How can I feel better *now*?? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

hottie · 07-08-2003, 11:11 AM

Hello all,

How can I feel better NOW about myself? about my body? what are some things I can do today and tomorrow and the next month to make myself feel better about me now??

I am in a "funk" and am feeling really low because of my weight. I look around at people who are thin and despite the fact that they have "ugly" faces, they are still considered "attractive" in society.
I have been slapped in the face lately with reminders that it IS "the body" that counts and if you aren't a certain size, you are "left out" in many opportunities which others who are more "normal sized" are blessed.
These "opportunities" include job offers/invitations/making new friends" the reason why I think that thers is a difference, is because I have witnessed it the last few weeks.

SO-my question is, HOW do I feel better about myself NOW??? what are some things we can do (I suspect I am not alone in this) NOW to help feel better about ourselves??

thanks!

justme2338 · 07-08-2003, 11:24 AM

Hottie,

I was just browsing the forum, bored as usual when I came across your post. I know exactly how you feel. I can't tell you what will work for you, but I sure know what has worked for me in the past. So, here goes.

This is corney as ****, but start by finding things about yourself that you like. Even if it's just "I have great findernails" every little bit helps.

I also find that when I do my hair and make-up and dress nice I also feel a little better. Just because we have a little extra around the hips doesn't mean that we aren't beautiful and we can't show off our looks.

Pamper, pamper, pamper. Spend some time grooming. Get your hair done, have a manicure, a facial. Anything to make you feel good about yourself. I like to set up a little mini spa at home. I whip up a fuit smoothie and spend some time primping.

Aside from all the superficial things, a lot of this is in our perception. "Perception is reality". When we are walking around thinking we look horrible, then our body language tells everyone else what you are thinking. Soon, you actually do look horrible. So think positive. Even if you have to fake it at first, eventually you'll trick your brain into believing it, when you believe in it...it becomes true.

Stop being so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. I'm sure even Gwen Stefani has ugly days. You're human afterall.

SMILE!

gma22 · 07-08-2003, 12:16 PM

I try and pound this into every woman's head on this forum if I can. We have been programmed to think there is something wrong with the way fat people look and that is the FIRST BIG MISTAKE! If we would just look at ourselves and see that we are ALL beautiful no matter how many lbs are on us, we would be much better off. I think changing yourself for the better is great, but do it because you want to be healthier or you want to be able to do things that have become difficult NOT because you think there is something wrong with you!

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL just the way you are. Tell yourself that every day 20 times a day. Take the advise of the other lady too! Hair, makeup, clothing all make a prettier package and add to the beauty you already have. DO NOT LET OTHERS convince you that you are ugly because you do not fit what they think is the norm! You are fine the way you are!

I weighed over 400 lbs in January and have lost about 90 but did so strictly because of health issues. I find that I look terrific whether at 400 or 140. I love who I AM RIGHT NOW AND WHEN I WAS 400 LBS! Please try and work on seeing yourself as beautiful right now. YOU ARE YOU KNOW!

Faye

TonyaS · 07-08-2003, 01:22 PM

what everyone above said hit the nail on the head. No matter your size, WALK LIKE YOU GOT IT BABY!

attitude is everything, no matter your size, you can always be attractive in how you carry yourself. Try some new lipstick, something new with your hair, maybe a color you don't normally wear.. things like that make you go "yay , cute day!"

hottie · 07-09-2003, 10:52 AM

Thanks to all of you for responding. I just had "one of those days" I suppose, but I LOVE all of your suggestions. I am going through clothes now and picking out only that which I really like to wear/that fits. That's some of the problem...my clothes are making me feel frumpy because they are too big on me.

I am writing that saying down, Tonya-hope you don't mind "WALK LIKE YOU GOT IT, BABY!" crack me up-I laughed when I read it!

It will definitely help me get outta this funk, too. (after all, I am a "hottie")

Thanks again, all!

Angel-lover · 07-09-2003, 11:12 AM

Hottie!! Well, for one thing, you do exactly what you did, & go to a place like this & post!! It's where I'm finding most of my help.

As for what others say & think.....well.......about 4 years ago, I lost down to a size 6. Thought I was doing great! Went shopping, got new clothes, new hairstyle...Just turned 50, so was pampering myself BIGTIME with my new size. Couldn't wait for everyone's reaction. Boy...did I get a slap in the face! "You look terrible!"...."Have you been sick?"........"I'm sooo worried about you." Even my husband. I flew to Okahoma to help with new grandbaby. My other children called ahead to "warn" her of how I was going to look. So she wouldn't be shocked.

What I'm saying is.....PLEASE YOURSELF. Others are not going to agree everytime, anyway. I gained to a size 10. I guess I did look better. Stress has caused me to become overweight again. So, I'm back on a diet! It doesn't matter if you're overweight or not, if someone wants to find fault.....they will. If you want to lose weight....do it for YOU. Don't do it for others.

Didn't mean to post so much. It does bother me, though, that we(myself included) feel we need the approval of others.

Best of luck...

