what could the problem be?
 

I posted here a while back. Still trying to help my wife. I guess it's a hobby. :)

Over the Thanksgiving holiday (four days) she gained 7 pounds. She insists she didn't eat much more than normal, and I was around her most of the time, so I can pretty much vouch for it. By way of comparison, I lost a pound over the same period.

Her weight just keeps going up, little by little (or not so little, as in the case of Thanksgiving).

Here are her symptoms: weight gain--she plateaus, but never drops. Tiredness, fatigue. Crankiness, grumpiness. She has had the dark, velvety skin between her thighs since I've known her. I always attributed it to her thighs rubbing together. Her mom said it was like that when she was a teen. She sometimes gets thick, slightly darker patches on the back of her neck and on her back, which she attributes to eczema.

When we were trying to have a baby (we now have three children) her hormones were a little imbalanced, and the Dr. said we should expect her to have difficulty getting pregnant. In actuality, it was no trouble at all.

I read about skin tags and obesity, and she's had them under her arms.

She has tried low carb diets, hates them, and has never lost a pound.

More to type, but I gotta go.

oh wow you are an amazing hubby to care soo much to ask such questions in the first place!!...i know what it is like to put weight on soo easily..i joke that i just have to smell food to put weight on...but it is no joke really...i can offer some suggestions??...has she been tested for polycystic ovary syndrome??...has she been tested for sleep apnoea??...perhaps fybromylagia??...these are only my thoughts...i certainly don't have any medical validations...just life experience and not much of that!!...i hope you find some help hun!!...you are a real treasure...keep caring!!...cheers liz

Most of that 7 pounds is probably water weight but unless there's a medical problem it all boils down to calories in vs. calories out.

I'll preface this by saying I'm not a doctor, don't claim to be, and didn't sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night. [/end disclaimer]

That said, your wife sounds an awful lot like me, except the only "skin" problem I have is acne. I have been tested for PCOS, and while they can't come to a definite conclusion, my gynecologist has placed me on medication for that.

They also recommended seeing an endocrinologist, which would be more familiar with hormonal/adrenal issues. I did, and have been diagnosed with a thyroid condition as well as insulin resistance.

From about 20 to 24 (now), all I could do was gain weight. Eating 1200 calories a day (I kept VERY careful track), I gained 14 pounds in 14-21 days. I could exercise an hour a day, five days a week, and lose less than half a pound a month. For months at a time. I was tired all the time, although that was partly due to insomnia. Even when I slept 10+ hours a night, five or six hours after waking I would be exhausted.

I hope your wife is able to find some answers to her problems.

Call me a bad person, but there are times when I feel like someone is running an "experiment" on 3FC to see if we will give someone with a health problem bad advice--like telling an anorexic to cut back on calories (that was a previous one)--and I feel like this is one of those times. Just a little too specific.

But if not, just some practical advice: Your wife will only lose weight and keep if off when she decides she wants to lose weight, and keep it off--and even then it's really hard. The only other alternative, which you may hate even more--she has a health issue (I think PCOS is the one mentioned here), and she's NOT going to lose weight, even if she wants to.

Creeper calories. Little bites of things that she doesn't think counts.

Well I'm not a doctor and I don't like to play one on the Internet. But I do have PCOS and have had many of those symptoms you mentioned including the dark skin and skin tags. If I were you I would google insulin resistance and PCOS so you can read up on it. Next would be finding an endocrinologist or a really good OB/GYN to get the bloodwork and testing done. There are scripts, diet, exercise and some alternative therapies if the tests find she has PCOS/IR.

My advice: Express your concern to HER. I realize your heart is probably in the right place, but strangers on the internet are not going to be able to do anything to help your wife. Tell her your concerns and offer to go to the doctor with her! I mean all of that in the most helpful way, no snarkiness at all -- I know that it can be hard to read tone on message boards, so just felt I needed to add that.

Best of luck!

