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Old 04-04-2014, 03:13 PM   #1  
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Default New and needing support


*I know I've posted this in the introductions but now I think it might have been better suited here? Anyway, won't happen again.*

My names Rose and I've hit rock bottom today. It all started when I was so flustered I lost my phone in my car that I pulled over to searched it. When I got out and bent over my boobs spilled out of my demi bra that I've been in denial of needing to upsize and I just lost it. I stayed in my car and cried some. I then picked myself back up and headed to Walmart and bit the bullet buying a larger bra and larger underwear. I hate to buy a size up. I guess I'd rather live in denial. I've been squeezing into my size 12 jeans and 36D bra for so long I have lines everywhere and back pain. I'm now a size 14 jeans (though still refusing to buy those, I think I stretched the waist out anyway) and size 38 D or 36 DD.

My size has fluctuated often since high school but never this size. I'm 5'5 and 186lbs. I weighed 36lbs less two years ago. Right around the time I met my dear sweet boyfriend. The one who likes to eat out and often! I've grown tired, lazy, irritated and antisocial because of my weight. I'm self conscious and don't want to go out because of it. I can't even fit my work out clothing! I feel like everyone is so much smaller than me and all my clothing is smaller so I don't even have something wear if I were to go out.

I don't want to have sex with my live in boyfriend or have him see me naked and my daughter from a previous marriage who is 5 has noticed mommy getting a little "fluffy" too. I don't play with her like I used to either because the depression from the weight is so all encompassing that its an achievement to get her home, fed, bathed and homework done. Then I watch tv or fall a sleep myself.

I don't like the way I look, feel or act anymore. It doesn't feel like me. I really need a change but I feel SOOOO frustrated trying to lose the weight. I've tried diet after diet and I am terrible at sticking to exercise which I hate and feel self-conscious doing.

All my skinny friends are "running marathons,hiking,biking etc". I'm still a single mom and I can't find the time to blow my nose sometimes let alone that. I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to. Which is why I'm coming here and hoping to find some sort of support system and tips to create the change I so desperately need.

Any words of comfort, support or advice is most welcome.

thank you,

~ Rose
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Old 04-04-2014, 04:28 PM   #2  
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Unhappy I'm with you!

I have the same feelings as you. However, I am a lot bigger than you. I used to weight around 170 which is skinny for me. I ballooned up to 260 after my divorce. Then I discovered that I have PCOS after my son was born. It seems like I can gain 10 lbs in a weekend. I feel like I am living in someone else's body. I have all of these great ideas to do, but I can't find the energy to do anything. I get winded just bending over. I have a 3 year old and I find myself not playing with him because it's to physically demanding.

I have gone to doctor after doctor to get help, but they all want to put me on more pills. I have begged for a weight loss plan and none can tell me what will work. My Endo told me to eat less than 1000 calories per day. That's almost impossible!

I have even tried to get lapband surgery, but it is restricted by my insurance company. I am desperate to be my old self and have my self esteem back. I want this not only for me, but my son. I don't want him to have "the fat mom".
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Old 04-04-2014, 06:57 PM   #3  
Love Thyself
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You have come to the right place.

I know shopping sucks when you go up sizes but wearing clothing that fits is going to make you feel better all around. Just keep thinking about good you will feel when you go down a size again.

You can do it! It is hard to make time but so worth it.

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Old 04-04-2014, 08:47 PM   #4  
Lydia Mae
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Hi friends, I to have had enough. I am older than all of you I'm sure. I've lost weight countless times , last time was 6 yrs. ago. Then gained it back. ( stupid thing to do I know.) But that's the story of my life LOL. I recently came to the realization that I had to put a stop to this weight gaining. So I pulled out an older Weight Watcher program I used before 6 yr.s ago and lost 93 pounds on. Started it 2 weeks ago. Lost 8 pounds now. I have health issues and I know the weight has not helped me. Weighed in at 253 when I started. It definitely has to be done. I can't walk far because I can't breath. I get tired easily, exercise is nearly out of the question at this point. My asthma has gotten worse with the weight and lack of exercise, so I am in a pickle LOL. But I am looking ahead and hope to loose and get more fit. I need to do this. I think I hear all of you saying the same thing. Good luck to all of you, and you certainly can attain your goals and be happier. I know that is what I want. Bye, Lydia Mae
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Old 04-12-2014, 12:35 PM   #5  
I can do this!
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Default You can do it