TonyaS · 07-09-2003, 11:51 AM

no problem at all! put it on your mirror where you get ready everyday!

hehe , glad I made ya chuckle

gma22 · 07-09-2003, 12:02 PM

Angel: I am so sorry you had such a bad experience, but the truth is it happens to almost everyone. People can't stand it when you look better than they do and the only way to take the sting off the fact that they are not happy with themselves is to take potshots at you. Like I told hottie, you have to be happy with you not the one in the mirror, but the one inside to be happy and satisfied with the outside. Once you can really accomplish that, you can lose weight permanently and keep it off. When I hear comments of any kind that are basically unkind, I let them have it full force. I would not stand for people commenting on how "unwell" you look. I would get up in everyone's face and tell them you are perfectly healthy for the first time in your life and feel terrific and here is the zinger that will close their yaps...."I know that being the kind of person you are, you only wish me the best and this IS the BEST I can be!" Good luck to you! Wishing you all the best ever!

Faye

ginya · 07-09-2003, 07:22 PM

I might also add, find the magazine GRACE. It is wonderful, though the fashions are extreamly pricey..it is a celebration of the truth, that we are beautiful curvy women with style and grace!

We have all had those days, ****, my 120 pound sister has those days...and remember, when the earth is ravaged by all the anorexic, bone thin people who look sickly and not long for this world, the soft curves of the earth mother will be what is popular. Untill then, let em' kiss your...attitude.

RavenToy · 07-09-2003, 10:37 PM

I'm one of those people where primping and clothes do nothing for me at all. However, a good workout makes me feel incredible. A run with my dogs, or lifting to some good music and then flexing in front of the mirror.

Something physical that makes me feel healthy and strong.

Angel-lover, I had the same issue when I was younger, and it ocurred to me later that yes, I was way too thin. I did look sick. But my body image was so out of whack that I couldn't see anything but fat, no matter what I weighed. Sometimes listening to other people around us isn't a bad thing, sometimes they really do care.

choci · 07-10-2003, 09:50 AM

This is a great thread, and I concur with just about everything that's been said here! Hottie, I just wanted to encourage you to go out and at the very least TRY ON clothes that fit well -- it is amazing how different you can look in well-fitting clothes. I was shocked at what a pair of size 22 pants did for me vs. a size 26. I had lost about 50 pounds and was walking around in the 26s, putting off getting new clothes. When I *had* to get some for job interviews, I was thrilled at how good I looked in the 22s, and a smaller shirt size as well!

I am indeed a firm believer that "it's all in the presentation". I rarely, if ever, leave the house without lipstick on, NEVER wear sweatpants to the grocery store, and try to walk like I really mean it.

I think it makes all the difference in other people's perception of me as well as my own self-esteem. Don't get me wrong; I've still got plenty of issues to deal with, but these simple things help a lot.

Don't wait until you've lost weight to let yourself be beautiful!!

gma22 · 07-10-2003, 12:37 PM

Choci: I have been screaming about all of what you said for months! A woman who is not ashamed of herself promotes that in the way she walks and looks. Like you, I never ever ever go out looking like a slob. After all, the world at large thinks we are fat ,lazy, pigs so why give them amunition? I do my hair, makeup, nails and clothes when I go out in public and NEVER let anyone put me down. We have to stand up for ourselves as no one else will! I too have been hanging onto the bigger clothes simply because I have some gorgeous suits and dresses that cost me a bundle. I have lost 90 lbs and they look like #$%^ on me so I had to face facts! I have gone from a 32 to a 22/24 and sobbed the first time I bought something in a smaller size and it fit. I had a whole set of cruise clothes I had never worn because we had to cancel the cruise and I just kept packing on the lbs and when I had a wedding to go to 2 weeks ago and had nothing to wear that looked decent I decided to drag out the gauze dress that never had fit from the cruise clothes and voila it did. I looked pretty spectacular in it and got raves about how I looked. Even if you buy yourself a new scarf, it can make a difference in how you feel about yourself !

Faye

Angel-lover · 07-10-2003, 03:37 PM

THIS IS FOR ALL OF YOU!!!!

hottie · 07-11-2003, 01:42 PM

Thank you all SO much. I have been looking at everything I wear and have been deciding not to wear some things ever again. Large clothes just do not feel right/make me feel good, nor do they serve any purpose.

You all are SO inspiring and positive! Congrats on your weight loss, Faye, and all or your comments on not waiting to look your best-well, I'm trying to look every day at what I can do to make myself feel better as far as my appearance.

As weird as it seems, I am realizing that not being promoted is not such a bad thing because it would drastically upset my daily routines (I would have to travel). Also, after just a few days since posting this and after spending some "improvement thinking time" I realize that I may have been totally wrong about the work situation. I guess it just goes to show how important it IS to feel good about yourself. If you feel bad about yourself, chances are, it snowballs into other areas (it's the "perception thing") the perception becomes negative.

Thanks again to all of you!! I hope this topic helps others too!!

TonyaS · 07-11-2003, 05:41 PM

in helping you on this thread, some of the replies have helped me too

see, someone said their 120 pound sister is STILL not happy, and that I am sorry to say, is me ... no I am not her sister, but I am 7 pounds away from 120, and I still compare myself to the 110-115 pound people. Anyhow, love the replies, thanks all !