[LovelyDisaster]

I had a post about a month back where i almost relapsed. It was terrifying. However, ive now found a diet plan that works for my body. I still get food i enjoy, but with healthier recipes. If you want any food ideas just let me know! Im now at 199 as of this morning (whooooo!) So its definitely working for me.

[LovelyDisaster]

Oh, and i never binged. I just didnt eat. In my post people questioned my anorexia because i didnt look ill. Some poeple dont understand that you don't have to be malnourished to have an ED. It takes time to recover. People dont always understand. So im here if you need anything.

[GlamourGirl827]

How long did this go on for you? Why did you seek help? I don't mean "why" like you shouldn't have, but what prompted you? I didn't even recognize this ED for nearly 10 years, and even then I had a hard time reaching out the few times I did. I still don't want "help" though I'd probably benefit from going back to that group.

I had a bad day eating wise yesterday. Same old pattern. I did have my 400 calorie breakfast, but then had a 5k race. After the race they were serving food, and here's where I get tripped up. Either I chose not to eat anything, which I didn't want to do. I felt part of this is being able to eat out without knowing the calories. So I did eat, but then I get anxiety not being able to track my calories so I didn't want to eat the rest of the day. We were out all day shopping, the park around town stuff.

When I got home I was so hungry, and I just over eat. Its not crap, all healthy nutritious food. It is possible that I'm not taking in as many calories as I think during a "binge" because this is not the kind of binge where I get bags of cookies and chips and eat like 4000 cals...It where I eat something think like a bowl of oatmeal with blueberries and walnuts, and an apple and peanut butter (although those nuts butters are high in calories), then I had some pistachios...I didn't last night, but I might make a turkey sandwich in stead of the oatmeal for example. I do think with the peanut butter, I'm taking in too many calories. I really need another go to item.

Anyway I'm back at it today. The past 2 days before yesterday I did fine as long as I ate during the day, I was fine. I need to address going out to eat and how to not under eat OR react to eating out with not eating the rest of the day.

[LovelyDisaster]

Sadly I never asked for help. I was stressed and went out for a walk at like 3 am when I was 17. I ended up walking for about 3 miles and passed out on the side of the road. Imagine my parent's surprise when they got a call telling them I was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. Anyway, doctor/patient stuff and they didn't tell my parent's. I have another condition that actually caused the passing out, the under eating just made it worse.

The whole thing started when I was about 14 and didn't fully stop until I was 18, when I started dating my now husband. The only person in my family that knows is my husband and my sister. It takes willpower to say the least. When I really settled in with my husband I had to reevaluate my choices. Did I want my future daughters (or sons) struggling like this? Did I want to hide it from my husband?

I relapsed a bit 2 years ago and called it "dieting". I went from 170 (my highest weight at the time) to 160 in a week by eating less than 500 calories a day. As soon as my husband found out he asked me to stop so I started eating normal again and within the next two weeks I gained twice as much as I lost back. It was horrible. Then, because I'm an idiot, I tried the same diet before my wedding to slim down. I went from 180 back to 170. Then of course when I started eating again I jumped up to 190. And before you ask, I don't eat junk. I eat healthy foods but I needed to work on portion control.

So I really wish I could help you seek help, but I'd be a hypocrite. Do you have someone who knows about it that you could lean on for help? Someone to keep you accountable? That's what has helped me the most.

What I've learned about being stuck without the option of making my own food and having to eat out is that sometimes you just have to. Every restaurant has foods that I can eat, just tons of it! So I always plan on getting a to-go box. I'm going on a cruise in a few weeks and I'm REALLY worried about the food on the ship.

I use the myfitnesspal app on my phone to track my calories. Since I am pretty active, but not running like you are, and want to lose at least 2 lbs per week it has my daily caloric goal at 1600, but typically I eat about 1300. I just can't seem to stuff myself for that extra 300! Plus, the app as tons of foods from restaurants that are easy to figure out the calories.

I hope this helps even a little!

[Pinkhippie]

I can really relate to what you are saying Glamourgirl. A lot. I have had the exact same pattern as you for so many years of my teenage and early twenties life. I did eventually overcome it for the most part but every time I gain weight due to a pregnancy it kicks in again when I actively try to lose weight. For example, I have been trying to eat "intuitively" for at least a year now and one of my biggest challenges has been that I wouldn't eat enough. I would take like 3 bites and be like oh yep Im satisfied! hah. And then of course the later the day got I would be more and more hungry and finally just go crazy eating and feeding my starving body. Not usually junk but things like oatmeal and sandwiches.

It's been a long journey to get to where I am now and calorie counting actually helped me get over the restriction part as well. I started tracking how much I ate and realizing that if I had only had 400 calories all day I really did need some food. Then I got braver and started trying to eat more calories earlier in the day and I started to realize I didn't get that crazy hunger Im going to eat the house in the evening type thing. Ironically, counting calories got me in touch with my hunger and satisfaction points . But calorie counting isn't triggering for me. Now I finally have reached the point where I can eat until I am satisfied and its a lot more than I told myself was enough before, yet I feel good all day and don't go crazy at night eating anymore. And I am losing weight and have enough energy to start exercising now. So, I think your plan is a really good one. It sounds like you are doing great.