[Bonesdontjiggle]

A certain family member just invited me to her kid's birthday party and informed me it would be at this indoor pool. Then she proceeded to ask me several times if I was "comfortable with getting in the pool". What the heck. Now, I am in no way in denial about where I am at on the scale but I have lost 30 lbs and I have made no comments in the past about being uncomfortable in a swimsuit. Every year, this family member has come over to our house and gone swimming in our pool, I have been in a swimsuit at a much heavier weight.

I feel like she said that to make me feel bad. Almost like, yeah you have lost some weight but you have a long ways to go.

Anyone else have someone try to derail their hard work? How do you deal with the mean/rude comments?

[rachaelm]

I let it hurt my feelings. Pout a bit. Rant to my sister. Maybe rant here.
Then I decide they are the ones with a problem, and I get over it.

Works for me!

[astrophe]

If she was trying to be kind but overdoing it (repeatedly asking when once will do) or if she was being mean -- it's still about her manners needing some work. Not yours.

Don't pick up other people's baggage.

Next time someone says something and you don't know how they mean it -- ask them in the moment. "So what do you mean by that?" and let them explain. You can give them the chance to clarify, but don't be holding on to weird baggage long after the convo has passed. You don't have to carry that.

If you want to go to this party, go and have a nice time. If it doesn't interest you, don't.

A.

[Katydid77]

Truth is, she is your family member, so you know her motivations much better than we do.

We have no idea of the other circumstances . . . i.e is she super skinny and vain/ and hangs only around other super skinny/vain people. Or is she over accommodating and too much the 'mother' type that wants to delve into everyone's life and hover?


Honestly, I'm with everyone else, go if you want to, don't if you don't. You can't spend your time trying to hone in on other's motivation and why they 'really' mean when they say something.

[sept15lija]

OMG, I can't imagine asking someone that. If I was uncomfortable, I'd figure that out on my own and, gee, I might even be able to think of a reason why I didn't go!!? Especially kinda weird since she's seen you in a bathing suit tons of times. Anyways sorry your family member was being obnoxious, because I have to say I think that's obnoxious behaviour!!

In terms of others rude comments to me - once years and years ago, I was with a friend in a frozen yogurt shop and I was in the midst of one of my weight loss attempts, so I chose not to get a candy topping on my yogurt. She said, very loudly in front of many other teenagers, "way to go!! good job on bypassing the candy!!" I was mortified. She's kinda clueless at times and actually did mean it nicely, and usually I can forgive and forget pretty easily, but I will never forget how I felt!

[Huzzahforska]

I know the feeling.. it really kinda throws a wrench in things for me for a little bit. I try to just get over it as soon as I can, usually by ranting to someone.

My fiance is always pushing me to exercise RIGHT NOW. I have plans throughout my day to do my exercises, and I like to do them by myself because I prefer it that way, but when I'm home with my fiance he's constantly pushing me to do what I plan to do- but do it when he wants me to do it and not when I want to. Just a few minutes ago I finished lunch and I told him that I intend to go outside and exercise out in the yard, since it's nice, after lunch.. well the second I finished lunch he got on my case about not immediately going outside to exercise.. I had to clarify to him that I didn't mean I was going to go out and exercise as soon as I swallowed my last bite of lunch because it would probably make me get sick.. sometimes even the most innocent ways of "helping" are what irk me the most. I know my fiance means well, but I don't need the extra push. Maybe your family member just kinda, accidentally, stuck their foot in their mouth, or maybe they really were trying to be thoughtful, but did it in the wrong way?

[Lori Bell]

Oh my, this is a little off topic, but I remember a post someone made on here a few years ago that was kind of the same situation except in the other case, the poster was mortified to go to a swimming party and the family member acted like it should be no big deal. She was so hurt that they would even invite her because she was so big, (in the low 200's). She thought it was just terrible to even be asked, and that the family member was being insensitive.

My point is, sometimes people just don't know what to say to an overweight person. They are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Heck, I'm a former morbidly obese person and I still have a very hard time with the appropriate words to use when complimenting or making various plans with an overweight person.

I'd go to the party and have a great time and let your family member see the confidence ooze out! Just have fun and forget it. AND DON"T EAT THE CAKE!!!