Talk to your Dad and tell him how you feel. It doesn't have to be a 5-hour conversation but make sure to get it all out. I wouldn't expect him to stop and change right away. It'll take some time but it will definitely be worth it. Your Dad seems to love you and I'm sure that he will understand - despite his own perception of women and their size. It's a really bad coincidence that his wife - who he's around most of the time - is so tiny. She seems to have no problem keeping up what she's been doing to look like that which is probably why he makes mean comments towards you thinking in his head "it's really not that hard", if so-and-so can do it, so can my daughter! So, on top of being worried about you, your health and looks, he's got that in his head as well.

Just don't forget - you're awesome!

Of course we are, Joe!! Our personal experiences are all we have. And IMHO, I'm not sure if it's a little different being a daughter with a weight issue than a son when it comes to our dads and approval. But I won't get into that here.

I hope the OP dad is openly receptive to changing his ways with her. But she needed to know that she's not alone or at fault if he isn't. That's all.

^ This!

^ and This!!

My parents have been 'heckling' me about my weight since I was 12, that's when my mom enrolled me in some aerobics class at the local gym. My dad I know has always been proud of me and if there was one thing he would want me to improve about myself, that would be my health (he was a doctor and he passed away last year) As a teenager, I would eat emotionally. I changed schools, felt like I did not fit in, I ate behind the kitchen door when my dad would go for his daily racquetball matches! He came home earlier than usual and caught me stuffing my face and it wasn't nice what followed. All the rude remarks and comments made me want to eat more and not listen to anyone. Heck I had my bf of 8 yrs break up with me cause I didn't care enough about my health.

Needless to say, I have started the journey now after I realized what I have to lose. All these years all these people saying all these things made NO difference till I realized it myself. My mom says dad would be proud. I know it's tough what you are going through but your dad is only looking out for you. His words might bite you because he is the only one who is "openly" judging you. No one else says anything about your weight but if your dad is saying stuff to your face, people might be saying stuff behind your back? You don't know for sure! You are here, you are on your weight loss journey, maybe your dad wants to see fast results? He is checking on you daily. Don't lie to him and don't lie to yourself. Give yourself some time. Only when you are truly ready will you be able to look past what your dad says and believe it or not, once he sees you are determined, he will stop with the comments himself.

Hang in there! Stay Strong and Just do it !!

I haven't posted on this site in a while (lurking!) but I had to respond. I went through what you are describing except it was my ex, not my Dad. He was horribly abusive to me about my body/weight and from day one. The kicker is I wasn't overweight with him, just gaining and losing the pregnancy/baby weight. I had 5 babies in six years, so naturally my body changed a lot. When I wasn't pregnant and had lost the baby weight, I was around 130. He still said I was overweight and was very unhappy with me.

It was really, really bad. He would try to force me to lose weight during pregnancy and lose the baby weight as I gained it. He would try to control my food intake and force me to exercise.. I could go on and on about all the horrible things he said and did to me but I don't want to relive the awful memories.

I finally realized that I could not change him. I couldn't make him understand that there is something wrong with him and then.. I left. (He was abusive to me and my children in other ways, but they body issue was one of the biggest reasons I left.) The only person I can change is myself. Since I left him almost 6 months ago I have become a much healthier person in many ways.

It sounds like you need to put boundaries in place. If you don't want to talk to him about your weight, food or exercise then don't. Leave the room, end the phone call, don't visit.

**Hugs** I understand what you are going through and it sucks.

I'm so sorry. Sending you a hug! My dad is like that too, I know it hurts. Maybe you should start walking with him, it may be the perfect opportunity for him to learn more about your struggle and how his words/actions make you feel. Good luck, I hope you find a way to communicate with him.

I got nothing. My real dad and I were never close...something about him being an physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive dick if I recall correctly. But I know what it feels like to feel like you never have your father's approval. Here's hoping you can have the talk with your dad and have a relationship with him I never had with mine.

I have no advice, just want to give you a hug also.

I do think from reading this that he cares & probably just isn't good at letting you know he is worried & cares.

Maybe he'll change, maybe he won't. What can we do with people we love but who make us feel bad?

Just go on loving them, I guess.

This may be totally off base, but maybe it affects you so much because he is the only one telling you the truth and/or making you feel accountable. He isn't exactly doing that in a constructive way, for sure! But maybe as a parent, he is really trying to help you "see the light". That is what they do, right or wrong. Most of us on here recognize that we aren't going to change our eating habits just because someone tells us to. But our family often does not know that!

