Unrealistic Goal
 

Has anyone else set an unrealistic goal weight?

I have...

Now with that being said, it's not that it isn't achievable... I actually think that it's definitely "doable"...

I didn't pull this "magic" number out of thin air or anything like that... It's actually what I weighed in college... and it wasn't a struggle at all, because I didn't have issues with being "overweight" until recently... So I've said to myself why shouldn't I be around the same weight as I was back then...

I'm just not sure how I feel about giving up on ever being that weight again in order to be more "realistic"

So I'm sure there lots of people here that had to face this too... How did you handle it? Did you just go for it? Or maybe do something in between...? Or do something completely different...?

Yes--we are similar heights and weights (I'm 5"8.5 and 166 lbs) my goal weight is 130 but out of concern that it is unrealistic for me, my official goal is 140. I haven't been 130 since the sixth grade so I have a fear I'll never see that again. Even 140 seems tough. My weight loss has slowed to 1 lb a week so it feels like it will take forever!

I should say-the reason why I chose 140 is because it feels more achievable, possible, and manageable. If I can get to the 130s then that would be amazing but I won't beat myself up over it if I don't get there. 140 would be wonderful.

i actually read somewhere that women who shoot for more "unrealistic" goals keep with it longer.

that being said, 125 at your height seems very borderline underweight.

but, you're a grownup so your goal weight is your choice!

also, congrats on your huge loss so far!

I can't even fathom being 125 and I am an inch and a half shorter than you. That is the absolute lowest healthy weight according to BMI. Why not aim for a little higher than that because of your beautifully toned lean muscle? ;)

Honestly, go until you are happy with the way you look. You are already a healthy weight, so stop when you want to. It is all about the way you look and feel, not the number on the scale. Maybe it is time to make fitness goals instead of weight loss goals?

5'9" and 125 is not impossible, if you have that body type, but might not be realistic.

Currently, I'm 53 years old, 5'5" and 138 and I look dang good and I"m happy with my body.

Yes, I could shave of a few more pounds, but I'm not worried about it.

I have maintained this weight for a year now, So maintaining is more important to me than those last few vanity pounds.

My Doc, is happy with my weight and all of my other numbers, so I'm good with it!:D

I picked a target weight based on my age and height and what the average for that is. I didn't really pay attention to my weight when I was younger, so I have no idea the last time I was at that weight. If, on the way, I find that my weight it acceptable, and isn't 120, then I'll ease up on weight loss a bit and just worry about maintaining.

I can definitely relate. My UGW as posted on my ticker is 132. I picked that mostly because it's 100 lbs less than where I started. However, at 5'4 and with a smaller and what I'd consider a pretty muscular body type, I think I'll look even better between 120-125. I'd love to get down there, but it's also admittedly going to be vanity pounds! :-)

Here is a 5'9" woman who weighs 145.

You're much better off focusing on body fat percentage and not weight.

I've had similar issues to you (wanting to look model thin) but I've learnt to get passed them. I'm also 5'9", and when I was a teenager I wanted to be 120 pounds. When I got older I decided on 130 which was a bit more realistic. Recently my goal weight went up to 140, which I think is far more realistic for my body type. My sister is around 140 pounds, and she's got a gorgeous body, so there's really no need to go below that.

Since I'm up as well and about your height, I thought I'd add my experience to the mix. For me, I have been 137 lbs. once in my life and I was extremely thin and unhealthy because I was starving myself. The best weight for me is somewhere around 140 but I was recently at 143 and I must admit I looked good at that weight. I was happy but still striving for thinner. Then I took some migraine meds that made me put the weight on again and I'd be thrilled to ever get back down to even 150. I guess I'm not making much sense (sleep deprivation) but really I'm trying to say that it's best to be grateful for good health and to feel good in your own skin rather than live up to some ideal. Also, if it makes any difference, my husband likes for me to weigh around 150 cuz he likes a bit more junk in my trunk. ;)

Originally Posted by SacredKestrel:
Thanks... those are some abs...! I actually think it would be a lot harder to get that sort of definition than to get down the 20lbs. from there...