I moved in with my boyfrieend 18 mths ago and gained 24 lbs. same thing he loves to eat out and he's very much a meat and potatoes guy. So I started cookng for him not me.

Our current agreement. I cook what I need to lose weight. Which means less beef more chicken and fish. I let him know what's on the menu if he wants to join me he does if not he goes out. Most of the time he joins me. If I don't feel like cooking and I am just throwing a salad together or eating a bowl of cereal because I'm wiped out then he goes out. It was too difficult to manage meals for him and try to lose weight so I talked to him and told him what I needed to do. If your boyfriend loves and supports you then you should be abLe to come up with some ideas together. We still go out on occasion but I make sure I know where we are going and have a plan before we get there. I look at the menu and eat less calories during the day. Eating out once a week versus 4 or 5 makes a big difference for me. Plus it's more special and a treat.

It's hard when you are at rock bottom. For me that is what pushes me to loose. I don't fit in any of my summer clothes and don't want to buy more. I have three different sized clothes in my closet. I want to fit into the smallest ones! Make mini goals for yourself. My first goal is I will fit into my clothes by June first. It requires I loose 25 lbs. so that's where I'm starting. You don't have to exercise right away. Focus on your food intake first. When you feel good about that focus on a small fitness goal. Such as I will move for 10 minutes 3 times a week. That can be as easy as dancing in the living room with the kids or getting into yoga. Kids love yoga. Or go kick a ball around or run around on the playground with them. If you can get your kids involved with your exercise maybe they can help motivate you.

Glad you are here! Start small. You can do it!
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Old 04-13-2014, 06:39 AM   #6  
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I feel like you do, and I'm sure MANY others have these same feelings. It's horrible, but it will get better in small increments. When you make a small fitness goal & stick to it, you will be surprised how it gives you back a sense of control, which in turn will boost your confidence & help you feel better about yourself. Right now, you are going through the reverse of what I just described. You feel out of control about your appearance, so it's easy to isolate yourself, which leads to more unhealthy behavior, which leads to you feeling more out of control & isolating yourself even more, & so on & so on! It's a truly VICIOUS cycle. But please trust me when I tell you that a small positive change- one tiny goal set & achieved- will start to break this awful cycle. Your energy will come back & keep increasing with each tiny goal. Honestly, you can do this :-)
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Old 04-13-2014, 08:22 AM   #7  
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tab23 is right... small changes can make a big difference in the long run.

At the end of the day it all comes down to making good choices about we eat...

Choose whole foods like fruits, veggies, nuts & lean proteins you'll never need to think about dieting ever again. Choose processed foods & sugars and you'll deal with weight issues forever.

Some tips that helped me:
-Try eating 5-6 small meals a day (basically every 2-3 hours)... That way you're never starving and you don't need to over eat since you'll be eating again in just a couple hours.

-Always eat fresh & avoid processed crap (anything that comes in a bag, box or can with a long shelf life). Someone one said to me "the longer the food's shelf life, the shorter yours is". wise words.

-Reward yourself with a "cheat" meal once a week. This will keep you from feeling deprived of your favorite things.

-Drink water. So many people chug down sugars all day not even realizing their packing on pounds just by drinking

Hope this helps!! & Good Luck on your journey!!
If you need help or motivation along the way we're here for you!
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Old 04-13-2014, 08:53 AM   #8  
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Originally Posted by moonkissed View Post
You have come to the right place.

