[Sylvia1629]

Im 22 years old. I have a son who is (of course) the love of my life.
And I remember when I was in school and my mother would come to eat lunch with me, and I was so proud, my mother was the prettiest mom that came to have lunch. I want my son to feel the same way, but how is suppose to feel that way if I don't? I weight almost 250 and I'm so very depressed about it. I need help and encouragement getting started and keeping it up. I've lost down to 180 but since I lost my job I've gained almost 70lbs!!!!!!! Any suggestions or words of encouragement are welcome. THANK YOU!

[Arctic Mama]

Welcome!

My suggestion is to get your motivation straight, first off. You can be a beautiful woman at any size, and nobody has ever hated themselves to thin. Losing weight fixes just that - excess body fat - but it won't make us prettier, taller, smarter, more outgoing, less anxious, or any number of things that aren't directly linked to the amount of excess adipose tissue we possess. Sometimes we find ourselves more confident when the weight is gone, but underlying issues will still be there after weight loss, and it is absolutely necessary to tease out which things a dietary or exercise habit change can fix (like flabby arms and a big belly) and which things require separate emotional work (feeling pretty or outgoing).

Confusing the two has led to a lot of dissatisfied but successful weight losers, who then find those issues haven't resolved and oftentimes experience rebound weight gain as they become depressed or think that losing the weight isn't worth the effort if it didn't fix ________.

You CAN lose the fat and this site is excellent for encouragement and ideas along the way, but there were some red flags in your intro that made me want to caution you that the other work is as much or more important to manage

[luckymommy]

I think that if this motivates you to lose weight, you can use it but really, your son can be proud of having his mom around for any number of reasons. I'm overweight but when I help out at my children's school and they see me involved, they're proud regardless of my weight. You are worth so much more than your weight and like arctic mama said, you can be beautiful at any size. The key is to believe it and then move forward from there to become healthier.

I honestly get what you're saying though. I just don't feel like myself when I'm covered up in extra fat so it's harder for me to feel beautiful, but I'm the same woman and I have all the same wonderful qualities (as well as the same negative ones too).

That said, I think you shouldn't think about all the weight you want to lose. Focus on eating healthy and making good changes. Start with finding a program that you can stick to. For me, it's calorie counting and intermittent fasting. You can find lots of info about it here, but there are lots of other options.

You can then start to tweak your diet and make it healthier. I recommend cutting out any caloric beverages and increasing water intake as a first step. I also don't do well with diet sodas as they actually increase my appetite, but some people don't have that issue.

I recommend cutting out processed sugar as much as possible and eating protein and fiber at every meal.

You might consider buying a pedometer (they're very cheap) and seeing how many steps you take per day. I try to aim for at least 10,000 steps a day but even if you're nowhere near that, you might try to do a little more every day.

If you veer off plan, get back on track as soon as possible...none of us are perfect but the key is not to give up and forgive yourself. Treat yourself with kindness.

Anyway, those are just some quick things I thought I'd share. I hope to see you around the board!