We have discussed. Just a few minutes ago, as a matter of fact. She's always been a calories in <> calories out believer. When she was eating below 1800, though, she never lost weight. Doctor always says the same thing: just keep at it.
She's now believing that someday science will ID bacteria, etc. that affect how people digest, gain weight, lose weight, etc.
I think it might be a PCOS/hormonal imbalance, but she's been tested as borderline for that kind of thing, not enough for a doctor to want to treat.

:hug: for being such a caring hubby!

One thing that is not often, if ever mentioned, and I'm not a Doctor, but is allergy testing. I see she's been tested for lots of things, but seems borderline.

I have food allergies, I've been tested. And they can wreak crazy havoc with your body, and you don't really know why. Once the testing was complete and I had the results, I was like, DUH!

It could also be a case of quit worrying about the weight and simply tracking everything, good or bad and weighing everyday and keeping a journal and using the info as feedback, to see how certain foods affect her body in general. This may take awhile. Like, 6 months or more, and DILIGENT tracking and journaling. However, the feed back can be invaluable as to what foods affect your body and how.

For some this is not an easy process, and it takes time and persistence to find a path that works for you and allows you to feel good about yourself, and be comfortable with doing things at your own speed that are good for you.

She could put on that kind of weight in 4 days if she is sodium sensitive...most of it is water weight but I think she is in denial of the actual amount of calories she is ingesting along with the salt. Maybe her idea of a proper portion size is incorrect as it is for most Americans.

As far as a low carb diet ("she just doesn't like it") ...I believe that is the only thing that will show results for her, as she feels she can't do without carb-y foods. I was there at one point and jumped off the carb wagon...it was tough for the first couple of weeks, but if you avoid sugar the cravings for both really do go away.

It also sounds like she should be tested for an inactive thyroid, which can produce the tiredness and lack of energy.

Good luck, you sound like a great husband. Why doesn't you wife want to post on this site?

Ultimately unless she is on some serious medications (which can play havoc with one's weight) it boils down to calories.

People are very adept at underestimating their calories and/or lying to themselves about actual intake.

Medication aside, no one magically stays fat. The simple answer for most people is just to keep carbs under 50g a day and eat lots of veggies.

Personally, as a husband myself, I don't think you can ever win when it comes to your wife's weight. But it's your life.

All doctors are not equally knowledgeable on current PCOS treatment. Just saying. IF you and your wife both feel hormones, PCOS and/or IR are the problem; I would suggest an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) because they are the type of specialist who deals with PCOS most. There are some old school doctor's out there. There is even a PCOS forum/section at this site under dieting with obstacles. Here's a link. :)
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/pcos...ce-support-70/

this literally made me laugh out loud. the "it's your wife" line was more like "it's your funeral" in my head. ;)

Mine too.:D

This is just a little creepy. Does your wife know you are discussing her weight and her dark silky thighs in a public forum?

She is not a child. This is not the 1950's.

Just odd.

I think it is only logical that as a husband you are concerned for her health. But it is her life and she has to be the one to make the changes and even more so want to make them.

My husband is over weight and crazy unhealthy, so I do understand where you are coming from.

But part of me reads your post and thinks you may be coming across a bit pushy and perhaps that is why she is cranky all the time lol.

I was talking with my sister not that long ago about dieting and how people around us can show support. No one is so stupid that they don't realize their food is making them fat. We may try to live in denial or ignore it but we know. And it can be very difficult to walk that line of support without being judgmental, pushy, or even worse make us feel unattractive or worse about ourselves then we already do.

I think the best type of support is just being there for the person. Letting them know that you are there for them & will support them at their pace.

I would for sure talk to her about seeing a new doctor and/or a endocrinologist. I have PCOS myself it sucks lol. Maybe even seeing a nutritionist?

