Hi NightAngel,

I know exactly how you feel. I wish I knew what the difference is between the day you feel hopeless and the day you fix your intention and get started again. I've been counting my calories for a couple of weeks now and keep asking myself "How did I get here?" because I know, just three weeks ago, I was thinking, "How do I get started?"

I guess just plunking yourself down here and asking for some support, connecting with others, is an enormous first step. In any endeavor like this, community is so, so important.

Here's one thing that has worked for me: If you can't dive into a plan head first, don't consider the whole thing a wash. You can start shifting in the direction of your goal by making small changes, things that are do-able immediately -- pick a couple of things that aren't drastic, but that orient you toward your vision for yourself. Start taking your vitamins. Keep checking in here. Make a list of healthy foods that you actually enjoy eating and start incorporating them into your diet (instead of cutting things out right away).

I mean, it might help not to think of this as an all-in or all-out proposition (which likely perpetuates a nasty cycle of austerity and abdication), which is demoralizing and daunting. Instead, think of it as a genuine, but slow, shift in momentum -- like turning a cruise ship around.

I really applaud you for writing this post. If I didn't make any sense, I hope, at least, I can offer you my support and empathy.

The only advise I have to give is a quote. I am afraid I don't know who said it but it motivates me.
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"
The days I am feeling down or lazy I sometimes remember this and it gets me moving. It is a quote I read on google which also has a picture with it of footprints in the sand. You just have to take one step. I know that is hard sometimes but it can be as simple as going outside and walking around the block. Just something. Not eating the chips you have or a simple ten minute exercise. Whatever it is it will get you moving in the correct direction.
Just try one step, it helps it really does and good luck you can do it.
Correction you have already made the first step, you are here asking for help!

This is one of the most astute comments I've read. I, too, have wondered what is that magical "it" that made me get started in June 2011, when I had given up for almost six years. I've already surpassed my goal weight (and am attempting maintenance now). I'm getting used to the new "old" me (I used to be thin), but even up to a couple of months ago, I was sometimes just awed by the thought that I had actually started a plan and continued it.

To the OP, I would echo ilsita's advice to start small. That might work.

If that doesn't work, then, oddly enough, the other suggestion I have is to try something completely different from what you've done before. Sometimes, that gets us into the "mode" of healthy eating. For example, I lost all my weight calorie counting, but I didn't start that way. I was so desperate at the end of May that I decided to try something I had never tried before: the 17 day diet (look it up on Amazon). The first few weeks of that plan are restrictive, but in a way, that helped me: I didn't have to make too many choices. I just ate the few allowed foods. After a week or so of that, I noticed that I did drop weight (I didn't weigh myself, but based on the way my pants felt, I would say that I had lost at least 5 lbs.). At that point, I thought, "It really is still possible for me to lose weight! (Somehow, after being fat for so long, I had given up hope). I then switched over to calorie counting because I knew I wanted to make a lifestyle change.

I know where you're at (many of us do). Hang in there. Don't give up.

ilsita- your post makes sense. Thanks for responding to me. I guess the hard part about taking it slow is that if I am not trying, not thinking about what I'm doing or eating all the time... things get worse. I will definitely try to be on, to see how everyone here is doing and that might be something like a slow change. Starting vitamins would probably be good too thanks!

Blueice10-yes quotes are rather motivational arent they? thanks for mentioning that...my pic is a nice quote too.

lin43- thanks for the tip... I'll go look up the 17 day diet, that should be interesting. I'll write back if I try it too.

I can't "fly free" and have no plan. I need structure, and to me that means to tell myself to eat this amount at this time of day. It's second nature now, and I just don't have to think too much about what meal time will bring - I already know! It sounds really daunting and possibly restrictive to eat this way, but it gives my mind freedom because I'm not spending any time thinking about it, other than the original planning day.

Calorie counting, making my meals and freezing them ahead of time (or learning methods of quick, throw together meals) really helped me. I figured out my day's calorie count, then decided I would eat 3 meals and 3 snacks a day.

Since my snacks and breakfasts stay similar, I really put work into just lunch and dinner, which I cook and freeze on weekends. Because I'm cooking at least 3-4 dishes every weekend, I end up with a lot of choices, all of which are similar calorie counts. I just pull one out, reheat, and eat.

I'm glad your back its ok it happens forgive yourself hun so the magic it...I think for me it comes down to 2 choices:

1. Do it
2. Don't do it

Then I think of the consequences for each choice. This is mostly contemplating going to the gym. Like today I'm off work being totally lazy my kids are home from school sick so we are all laying in bed watching movies on Netflix! Do I feel like dragging my butt to the gym in this snow storm? Nope. I'm even contemplating not going. But then I have to think of the consequences of not going and I hate those consequences cause I KNOW I feel like crap! The only other choice is to go cause I know those consequences of going I feel BETTER! Same with food. Sit down and look at what your about to put in your mouth. You have a choice but just don't look at the choice you have to make look at what consequences come with your choice and reask yourself if you want that consequence?

You know deep down what you want or you wouldn't be here. There is no IT there's only choice and reaping the consequences of your choice. Neither is good or bad so don't feel bad! Its just the consequence from your decision your feeling... So go with a choice where you know the consequence makes you feel better I hope that made sense I'm typing on my phone back!

This is going to be one of those memorable threads. I just know it. Such wonderful words of wisdom!

I have found that even if I'm not actively losing, I feel so much better when I'm trying. I feel physically better because I'm eating healthy foods and I feel mentally better because my efforts are where they need to be.