I know shopping sucks when you go up sizes but wearing clothing that fits is going to make you feel better all around. Just keep thinking about good you will feel when you go down a size again.

You can do it! It is hard to make time but so worth it.

Agree 100%. Wearing clothes that are too small only serves to make me more self-conscious. You can hit Goodwill or a thrift shop if you don't want to spend a lot of money on clothes you're determined not to wear for long.

Good luck. You can do it!
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Old 04-13-2014, 09:11 AM   #9  
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Palelilrose, I am also like you - hate to exercise. But to create the calorie deficit, exercise seems to be important. So after a lot of trials and give-ups, I have finally stuck to an exercise plan for the past 2 1/2 months. What I am doing is easy to do, you can review what I am doing at the thread 'New and need someone to review my exercise plan'. I think that is a good starting place to get going with exercises that are easy to do for beginning with exercising. And you might take diet suggestions in this site to eat around 1200 Calories a day. With both dieting and exercising in place, you would feel wonderful to lose as much as 8 - 10 lbs a month, and you will soon by down a dress size!

Hope this helps.
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Old 04-13-2014, 09:41 AM   #10  
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Welcome, Rose. You'll get a lot of support here so don't hesitate to join in on the various threads on the boards.

Whether you want to make small changes or big changes all at once will depend on your personality and whether or not you really have "hit bottom." Personally, I tried small changes and sucked at it. When I finally hit my bottom, I decided to make a huge change, which has worked for me. The important thing is to experiment to find what works for you and DON'T give up. Remember, you're setting an example for your 5-year-old daughter who will follow in your dietary and lifestyle foot steps.

I'll echo Moonkissed: suck it up and buy the larger sizes you need to feel comfortable. Lay down the money for a couple sets of workout clothes--including workout bras and a pair of kicks with good support--so you can have one clean while the other is in the laundry.

Put some time into healthy menu planning when you're putting together your shopping list. The first two or three weeks may take extra time but once you identify the foods you need regularly, like salad greens, etc., the new shopping pattern will become just as routine as your current pattern of buying unhealthy, short-cut foods.

MsMatic is right, buy whole foods and drink barrels of water. If you can't afford fresh vegetables, go for frozen vegetables to avoid added salt and preservatives. I have a schedule of eating every three hours starting at 6 a.m. with my final meal of the day being 6 p.m. I stick to this schedule religiously. This helped me eliminate my habit of constantly grazing. When I feel the impulse to eat, I know my next meal or snack is only three hours away. No night time snacking.

Keep a food journal to track your caloric intake and get a good, firm grasp on how many calories are in the foods you eat. Also log your exercise. I, personally, find the site MyFitnessPal to be most helpful in this process. They have a mobile app, too, if you've got a smart phone. That way, you can journal on the run. SparkPeople also offers free tools, recipes, and tons of educational material.

Since I'm bulimic, I personally advise against using food as a reward so recommend you avoid a weekly "cheat meal." Personally, I've sought out lower calorie alternatives for preferred foods or have given them up altogether at this point of my weight loss journey. I reward myself with perfume, workout clothes, or a piece of jewelry. I've given myself a new hairstyle and bought name brand shampoo. These are simple things that I typically deny myself because of cost but really, if you see a $24 large, loaded pizza as a reward you'd spend money on for a cheat--save yourself the calories and get a cute pair of earrings instead.

Finally, ask for the support you need. Sit down with your boyfriend who loves to eat out and let him know you need to change your eating habits to lose weight and improve your health. Let him know your plan for food shopping and healthy meal prep at home. If he wants to eat out, he should do it at lunch time when he's at work and you won't be impacted by his choice of restaurant. Ask him to please support you in this lifestyle change. Maybe he'd like to learn to cook and help out in the kitchen? (In the end, all the money you save on eating out might finance a nice family vacation down the road!)

