave relief. For most of us who are obese, food is our reliable "go-to", to feel better. It's a vicious circle. It's why "fat shaming" doesn't work.

A calm acceptance of where you are in life, together with a commitment to the process that will work (lower calorie, some exercise, avoid most sugar) through thick and thin, will get you so much further than emotionally based binge-purge-starve routines.

I'm going to work on responding to everybody- you've all been really helpful, but there's a lot to read! First of all, Pattience, thank you for repeatedly spending so much time on responses and being reasonable at me when I was not being reasonable. I drink an excessive amount of water, and I know I have an iron deficiency but other than that nothing has turned up with the doctor. I've been tested for diabetes, but I strongly suspect that even if I don't QUITE have pre-diabetes, something is going on with my blood sugar, and the less sugar and more protein/fat/whole grains I eat, the rarer those symptoms get. I've also had my heart checked out extensively, but didn't catch any arrhythmias during the time I wore a heart monitor. I have anxiety problems, and my current doctor is a bit callous with patients she thinks are hypochondriacs (based on my experience and some testimonials), but I just got medicaid, so I'm switching doctors anyway! Good things may be on the horizon in terms of finally getting a diagnosis. And hopefully this means I can also seek treatment for the anxiety.

I like the short-term goal idea. It really depresses me to think that I need to lose almost half my bodyweight to look the way I want to. But smaller goals might be easier to focus on. I"m not sure there's anything I can cut out of my diet, though, sadly, because my trigger foods are savory, and are mostly the kind of things I need to eat a fair amount of to keep my blood sugar stable. I have cut out saturated fats whenever possible, but that probably has more health benefits than weight loss benefits.

I'm not sure I want to get involved with religion right now, but I am planning on going to an overeaters anonymous meeting tomorrow. I think I probably do need some outside guidance on how to change some thought patterns.

Munchy: I hadn't even considered mixing vegetables into meat. That is a great suggestion. And thanks for the forum link, too. I am a terrible chef, and too often I fall back on just microwaving and consuming an entire pound of frozen broccoli. I"m sure there are better options out there!

2salads: I think for sure some of my symptoms are anxiety, which is why I didn't include chest pain and palpitations in the list- they are confirmed anxiety issues. Some of the others might be too, but it worried me that I couldn't find anyone else saying they got blurry vision etc. from anxiety. As far as friend-making, there are not a lot of options where I live, I think. I am going to university in the fall, though, and I might get along better with people there. I know that it's possible to be fat and have friends, but I also have some pretty bad people skills and lack of experience with 'normal' people that compound the issue to the point that my options are even more limited.

I hesitate to weigh in on the enormous debate that seems to be going on, but I'll briefly say that I never actually reached my goal weight. I got muscular and kind of in-shape, but I just got distracted when I ended up with a huge circle of friends and I guess was satisfied enough with where I was at a less squishy, still obese 160 pounds. So my primary issue was that I didn't have the motivation to continue then, and I gradually just started yoyo dieting to compensate for slip ups. Now I guess I"m less impressed with losing five pounds because I expect it to come back in a couple weeks anyway, and my metabolism is shot, which both make me kind of doubt my long-term weight loss capability and also make me feel like maybe I need to find a way to change my tactics. Clearly what I'm doing isn't working. And the first time I was eating 800 calories a day and exercising 5 hours a day (school sports). I don't have that kind of time anymore, and I chalk it up to youth that I didn't seriously damage myself then. I don't think the way I lost weight before is something I can, or should, do again.

Self-esteem wise, I think that it would be nice to have some, and the last time I lost weight it was because I was in a situation on a sports team where people were supportive, treated me like a part of something, and thought that I could succeed. I don't think disgust is the way to go if you have a choice, but I kind of need people to check my judgment about whether I"m good or bad, and the consensus right now seems to be that the people I'm around don't like me. I don't want to be blindly confident in all my abilities and actions, because feedback is important. But I agree I should find a way out of being blindly un-confident, because that is not very much more useful.