Maybe tell her about this website and ask her if she would like to join. Did you tell her you were posting here? I just find it strange I guess because it seems like you are talking to her about the issue but is she just not doing anything herself? Again you can't force someone else to change and trying will just lead to resentment and alot of bad feelings. Sometimes it can take years before someone is ready to make that change.

Instead of focusing on her losing weight maybe talk about eating healthier. Does she do all the shopping and cooking? You can try shopping together, I always go shopping with my husband I like that :) Maybe offer to cook more meals or cook together. Take a cooking class together and look up recipes and make them together. Which is super romantic too. It doesn't have to be about losing weight but instead eating healthier meals and trying new healthier foods.

When i cook for my husband I add in tons of veggies and new stuff that he would never eat on his own. He has really loved some things that he never thought he would and has been introduced to new foods and lots of veggies. the other week I made vegan brownies packed with zucchini and pumpkin and dark chocolate. He loved them!

Offer to take a walk in the evening after dinner together. Plan fun romantic dates that involve activity like going to the zoo and walking around or to the park where you can walk and pack healthy lunch. Go swimming, etc... Kindof sucks that it is winter though idk where you live. Maybe take a dance class together?

Small changes like switching to whole wheat and adding in veggies and fruits with meals can add up to bigger changes.

Assuming that 1,800 is her daily caloric allowance that leaves her with a 500 cal defecit (I don't know her height/weight) then she's possibly not tracking correctly if she's not losing. Or she's not giving it enough time.

Agreed! Maybe we should stop feeding the troll?

I think I read somewhere about dark neck skin being related to thyroid problems.

Not trying to sound rude but I think the main problem is that you're posting here and not her.

If she is genuinely tracking everything and eating at a deficit and still not losing then medically there must be something wrong. If there's nothing medically wrong I'd say that she's not being completely honest with what she's eating. Which is normal, I think that's something that a lot of people struggle with.

O.k., well, to those who have done, thanks for the informative replies. As for the rest, no, I'm not trolling. Maybe it's creepy to post here, but it's a lot easier and informative to post on a forum than it is to surf through thousands of websites. And maybe I'm wrong to do it without telling her, but this is all anonymous and she abhors/eschews social networks as a waste of time. I don't, but she does. Nonetheless, point taken. I'll amscray in a moment.

She's an engineer. Recording data (i.e. calories) is something that is second nature, and she has done it multiple times.

I rarely discuss her weight with her, but she complains about it on a daily basis. Most times I do not respond. When I do it is always with encouragement.

We eat different foods and often don't eat together. I do not have a weight problem. She has all but forbidden me from eating along any type of diet plan: when I've done it in the past I have lost weight and she didn't. Nothing is more discouraging than that.

Every so often I get encouraged to try to find a solution.

Oh, well.

Hi Hubby. I'm not sure if you'll return, but if you do then I hope you'll be able to convince your wife to seek out weight loss support here or somewhere else. We can delete your threads for you if you don't want to leave this out in the open. If she is not interested in online support, maybe she can join a local weight loss group such as Weight Watchers or TOPS. Studies have shown that those who join support groups, even online, are more likely to lose the weight and keep it off with continued support. Maybe you can dig up a few stats that will appeal to the engineer in her.

You mention 1800 calories per day, which is a lot for many women trying to lose weight. I personally gain weight on 1800 cal per day. Drop to 1600, 1400, and even 1200 if that's what it finally takes.

Add exercise. While a lot of people can lose weight without exercising, many people can't lose weight without exercise - and a lot of it. You mention she may have PCOS, but her hormone levels were not at the level her doctor wanted to see before treating it. A very large study done a few years ago showed that exercise was more important to treating PCOS than diet, even for the subjects that ate a carb rich diet. But it takes a lot of exercise. Even without PCOS, a lot of women find they can't lose weight by diet alone. Maybe the two of you could find an activity you enjoy and can do every night together.

I'm going to wrap up this thread now since it took a different direction than you intended. If you decide you want us to delete your posts, please let us know. Good luck :)