People ask how you do it?
 

More and more people are asking me how I am losing weight.

To be honest, I feel reluctant to tell them so I am deliberately vague. There's a little bit of shame but it's mostly because I don't want people picking apart what works for me, especially to my face (I don't care so much if you guys do that!).

Part of me thinks I am not being fair because people are showing a genuine interest.

Any tips on what to say? Should I just come clean and spill the dirty deets?

I find that people don't really want a long, detailed answer. I usually say something to the effect of, "You know, healthy food, exercise. Nothing fancy." People make some comment back like, "Oh, the old fashioned way." Or, "Good for you!" And so ends the discussion.

For the ones who are genuinely interested and you know you can trust them to not pick apart your approach, just tell them what you're doing as long as you're comfortable doing so (and if not, what are you doing to make you so uncomfortable). If you're not comfortable with answering the question, just answering with counting calories and exercising. Regardless of which diet approach any of us are using, there's an element of calorie reduction and exercising involved.

This question doesn't bother me with people that I know are friends and are trying to learn from my approach. But to have an acquaintance ask -- I always wonder if the next question will be what's you favorite sex position. :o

I literally tell people "I ate a lot less", which is totally true, but obviously vague. When I first started losing I would go into more detail but found people would argue with me -- got annoying real quick!!!

There are a few people who I have shared more with, but not many. Because people typically really don't want to know for real, unless you're going to tell them you take a magic pill, never exercise, and eat tons of pizza and ice cream all day long.

when I get a comment on that I've lost weight I just smile and say "thanks"...ive never been asked straight up HOW I've lost weight but I suppose I would be equally vague...oh! I did have someone at the school ask me how I've lost weight once and I said "I like to do some running" and she looked at me like i'd gone crazy and said something like "oh I could never do that" like it's impossible

In my experience people want your magic weight loss pill secret. When they find out there is no secret, they get annoyed. I can't tell you how many times I've had this conversation:

"What have you been doing?!"
"I eat low carb, have a cheat day once a week and exercise."
"OH GOD. I COULD NEVER DO THAT/DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT. I wish I could lose weight."

People don't like hearing that there is no magic pill.

Yeah - it seems like every time I am asked and start to talk about eating right and exercising the eyes start to glaze over and they look for a reason to end the conversation. If I can't say "a magic pill" no one wants to hear it.

I think most genuine people are looking for guidance. Everyone on this site is here for the same reason. I don't think that anyone should every criticize what people are doing to better themselves, unless maybe they are a certified doctor. In which case, they probably wouldn't need the advice.

I would absolutely love for you or LockItUp to share your secrets with me. I promise I would not criticize. I personally have been in such a funk with this whole weight loss, that I am on the verge of giving up. I am the type of person who needs step by step, hold my hand and walk me through it guidance.

Oh gosh, I'm talking about people in real life. Here is a TOTALLY different story!!! Here I'm MORE than happy to share! I think most people's comments on this thread are speaking about people in real life!

People have commented on my weight loss but don't usually ask me how. When they do ask I usually say something like "I just watch what I eat" or "Eating right" or "Eating less." No one has pressed me for further details.

Emid, I know exactly how you feel... :hug:

The problem with "step by step, hold my hand and walk me through guidance" is that, even though it will likely get the weight off initially, it's likely to come back if it's not something you have internalized.

That's why you so often hear the term "way of eating" or "lifestyle change" as opposed to diet. Diet, as others have said, signals a temporary change - something that one day will be over.

I personally don't believe you have to give up any of your favorite foods in order to lose weight. I don't think you have to go hungry in order to lose weight. And I don't think you have to eat any certain way in order to lose weight. But I do think you have to learn to think differently about food and its place in your life.

Yea, i usually say "a lot of hard work and nutrition" and people say ".......cool."

I was just approached this last night while I was scrapbooking with the girls. One girl commented on my weight loss and asked what I'm up to now I told her she said good for you and ended it. Then another girl I don't know very well said how are you doing it? I told her my speal and she was well, that's way too little calories, I bet your not getting enough protien in there and so on. I couldn't believe it. I have never had anyone do that and I told her I do what works for me and you do what works for you. Got it? lol.. It's definetely a hard one though especially when it's at a time your not really prepared for.

EXACTLY! Especially your conversation :)

Whenever people ask what you did to lose weight, and then follow it up with "Oh I could NEVER do that," they are simply looking for validation of their own decision to remain overweight. You're right - they want you to say that you've added some kiwi fruit to your normal daily intake and the pounds magically disappeared!

I do IF, so that is why I am worried to tell people. It is nuts but it so works for me because I am never hungry for dinner.