This. I'm an advocate of heavy weight training, but a lot of times these pictures and the advice to focus on body composition get thrown around casually, as though this is easier than losing weight. (I'm quite sure that JohnP personally doesn't intend to suggest that it is easier, just that it is better/healthier. I'm just being the Debbie Downer who points out that this process is a much longer, more difficult one than simply losing fat.)

I didn't know if I'd be able to reach my goal weight of 120, which is what I weighed in high school. I have found it to be surprisingly easy, though. I don't have any food issues to speak of; I gained weight because I ate out too much and didn't care about my weight or fitness. But each weight loss journey is individual.

I look fine at 120 because I don't carry much muscle mass (more than when I started losing weight in July 2010--I was very overfat at the beginning--but not much), so I'm not overly thin. I am committed to putting on more muscle mass over the long haul, but it is a long, long (and personally, frustrating) process.

Some people have suggested that my goal (and current) weight of 140 lbs is unrealistic for a height of 5'11" and age 55, but I've been maintaining without undue struggle for close to a year now. If I had to severely restrict calories to maintain this weight, I would certainly reconsider, but that hasn't happened. I eat about 2,000 calories a day and exercise 2-3 hours per week.

F.

My numbers have always been high for my height - mainly because of muscle. So when a doctor says I should be 125 ... well, that's not gonna happen unless I look like a scrawny twig. I've decided that when I look in the mirror naked and go "YEP - that's it!" Then I've hit my goal. No numbers!!!!!

Oh - and I'm only 5' 4" :)

I'm 5'9 and about 4 years ago I was 137/138. I was lifting heavy weights and I was really lean--I was wearing size 6es and some of my tops were smalls (this despite always large boobs). I can't imagine getting down to 120 and still being able to hold my head up!

Still, bodies are different and you might wind up having a body like Freelancemomma. But I fully agree with John that at a certain point, body fat is far more important than scale weight. The point is to look and feel good, right, not to win points with the scale gods?!

I'm 125 pounds at 5'5 and holding steady but shrinking a little because I'm building muscle. I can eat whatever I want pretty much and I eat out and drink and have dessert many days of the week.

I think what matters most is what lifestyle you are willing to maintain in order to keep your weight where you want it. I would like how I looked much better around 100-110 (I have a small build and no "curves"), but I can't say I'm willing to make the sacrifices needed to get and stay there right now - or maybe ever.

I picked my goal based on what size I was at that weight for most of my adult life (125-7 and size 4/6 usul 4 on bottom and 6 on top). HOWEVER, if I get to 135 and am that size, fine...I'll maintain there (unless I continue to lose because I don't plan on going back to the way I ate before). If I get to 127 (which is the midrange for my frame and height) and don't like how I look (meaning want to go down) I'll keep going. My "goal" for someone my height according to some of my friends should be 107. Well I think I'd look gaunt, but I'm not at 127 yet so I'll reassess then. I'd rather be 140 pounds and have a lot of muscle and low body fat versus 107 and have no muscle tone.

I think its kind of pointless to focus too much on goal weight at this point in your journey. I think its fine to have a low goal for now if it keeps you going, but not if it gets discouraging.

That said, as you progress, you should continually re-evaluate what your endpoint might be. You may find that you love your body at a slightly higher weight and deciding to stay there should in no way be considered a failure, even if you didn't get to your pie in the sky magic number.

If you strength train, which everyone should in my opinion, you may build up more muscle than you had in college resulting in a higher weight with the same or even lower body fat percentage. This shift in composition would probably make you look better than you used to. Even if you don't want to build more muscle, it would be a great idea to lift in order to maintain what you have now (which is the more likely outcome of lifting while losing weight than building a ton of muscle).

It really depends on your body type and composition. For most women who have had children, for example, I'd say that might be too low bodyfat for them to comfortably maintain. But if they had a light, narrow frame or were committed to working hard to maintain that low bodyfat? It might be a perfectly natural weight for their body without a total struggle. Generally though, I'd suggest weight training and heading for 140-ish instead. If it is a look you want, and not just a number, you can achieve a better 'look' with heavy lifting, and then who cares what the scale says, if your clothes fit the way you want them to?

