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Old 11-15-2011, 10:27 AM   #1  
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Default upset and confused

So i have been with my bf for over 2 years and in the beginning things were great. Ive always been on the heavier side and i liked going to the gym and working out but lately it seems that i have just given up. Some people say that I am depressed but i dont want to talk to a therapist because i dont see the point. Anyway over the past 6 months ive been putting on stress weight (i like to call it) I recently just finished university and well the stress still hasnt gone away. I feel upset all the time and im moody. I know i have emotional issues i have periods of rage and i know that it bothers him because we constantly get into fights over it. Hes been with me through thick and thin but its not the same as it was.

I think hes distancing himself from me because i put on extra weight, put im determined to get back in shape for me (people think its for him but its for me) I just see (what i think is) disappointment in his face.
To make matters worse we havent been intimate in a very long time and i feel that is all my fault.

Im upset with who ive become. I lost myself and i need to get her back. I feel sad almost every day. But even though my bf makes me mad and sad sometimes i love him and know that he will be there. But im scared that if i dont change my attitude that he will leave.
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Old 11-15-2011, 11:00 AM   #2  
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People who are depressed often don't see the point in seeking outside help. It's part of how the illness works. You sound thoroughly miserable, and while I'm not a doctor, what you're describing does sound a lot like depression. Why don't you have a chat with your GP, and if it turns out that you have depression then you can get treatment, while if it turns out that you don't have depression, then at least you can tell all those people who think that you do that they're wrong! That said, not all doctors are good with mental illness. If you already have a good doctor whom you trust, fantastic, go and see them. Unless you already have a brilliant relationship with a doctor (in which case I think you'd have talked to them already), however, I'd suggest taking your boyfriend with you for backup and moral support, not to mention that his perspective may be useful. If the doctor is just being hopeless (a few are) and you're feeling too crappy to realise that it's not you, it's the doctor, then your boyfriend will be able to see that and help you get to a second opinion.

Depression, along with mental illness in general and people feeling rotten because they're stressed to bits, is hard on the partner of the person suffering from it. Your boyfriend sounds like a gem, and I'm glad you have his support. But you're right to be concerned that eventually it may be too much for him to deal with. The best thing you can do for yourself, your boyfriend and your relationship is to seek help about this.

The "Depression and weight issues" forum will hopefully be useful to you as well in terms of support, and I'd urge you to visit it, but this doesn't replace going to the doctor! An internet forum can be useful in many ways, but it can't fix wonky brain chemistry.
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Old 11-15-2011, 11:04 AM   #3  
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You have described the symptoms of depression very well. I second - see your GP. Medication is a wonderful thing.
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Old 11-15-2011, 11:37 AM   #4  
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I couldn't agree more. I'm very sorry to hear how troubled you've been lately, but it really DOES sound like it might be clinical depression. I haven't suffered from it myself, but I had a best friend who did. He had episodes of rage, anxiety and hopelessness, just as you describe. He was put on antidepressants and after 2 months felt like a new person. After a year he slowly was weaned off them, and it's been 7 years and he's been fine ever since.

None of us are doctors and can't diagnose, nor can you diagnose (or not) yourself. The prudent thing to do is go in and at least ask the question.

I hope you start feeling better really soon. Your weight loss will certainly do wonders for your mood as well!
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Old 11-15-2011, 11:39 AM   #5  
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There is no shame in seeing a professional for help. People do it everyday.
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Old 11-15-2011, 11:49 AM   #6  
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Although I suggest seeing a doctor as well, let me recommend something else too as it seems you are not very open to the therapy route.

Work out and eat clean. Simple, right? Yes, I know it's not. I was a very angry individual myself this time last year. I would snap at everyone who crossed my path. But I was just projecting my own insecurities, failures, fears, anger etc about my body image and weight onto others. The minute I decided to make changes (even tho those changes weren't noticable yet) and take control over my life, my anger lifted. Working out helped me reduce stress and those natural endorphins kicked in to put me in a better place emotionally.

I am definitely an advocate for receiving therapy and any prescription drugs that help for depression but I understand that many do not go along with the concept.

My advice is to take back control of YOU. If not through therapy then through eating well and exercising. I know how difficult it is to start when you are feeling depressed but doing these two things could possibly be the "medicine" you need to not only improve your health but the health of your relationship with your boyfriend.

Good luck sweetie and many hugs to you!
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Old 11-15-2011, 12:05 PM   #7  
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I'm sorry you're struggling so much. There's a lot in your post I can relate to.

1. Getting through school is really hard, but just having finished is really hard too. It's bound to be a transition time in your life, and transitions can be tough.

2. Seeing a counselor CAN help. I'm 38 and going through depression (maybe, still not sure) for the first time in my life. I've been talking to someone for maybe a month and a half, and some sessions are better than other, but we do occasionally cover some very concrete strategies for dealing with what's going on. I'm not back to myself, but I am better than I was.

3. You say you're bf is distancing himself because of your weight. Are you sure about that? Isn't it possible the rage and depression might have something to do with it? That's hard to live with, or even just be around. My husband has always struggled with depression, but is in the midst of his worst period since we've been together. We've been married for 12 years, have a child; a lot is at stake. And right now, I'm just hanging on by my finger nails to get through it.

You say you're determined to get back in shape, and good for you for that. It's important. But it's not going to solve everything. You need to take care of your mental health too.
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Old 11-15-2011, 12:56 PM   #8  
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I had to look at your avatar to see that this wasn't my post lol! I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've had depression for 13 years now and in the past 7 have received medical/professional help. My father was diagnosed with lung disease in 2004, had a lung transplant in 2008 and passed in 2010 and in the midst of all this, my bf left me

Since all of this has happened, i've found a WONDERFUL social worker that helps me on a bi-weekly basis and i'm also on Wellbutrin for depression. The combination has been great, don't get me wrong, i have ALOT of sad days still but takes the edge off at times. I too have gained alot of weight since surgery in May and can't seem to get out of my way. My bf has been wonderful in the fact he tells me he loves me no matter what size i am. But i need to do this for me

You will get there, trust me when i say i live it everyday and am also seeking a way to get better.

Big hugs to you! You can do this!
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Old 11-16-2011, 11:46 AM   #9  
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Sounds like a rough situation for you, Lily. Congratulations on finishing university, first off. That is a huge accomplishment, and I wish you luck with whatever your future plans happen to be.

As far as the situation with your bf, I hope I can say this and not cause offense... You mentioned that you have always been a little on the heavier side, and that you have been together for two years already. That suggests to me that, unless you have gained a lot of weight, perhaps that isn't the issue now.

Relationships go through ups and downs, and you guys have been together long enough for the feelings you felt for each other in the beginning to not always be easily felt and for regular, everyday things to start taking their tolls. That could be one thing. Also, you mentioned some "emotional issues" that you guys fight over a lot. Perhaps that is the bigger issue over the weight?

You mentioned that you have lost yourself and need to get "her" back. Please don't be afraid to reach out for help. Even if you "don't see the point". Reach out to your bf. He sounds like a great guy that loves you very much. Reach out to family, friends and even professionals if you need to. As others have said, there is no shame in that. We all need help sometimes.

Please don't let yourself simply go through the motions of your life. If depression is a real issue, there are so many ways to get through it, and so many people on the same journey. You don't have to struggle alone.
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