No cake for you. Really?
 

Today I walked over to a little French bistro for lunch. I've been there a dozen or so times in the past, but haven't been in recently. The owner/chef asked me what I have been up to... So I told him about starting school and focusing on wellness. I mentioned I've lost about 35 pounds.

I ordered and then asked about a white cake he had in his dessert case. He told me it was a lemon tart cake. (Not interested. Don't like lemon desserts). But he told me that he wouldn't sell it to me. That I wasn't allowed to have it on my diet. "I could dream about it and think about it....but I could NOT have it." Seriously. He wouldn't sell me a slice.

Wow. That was interesting. I didn't bother telling him that I was intuitively eating and lost my weight eating whatever I wanted...only when hungry. But what was he thinking? Has anyone had a run in with the food police recently?

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_E08_SqajRb...c_takecake.jpg

I'll start with a positive thought: Perhaps he was trying to be supportive. Like a bartender refusing to serve an known alcoholic a beer, or something like that.

Ok, now for my food police thoughts: UG!!!! I despise the food police. They should mind their own business and let you eat, or not eat, in peace! I hate to say it, but it only gets WORSE!!!!!!!

I shall now end in positivity: I like your cartoon!!!

Holy. Crap.

Ok, I'll be generous and assume he thought he was being cute. Or maybe helpful. But he was soooo out of line. Wow.

that is really Really REALLY out of line!! especially for an owner who, I assume, would like to NOT run off current customers...and secondly, reason #4892 why I do not tell my weight loss stats to anyone except my DH and sometimes my sister...ughhh

the fact that he is chatting up means you guys have exchanged more than pleasantries! so he is definitely being friendly and supportive!! I wouldn't worry too much about it, Lunar!! Take it in good stride. He's just being overly helpful :D I would thank him for being so supportive !!

This^^

I just can't believe that he was truly serious.... I mean did you actually insist on buying a piece of this cake and he flat out told you "NO!!!" because I just find that hard to believe...

I'm glad that most other people aren't overly helpful. LOL. I'd have to put them in their place.

I actually did have a guy on a first date ask me if I really should be eating a licorice rope at a baseball game. Ha. I didn't marry him.

TripSwitch, I didn't really insist, because I didn't want lemon cake, but I did ask him, '"But what if I REALLY wanted it?" and he continued on with his, "You can dream about tasting it...and think about finishing it....blah blah blah." It was really quite a strange interaction.

He might have been trying to be helpful or even supportive, but that still would have made me mad. It just doesn't seem like an appropriate comment for a business owner to be making.

It reminded me of this comic:
http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/u...ts-300x225.jpg

He said that I was looking quite sexy. Maybe he wanted to try to keep me that way.

And I agree, Katie. I'm not friends with this business owners. He knows who I am. That's it. I'm a girl that works across the street from his establishment.

^^ Agreed

No business really has the right to refuse to sell food to a customer (assuming that customer is acting in a "normal" manner)

Sounds like maybe it could have been some sort of akward social or cultural disconnect on his part... Maybe?.... IDK...

He was being a paternalistic jerk even if he was joking.

Yeah- even if he was joking...and I actually wanted the cake, I would feel pretty bad about trying to get it. He would have jokingly shamed me into feeling awful. But who am I kidding? I would have gone somewhere else for dessert then.

Was he French? My dad immigrated from France, and I briefly lived there as a child. My experience has been that the French are more liberal with such comments, usually in a "trying to help" kind of way. By American standards my dad was a total @ss about my weight, but by French standards he was just trying to help out. Hard to say for sure, but I would chalk it up to cultural disconnect...if he was a Froggie. :)

Love the comic strip and kitty picture you posted.

I hope you really didn't want that cake as it makes me sad for you if you did.

I'm so stubborn, I'd never shop at that place again. And I'd make sure I walk by so he knows I'm still around, just not frequenting his business. (Just like my thread yesterday, what am I, 5 years old proving my points?)

He's in the business to sell cake. He had cake, you wanted cake and had $$$. And even if you weren't on a diet like you are, he's not the boss of the cake. And what if the slice was for your DH, mom, coworker? Maybe you were only buying 1 piece so you didn't eat any and you were already in control of the situation.

I get angrier and angrier about this silly piece of cake the more I think about it. I'm sorry this happened to you.

:: snickers :: Boss of the cake. That made me laugh.

LOL Lunar!! :hug: Made me think of the Soup "boss" on Seinfeld! No cake for you!!

:lol: awesome!!!

Weird.

People think that they're being helpful when they're really not being helpful. It's quite silly but when I talk about my weight, it's like I've opened the flood gates and now every body and their cat can tell me what to do to lose weight. Oh and no matter what, they think they know better. Oh and if I do lose weight, they comment on my body even more! So yeah, I get that it's frustrating. :mad:

But that's awesome that you've lost 35 pounds! Congratulations!:carrot:

This too^^

I would take it as a compliment that he likes the changes you have made and wants to support you in it, even if it wasn't really the best way to go about it.