I had this happen a little while ago. A guy at work noticed that I had lost some weight and asked what I was doing, and before I even answered, he said please don't say diet and exercise. I just nodded and smiled and he left in a bit of a huff. A couple of weeks later, the same guy came to my cube and had to tell me all about this great new "magic" shake he was drinking to lose weight. I just smiled, and told him I was glad it was working for him, but I would prefer to stick to my counting calories and exercise. I almost felt like he was a JW, knocking at my door, asking if he could talk to me about God and/or Jesus (No offence intended, I am not religious, and dislike anyone who tries to force their beliefs (of any kind) on others... back on topic now :) ) He even was trying to get me to be a rep for this stuff.... :lol:

It seems like most people just want the easy button. As soon as putting in any real effort is suggested, many people just scream and run away (Ok, that may have been me too before... ;) ) People who are genuinely interested in what you are doing even if it is diet and exercise will probably stick around and ask questions after you say "diet and exercise"

If I were to go into more details and someone was going to criticize the things I was doing, I would probably say something like, well, obviously it's working better than whatever your doing/not doing and then walk away. If they want to be rude for criticizing what I am doing and what is clearly been working for me, then I will be equally rude in return. (Yeah, it's not the high road, but sometimes people need a taste of their own medicine...)

Yeah, I also found that some people will focus on one thing you say, to find a reason that you are different. Like, I've said that I eat a lot better, count calories, and exercise, and they will reply back with "oh, I see, you exercise a LOT", which I didn't while losing most of my weight. :shrug:

That said, even when people in real life are truly interested, it can be really hard to actually explain what I've done. It so much easier in writing, but in person it almost seems like too overwhelming, like I'd need a few hours to give an answer worth hearing.

IanG, if I were you, I'd not try to explain IF, but just say that you've been focusing on following your bodies signals and that you stopped eating when you weren't hungery just because you thought you were supposed to. I think most people would understand that.

I also basically do IF even though it wasn't intentionally at first. I don't ever tell people that part because then they'll think I have an eating disorder. People who haven't heard of it really don't understand IF. So I just tell them what I do when I'm not fasting. I know you've said you eat a lot of salads, just tell them that part =)

I like to keep it short unless they ask for more details. Something similar to newleaf - Just eating well and keeping moving. A quick way to explain that its not some magic diet and totally doable. :)

Thanks Daki. That sounds like a winner. Salads it is!

Thanks flashfacts, I'll add that one too!

I just say, "Weight Watchers and My Fitness Pal." Usually the response is, "Oh."

If they want to know more, they'll ask. I'll be happy to share what I'm doing.

If they want to criticize what I'm doing, I just look at them with a raised eyebrow and disbelieving look accompanied by a rather snarky, "Really?"

I tend not to suffer fools gladly.

it HAS to be a lifestyle change...ive known someone who "dieted" with the Body by Vi shakes and was going to lose weight and that never happened for her....and i had a good friend who was doing weight watchers, which inspired me to try weight watchers a few years back...the last time i saw that friend she's gained even more weight and is far heavier than me now...

and not to knock those particular weight loss strategies....i just think that they wanted a "magic pill" to lose weight and didn't actually learn much about healthier eating or how to internalize it, like someone said...or never considered it a lifestyle and just gave up or returned to old habits

I agree that it has to be a lifetyle change but I do expect some wiggle room.

The lifestyle change for me is the scale and IF. I am just gonna keep weighing myself for ever and (mostly) skip dinner.

But when I am maintaining I will skip the salad lunches everyday and mix it up a little. The scale will keep me in check.

I think in different situations it has different meanings.
If I am saying at Dog Training and someone asks it is followed up wow you look great and I thank them and move on.

At work I am bombarded with what are you doing ...and if I am honest which I usually am ..it turns into me being lectured on ...you are losing too much weight! How much did you lose? how much more do you plan to lose, that is not a good thing to do ...and this what I think is better! People come and watch me eat at times ..to see what I am eating and talk to each other in front of me about me! Why did you lose weight, are you going thru a divorce, people coming up in private to talk to me, People talking in the conference room while waiting for work to begin about why this diet or this thing doesn't work.
I have been asked if I am ill, you name it ,I have had other people from other units come and gawk at me ...like I am some rare exotic animal to me stared at.. I work in with people that have a hard time filtering their comments and they will keep asking Rude questions.
I always am polite but if I don't want to go there I will not give them the answer they desire.
The most frequently asked question is how MUCH WEIGHT did you LOSE?
Basically they are asking how Fat WERE YOU!
I have never answered specifically ...I say a Significant amount!!
But they say no Really how much did you lose???

