So apparently I'm obsessed.
 

I'm obsessed. What-Evah!

This is what some friends/coworkers told me when I talked to them about this diet I started. They asked about it, so I told them. But they didn't like what they heard and they think that I look fine at my hefty 167 pounds, so that means I'm obsessed. Because I want to lose 30 more pounds, I'm obsessed. Never mind that my healthy weight range for my height ranges from 120 to 145. Even by medical standards, I'm overweight. I'm shooting for 135, and figure if I range plus or minus that by a few pounds, it will be OK.

They say, just eat healthy. Well, that hasn't been working for me. And quite honestly, it hasn't been working for them either. I've been counting calories and eating healthy for 2 years only to lose 40 pounds. Now in the grand scheme of things (I posted about this) that's not bad. It's perfectly healthy to go the slow approach. Probably even healthier than crash dieting or even what I'm doing now. But frustration has taken over, and I'm looking to push through the next few pounds a little bit more quickly.

What's interesting is this negative feedback only drives me to keep going. it's strange because I'm uber sensitive about what people think of me and I would think that negative feedback would knock me down. Instead, it's pushed me forward. I don't know if it's the message or the messenger, though. These women are on the heavy side. They have belly fat, and could stand to lose a few pounds themselves. The fact that I'm doing something to lose the weight, and they're not while they criticize me only makes me want to lose it more. It's like, tell me how obsessed I am when I lose 20 more pounds and you're still talking about "when you start losing weight".

Does anyone else ever get that? They think you're obsessed because you've been dieting for a long time, or because you choose a weight loss program that costs a lot of money or any weight loss program that they just don't like? Or maybe your methods just don't line up with theirs? Maybe you declined cake at lunch or chose salad over pizza? Does the criticism help or hinder your progress?

Well, you can be obsessed or not. If it's all that you think about and talk about - you're obsessed. Just that you are watching what you eat and are trying to lose weight does not make you obsessed or changing your approach does not make you obsessed... having all consuming thoughts is obsession.

However, changing how you lose weight can be dangerous - all liquid diets, purging, stopping eating, etc are unhealthy and anyone who cares about you would voice their concern, but this still isn't 'obsession', but destructive behavior.

Not sure by your post where you are mentally, but your coworkers might be legitimate in their concerns or completely off base.

I know people who deal with that. I don't because I don't talk about it much. I've shared my process with close family and a few friends. I don't go into much detail though. Losing weight is just really personal for me. I have my own particular habits I need to overcome, just like everyone. I don't see much value in talking about it because for the most part I'm not that interested in the feedback.

I'm not much of a drinker and sometimes I don't want any alcohol at all. So being out with a group that is drinking could be hard because they would automatically feel odd that I wasn't drinking and they were. They'd want reasons. It was as if my not drinking was a critique of them. I just think that's how people are. I actually find people who feel a need to announce their diet every time someone asks if they want pizza pretty annoying. I'm not saying you are like that, but I have seen people talk about their diet incessantly and they do seem kinda obsessive.

I avoid all that talk but not telling people I am on a diet. Somehow, when people hear you are on a diet , they just can't resist making comments. I would ignore them as much as I possibly could.

I guess it depends on what diet you're doing, maybe what you have to do seems extreme to them. My mom called me obsessive because I count every single calorie (and she said that fruits&vegggies don't count), also when I first started researching I spent hours trying to figure out what I needed to do (because all past attempts failed). But it could be that those people just aren't supportive, and that doesn't improve matter. All that matters is that you are losing weight healthily, for yourself and your health.

This is such an excellent comparison! Someone should really sticky this.

I think it's quite easy to get carried away with the initial excitement of discovering things you never knew about food, calories, nutrition, blahblah, and want to share it with people. But that all dies down - if it's truly a lifestyle change, "on-plan" eating and activity just becomes habit and routine. Weight loss is almost as simple as a side effect of this!

I have a really good friend who is being like this towards me. She doesn't "understand" why I want to get in great shape. I'm no longer overweight so that pretty much means I should stop according to her. Never mind that I'm at the very top of BMI, body fat etc. etc. still. Never mind that I'm working with a qualified nutritionist who knows what they are doing etc. etc. She thinks I'm pushing too hard, being obsessed bc/ I want to get in the best shape that I can...ummm wtf is wrong with that exactly? I want buff arms - SO WHAT? What gives these people the right to chime in on our bodies?? So frustrating. I don't talk about my diet, workouts etc. I don't need to discuss it with anyone but my trainer and nutritionist. She just keeps seeing changes in my body and basically wants to give advise she is not qualified to give - my guess is...JEALOUSY.

