I am at 165lb/75kg . That was my original goal when I first started this journey. I wasn’t even sure back then if I will be able to reach it. It seemed impossible at the time. But now here I am, at the top of the normal bmi range. (I don’t value bmi that much, it is just easy to use for mini goal purposes).
Somewhere along the journey I re-evaluated my goal and made it 155lb/70kg which is the first weigh I remember being at 11yo. And some lil time after that I changed again to 150lb/68kg. I am European and we measure in kg, and I ve never seen the 60s so I though it would be very exciting for me.
Now I hit 165lb and I m flirting with the idea of going down to 143lb/65kg which would take me far beyond I ever imagined. All the times I changed my goal was because I wasn’t happy with what I was seeing in the mirror..
Ofc I am happier now than I was 100lb ago, but I am still not where I wanna be.
And now I realize that my mind is probably playing some cruel trick on me, cause what happens if I go to 143lb and I am still not happy? I know 143 is still healthy but I doubt I will be able to stop. Seems like I am on a journey and I keep extending it for fear of stopping and be left to deal with a body I don’t like. I can live with 1200-1400kcal/day for the rest of my life, but I doubt this will be healthy. Even tho I do a very balanced mediterranean diet and the only foods I don’t ever eat is junk food, sodas etc., I took back my blood test results, and they don’t look so healthy, very low iron, low blood sugar, and generally low in everything.
I cannot let myself go that way, I cannot end up with an eating disorder just because I cant deal with my body image.
Thanks for reading that far
Any suggestions or thoughts to get out of this mindset would be really helpful.