I was told this past weekend I need to wear Xtra small Scrubs!
There have been quite a bit of people who have been on diets now and in the past ...But without a Doubt I know and they Know hands down I have lost the most weight in the shortest amount of time ....and since I was off work for a while ...I think they all think I had Gastric Bypass done, There have been a couple of people who have had it done but they did not have a large weight loss
As rapidly as I have done.

There is probably a pool going around ...betting when I will gain it all back and then some!

So like I said it depends where I am at whether or not they are truly interested Or You are The Dish of the Day!
Guess what I don't take offense ....I know I work with Highly Opinionated people who are not afraid to pry into other people's business!

This is the only place I talk about weight loss ..besides of course my weight loss Coach. I am a person that compartmentalizes my life ...I will be open and honest but I do not feel the need to bare my soul ...to satisfy someone's idle curiosity. Now if I could be helpful in someone's attempt to lose weight I would .. I just am not comfortable being Topic of the Day!


I have given out my Coaches contact info for those expressing an interest...but she never got a call .....HMMM?
Roo2

I give a very brief answer - I bust my *** in the gym and count my calories with a digital scale. Most people do not wish to do that, and I don't get much prodding beyond ("wow, that sounds like a lot of work... I don't think I can do that").

Well, I am going to sound really bitter here, but this is what I have learnt: most people are ignorant when it comes to personal issues. They don't mean it, they're usually quite nice people, but the superficial "Hi, How Are You, What's up?" chats can be very hurtful if you've been struggling with health issues, depression, losing weight or you for example suffered a loss in family. I've learnt that when I was very (and I mean very) sick with Crohn's disease. I can't count the times people would meet me on a street, said I looked sick, and then have some ignorant comments when I explained I have Crohn's (often they just give you some advice on the top of their head, as if they could in 3 minutes miraculously change something that's been happening to you for 10 years). The only real and honest answer is "I'm so sorry" and "This must be hard", but for some reason, most people won't say that. They feel that have to play it down, so they do. So I found the best approach for me is to not share much unless I'm prepared to face unpleasant conversation (that is, unpleasant for me).

Again, I'm not talking about friends who are prepared to listen and genuinely try to help. This is about the usual chit chat we all have several times a day.

The say-as-little-as-possible approach proved a gold mine for me when me and my husband struggled with infertility. We didn't share with our acquintances that we wanted a baby, and were trying for a baby. We still heard lot of "sooo, WHEN are you going to have a baby?" comments but at least we didn't have to talk about pain of not being able to conceive, and then losing a baby, and another, and another with people we didn't care for).

I keep the same attitude with my diet (or, lifestyle change). They ask me how I lost the weight, I say I just ate healthier. Enough said. If people want to hear more and there is a space, I can share, but I'm not going into a conversation that can possibly just annoy me because people are going to be all about how "they could never" and I certianly "looked beautiful as I was".

Now I'm not saying it's a good approach for everyone. Some people prefere to be painfully honest about everything, and good for them. I'm just not that kind of a person and you sound like you're not either. So, as other said, keep it short, keep it simple, have some ready-made answers prepared to not get trapped.

Thanks Ronja.

I deal with this practically everyday. For me it depends on who is asking me. I don't mind sharing details with my family or those in my inner circle. People I see every week like at the market or in my weight-training class I would say thank you and basically I eat less and and workout 6 days per week. I would usually get pressed for more answers:

"Are you on low carb". I'm not.

"How about Weight Watchers?" No.

"What diet are you/were you on." I'm not on a diet, I just want my portions, be mindful of calories and have 1 planned high calorie meal on Friday OR Saturday.

"What workouts do you do?" I lift 3 days per week, cardio 4 - 5 days per week and Pilates 6 days per week.

I would hear something like well whatever you are doing keep it up. I don't mind helping at all, but find most people either want me to list a name of a diet pill or don't really want details so I save my breath. :)