Don't leave your daughter out of the loop, either. Let her know that Mom needs to change the things she's been doing and you need her help to keep you active and help you exercise and make healthy meals. Spend quality time with her by teacher her how to wash and prepare fresh vegetables for salads. You'll be teaching her new, healthy habits that will last her a lifetime and she'll be so excited to spend time in the kitchen with Mom, she won't even care that she's peeling carrots instead of making cookies. When it comes time to do housework, put on some lively music and have a dance party with your daughter while you sort and fold laundry, dust and vacuum. Go for walks together at the park. Play tag. Whatever you can think of for active play that gets both of you moving.

When you plan to workout in a way that doesn't suit a 5-year-old's abilities, ask your boyfriend to watch her and give yourself the time you need to kick butt in the gym, swim laps, or go jogging. Anytime you need motivation, look at that beautiful little girl of yours and ask yourself if you want her grow up believing it is better to live in denial, wearing clothes that are too tight and dig deep, painful red lines into her skin just because she doesn't want to acknowledge that she's made some bad dietary choices. Wouldn't it be so much better to start making good choices for yourself while you teach her how to live comfortably in her own skin?

You've taken the first step. You can do this for yourself and your daughter. We're all pulling for you! It will take work. It won't be easy, but you've got this.
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Old 04-13-2014, 09:43 AM   #11  
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This might sound trite and obvious--I used to think so, anyway--but substituting the negative self-talk with positives can be powerfully helpful. Berating yourself for how you look and what you eat, etc. doesn't really motivate you, does it. Mostly it creates emotional distress and that can make you want to eat even more. It sounds like you need someone--yourself--to be compassionate and make you #1.

Sometimes getting started on a healthier lifestyle is hard. I found these two books to be helpful to get motivated: The Beck Diet Solution(it's been around awhile and might be at the library) It's about how you think and talk to yourself, has a practical cognitive approach, day to day tips. There is a 3 FC forum for it, too.

Secrets of a Former Fat Girl, by Lisa Delaney. Also has been around a while. Practical ideas, but a really entertaining narrative about her journey. Her main message is don't wait to get thin to live well. Then she has loads of practical tips to address the things you mentioned and more.

Posting here is a great start. Sending you good wishes

Last edited by mars735; 04-13-2014 at 10:01 AM.
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Old 04-13-2014, 10:57 AM   #12  
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Rose, you have come to the right place! Have you decided on a plan on how you will lose the weight? That is the first step. All the plans are good for getting off the weight. Chose one that you know you can eat that way for the rest of your life, so that you won't gain the weight back after all of your hard work.

Going out to eat often is hard because the portions are huge. Plus the restaurant probably adds extra oils and butter. Drinking alcohol also adds lots of empty calories. Try to go to places where you know you can order healthy meals, and then, only eat half. Either pack up half, or just leave it there.

Walking is the only exercise I like to do, and then only outside. lol. But, I try to walk everywhere. If you need something at the Walgreens, walk there. If you need to go to the Post Office, walk there. When your daughter is riding her bike walk alongside her. If you get a pedometer and try to build up to 10,000 steps a day, it is very motivating.

Forget the scale. Look for Non Scale Victories. Buy jeans or a skirt in a size smaller and work on it until you fit into. Then buy some cute shoes and a top to match.

Don't give up, some of us are just "unlucky" in the fat cell department and we have to work harder at it.
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Old 04-13-2014, 03:36 PM   #13  
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I have not read all the responses, but from what I did read, you've gotten some great advice already. Get started. That's the best advice I can give you now. Sometimes when we gain weight, we hate it so much that we want it off yesterday---and that attitude of anger, frustration, etc., prevents us from accepting the reality that we need to put one foot in front of the other and get started. Believe me, I know how you feel. What helped me was to just start the program and not pressure myself to lose X amount of weight by X date. Instead, I said to myself, "I'm going to start eating healthier, counting calories, and moving more (whatever I can do), and let the weight fall where it may." In fact, I didn't weigh myself at all during the entire process because I wanted to focus on behavior changes rather than weight loss (the former is under my control more than the latter). When I finally reached the size I wanted to be, I decided to weigh myself, and I was below the weight that I would have been satisfied with when I first started. I know that many people are motivated by weighing and having more specific weight-related goals, but for me, that would not have worked when I was first starting.

