So, typically when I screw up or start to get down on myself, I retreat and don't talk about it because I'm embarrassed. But, I need help...I need support and have to really face this stuff. Gotta vent here...
Last week I was pretty determined. I dropped a lot of water weight, but with consistent working out and managing food (not perfectly but so much better than before), I was losing...I'd lost about 5lbs and it was motivating me to keep going. Then H came home over the weekend (we are relocating but the kids and I are in home state until things settle there) and it was like.....medicate medicate medicate party medicate. I indulged for fun, for happiness, for stress relief, to avoid issues in my marriage, etc. It was horrible. And I'm staying put RIGHT at my starting weight...
The thing that kills me is how routine this is. This isn't for lack of therapy (doing that), marriage counseling (going to do that but...that relationship is another issue entirely), but it's that this is such HABITUAL behavior....I don't trust myself to change it. I know this is typical of me...I know I always eff up, I start strong, lose some, then go right back into habits (overeating, drinking, sabotage, resenting that I can't "have fun") and I don't know what to do to change that. This is make it or break it. I'm 35. I'm a pretty girl...but things are changing in my body. I know it's never gonna be as easy as it is now to lose it and retain a bit of my former (physical) self...this is it. I know all about health risks, I know all about "doing it for myself" or "doing it for my babies" or whatever...but nothing is sticking.
Maybe I just needed to talk...I dunno. I know I need support. I know I want this, but I know I don't want to HAVE to do this. There is major resentment/rebellion there I don't understand...maybe because I give so much to everyone, I'm pissed off that I can't just have fun anymore...(funny how we associate "fun" with gluttony and too many drinks). It's an escape, really. Anyway, this was on my list of things to do today....an S.O.S. of sorts. I need you all, I think.
There is major resentment/rebellion there I don't understand...maybe because I give so much to everyone, I'm pissed off that I can't just have fun anymore...(funny how we associate "fun" with gluttony and too many drinks). It's an escape, really. I need you all, I think.
I get what you're saying. I too have felt that resentment and sometimes still feel it. But I also enjoy being slim and fit. So, my weight loss and maintenance philosophy has always been: What is the LEAST restrictive way I can do this?
I really enjoy having 8 oz of wine every evening before dinner, so I do. In exchange I have a small dinner, which doesn't feel like much deprivation. When I go to a party I like to have two drinks. Here again, I compromise by eating less, either at the event or the next day.
I do not believe in depriving myself of these small, regular indulgences, so I've found ways to compensate. Perhaps you can work on finding your own ways to balance out your indulgences.
BIG Hugs....this weight lost journey has lots of ups and downs. And I can relate to having fun...afterall I live across the street from the bar
I have had times where I binged and gained up at 12 pounds. I was pissed off and depressed but I eventually picked myself back up.
This weightloss thing has to be for YOU. Make time for yourself to achieve your goals (pre-cooking healthy foods, excersing, thinking).
As for fun, there are many ways outside of eating and drinking. You just have to find alternatives. I love going to the bar but for the socialization (its a neighborhood bar where I can get the gossip). So now i usually get soda water and still have my fun just no calories.
However, you shouldn't always deprived yourself. I use the 80/20 rule - 80 percent eat right, the rest whatever.
Last edited by cosmic wisdom; 09-25-2013 at 09:32 AM.
I wish I had great advice for you but this is something that I struggle with too. I can do great all week and then the weekend comes and its party time. If I stick to my usual of dt pop and rum, I am okay but once I veer off and start drinking high calorie drinks (hello MIKES) then I know I am in trouble.
I am 43 and going through life changes. My dd graduates college this year, my son will graduate high school and has told me he wants to go to college out of town and here mom is not knowing what the next step is. SO, I drink my sadness away and I also drink to avoid martial issues.
I too realize this needs to change. I know this 'sounds' bad to those reading it but I have NOT had an alcoholic drink for 3 days in a row and I feel good about that. I did drink over the weekend, however, I controlled the amount and I was able to wake up on Saturday and Sunday without a hang over, which has become the norm on the weekend for me. I felt good, I was able to get things done and I plan to continue to control the amount I drink because in my searching for what's next, I have learned that I hate the amount of time I waste recovering from the good time.
Hugs to you, I know ALL of the feelings of I give to everyone, what about me, that you are experiencing. Take time for yourself and take care of yourself hon!!!!
Totally relate! To both you and NEMom. It's hard when you enjoy food and booze. It's SO HARD! I struggle with this as well, so no, I can't give you advice, but I can offer you support that you aren't alone. I've come to see that it's the first drink that ruins it for me. I'm not good at moderation, I'm an all or nothing kind of gal, so that first drink and I'm done for, there is no planning, there is not holding back, I eat and drink whatever I want. The only thing I can possible offer is to not get started. I keep all of the junk food out of my house and no alcohol so I'm not tempted. Needless to say...this doesn't always work since there's grocery store right by my house. womp womp
Totally in the same boat as you all as well. We were social drinkers for a long time and it turned into a couple glasses of wine every night and even more so on "tough" days and the weekends. Going through a divorce and consequently dealing with ex on a regular basis (regarding the kids) made most of my days "tough" days for quite some time. I just recently made the decision about a month ago to try to limit my intake. It has been tough. Cgrace, I am right there with you....if I can go 3 or 4 days it is a small miracle. Very weird sounding to some people I'm sure. But I am trying. Instead I reach for sparkling water, Kombucha or tea in the evening. I have to have something to sip on to keep me occupied. Baby steps for me and knowing that I have made a conscious decision to get healthy, which not only means losing weight but saving my liver and treating my body with respect. Here's to trying our very best to get healthy! (*holding up sparkling water to toast y'all!*)
WOW WOW WOW.....I'm so, so thankful for everyone's honesty. I definitely needed to hear all of it...things are hectic here right now so I can't respond individually, but I'm absorbing everything you've all said. Thank you so much for the encouragement/solidarity. I don't feel alone anymore. ****HUGS****
Location: Anchorage AK in the summer, Lawrence KS and travel in the winter
Posts: 222
S/C/G: High 285+ 256/ticker/160ish
Height: 5'6"
I can count the number of drinks that I have in a year on two hands in the past year or two because I had to trade alcohol for being able to eat reasonably. If I imbibe, all sense goes out the window. Coming from a family (extended) with alcohol (and sugar) issues I suspect that I don't metabolize it well. Even though I do enjoy a drink from time to time, I have to think hard about it. It's been long enough that it's easy to just not miss it much now.
I could have written that first post before I retired. Instead of marriage issues it was work issues. It's really hard to get off the merry-go-round of medicate and celebrate. It becomes, as you pointed out, a really bad and unconscious habit. And I too was resentful that I had to pay attention, to skimp on "pleasures" that others seem to enjoy with impunity. I had to find other pleasures.
I tend to be a bit of a workaholic and I found that reading was a simple pleasure that I rarely get to indulge in anything more than 10 minute increments between tasks. My husband and pets pester me and have urgent needs when I'm inert, even on my death bed I'm sure, but I find a spot in the basement (nice, clean and dry) where there is a comfy chair and good light and I get some me time until one of them finds me. Same with computer time during the day.
I've also cut down on diet sodas so my diet soda for the day is a pleasure.
I really do understand and I had the rebellious attitude too but eventually my diabetes had other things in mind. I had to change my ways or go on insulin. I did not want that.
Struggling...reaching out