I second the vitamins notion.

My mantra has been to just keep going throughout my very long journey and I have never given up. Recently I've been where you are, struggling to get truly back on track. When I start eating so far off track that I can no longer see the track through the cookies, it's hard to get back on. The cravings are real and frustrating. But my head knows if I can just get through three days of misery eating the way I should, the cravings and hunger will subside. That gets me through. My my starts always take dozens of false-starts before one takes hold.

I have been exactly in your shoes, many many times. I have tried all kinds of diets and would put the weight back on always. I would lose 20 then gain it back. I dont know if it is proper on here to recommend a diet, but have you tried the Ideal Protein. I have been doing that since June of 2011 and i have lost 65 lbs. It is a very strict and structured diet, which i find very easy to follow. It is on the pricey side, but your results at the beginning are very rewarding. Perhaps go to the chat for Ideal Protein and get some info. I am not finished my diet yet, but IP has given me the tool to lose my weight and they have maintenance, which i now know after gaining weight back my whole life is the most if not more important than the diet itself. I think we all know you have to have 100% mental committment to start this journey of getting healthy. Good LUck

Maybe you can find ways to make sure you're getting the flavor profile you need in a way that fits into your plan. It shouldn't be miserable! I like to think of all of the things I add to my diet (fresh vegetables, new recipes, etc) instead of the things that I'm eating less of.

It's not so much about what I CAN eat as what I can't. I'm surprised you haven't experienced this. All the delicious apples, salads and grilled chicken recipes can't replace chocolate. I have a hard time NOT eating processed carby type foods. The cravings last three days.

I completely understand what you're saying, and that food is absolutely not a substitute for chocolate!

But - I do think focusing on the positive always helps. I find, for example, that when I tell my daughter to brush her teeth, she doesn't and I get frustrated, it turns into a big deal and wastes more time. When I, instead, approach her with "the toothbrush dance," it's silly and we both laugh and she brushes with no further resistance.

When it comes to apples, salads, and grilled chicken, they sound so boring and "diet-y" to me. With the exception of apples, salad and grilled chicken is summer food when I don't really want to eat because it's so damn hot! For meals, I'll like to think of the rich tasting stews, soups, hearty grain and pasta dishes, roasted veggies, etc (but maybe that's because it's winter where I am). If I make my meals feel special, I'll feel indulgent even if I'm not eating high calories.

If I knew just what causes a person to slip from the 99 desperate, sad, hopeless or resigned mindsets into the 1 mindset that keeps you on the path, I'd be running my own fabulously successful weight loss empire!

After half a dozen false starts of my own, I'm feeling content with eating on plan for the first time in a long time.

What I can suggest is finding 1 thing you can do painlessly, and taking 1 basic 'diet' or health step. For instance: if you end up eating a certain takeout for convenience only, but don't really enjoy it, cut that. Or, if you have a nearby path you like to walk, take a long meandering stroll every afternoon. Or ANYTHING that you don't mind. For me, it was drinking tons of water- I had fallen out of the habit, but I actually enjoy it, and it was really easy to restart.

Your 1 deliberate step could be going through your kitchen with a garbage bag and throwing away all junk, and then spending an hour prepping healthy snacks. Or maybe you hate walking, and that long afternoon walk could be the 1 thing you change.

If you only have to do a single thing that is tough, it is much more manageable. And the momentum can be used to change something else next month.

Whatever happens, check in here a lot again!!

I think there's a big hint here: this may be why some people have problems sticking to any healthy food plan. Too often they choose food that doesn't taste good to them. They limit themselves to foods that taste like crap (my mother said that once).

There are substitutes for the trigger foods you love: like chocolate. If you can't refrain from eating all the chocolate, then have a nice, hot cup of Hot Chocolate instead. I often have a Mocha Coffee (coffee & cocoa mixed). My newest one is half Chocolate Ovaltine and coffee; love it -- for only 40 calories. Or, half Ovaltine & cocoa for 40 calories.

We eat foods we love; and for the ones that are just too high in calories, we make or buy a tasty substitute. Plus, I took all our favorite dishes and made them healthier. I love pizza, so I have my favorite veggie wg Pita Pizza 2-3 times a week (they are less than 350 calories each).

I make sure to have 2 veggies or a salad with dinner and/or lunch. My DH used to hate veggies, but he eats them now. I asked him why; and he said becuz I make them taste good. I use spices and herbs and broths to make them taste good: which have almost no calories at all. Roasted or sauteed using that method makes them more flavorful. Try these:

Onion, Vegetable, Chicken, or Beef Broths
Minced Garlic, or Garlic Powder
Onions, or onion flakes or powder
Thyme, Parsley, Chives
Celery, celery seed or salt
Poultry Seasoning, Sweet Marjoram
Summer Savory, Sage
Oregano, Basil, Italian Herbs
Dried Tomatoes, Bay Leaves
Cinnamon, Nutmeg
Fresh or Canned Tomatoes
Black Pepper, Cayenne pepper


Make a list of your favorite foods; your favorite fruits, vegetables, dairy, soups, salads, meats, dishes, etc. Make your meals around them. Choose lean meats, cut the fat, remove the skin before eating. Saute, simmer, stew, bake, broil, bbq, roast, or dry fry (in non-stick pan) to save calories.

You shouldn't be feeling so deprived. Take a multi-vitamin each day. Eating nice tasting foods & dishes in normal portions won't feel like you're on a diet.