Remember this when you start dismissing exercise and preaching that starvation mode is real.

No psychology here! Just some advise that works for me.

Money/shopping: I tend to shop and buy all sorts of things "because we are out of it". Way over buying. About 3 weeks ago I started making a weekly diet plan for every day every meal. Exactly what I was going to eat for the next week. All I needed was 4 things at the store! The next week did it again and needed a few more, but I'm eating things in the house. Best of all I don't have to ask myself every meal "What am I going to eat?" It's been decided. YMMV

I found Jamie Oliver (UK chef) videos on You Tube very helpful. He does cool salads and taught me to make my own dressing. Plus 15 minute meals.
His stuff is easy.

Good Luck!

So, there is a lot of anger in this thread. I'm on the "don't hate yourself" bandwagon as well. When I first started, years ago, it was because I hated myself. That lead to bulimia, pills, laxatives, and a lot of BAD habits. When I started from a place of loving myself and accepting that I was a human, and like SO many of us, I had put on weight due to bad choices and lack of exercise. That didn't make me a bad person, just something I could change. Then I lost 20lbs, healthy. I felt GREAT I felt AMAZING I didn't hate myself. Then school, stress, tax season, and my current Fiance wound up in the ICU and almost died. All of this led to binge eating and gaining about 40lbs. (Over a year of hospitals, school work, tax season, and depression at the idea of losing the man I loved the most). I'm back to the self loving and in 3 weeks, I've lost 5lbs. Most of that is the first initial water weight, but I know that it will come off. I all ready feel good about myself and I'm not worried about maintenance because this lifestyle is something I can do. I enjoy the work outs I'm doing, I enjoy the foods I'm eating, I'm not giving up foods I love (like carbs, I could NEVER go low carb, personally, pasta and sandwiches are too good). I think you need to pick eating habits that are healthy, but also something you can do for the rest of your life! Low carb works for some people, calorie counting works for some people, some take Atkins, IP, low fat, 5:2 IF, so many on these forums. I picked the one I know I could do for life. I chose exercise that I wouldn't cry at the thought of doing. Some people in these forums can do it without exercise depending on the calorie intake, I don't personally think this is a great way to go only because exercise HELPS with depression, self esteem, stress, sleep, getting fit, and makes the low calorie eating seem like it's more "active." Not only that, but the days I work out, are always good days. I can work out so many issues on a bike path or smacking a ball over a net with my Fiance. Those days, I can always say "I worked out today, I'm awesome." Really, it's great! If you chose to go with just a diet and no exercise, that's fine too, but I would try to at least get a walk in and get out of the house, simply because it's such a beautiful world out there and movement can do you wonders!

I should try to find it, but there is a pintrest link to "100 slow cooker meals." You spend about $100 at the store, then a day (take a Sunday) just cooking. You make 100 servings of various healthy food and FREEZE them. They are good for a few months unless they get freezer burn. Then, you can just grab one, heat it up for dinner, or in the microwave for work, and PRESTO food. I plan on doing this next tax season, as I'm a tax accountant and I never find the time to cook! I can have 50 days worth of lunch + Dinner all ready to go, pre-planned, and really cheap. ! I need to find the link.

If you find the link please share :) I would love that!

Anyways... group hug people lol :hug: There is no way that one single path is going to fit everyone. We are all different and may need to do things differently to get to our goal. AND THAT IS OK!!

sheesh lol


But I know for myself I have alot of self hate. It has almost killed me. And it is super easy to snowball, you hate that you are overweight and so every misstep you take feeds that hate. And then even good things that you should enjoy begin to turn negative too. You treat yourself to a nice meal you have been missing, stay within your calories but still feel guilty. I also think that until I heal my inner self I can't work on my outer. Because all those ugly feelings will still be there just directed at something else. You can see this alot when some people lose weight and find that they are not happy.