Originally Posted by krampus:
I think what matters most is what lifestyle you are willing to maintain in order to keep your weight where you want it. I would like how I looked much better around 100-110 (I have a small build and no "curves"), but I can't say I'm willing to make the sacrifices needed to get and stay there right now - or maybe ever.

This really hit home to me, because most of my life I failed at weight loss, because I would reach a point where I wasn't willing to do more to lose more, and because I wasn't at my goal weight, I would give up feeling hopeless and helpless.

I actually had to take "goal weight" off my main radar. When I focus on a weight goal, especially my ultimate goal, it becomes overwhelming because it's so far away, especially because it's a goal I only have indirect control of. I can control what I eat and how much I move, but I can't precisely control my weight (at least not without surgically removing the fat).

Instead, I focus on what I can control. I only change what I'm willing to change forever (or at least indefinitely), and willing to change regardless of whether weight loss results. That way, weight loss is the "reward" not the goal.

Using weight loss as a reward (and not even the most important reward) has made the process far more rewarding, and far more comfortable. If I'm not losing, I don't feel discouraged because I have decided that losing isn't the main point.

I don't give my actual current or goal weight much thought. I will just continue to make changes until I'm satisfied with the results or until I don't want to make any more changes (and then I'll have to learn to be satisfied with the results or find a way to be willing to make more changes).

I have on several occasions reach a point where I felt that I couldn't make any more changes. In the past, I would have given up (because my goal weight was so far away, I'd feel hopeless).

My reaction this time was to tell myself "Well, if you can't make any more changes, that's fine, but you have to stick with the changes you have already made to maintain the results you HAVE acheived. Also, if you're done making changes, you have to learn to accept the consequences - you either have to accept that this is going to be your goal weight, or you have to find a way to be willing to make more changes."

So far, I keep finding (eventually) the motivation to make more changes, but if there comes a point that I'm not willing to make more changes, I will have to learn to accept the weight I end up at (or be willing to make more changes).

I don't know where I'll end up, or how long it will take me to get there (and it doesn't really matter). I'm confident that 289 is not the end, but whether the end will be 250, 200, 150, or 125 I can't tell you, because I don't know yet what I'm willing to do to get to those numbers. What I can say, is that I will be happy with wherever I end up, because I'm choosing to be happy along the way and at any destination point.

I also remind myself that I don't have to make any ultimate decisions "now." If I'm happy at 200, it doesn't mean I will stay there indefinitely - it may just be a temporary stop or it may be the ultimate destination. I don't have to decide that now, or ever. I can just keep deciding how much I'm willing to change to continue being rewarded with weight loss.

I wish I had discovered this practical attitude towards weight loss decades ago. Making the changes I'm willing to make and choosing to be happy with whatever the results eliminates the justification for backsliding. Unfortunately, we're taught to see only the ultimate goal as having any value at all, so if we ever feel that we have to give up on our ultimate goal, we feel that we might as well go back to our old eating habits, because if we're going to be fat anyway, we might as well at least get to eat what we want.

While I always KNEW this, I didn't really believe/feel it until I made a conscious effort to.

The only goal I am setting is to be in a "healthy" BMI range because most plastic surgeons prefer you to be in that range before they'll perform a tummy tuck. Besides that I could care less about the number. I'm muscular, curvy, and have huge boobs. I like my proportions and as long as I stay in the same proportions but maybe skim off a few inches from them I'm satisfied. I never want to be "skinny".

Thanks once again to everyone for your input on this one...

All of this got me thinking... so I pulled up some old pic's... Now that I look at them again with fresh eyes, so to speak... Starting with the ones from around college when I was running cross country in the fall, skiing in the winter, and doing some mountain bike races and swimming in the summer... I actually think that I look almost cachexic... Then when I moved into running marathons and I actually "gained" ten pounds, I think I looked pretty good... A couple of years later I started doing triathlons which culminated in the completion of an Ironman and my weight was in the 140's... I definitely think I look pretty good in those finish line photos (maybe, a little more "muscular" than I think would look good on me now though...)