I think jealousy can play a part. but I also think it can be way more basic than that. The fact is the way we look is a big part of how people identify us and when our appearance changes it can be really shocking.

Jennifer Hudson inspired me to get serious about my weight loss. I was 9 months pregnant and saw what she did after having her son and just going through her family nightmare. I just thought how I had no excuse. At the same time, I really thought she looked pretty terrific before. I remember her wearing a size 16 Vera Wang dress to the Golden Globes a few years back. She looked amazing. So I definitely felt that maybe she was pushing too hard, but that was because that wasn't the way I was used to seeing her.

I was the same way when a friend's husband lost weight. He didn't look overweight to me before, but he was. He lost weight and it was jarring. I was like "Is he eating?"

I don't think people mean to put us in a box. But when we lose weight, dye our hair or make any noticeable change, it can take people awhile to get used to it and not feel they have to defend the "old" you.

I think people get annoyed when someone talks about their diet while others are trying to enjoy a meal. So if someone asks, Aren't you going to have X? I just say, Mmmm, that looks good! Then change the subject.

I know this isn't always true, but your post made me think of this:

http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d1...3/obsessed.jpg


:D

Lockitup - that is AWESOME.

Lockitup...I agree...AWESOME!

Well, someone told me I was obsessed and I said, 'YUP!' But I need to be. I need to be focused and feel like I am learning and feel like even if I have times when the scale slows down, that it's all a part of the learning and losing process. Am I doing it the slow way? Why yes! But does that mean that even doing it slowly that I can't try new things, change things up, keep learning and seeing what works for me? No. But if they want to think that I'm obsessed, that's fine. I'll just keep truckin' along and doing what works for me. Because as someone who was nearly 230lbs., this is something that I will HAVE to work and think on for the rest of my life even after I reach 'goal'. They call it obsessed, I call it focused. But frankly, I don't care what they think. And neither should you. Do what works for you and keep on truckin'. What works and is extreme for one is not for another. Do what works for you and just don't worry about what they think or say. But for future reference, I guess I'd just not say anything about it being a 'diet' and just go on.

I think that the word obsession is so over-applied in our culture, and not only that, it is often used hurtfully. I can't even count the number of times my mother has told me I'm 'obsessed' with weight loss because I refuse to eat a slice of her pie (pecan, so probably like 500 calories per slice!). People will say I am 'obsessed' because I get up at 6AM to do Yoga. People say I'm obsessed because I would rather spend my weekends hiking in the beautiful wilderness rather than sit at home and lounge around on the porch.

Obsessed, like Lockitup demonstrated, I think is a word that people throw out to try and justify why they aren't as dedicated to get healthy as the person they are accusing. Many times, I also think that it is people who have never struggled with weight or food that throw this term around. I think that someone who has never struggled with a weight problem/food addiction would have a pretty hard time understanding just WHY we need to put so much energy into making sure that we do the activities that we need to do in order to keep on track. Sometimes, talking about our journey and sharing it with others helps us, at least it does for me, and if someone said I was obsessed for sharing my journey and struggles with them, I would be rather upset.

Why is it okay to talk incessantly about sports or fishing for men? You never hear men being labeled as 'obsessed' because of their passion for The Patriots or the Broncos (not saying you ladies can't be into sports! Just picking on the men XP). Being overweight or obese has become such a stigma in our culture that even talking about the problem is looked down upon. I, for one, am not ashamed of my journey. It is true that some people do take it to extremes, but from the sounds of it this is not the case with you.

On a final note, I have always understood the word 'obsessed' to mean being so focused on a particular thing that it interferes with leading a healthy and normal life. On the contrary, at least for me, it is because I am so focused on my health now I finally feel like I AM beginning to lead a normal and healthy life.

yes,yes,yes!!!


You said it perfectly!!! Thank you!

I haven't been told that I'm obsessed, but I constantly hear that I'm "too rigid" and "need to live a little". I do, I indulge on Saturdays, so unless it's an occasion that was planned in advance, I follow my plan during the week and don't eat any junk.
Also, I hate when people say to "just eat healthy". Well, what exactly does that mean? That's a very broad term!

I've been told that I'm obsessed and well, yes, I am.