I have no friends because I have severe social anxiety. I also am diabetic & have PCOS. I sooo feel your pain there about being a hairy infertile woman sigh. I also was just diagnosed as bipolar. I just got a new doctor myself and she is amazing at working with me. She put me on medication and wants me to see a therapist as well. So I do suggest getting a new doctor and perhaps seeing a therapist as well.

ps I sooo love your avatar ImpalaHoarder :hug:

If you felt my post was an attack on you personally, then I'm sorry. I mentioned the anger because a lot of people in this thread got upset. I wanted to point it out to start dialog. We are all on the same path of trying to make our lives better.

The anger is coming partly because you dismissed people's opinions as "rubbish" and others here also said some mean things (such as getting so offended as to say that you were "preachy"). We all got a little uptight. I think everyone needs to realize that WE ALL have differing opinions, different points. Sure, someone can do it without exercise, but some can't. That doesn't just have to do with calories in and out, it has to do with mindset. Exercise is so good for your mood, that some people can't combat eating issues and depression until they start something new and once they do and get through the initial "OMG my legs hurt" suddenly it's a new world. Other people are different and may never need to do more than some short walks. I also agree that diet has the biggest part to do with it, and if helps, so does my doctor. But there are different tools that everyone uses, and that's really what MFP, fitbits, calorie counting, exercise, these forums etc are. Tools.

This is an advice thread, we can talk from our own experiences, but we all must remember, it's ADVICE. No one will have the same answer, we will all have different perspectives. We can't just make a statement and then tell other people they are wrong because of our personal experiences. They may be correct for their own experience. Also, it's different for everyone, some can exercise regularly. I don't know why it wouldn't be sustainable in the long run unless serious injury, even then there are alternative ways to exercise. Just going on a walk can help, we don't need money to work out. There are free things we can do such as videos on the internet. We do have time, even when we claim we don't. I even managed to get walks in with my dog while I was taking Master classes, working 60-70 hours for tax season, and visiting and spending the night with my fiance in the ICU for 2 months. I didn't get healthy food in, but I did get in small amounts of exercise which made me realize that I can always find some times to do 30 minutes of exercise no matter how crazy things get.

Also, I don't think that it is true for everyone that "accepting themselves at 250, will most likely mean they will remain at 250." Some people I could absolutely see that being true, but I personally believe a lot of people just need to be able to let go of their anger towards themselves so they don't turn to food. Once they can accept themselves, they can face the emotions that caused that problem and then work on it. I know so many people for this to be true, and a lot of stories in these forums as well.

I also think that disgust at yourself may be what some people use to start, but I think that should be the end of the disgust. If you don't start realizing you can be amazing and that you are worth it, then depression is going to stay there, and I find that sad. I just hope that the disgust with yourself doesn't stay long, and people can find peace. If it's through weight loss, therapy, exercise, relationships, or anything that works. I think that's why these forums are great, because some people find that inner peace through something like hikes, while others through therapy. You get to hear ideas, and you get to try them for yourself. Sometimes, you can even combine ideas for bonus points.

In that instance, no one's opinions are "rubbish" and no one should be considered "preachy" because we all come from the same place in a way. It's hard to evoke emotion on the internet as we only see words. We don't hear infliction in voice, see facial expressions. Sometimes we hear anger when what someone is saying is coming from a caring place, not a hostile one. I think we should just choose our words carefully, and when we do offend someone, even if we don't understand why or agree with their reason for being offended, just apologize and move on. Or just tell them you really didn't mean to offend them as I'm sure no one here, at first, wanted to butt heads. And when we are offended, we shouldn't just attack, we should state that what the other person hurt us, and why. And if that person isn't big enough to accept we were offended, then we need to move on as well. No one should hold pent up anger in forums that are meant to encourage.

I can't find the one I was looking for, I swear I pinned it. I will dig later, It's possible I shared it on FB or some other thing. I did find this though: http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/201...eezer-recipes/

Not the same, but also a good way to prepare. You get things ready and freeze, then you have to slow cook. That can take 4-6 hours. I once brought in my slow cooker in my office and cooked while I was there. It was done about 4 oclock for me to take home at 5, and my co-workers could smell it. XD Somehow two of them convinced me to eat dinner with them in the break room, It never made it home. Won't do that again!

