I'm trying to remotivate myself so I wrote a few things down that I want to be able to enjoy - hope you all will join in.

From a health point of view - I really want to get all my lady hormones back in balance and really want to improve my HDL/LDL cholesterol ratio.

I really want to clothes shop for a permanent wardrobe - I hate it when I find something cute and go straight past the M or L to the 2X or 3X if they have it. I definitely would like to make a good investment in some nice clothing but everything I buy now I feel like "oh well I'm not planning on being this size next year, this is just to get me through".

I want to be in good enough shape to explore and enjoy the 100's of miles of beautiful local bike trails and out bike my husband. I used to be an avid cyclist in my teens who could bike as far as my heart desired - now I can only go as far as my body will hold out

Finally I'd freaking love to be able to plop down in a movie theatre seat. We went to a movie the other night and I had to slither in. It sucks. I have a small panic attack anytime I am about to sit in a chair with arm rests. Ditto with airline seats, any amusement park ride, anything exciting that might have a weight limit. I want to be FREE!!!!!!

You list a lot of great motivators! I don't want to be thought of as the short fat teacher.

One of my motivators kinda happened today. I have two boys who are 4 and 9 years old and I have often felt like I didn't want them to be embarrassed by me or teased bc of my weight. I'm sure it has happened bc kids just are that way. But today for the first time my little one told me that a girl in another class said that I was fat. He said he told her I wasn't and my older one yelled "that's RUDE to say that!" Instead of being heartbroken, which I probably would have been 50 pounds ago, I just thought, eh, they're kids and it doesn't really mean anything. I'm still one of the biggest moms at the school w a BMI of 29, but I am really feeling pretty darned normal, so pffffft... C'est la vie! And I thought it was kinda sweet how defensive my kids were about it.

As far as health stuff, I am just excited that I'm getting closer and closer to a weight that'll make it less likely that my doctors will discriminate against me. I know it sounds like a strange goal, but I kinda think that having a doctor take you seriously and think you're worth helping is probably more protective that good blood pressure or whatever.

A while back I fell off the wagon for a couple of days and felt like I was being controlled by my eating the way a drug addict's life is controlled by their habit. At one point I made a detour to swing by Carl's Jr. even though I knew it was gonna make me late to meet my kid. And that's just how I am when I'm eating carbs. I feel much more sane and in control when I'm not.