So I think that somewhere in the 130's is probably the best place for me... I think I'll look good in the cloths that I want to wear (I know, I know, my vanity is a big issue, but I've learned to accept the simple fact that I'm just one of those "high maintenance" New Yorker types and that's OK...lol...) And I think that in that neighborhood my body fat % will get with the program and fall into an acceptable and healthy range... actually I'm quite certain it will be on the "low" side without getting too crazy in the gym....

Right there! THAT!! That's a big thing. As long as I look good in the clothes I want to wear I don't care about the number on the tag or the number on the scale.

When I was younger I had issues with eating disorders and I was obsessed with the goal weight of 118. I'm 5'8 and so, for me, that would've been a BMI just under 'healthy' putting me at 'underweight'.

Perhaps I've been overweight so long that the thought of being just a little underweight was like a sinful fantasy. Being just a little too skinny sounded nice.

I've gone through a lot to overcome unhealthy dieting, purging, diet pills, obsessing over women I'll never look like and then beating myself up constantly all day for not being naturally stick thin and then beating myself up for not even being able to starve myself thin.

I decided my goal weight would be 130-135, but honestly I'll be so happy to see 199lbs, and 170lbs and 150lbs...135 is just a vague number I pulled off the BMI chart. I might absolutely love 150lbs and start toning up there, maybe trying to get to 140. I've been in the 200's now for about three years, and my lowest weight during my teen years was 160.

I honestly have no idea what anything less than 160 will look like on me, and at 160 I wasn't toned at all.

At my weight it's important to see the number on the scale going down because I'm positive a good weight for me is under 190lbs, but who knows if it's 130, 140, 150 or even 160 with some toning? All those numbers are better than 250.

Anyways, that's my little spiel. Right now my goal is to be 170lbs by next October. I will be on cloud 9 if I can reach that goal, and it's not even my goal weight. In fact, I'll be on cloud 9 when I hit Onederland. That's life and weight loss, eh?

It's tough. I set my goal weight at the top of the healthy range: 140lbs. I knew that deep down inside that the athletic look is what I was always attracted to, but I thought I could never get there.

As you can see I shot past that goal and I weigh 112. Heavy weight training helped get me here and has put me in the amusing position of being too small for a lot of women's clothes. I often thought that was reserved for those in the much smaller weight range (i.e. barely 100lbs) but I found my way there; probably due to weight training.

It's relatively painless for me to stay here at this weight, but I am willing to get up at 4:45 in the morning to go to the gym and lift weights before work. I'm willing to go to the gym on evenings when I'm tired. I'm willing to continue to track my calories and be picky with the foods I eat to ensure I'm getting adequate calories and nutrition for the heavy lifting I do.

Like krampus said, it's all about how much you're willing to sacrifice to get there. If you get there and find it's too much then you DO NOT have to stay there. If you reach your goal weight and decide you can sacrifice more to get to a lower weight, then that's well within your rights as well.

I don't know if I'll stay here forever or if I'll choose a higher or lower weight at some point. Right now in the present this is fine for me. I'm happy, I'm healthy so I think I'm doing good.

My original goal weight was 150, smack dab in the middle of the healthy weight range. I knew I didn't want to get down to my college weight of 140 because I didn't like my lack of womanly curves at that time. So, I chose 150.

Then, I lost fifty pounds. I was thrilled with how I looked and felt and I knew that I didn't need to lose forty more pounds to be happy. So, I changed my goal weight to 170. Also, I read about a couple of studies that show that longevity may be most associated with weights at the bottom end of the overweight BMI.

When I got to 170, I was only a couple of pounds of above "normal" weight and I suddenly found that I was very motivated to get to say I was "normal" weight. So, I got down to 165 before declaring myself at goal.

I haven't fully decided what my maintenance weight is going to be. I can hover here around 169 and not be too stringent about what I eat -- on the other hand, I'm almost constantly on guard for bingeing and other bad behaviors that would shoot me back up into the 170s. Or, I can maintain around 165 and be much more careful day to day, but also have a more disciplined attitude all the time so I'm not as much at risk for going out of control. It will take me awhile to decide where the sweet spot is for me.