Sometimes my boyfriend will give me a little look when I am eating something that I probably shouldn't be. I tell him I can have treats sometimes. Its allowed.

Agreed that food police suck! Even when they mean well by it.

and I totally :lol:'d at your cartoon

So, he calls you sexy & then deprives you of (icky lemon) cake? He probably thought he was being funny, but that's still not cool. I agree with Elvis about walking past his store, but I would add eating cake as I passed him ;)

What in the heck?! I would have thrown that cake at his face!! I go for coffee & cake with a friend about once a month, it'd be more if I could afford it, lol! Next time I'm going to tell the lovely guys who run the place I'm losing weight and see if the same thing happens! I lost 3lbs the first time I went in there, so clearly I am eager to return, heh ;)

I swear it was the cake that did it ;)

Oh! Second... No idea why :rofl:

I didn't read this page yet!

While the whole thing was strange, most likely he was trying to be helpful in the only way he knew how. So I don't see anything wrong with putting it in perspective, and giving him credit for saying he's proud of your success, and does not want to partake in any back sliding, even though it is ok to have cake now and then.

Put the positive spin on it, take it as a compliment and move on.

If you do want cake, just make it yourself or go somewhere else.

Keep in mind, this person, granted in a strange way, does support you and your success!:D

I have to agree with the possible culture difference 90% if my "odd" weight conversations could be cracked up to that.

As others have said, I think he had the hots for you.

Sounds like he was flirting.

You luvs me? Thenz give me cake!
http://lifeonacocktailnapkin.com/wp-...f-CakeNine.png

Kidding. It's nice to have the "world" rooting for me...even if it comes off a bit distorted sometimes.

That literally made me laugh out loud! Give me cake!

At first thought, I think that he had the best intentions at heart and he shouldn't have refused you cake. For all he knows it was your treat. My second thoughts are that he should mind his own business! I think it's disgusting that he thinks it's OK to dangle it in front of you yet you have to cut out from your diet.

Was he flirting with you?

If you see him again next time you order cake, buy two slices and hide the second one in your bag when you sit down lol

I think he thought he was being supportive and helpful. I wouldn't let it bug me.

If he was French, this would explain it. They are quite honest in their comments and voice criticism openly and do not follow the US tradition of being politically correct. French woman do not take it very personally. He may also just have been a bit flirtatious with you. After all, you did tell him a lot of personal stuff. This would have then nothing to do with food police. Just different cultures and mentalities.

I would have to say that under the circumstances you described that it is no big deal. My first thought is that you brought it up and he was probably just being funny and making light of you sharing some personal details. Now if he said "you need to lose weight so I'm cutting you off" or "I've noticed you have lost weight so I'm looking out for you", then that would be out of line. What you described however sounds very harmless and if you were really offended I would say to remind yourself that you walked into it and be more careful in the future with whom you choose to share sensitive details.

In all fairness she brought it up so it's hard to say he should mind his own business. He asked a harmless chit chat type of question and she opened the door on the weight discussion. Him minding his own business went out the window with the sharing of personal details. As they say, "Don't open the door if you don't want someone walking thought it."

I woulda been like, "Fine, I'll just go buy cake somewhere else instead. You lose the sale; I still get cake. Who's the real winner/loser in this situation?"

Sure they do.

Lunarsongbird - maybe he'd struggled with weight himself? Or has someone in his family who has? Who knows? It sounds as if he was trying to be helpful, but I wasn't there, so I can't be sure. You are the best judge of that.

If Lunar wasn't friendly with him and he refused the sale, there could have been huge repercussions for him. In a lawsuit happy nation, refusing service (which he essentially did) is a slippery slope.

And if I have the $$, I expect that a business sell me what they offer. If I want 10 buckets of KFC, who is anyone to judge whether I'm a size 2 or 22.

I bought a size Large top today. Can the clerk at Macy's tell me no, that my body would never fit in this? I think not.

bunnabear brings up a good point. To paraphrase her comment. Do not bring up your weight if you don't want anyone to talk about it. Once you mention that you are on a diet the Diet Police will appear and monitor everything you do food wise. I never tell anyone I am dieting I just let them think I am a picky eater ( I'm not) .

I think both sides of this conversation are quite strange. Why wouldn't you just explain your eating philosophy OR give your honest reaction to his comments. Instead, you played along. "What if I really wanted it?" Seems flirtatious, not offended. I personally wouldn't read anything negative or positive into the words without asking for more information. I rarely get offended or angry, and wouldn't have in a situation like this. What I would have done is ask, "What makes you think I can't lose weight and have a bit of cake now and again?" Or, "I didn't lose weight by forbidding myself occasional treats, I'm not going to start now" or even "Watching what I eat is my job, not yours, and if I need your help, I'll ask for it, " and no matter what I said or didn't say I probably wouldn't be angry, because I truly don't care enough about what strangers and acquaintences think of me for it to ruin or even affect my mood. Open hostility can even be amusing when you don't care what that person thinks.