sassy: Don't you hate that? It's like, these people who obviously ARENT YOU and clearly (since they're asking) haven't done research and trial/error like you have, are acting like they know more than thou. I mean, come on. Why does everything have to be about 'knowing' the most. I partially blame the 'heatlh fad.' Everyone thinks they know sh**... gluten free, splenda, free range, partially hydrogenated oils, protien, vegetarian.... It's cool these days to pretend like you know what you're doing. But when it comes down to it, it's cutting portions, eating for nutrition, and exercise. Some people's bodies don't do well with dairy. Other's can't eat gluten without getting sick. Fine, but all bodies WILL respond to portion, nutrition, and movement! Grrrr those negative nancies get on my nerves sooo quickly.
I had a girl a few weeks ago ask me about juicing, as she asked about my nalgene full of carrot juice. This is something that has helped me break the addiction to crap food and re-entice fruits and vegetables. I did my juicing plan based on the Gerson Therapy. I had researched all the claims and decided that for me, it sounded like the right choice to bump me back on track with eating fresh, raw foods and getting nutrients I was lacking for years. It was great, I loved it, I still juice 2-5 times a day plus eat some lighter food. But she approached me when I was drinking 13 8oz juices a day. She started picking apart why juicing is stupid, how you need the fiber, how I'm my muscles will go into atrophy because I'm getting zero protein (I was taking spirulina at the time, and apparently algae was not a protein). I commented on what she was ranting about maybe 2 or 3 times as she spoke and finally I just told her off: "Ok, well I don't really care what you think. That's the beauty of having our own bodies, I can do whatever the f*** I want with mine, and you can do whatever you want with yours." And I walked away.
THe beauty of the thing is that today she came up to me and said her stomach had been upset for the past few days and asked me about juicing. The first thing I did was smile and asked her,
"Well, do you have a juicer?"
"No."
"Well, the whole point is eating non-processed fresh, raw, clean nutrients."
"But what if I just bought like juicy juice?"
UGH. The she told me she never eats fruit. So I told her to just eat at least 2 fruits a day and try that first. BUT IT TOOK ALL MY STRENGTH AND GOODNESS NOT TO COMPLETELY RIP HER A NEW ONE WHEN SHE CAME CRAWLING TO ME ASKING ABOUT IT because she really was extremely rude during out first 'discussion' of my own health practices......
Haha!

I'm glad you got the f*** in there!

Wouldn't have been the same without it.

This. Absolutely.

I find there are 3 stages to the questions, and most people don't bother past the 1st stage.

stage 1: They are not really interested, and want the magic pill answer.

stage 2: They are kinda interested, but once they hear a few details they lose interest.

stage 3: They are genuinely interested, hear your details, ask for your feedback and devise their own plan (or at least their pre-contemplative plan).

Assume everyone is stage 1 until they convince you differently lol.

Can I just say magic pill and be done with it and make a million out of selling vitamin tablets before leaving the country?

I've been trying this new thing lately, and the above reminded me of it. I usually blow people off as annoying idiots if their approach is super irritating or awkward, but lately I've been trying to look at it from a different perspective and it helps. I'm a highly irritable person so I find this really helps me.

Instead of coming from a place of "wow, this person is an idiot" I try to think "wow, this person is trying to connnect with me but they are doing it in a really socially awkward way". It helps me feel a bit more compassion towards them and causes less irritation in me.

It seems that girl was actually interested in juicing but had all this bad information about it that convinced her not to try it, so she was almost... ?challenging you to convince her otherwise so she could feel better and more confident about trying it? In a REALLY awkward way LOL!!!

I think juicing as a supplement is fine but juicing as your only intake is stupid based primarily on the fact that it does very little to help establish long term dietary habits which are the key to losing it an keeping it off.

Just my opinion.

Oh - sorry - back on topic. I tell them I stopped eating breakfast which often leads to some interesting coversations.

I only said, "I joined a gym."

People were satisfied and the conversation went to something of interest.

A few persisted, when we were alone, usually preceded by, "Are you alright?" With these folks, we'd talk about healthy eating habits, donuts at work, and eating on business trips - real stuff because they had also lost weight.

But, "Joined a gym" stopped most.

Oooh. Even the big guns are coming in on this one!

I am tempted to combine everyone's suggestions into a lengthy diatribe that I recite at great speed and with much angst.

With your inputs, I have developed the following standard response that I will be giving to everyone:

Question: "How did you lose weight Ian?"

Standard Answer: "Are you an idiot or just trying to connnect with me but doing it in a really socially awkward way? Anyway, I have changed my lifestyle. You know, healthy food, exercise. Nothing fancy. I eat a lot less. I have stopped eating breakfast and joined a gym where I bust my ****. I do Weight Watchers and My Fitness Pal. I like to do some running and lift 3 days per week, cardio 4 - 5 days per week and Pilates 6 days per week. I also take a magic pill, eat salads and juice non-processed fresh, raw, clean nutrients with a juicer based on the Gerson Therapy. I watch my portions, count my calories with a digital scale, eat low carb and have 1 planned high calorie meal on Friday or Saturday. Hope that answers it as I don't really care what you think. That's the beauty of having our own body, I can do whatever the f*** I want with mine, and you can do whatever you want with yours. See ya."

LOL! This is great.

LOL!:D

This is the same for me, everyone wants some type of magic.

I am medically supervised so my situation is a bit extreme and should not be practiced without medical guidance and monitoring so I really don't get into detail with them too much. Pretty much, it's reduced calories and exercise. And just with that, they don't want to know anymore. :)

I made it into an Xtranormal movie:

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/1433...ost-weight-ian