Originally Posted by freelancemomma:
Some people have suggested that my goal (and current) weight of 140 lbs is unrealistic for a height of 5'11" and age 55, but I've been maintaining without undue struggle for close to a year now. If I had to severely restrict calories to maintain this weight, I would certainly reconsider, but that hasn't happened. I eat about 2,000 calories a day and exercise 2-3 hours per week.

F.

Kudos to you my svelte friend.

Only you can know what's realistic for you.

I have a teenage son who is 6'2" tall and 140 pounds. He's thin. He's healthy. The weight fits him.

Ultimately, we all just need to find a weight that works for us. For me, I'm shooting for around 155-160. I got down to 165 in late April and JUST got my body fat percentage (on the wholly inaccurate body fat scale) to under 25%. I didn't feel I had more than 5 pounds left to go - but I had more fitness level to go. And that is my goal - better fitness - not a weight on a scale.

Then, I got injured, and then I started another part time job and gained 5 pounds, but maintained that for a couple months. Then I went on vacation for a month and gained more. Now I'm working on getting that vacation weight off (4 pounds gone - 10 to go).

So, I'm 15 pounds over my all time low and I FEEL it. What I felt more, was the lapse in fitness. WHile I was very active from late April to late August, (walking, hiking, swimming, landscaping), I wasn't lifting weights and man can I tell. I am much bigger in the mid-section especially. So... back to work I went and my body is firming up again. WHen I get to 160-165 range, I'm going to do a BodPod body fat testing and see where it is. If it's all good (my goal is to be under 25%), then I'll be happy with the weight on the scale and will just continuing on lifting weights and walking/cardio for exercise.

Someone just asked me today what my goal was. I am just a few pounds away from an overweight BMI which was my original goal. I feel I can go a bit more, but at the same time I feel scared for some reason. Scared of failure..backsliding or not being able to do more....something. I am MORE critical than I ever was and am having trouble being comfortable and confident. I thought that part would come easier now.

I like what Kaplots had to say. Make small changes and stick to those until you feel like you can make more small changes to get more results....and on and on. Stick to the changes you have made and maybe take the word goal weight out of your vocabulary.

This week I attempted to cut my oatmeal serving down by an eighth of a serving and trim my milk serving. I was doing well until PMS hit....why on earth would oatmeal turn into a comfort food? But I need to stick to those changes.

re:
 

My goal isn't really concrete. I guess it would be at least 158 which would be a normal BMI. I'd like to have some room to move around without worrying about going over that BMI number, so I picked 140. We'll see when I get down there. I'd at least go to 150.

I'm big into BMI numbers because I work in insurance. While I personally believe they are not indicative of health, many businesses and health care services have those magic numbers that make you pay more if you're over them.

Regardless what number you pick, the 'you're too skinny!' remarks start coming about 30lbs over it :/

Initially I wanted to have the goal of 150, the weight I was in high school and mid-range for healthy BMI for my height. Then I lowered it to 146, which was half my highest recorded weight. I ended up losing more, and felt great at the lower weight, though many people commented that I had lost too much and looked gaunt (way to be encouraging, folks!). Maintenance has been a little rough for me, and I went up past my maximum allowed, so am working steadily to get back to the low 140s, which I think it the most realistic sustainable weight for my height/age/pregnancy history (6 kids).

I'm generally a lurker but I have to comment. I am right now 5'9 and 124 :o

When I first joined this site, I was probably about 145, and I wanted to be closer to 135-130. As some people have said, it's too thin for SOME people, but I think a lot depends on body frame, age, etc. I have an extremely small frame, not much for boobs, skinny arms and legs... so for me it works. At 145 I was kind of poochy. At 130, I was still wearing size 4-6 pants or skirts, so it's not like I was a size 0 or anything.

I've since gotten sick and ended up getting my gallbladder removed, which is why I (not on purpose) lost down to 124. I have to say... although I am pretty thin at this weight, it wouldn't be out of the question for me to maintain it. I don't look emaciated or anything, although I think my BMI is technically underweight. (BMI is sort of inaccurate anyway). In high school I was thinner than this.

But so much depends on body type - so do what is right for you!

Edited to add: I am also young (26) and I have never been pregnant - I think both those things are also factors.