Whenever I see people and they comment and ask how I've done it, 10 minutes later, I get a "you're obsessed" comment.

Well, ya shouldn't ask then!

Either way, yes, I am obsessed, I am obsessed for wanting the best body I can get, and yes I am obsessed for wanting to be healthy and living a longer, better life.

So be it :)

This is pretty much what I think when someone call's me obsessed to.

re:
 

Agree - I have to be "obsessed" in order to succeed at this. The sentry has to keep watch all the time. Hopefully as more and more habits form less obsessiveness will be needed.

I don't talk about food with anyone unless they ask, and it will almost always be followed by suggestions or advice which I listen to but don't necessarily comment on.

If I really end up wanting to talk about this stuff, I just do it here. :)

.

And there is a lot of truth to that!

Obsession has implications in mental health, and given that nobody has ever said that to me, in four years of doing this, I might gently wonder if there is something in your behavior or attitudes that is tipping off that thought in your coworkers. You might be completely fine. You might be obsessed. The actions aren't necessarily the indicator.

But yeah, I've never been told this. If I was, I'd correct them that I am focused and dedicated to my pursuits, but that I am in complete and appropriate control and not at all exhibiting obsession by simply doing something they find unconventional.

I haven't been told I'm obsessed either, but that is so dependent on other people's places in their lives. Most of my friends/colleagues are health conscious, so they don't see exercise and eating right as anything unusual. A different group of folks might find it extreme and obsessive to ever think about counting calories!

I haven't been told I'm obsessed, but I've been asked when I'm going to start eating like a normal person again. And I've been told I've lost too much weight (BMI is 25 - what's up with them?) And I've been told I look like I've been ill. All of that from overweight friends.

On the other hand, my daughter recently told me (she lives 600 miles away and we see each other about 4 times a year) that my "now" face is what she sees in her mind when she thinks of me - it has become my "normal' face, and to her it's a healthy face. She no longer sees my heavy face (OK - I'll say it - my fat face) when she thinks of me. She is fit and healthy.

I think there is a real difference in how our thin friends and family see us as compared to how our heavy friends and family see us. And I think there are lots of reasons for it. One is we tend to put everyone in the same boat with us. We average things out a bit. Another is that we are slow to accept change. The biggest one, I think, is we are reluctant to accept when someone else is doing something we know we should also be doing at face value - we feel guilt, so the other person must be flawed in some way for following that path of behavior.

Know that what you are doing is the best thing for you. Just keep it to yourself if need be.

Lin

I think dieting (to lose weight) is a personal thing. Other people will have their opinions and that may be good or bad, but it's your decision and your the one that has to do the work. It's easy for others to say it's good or bad, but they don't have the same reason or motivation you have.

We all want encouragement from others, but sadly there are people that don't understand or care enough to give us that encouragement. They are too self centred and think about how it affects them.

The key is to stay focused on what you want, just keep moving forward and you'll break through the barriers and obstacles along the way and get where you want to go.

LockItUp, outstanding!

SilverAbstract and linJber, I think you're on to something.

So how can my behavior be an indicator of mental health issues for my friends/coworkers, Arctic Mama? Well, I've been dieting the entire time they've known me (I've been doing this for 2 years). I guess that's one thing. I wear my Bodybugg every day, and they see it. That's another thing. I might decline sweets or not eat the cheeseburger on burger day in the cafeteria and I might say why. There's another thing. I started a new diet which many would consider unhealthy and told them about it when they inquired (they knew about it due to a mutual friend introducing this diet to us).

At one point, the whole group got in to dieting and weight loss. They talked about exercising together during down time on weekends at work. We all got on the scale at work one day a week to try to encourage each other along. We talked about foods and recipes and one woman even brought her juicer to work.

Then it all fizzled. Before they jumped on the band wagon, I was obsessed. Now that they've all lost interest and have gone back to their old ways, I'm obsessed. I suppose it's like what AbstractSilever and linJber said. They aren't as dedicated to becoming healthy as I am, and perhaps I remind them of their inability to stick with something long enough to make progress.

I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this and that others have experienced the same. Fortunately, it's not discouraging me but encouraging me. In the future, I suppose I can limit my responses to things like, when declining dessert, "oh, I'm just not hungry. I had a big lunch." If someone asks me what I'm doing to lose weight, I can tell them I have been eating healthy and exercising moderately. That seems to go over well with most people. :) That's what I've done the majority of the time anyways. I suppose I can refrain from sharing some of the more drastic measures I have taken.

