One of my friend is overweight... how do I help her?
She has very bad eating habits and all she drinks is soda. I told her to go for a health check-up but she's afraid of the results. She wants to be skinnier but doesn't want to do it. Now that I'm on my weight loss journey, every time I see her eating something fat in calories, I cringe a little. How do I help her without hurting her feelings? I can tell she feels a little taken back every time the weight issue comes up, but I really want to help her as much as I can!
I would set a good example and give her the opportunity to ask the questions and to express interest. Weightloss is a very personal journey and inasmuch as you want to help her, your good intentions may just hurt her feelings and cause her to withdraw into herself. When she sees your success she may take that as encouragement to ask for help, at which point you can give her some tips that have been helping you!
You could offer to do something active with her, like walking outside to talk. Sometimes a good example combined with a helpful friend's patience is all somebody needs to get started. A girl I work with saw me starting again and asked me what I was doing. She had no idea how to start. So I told her about fitday and this forum, as well as my exercise plan, and now she's lost ten pounds! Just be there for support.
Unless she asks for help specifically I'd stay out of augmenting her habits, even with the best of intentions you can do more harm than good in a friendship where someone might not be ready or willing to change.
Best thing you can do? Succeed, yourself! Find activities you love, clothes you enjoy wearing, food you like eating and demonstrate personal success and contentment with the changes you made. If it interests her, she'll inquire. If not, you're happy and healthy and showing the world. There's no downside, but it lacks the somewhat hurtful thrust an intervention or preaching at her might have.
If she's not asking for help or advice, then I would stay out of it. Just continue on your own weight loss journey, and your success may inspire her to try as well.
Anyways, thanks guys. I guess the only way to help her is to prove to her that it's possible. Normally I'd mind my own business, but I got concerned after hearing she haven't done a routine health check up in years because she was afraid to.
I have to agree with people who say you should say nothing until she approaches you. I have a friend who has essentially ended her friendship with me because my own focus on healthy diet and exercise made her feel judged, despite me NEVER trying to push it off on her. Just the fact that I would mention it on my Facebook page ended up making her feel like I was the food and exercise police and she later accused me of telling her she needed to change (which never happened). So if someone can take it that personally when you aren't even telling them they need to change, imagine how personal they would take it if you did? Some people are receptive, but I would wait for them to approach you.
I'm sure your friend knows she's overweight and if she was ready to start the journey to weight loss she would do it. Pushing it on her isn't helping, anybody, IMO. If she's uncomfortable with you bringing the weight thing up, then you need to stop.
If you want to help her, just be a supportive friend.
Last edited by BananaMontana; 03-26-2012 at 03:49 PM.
Lead by example and be there for her. The people around me have seen my success and are trying to do their own thing.
My Dad has started losing weight and has been successful. I haven't given him unsolicited advice, but I am there for him in case he needs me. He's asked me for advice and I just recently bought him a food scale so he can measure portions out
When your friend sees your success she may reach out to you for help/advice. Just be a supportive and open-minded friend!
If she's scared, have you offered to go with? My DH is afraid of docs and dentists so I try to go with him when it is time.
Other than being supportive like that, it really isn't your call. I know you care for her, but if she's not ready no amount of pushing will get her to where she needs to be. So just take care of your own business, listen, offer support where appropriate and otherwise let her own her own life.
One of my friend is overweight... how do I help her?