I'm sorry about what you've been through. My sister is also Bi-polar, I know it's very hard to deal with. She's on medication, which actually helps her a ton. I use to think that we all just liked to medicate ourselves for nothing, but she's so functional on medication, less dangerous to herself (her manic stages left her over drafting and depression parts got very worry some), and it made her happier. I also know her therapist has done wonders for her.

As for making friends, I understand you get anxiety, but perhaps you could try meetups? You can try for people that have a lot in common with you and go for smaller groups. Just a thought. I wish you luck and hope things start looking up!:hug:

Well said, thank you. Self acceptance is a very tall mountain. We have nothing to lose and everything to gain by accepting who we are and being content with who we are. The does not mean we are incapable of aspiring to becoming even better. My son who is 3 can't do many things for himself in have to toe his shoes, help him brush his teeth and cut up his food. I want him to be able to do these things on his own but being angry with him, yelling at him and scolding him for not achieving them yet is senseless and would undoubtedly stump his growth. Out self hatred does the same, it stunts our growth.

Come join is on the intuitive eating threads. We seek to stop the diet mentality from harming us further, learning self acceptance and mending out tortured relationship with food.

I would start with a visit to a therapist.

To those of you who have trouble making and maintaining friendships. For all of my issues at home I have several friends who are a great blessings. Would it be out of the realm to make yourself a blessing for someone else? By this I mean join some sort of charitable organization that would require your presence? Or volunteering somewhere? We often get so stick in our own heads that we fail to remember that their are people and animals out there suffering everyday. How many people are going to look at you with disgust if you are feeding them a meal or if you are in the kitchen prepping meals or wielding hammer or reading them a story? Or what about being a big brother or sister? These people are not going to judge you. You can make friends with people and feel good about yourself doing it. Just a thought.

2salads: I think volunteering can be good for a lot of reasons. It also gets you out of your normal routine, gives you an opportunity to learn more things, and sometimes even gives you skills for a job. I think that's a nice suggestion.

I use to volunteer at a kitty shelter. After doing my chores for the day, I would go in the "Tom" room, which was for all the cats with an illness that lowered their immune system. They didn't get a lot of visitors. I would sit in the middle of the floor and a one would always jump in my lap to say hello. My favorite cat was "Licorice." He had cancer, lost an ear, and loved to be with people. He was usually hiding from the other cats and when I came in he would plop down in my lap and just purr. He died about 2 years ago in the shelter, it was pretty sad. I stopped volunteering there.

I now do something called "Volunteer Income Tax Assistance" or "VITA." It's basically just preparing low income taxes for free. Some people are cool about it and just appreciate the free preparation, and then some... some get upset that they got more money last year, or that their friend got more money, or something. That's the problem with money I guess. Being upset is one thing and those people I could easily calm down or explain situations, but some of them... well... they take it too far. Some volunteers get a little battered or threatened. Good news, it doesn't happen that often.

I've also done river clean ups, tree planting, breast cancer race clean ups, fundraisers for a battered woman's shelter, summer reading programs, and others. I think it wasn't the best way to make friends though, most of them are 1 day deals and most people do them with school, family, or friends. People get pretty segregated into their own groups. I'm sure if you did long term volunteering it might be better, but a great way to make new friends is Meetup.com, school, or events that are in towns geared towards meeting new people. Where people go there with the intention of making a new friends. It makes it easier to socialize when other people are just the same as you, especially if you have small anxiety.