I'm also not opposed to doing some drastic things to hurry things along now and then. So if that's what makes me obsessed then I guess I'm obsessed.

It is a personal choice and ultimately up to me. If I'm obsessing, then so be it. Focused and dedicated is more accurate, though! :D

I'm obsessed but not about actually dieting ... just talking about diet and exercise.

That is why I post here ... no one wants to talk about diet and exercise the way I do. I believe everyone should know the truth but the diet/fitness industry is built on B.S. and our desire for quick and easy.

Twinieten - You're on the right track. I've learned who wants to hear the "whole story" and who wants to hear that some miracle happened that allowed me to lose 90 pounds. And, of course, there are many in between. When I say I cut out junk and empty calories and started going to a gym, most people lose interest. If they ask for more info, I get into what I did in more detail. I agree with John - I do find I like talking about the process and want people to know that it really is a pretty simple thing to do once you stop looking for a quick fix. Personally, I think people who go on crazy fad diets are the ones obsessed.

Some answers I've found helpful to keeping the conversation from being obsessive:

* I USED to be obsessed with junk food - now I just try to strike a healthy balance.
* This IS the way normal people eat.
* Yes, I plan to eat like this forever - all I did was cut out the crap, really.
* What we see on TV and in ads are not normal serving sizes of anything.
* No, thanks - I'm not hungry. (And don't say even one more word to justify that statement.)

You get the idea. Most times a simple direct answer is all that's needed. And NEVER apologize.

I try not to refer to my "plan" when refusing food or when eating with others. I try not to say anything about the way others are eating. It takes practice to not say, "What's wrong with you? Do you realize you just ate 4,000 useless calories?" LOL Practice makes perfect. My friends have gotten used to the idea that I do things differently now. It just takes a bit of time.

Lin

I've had people tell me that, but I know the source! They are people who resent my lifestyle change, and they've told me as much by saying things like "oh great, you order something healthy and that makes me look like a cow. You're so obsessed with this, can't you just order something normal". Hmmm, not my problem, order something else then, I'm not going to order food I don't want to make another person feel better about their choices. It isn't coming from a person who is actually concerned that I am unhealthily, literally, obsessed.

Only OP really knows the person/people who said that, and if they are people who are actually concerned or if they're being snarky.

I think in *most* cases, when people throw around terms like "obsessed", they really aren't talking about the clinical, mental health, type of obsession. They're talking about the "you-are-annoying-me-with-your-healthy-choices" obsession.

People at my workplace ask how much I have lost. Then I tell them. Then they say I look too skinny and should stop losing weight, and that I'm going to the gym too much. I am not too skinny. I am 11 pounds overweight, and 20 lbs over what I was when I started working there. Also, I go to the gym about 4-5 times a week. I always rest adequately. I also got a new one today. I got a remark about how someone thought I might be now malnutritioned in some way since I lost weight because I have some dark circles and paleness. It doesn't really matter that I am almost at the end of my semester as a student and had a lot of work I needed to complete since I had little time to do it because of work and I ended up staying up really late and waking up early to complete what I needed to do. So instead of blaming lack of sleep, she automatically assumed I'm not eating enough. I eat the same things I did before, just with more veggies and in smaller amounts. I also take a vit/mineral supplement. I have been called obsessed more times than I can count. But they are the ones who ask. I just tell them. I've decided I'm just going to go with the standard answer of "about 1 elephant penis" from now on. You just do you and when they die from their jealousy 'cuz you look so awesome you won't have to answer any more inane questions.

i agree 100%

Well you seem normal enough to me. Like I said, only you and a doctor can truly judge whether you're struggling with an unhealthy obsession or just keenly interested in and dedicated to a hobby of health. Given what I have heard from you and about this group, I'd lean toward the latter.

Today one of the women who told me I'm obsessed asked me how this new diet is going. Although I've lost a happy amount of weight, I just said, "it's going really well" and left it at that. She didn't ask for more details. I think I'll continue to keep my dieting endeavors to myself from now on.

That's about my standard response. If someone presses for more information, and my family (they get to put up with me going on and on :D ) I will definitely give more information, but usually, it's just easier and less stressful to just say it's going well and leave it at that.

By nature I'm pretty obsessive about certain things so when people call me obsessed, I tell them their probably right but obsessed has worked for me to lose "xx" amount of pounds. It doesn't phase me at all!