I wish I could say I don't know how this happened, but in the last 9 months I've managed to have a net loss of just 12lbs (I've gone over and under this but as of today it's a flat 12lbs). My father was diagnosed with acute leukemia around the time the slide happened, and I've since given up work for the time being to help my mom care for him.
Now, I know I'm not the only person to ever have a stressful moment or an ill parent, we've all been there, some of us more than others. Yet for me the only comfort I find is food and boy have I rediscovered it! I delight in driving to the gas station and loading up on sweets and soda, or going drive thru for fast food after I drop my mom off at the hospital (my dad's been in hospital for the last 3 months or so), yet I feel like utter poop once I've gorged on the food. It's pretty much just me and my mom and it's a really difficult time for us both, with only the other to rely on.
Ordinarily I'd snap myself out of it eventually, or something would happen where I'd have a lightbulb moment, but despite knowing what I need to do, I just don't do it. I know I'm sabotaging myself and I can't find it in me to stop.
So my question for those of you who have struggled with comfort eating, how do you get yourself out of it? And what do you find comfort in instead? I feel like such a failure and I have only myself to blame. I can control almost anything else I want in my life, but it's not coming easily with the food just now.
I wish I had some pearl of wisdom that would make everything easy, but the truth is that you've created a habit and you now have to break it. The way I got/get through it is plain and simple; white-knuckle it baby!
Cry, scream, jump up and down and throw a fit if you are frustrated but do not continue to give into the urges... that only reinforces those behaviors. I'm sure others will chime in with a laundry list of really great suggestions for ways to distract yourself and get through the cravings when that emotional trigger sets you off but really, at the base of it all is sheer WILLPOWER.
You CAN do it, and I promise you are stronger than you feel you are right now.
You are going through a lot right now and anyone in your situation would probably be the same so please don't put yourself down. I also have such a habit and am still struggling with it.
When I want food to be a comfort, I end up eating endlessly. But instead of ice cream and chips, I end up eating walnuts and blueberries and drinking tea (without sugar) until my stomach just can't handle the "comfort" because I am so full. In fact, I ended up almost completely replacing sugar with fruits. By snacking on healthy foods, you don't feel as guilty.
I find that exercise helps me so much more with stress than eating does- although I know what you mean about turning to it. Even just a short walk can improve my mood a great deal. Good luck with everything.
Eating doesn't help your father or you to take care of him. It adds a load of guilt to your burden. I was the sole care giver for my husband for 6 years until he passed away and the only thing I had control over was what I ate.
I'm so sorry about your dad! That's very tough and sad, I'm sure.
For me - when I eat to "comfort" myself, it really is a form of self punishment/self loathing. While I enjoy eating, and the flavors and tastes, when I actually gorge myself I find no comfort in the end, at all. I typically will end up feeling worthless, and like a failure. It then feeds (no pun intended) into the cycle of overeating again.
I have no idea if that is relate-able to you, at all, just wanted to share.
Many of us struggle to control our eating, especially in times of stress. I agree with JossFit: you have to use your willpower and get through it. I started using sugar-free hard candies and gum to get me through moments of compulsion and I found that the desire to eat would fade within 15-20 minutes. Distraction is a good tool - go for a walk, wash the dishes, do something.
I'd also suggest that you give the negative self-talk the boot. I've tried really hard to do that over the past year and it's helped me stay on plan. I don't give myself a lot of rah-rah pep talks, but I've stopped being so mean to myself. I don't deserve that, just because I have disordered thinking about food.
I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through... My Mom has been battling cancer for the last two years... and the only thing that I found any comfort in at all, was eating, sleeping, and really long, hot showers... I just didn't have the energy to give a **** about what I was eating... and you know what...? Well of course, I gained weight... But I've forgiven myself... and I realized it just wasn't the best time to focus on weight loss... I needed to deal with my sense of helplessness, hopelessness, and overwhelming sadness, so I could start to deal with why I was not only stuffing my face, but why I was "stuffing" my feelings as well... It hasn't been easy, that's for sure... But dealing with life on life's terms rarely is...
Be kind to yourself and take care... Sometimes this weight loss "journey" thing just has to take a back seat... and that's OK, it really is...
Last edited by TripSwitch; 09-07-2012 at 11:27 PM.
But for me, I like to put on my headphones and just walk, walk, walk, and even run sometimes. It lets my mind wander to my favorite musics and it makes me happy. Everyone's different though. You could try all sorts of different things. Put away all your food, forget your wallet at home so you can't buy food, and try stuff out. Lay in your bed and listen to calming music, play a game, anything except eat until it's meal time.
I delight in driving to the gas station and loading up on sweets and soda, or going drive thru for fast food after I drop my mom off at the hospital (my dad's been in hospital for the last 3 months or so), yet I feel like utter poop once I've gorged on the food.
It's tough dealing with life's curve balls, but we just have to muscle our way through somehow. You summed up the problem and the solution, I think. The food isn't put in front of you by someone else - you are driving somewhere to get it. Just don't drive there. Don't go to the gas station. Don't go through the drive-through. I know that is such a simple statement. But sometimes it is that simple. You say you feel bad (OK - you didn't say bad, you said poop) after taking your food seeking detours. Don't do it! If it isn't there, you can't eat it. Take a different route home. Or stop at the grocery store and load up on fruit and veggies for snacking. Keep a few diet sodas in the house. Just try to re-focus. I can't tell you how many times I've just driven past a place I wanted to drive through. Well, fast food doesn't have the pull on me, put pizza does. So does pasta, and there is a great Italian take-out on my way home from work. Just go to the next light. Then the next.
I've said (along with many others in here) that we make it through many days by making one small choice at a time. you can do this one block at a time. Just say you'll stop at the next gas station or fast food place. But then go one more block before deciding. Make it a game with yourself.
The plus side of all this is you're still losing. Slowly, but still going down. In my mind, that's a victory. Keep up the battle. The tide will turn in your direction one of these days.
And I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. I know you have strength you've not even tapped into yet. You can stay strong and do this.
I wish I had some pearl of wisdom that would make everything easy, but the truth is that you've created a habit and you now have to break it. The way I got/get through it is plain and simple; white-knuckle it baby!
This. Plus I don't buy the stuff and put it into my house for any reason. It is easier to resist when you see if for a minute or two at the store, but if you bring it home, you know why you really brought it home, it's not for so and so, or company, it's because I am going to eat it. We have a "monkey on our back" it's not heroin or crack, but it plays the same mind games with us.
I went through the same thing with my parents last year and it is tough. I think that you have done well losing 12 pounds. There are times in our lives that we are doing very well to simply not gain. I did not do that well. I gained 40 pounds during that time. I beat myself up for a while but now have picked myself up and am losing again. I am glad that I took the time to be there for my parents. Now, I am taking the time that I need for me.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Do the best that you can and focus on your parents. Later, when this is over you can focus on yourself more.
I just wanted to say thanks for all your kind words and tough love! Thanks so much - I really appreciate the advice from people who understand what it's like to struggle with food (my girlfriends just don't get it!!). Taking each day at a time now and hoping things improve soon
Stress and comfort eating