I am biased, because my brother is no longer speaking to me or our dad because we are the only two in the family that really went full force with his alcohol/drug addiction two years ago. He went to rehab for two weeks, then begged family to spring him out and take him back in. He refuses to even acknowledge that we exist, because he knows that our interaction will not be rainbows and sunshine and gloss over the elephant in the room. That is an extreme example, but I think all humans tend to gravitate toward people who accept them, even if that means accepting negative behavior.

Joe you don't upset me. But you missed my point, which is simply that no one can change anyone else. You can try, and they might decide to change, they might not. The only thing you can control is how you react to things/people/situations. I didn't stop trying to communicate with my father, and I didn't suggest that to OP. My advice, as Elvis explained a bit more eloquently, is that OP try and change her own mindset so that she isn't so affected by someone else's thoughts, words, opinions - and that applies whether its her dad or some rude stranger on the street.

I totally and completely agree with Arctic Mama here. And it really dovetails into what fadedbluejeans was saying. You can only change how you react to someone. But if this is causing you pain and hurting your relationship with him, then it would be a kindness to let him know that and give him a chance to stop.

This is a boundary issue, but only you can set the boundary. If he accepts it, that's great. If he pushes against it, you can decide how to respond (verbally, leaving the situation, going back to avoiding him).

My experience was to lay down the law when my mom talked about my pregnancy weight gain EVERY TIME I talked to her (pretty much daily). I told her my weight was off-limits for conversation and that if she mentioned it again she wouldn't talk to me again until the baby was born. (For some people that would be too harsh, but for my mom, it was necessary.) She has held on to the idea that my weight is an off-limits topic (even though said 'baby' will be 21 this summer).

Talk to your dad--give him a chance to change--and based on what he decides, you can figure out what is best for you.

There's may be a number of reasons that your dad is commenting on your weight. To me, it sounds like your dad has been giving you subtle hints through several years and has just recently been more direct because he may be concerned that your weight has kept increasing. Your dad might not be the most diplomatic type of person to express his concerns. I would outline some of the things that you want to say to him pertaining to your lifestyle change and your weight loss goals.

Also, have you considered that your dad might be the voice of your entire family who are also concerned about your health? Sorry, losing 4 lbs is really difficult to notice by anyone. Personally, my weight goes up and down several pounds over several days just from drinking water and sweating.

This is OUTSTANDING advice.

Here are hugs for you....

I have 2 daughters and if either of them EVER felt the hurt you have because of something I said to them, I would just cry. Here's hoping you are able to talk to your dad and he responds lovingly.

Seems to me, that your father, is trying to point you in a healthy direction, and does care very much for you.

Granted his delivery is not great.

But, sometimes, we need to give those around us a break, and take it in the spirit that it was intended.

I wasn't asking for anyone to notice, that wasn't my point, and I don't expect anyone to notice until probably a good 20lbs of weightloss. I was just saying that I am now trying to do this the right way, and I was celebrating (in my post) 4 lbs of weightloss done the rightway, rather than how I've done it in the past only to gain it back. That 4lbs is never coming back.

No, he's not the voice of my entire family, because my parents are divorced so I'm sure he has no idea what the other side of the family is thinking. Most of my family on his side are overweight as well, so I highly doubt anyone has ever said anything concerning me. We are a very close family, and I'd expect if anyone was concerned they would said something to me. These are his opinions and probably his wife's.

ughh I just wrote a whole thing and for some reason it wouldn't send and now it's gone.

Basically thank you guys. I love that I have this website to turn to now when Im upset instead of ice cream and candy lol. I really appreciate everyone's feedback and there were soo many good points.

I do feel like I may have made my dad out to be some awful person, but really hes awesome and we do have a wonderful relationship. We speak DAILY. I am not pushing him away, I just try not to SEE him because I feel judged physically. Emotionally our bond is great and I wouldn't ask for anything more...well except maybe his wife gain a few lbs

I haven't talked to him about this yet. I've been in a really good mood all week and I didn't feel like getting all sad and emotional about it again, but I know I need to. Maybe email? I liked the letter idea.

As for if he will change....yes, of course. If he knew how much this was bothering me he wouldn't be doing it.

I just have to be careful how I word things, thats why I think email is best. If I called him or talked in person I know I'd cry and thatd make him feel really bad, as the fathers/parents on here pointed out. I don't want to make him feel bad. I just want him to recognize that it bothers me and let it go. Then maybe we can take walks together

Thanks guys!