Thank you for your honesty. I understand completely. Lately I have come to the conclusion that I do NOT have to be ashamed because I'm fat. Or because of any mistakes I have made in past. Finally, I forgave myself for my mistakes and decided that even if I stay exactly how I am it's okay. About a week after that very freeing revelation, I found out that I have high blood pressure and my doctor said lose weight or he would prescribe meds. I joined Weight Watchers online the next day and discovered this forum. Whereas I would, in past, diet like crazy, losing 60 or so pounds as fast as possible until I gave up (then gain them back) this time I have surrendered to the reality that my inner 3-year-old can no longer be in charge of my eating. Whine all she wants, I have to ignore her and be the adult. Because I just returned to WW I'm still in the honeymoon stage, but this time it's different. I have accepted that this is my new life, and I may as well embrace it. I refuse to let myself think about losing fast, or how good I'll look. I just change the subject back to one day at a time. One of the 3FC posters said "Change happens when the fear of staying the same is greater than the fear of changing". I'm there. Good luck, sweetheart, we're in this for the long haul. Alice

Yes I was thinking long term volunteering: shelters, soup kitchens, hospitals, Habitat for Humanity, Red Cross, your town's local conservation club, Audubon etc etc

I love that you volunteer so much. I don't know if I could deal with issues over money. Touchy subject.

I think that people get confused between acceptance and resignation. Accepting yourself at 250 is not the same as resigning yourself to 250. Resignation will keep you at 250 for sure. Accepting yourself at 250 empowers you to move forward. (I hope LOL)

The real problem with thinking that someone who accepts themselves at 250 will stay at 250 is that it created conditional self love. If we say to ourselves "I'll only love you if..." Then it's not real love because once those conditions are met then more will appear. How many people hold on to some magical weight number that they think will provide happiness? How many people lose all the weight and find out that it didn't provide the happiness they were certain it would? If perfect weight and perfect bodies provided happiness then thin people wouldn't get divorces, they wouldn't get cancer, they wouldn't lose their jobs, they wouldn't fall out with their sisters and they wouldn't be addicted to alcohol. Not loving ourselves at any weight is immature and a sign of low self esteem, and very little if anything can be accomplished with low self esteem and lack of maturity.

I agree with this. I just think that some people who think that once you have accepted your weight you will see no reason to lose it. Being overweight or obese has effects many things. While there are many reasons to lose weight we almost always talk about the vanity and lust for approval aspect. Don't let vanity stop you from doing the things you love. For instance if someone brings up that they get winded exercising we might say to change their routine or power through it because it gets easier. But if someone says "I hate how I look in a bathing suit" We say love yourself! To heck with what other people think." If someone says "I wish I had a better education" We say " oh you have so many options!" We DON'T say "To heck with what other people think." It is natural to want the approval of other people. What is not natural is the intense focus that overweight people put on themselves to "solve the problem" of their weight as the "master key" to their happiness. A person with no body image issues still feels the pressure of society, it is just intently focused elsewhere and if they were to gain weight by some happenstance all their attention would shift to their weight as the "source" of their problems.

ImpalaHoarder I just wanted to pipe up and tell you I've been where you are, almost in the same body (we have very similar stats). I spent most of my teenager years and early twenties despising my body and every negative aspect of my life I thought it was responsible for.

I know for me weight loss only started to happen when I grew more comfortable with myself. For myself personally I found reading endless material to do with our modern food cultures made me realize my body, as it was, was mostly just a product of our times rather than a product of my own deficiencies.

Since you are starting college soon, you will find life will start to change in many ways, look around you and realize how many other people struggle with their weight, or how many other people don't let their weight limit them. Like a pp mentioned, it's all based on your perspective.

I feel for you, you're post brought me right back to where I was 10 years ago (god I feel old now). Just know that you aren't stuck in that body, you can make lifestyle changes that lead to one you feel happier with. I'm casting my vote for self acceptance being the start of the path that will lead you there.

Pattience, to each their own, but please stop bringing up your personal judgements you piece together from contribution other posters make on the forum. I've seen you do it in another thread as well. I don't believe it is in line with the support model this forum is based on. How would it make that other poster feel to stumble on your comment and realize you were talking about him/her and had cast such a negative judgment on them when they thought they were sharing their thoughts/actions in a safe place?