Have you ever not gone to something because you feel fat?
I cancelled on my boyfriend today because I look and feel fat.
And not the kind of "all in your naive head" kind of fat. My 3 weeks of daily carb overload, not working out, eating whatever I want has finally caught up to me. I'm bloated, my face in pictures from last night looked so heavy, and nothing fits. I changed my outfit a million times today and I look big in everything, so I cancelled on my boyfriend.
I know some people will think that's crazy, but I know myself, and if I don't feel beautiful, I will NOT have a good time. I can't just pig out all the time like that, because this is my punishment. I get fat.
i have done this, but its not a good habit. you may be missing out on some really great times all because you're sulking. if at all possible just hang in the house watching a movie or something, so that you can be comfortable.
I think it is a bad place to go with our emotions and I would focus on the truth (five pounds either direction doesn't make or break your physical attractiveness!) and get out of disordered, life-is-over mode. Fat and bloat aren't moral, they don't make you bad, evil, weak, or any other emotional attachment we may place on them. They happen, and avoiding life doesn't make them go away any faster.
Focus on healthy food habits and body image and stop with the self castigation. Shame has never lost a pound for anyone, but is sure has made a lot of normal weight women have warped perceptions of their bodies
Last edited by Arctic Mama; 06-02-2012 at 03:26 PM.
First of all, I can't imagine feeling fat at 139....
But seriously, yes, I have missed out on things because of my weight. My neighbors thought my husband was divorced because they never saw me. I would do my best to not be seen outside, and apparently I did a really good job of it. I didn't want anyone to see me and I kind of became a recluse. I think if I didn't have to leave the house for work or to get my kids from school, etc., I probably would have become much worse.
I almost skipped my 20 year HS reunion because of my weight, but then ended up going. I felt self conscious, but didn't regret it. I can't say I've missed out on a lot due to weight, but I know where you're coming from. Just don't let it get to be too much, because I think it's easy to slip in to something where it gets out of hand. I agree with the others on their points. It's not a good place to be.
Last wednesday I didn't go to the pool.
I love going to the pool with friends and I always have fun and never feel awkward, because they are my friends and they know what I look like. But last wednesday somehow a whole lot of guys that are good friends with one of my friends wanted to join us. I only know them from classes. We say hello and how are you and that's it... I didn't feel like going to the pool when they would be around. Stupid, since I'm at a normal weight, but I couldn't convince myself to go. I have really bad cellulitis. I don't think anybody would have made a comment, but they would have looked and I didn't feel like being looked at.
Next time I'll go though.
I know how you feel because I've been there... When you feel bloated and puffy, you think everyone will notice but I promise you, NOBODY does. Your boyfriend probably wouldn't think you look any different than you normally do.
That being said, I'm not passing judgement on you for canceling. If you genuinely wouldn't have had a good time it might be for the best. Just don't sit around at home feeling sorry for yourself eating ice cream and making it worse...
I agree with all of the above, and would like to add one more thing... If you and your guy have been together for a while, and he knows you and loves YOU, he would not have cared about any bloat...IF he even noticed at all! I'm not slamming him, because I don't know him, but... he IS a man! Men don't tend to notice the same things women do. Men love our bodies, everything about them. I'm sure he would have been grateful to just spend time with you. Keep your chin up! Recognizing and admitting that you've had a rough time dieting lately is half the battle. And it's good that you came here to vent! That's what this forum is for! So keep going girl. It's a continuing battle, and we all go through it together
We've been dating for years and he's amazing, so I know he wouldn't had noticed. It's more like, I FELT so gross and I knew going out would just mean eating more.
Yes, I have. Not just fat...but also because I binged that day and can't bear the thought of eating more...even though I'd probably end up eating more at home alone anyway. It's just a general sense of worthlessness that makes me not want to see people or talk to them...I also avoid phone calls so it's not purely about not wanting them to see me fat.
Kinda different from what you experienced, but when I started letting my weight keep me from doing things was when I realized I absolutely HAD to do something about it. That being said, I was 220 pounds at that realization, and obese! I can't say I can relate to exactly what you experienced because I actually was very very fat when I was letting my weight get in the way of things, but I can relate to an extent.
I'm lucky, I've never felt like I actually can't even go out for feeling fat. The only time I've missed out on things for weight is when it is something such as cinema or theme park when I know my size will cause my practical problems as in fitting in seats etc. I just do not want to expose myself to that embarrassment in front of friends.
The thing is, I doubt your friends will notice you've put on a few lbs, it feels huge to you but other people tend not to judge as harsh as we do ourselves. And I am sure they won't think you look bad, at all. Your boyfriend obviosuly is attracted to you, he will think you beautiful.
However, I do know how much it can spoil your night if you feel fat. I think you canforget about it if you're comfortable but if your clothes are all night, it stays on your mind and makes you feel awful. Maybe is there something you can wear like a summer dress that is more floaty and loose? That might help. Also, in the last when I know I have gained some weight I have done something a little new with my hair, or wore exciting shoes. That way people will first notice a new part of my look, not the weight (I hope!!)
The thing is, your boyfriend loves you for you, and wants to spend time in your company, I am sure. If you really can't face going out, maybe just relax at home together? Your outfit, precise weight, what you do, where you go, this is less important than time spent together. I hope that helps xxxx
I don't mean to sound dismissive MisterMisfit, I know well how it can make you feel ugly and fat when no one fancies you... when everyone says you are nice but 'not their type'... BUT I think sadly for all of us is the case that feeling ugly and fat can strike anyone at any time. In a way I can't understand how people who weigh under 200lbs can ever feel fat. But I know they do because to them it is not how they feel comfortable.
Love is a many splendoured thing! But it doesn't make you ugly if you don't have it, i don't think having a partner proves anthing like that. But I do also relate to how you feel. I hope love comes for you soon, but most important is the right person, who you love so much and are loved in return.
xxxxx
I kind of roll my eyes at people who feel this way yet have a boyfriend or husband. I've been single my entire life. How's that for legitimate sulking?
Sulking, yes, but I'm not sure about legitimate. We're supposed to be here to support and help one another, not to make each other feel bad about our own personal circumstances. I know full well how unpleasant it is to always be single, but that doesn't mean people with partners should be made to feel guilty about it.
This is not a competition, where the winner is the person who's screwed over in the most ways. People with partners have one thing that you feel is missing from your life. That doesn't mean people with partners have perfect lives and are never allowed to complain about anything. Single or otherwise, we are all of us people, and we all have our good days and bad days, things that make us happy and things that get us down.
Jose, I'm loving how optimistic you sound at the moment. Keep it up!
Sulking, yes, but I'm not sure about legitimate. We're supposed to be here to support and help one another, not to make each other feel bad about our own personal circumstances. I know full well how unpleasant it is to always be single, but that doesn't mean people with partners should be made to feel guilty about it.
This is not a competition, where the winner is the person who's screwed over in the most ways. People with partners have one thing that you feel is missing from your life. That doesn't mean people with partners have perfect lives and are never allowed to complain about anything. Single or otherwise, we are all of us people, and we all have our good days and bad days, things that make us happy and things that get us down.
Jose, I'm loving how optimistic you sound at the moment. Keep it up!
I agree. Someone else having it "better" than you, doesn't negate their feelings. If that was the case none of us would be allowed to ever feel anything, because there is ALWAYS someone who has it worse.
Have you ever not gone to something because you feel fat?