Also, once you lose even one pants size, you will feel SO much better and will be more encouraged to continue.

I also empathize with you concerning having a boyfriend who likes to eat out. My husband loves to eat out. I put a limit on it, though. Also, because the highest-calorie dining [for me] is going out to dinner, I start my "day's" calorie count with dinner, and the next day's breakfast and lunch complete one "day's" calories.

I hope all that helps. Just get started and you will feel so much better a month from now when you've dropped a few pounds.
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Old 04-13-2014, 10:57 PM   #14  
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Hi Rose,

I feel your pain. Losing weight can a very challenging process and even if you are successful at losing weight is hard to maintain. I’m one of those people who have been ‘fighting’ the kilos my entire life. I’ve tried various dietary and training regimes up through the years, but I have always failed in my endeavour to lose weight and maintain a healthy weight for more than a few months at a time. The kilos that I have managed to get rid of have always found a way to pile itself back on again. Last Christmas I decided that I was going to give it one more shot, it was a spur of the moment new year’s resolution kind of thing, and it started alright, but unfortunately it didn’t take that long before I had to throw in the towel once again. The problem was that I had set the bar too high and that I tried to maintain a training and dietary regime that I guess deep down I knew was unrealistic. A friend of mine, upon hearing about my failure sent me an interesting article that I sat down and had a look at, and which gave me the confidence to give it one more shot, basically because it offered a slightly less strenuous approach.

And that’s really the heart of the matter; I have always gone for the most strenuous approaches when it comes to losing weight, rigid training programs and rigid dietary programs. In the end I have always caved in by gradually phasing out the exercise programs or stop maintaining the required diet. For me personally those have always been the two pressing issues and I guess that is probably the case with the majority of people trying to lose weight. Sooner or later most of us lose the focus and motivation that initially made us decide to lose weight in the first place.

The article my friend sent me made me change my perception, and it made me realise that I will always be throwing in the towel if I set goals that are unrealistic and keep pushing myself too hard. It made me realise that the way to lose weight and successfully maintain a healthier weight is to take it slowly and gradually. There is no point in rushing down to the local gym and sign up for a membership or to order expensive diets, or to set aside two hours each afternoon for strenuous workouts. The key is to gradually ease you way into a fairly easy routine and maintain that routine. You start by being more active (walking around your house/apartment) instead of sitting on the couch and watching TV, reduce your food portions (not necessarily the food you eat) and then slowly take it from there.

The good thing about it is that it’s completely free, it doesn’t cost you a single cent and anyone can follow the program. I started employing those tactics in mid February this year and I have managed to lose 10 kilos so far. I would have to say that the best thing about it is that shedding the kilos doesn’t seem like a gruelling and impossible task anymore. You get used to the new routines really fast and it doesn’t impede on your old life all that much. I guess the hardest thing for me initially was to reduce my food portions, but now it’s something that I don’t even think about.
Anyway the article I’m talking about can be found here:


I can’t tell others what to do, but for me this slow approach has been a god sent, and I can truly say that for the first time in my life I’m confident that I will maintain a more healthy weight and lifestyle. Hopefully a simple approach such as this is the way to go.

Good luck!!

Peter in Brisbane.
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Old 04-13-2014, 11:24 PM   #15  
Jillian stole my abs!
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Original poster.

It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle and mind set change.

Focus on the small things, give yourself credit for each good small choice. Be patient!

Be willing to explore lots of things. Food, exercise, make changes in your spaces. But most of all, you have to get your head in the game! You have to be positive, you have to pat your self on the back for each good/better choice, and let the bad ones go, and get right back in the saddle!
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