This part of your post reminded me of a book I once read called The Rules of Normal Eating (intuitive eating advice; I couldn't do it, but the book had some good pointers). The author made an obvious point but one that I had never consciously considered before: She said that those of us who are somewhat obsessive about food (either by excessive dieting, excessive eating, excessively thinking about it, etc.) tend to think of those who are "naturally thin" as perfect people. In reality, though, they're just blessed with a different mindset about food that allows them not to think about it too much and still maintain their weight. She pointed out that those people might have other areas of their life in which they're not intuitive---e.g., some could be horrible at keeping to a budget, or terrible at social cues, etc. The point she was making is that everyone has a struggle; ours just happens to be with food.

This is an excellent point, and you see it from time to time even on this forum. We (as in those of us with weight and/or self esteem issues) tend to look at the thinner, more attractive people, and assume that they've got it all. This really hit home for me a few years back, when I got to know my bf's sister. She and I were in the same class in high school, but she was thin, blonde, popular and attractive whereas I was a foot taller than everyone, built with a bigger frame than some of the guys, and always heavy. I didn't like her. But I didn't know her, so what was I basing this on? Her appearance. Solely. Well, fast forward about 7 years later, and I'm dating her brother, and we become friends. She isn't perfect. Not by a long stretch, nor was she perfectly happy. Her food issues went to the opposite end of the spectrum than mine did - but they were still unhealthy. I judged her based on her appearance and derided her for it, which is what I'd spent years crying about other people doing to me.

I think about this all the time, in restaurants and clothing stores and doctors offices, etc.

I am hardly thin yet but I have made tremendous strides in the last 7 months. I am finally one of the thinner people in Lane Bryant vs. the biggest. But no one shopping there besides me knows this. This was fresh in my mind since me and another woman were going through the clearance rack this weekend, me through the 14-16s and her through the 26-28s. Only a few short months ago we'd have been fanning through the same clothes.

When I used to see ladies in the 14-16s, I was so jealous that they could just lose a few pounds and get into "normal" 14-16s. Now I judge no one, no one knows anything unless you have been there step by step.

That's hilarious. I can't fathom it either.

F.

I agree. And some of those intuitive eaters may have struggles with other substances such as alcohol or cigarettes. Different people find solace and oblivion in different behaviours, I suppose. I don't think it's possible to fully know why people gravitate toward one or another self-soothing behaviour.

I consider myself an intuitive alcohol drinker, if there's any such thing. I really enjoy my wine, but I never think about booze when I'm not drinking it and can keep hard liquor in the house for months without touching it. Who knows why. Truthfully I don't think I'll ever be this way with food.

F.

For most of my childhood I was thin, affectionately called a "skinny mini" (this changed during high school). Like most children I relied on my parents for meals and I was called a "picky eater". My parents always tried to get me to finish everything on my plate and this was an on-going battle.

Fast-forward to my present adult life. I freaking love food. I love to prepare it, I love to taste it, I love to eat it! I have found that I love a wide variety of foods and like lots of flavor! Looking back I think that much of the food that my parents provided was on the bland side, so I had little interest in eating it. Now that I'm responsible for my own meals and have done some culinary exploration I can't seem to get enough.