Bullying is something that used to make me eat MORE; I'm an emotional eater.
It finally 'broke' me if you will and I began losing weight.
Today a friend invited me to a group on FB, but when they saw it was me the claws came out.
She did not realize that these were the same people that were on a forum I was once on (apparently she joined the forum after I left). They began bullying and harassing me calling me fat, asking if I've eaten my kid yet or is he starving because I've eaten all of the food, etc.
They ended up calling my son horrible names, which is why I left the group. Most people would have left the group as soon as the bullying began, but it was actually an added boost to why I want to lose weight.
My mom always says the last acceptable prejudice is that against obesity. And I have to agree. But that doesn't mean I should allow it. But I did. And for a moment I reverted to the 'omg I want to cry' thought process. But then I I laughed. I thought 'wow.. In the almost 2 yrs since I last had any conversation with these people, they STILL haven't grown up, and NOW they're taking shots at a 5 year old!'
Before leaving the group I reported them to FB. Not because of the bullying of a fat girl, but for the sexist and derogatory names they called my 5yr/old, which is not acceptable according to FB Groups terms of use/service.
Being cliquey and calling other adults names is bad enough... how old are these people??? Have they never matured from a schoolground mentality??
But verbally abusing a CHILD... that's really beyond any semblance of normality. I'm glad you reported them - you shouldn't keep quiet either. You should tell your friend and anyone else you know that also knows them, exactly what they have been saying about both you and your child. These people don't deserve to be accepted, have friends etc. They need to be outed for this horribly antisocial behaviour.
I'm always in awe of people who behave this way on line. I can't wrap my brain around this type of mentality, especially among adults. These sick people need to grow up and get a life! I have little faith in fb, but I do hope that the complaint is taken seriously.
As for you, good for you not putting up with that BS this time around!! Seriously! I have a tendency to allow things like that too, lick my wounds, but not do anything about it. Even in real life, it can take me way too long to stand up for myself. I blame my fat. I know my fat effects my self confidence, for sure. I also know that people don't look kindly on fat people. It's just a bad situation.
No one really mentioned this yet but... tons and tons of props of kudos for being brave enough to not let this get to you and instead, sticking to your guns. Being bullied by one person? no big deal. Being bullied by lots of people though? Over the Internet? And people you once sort of knew? that takes a LOT of courage. Theyre unquestionably babies and it's kind of comforting to me that you laughed most of the comments off (and inspiring).
Apparently their group has been shut down a couple of times due to complaints. This is their third try. I know if it gets shut down they'll only create it again, but I can't help but feel like I would be making my point, relaying my message, that they didn't get me, but I got them kind of thing.
I'll admit at first I was upset. I wanted to cry. Then when they pulled up an old pic of me and saw the difference of me now compared to then, they started with the 'wow you were an effing elephant' and 'you'll never reach your goal' and 'you'll always be fat' I realized... Fat bashers enjoy belittling others to make themselves feel a little bit more significant. But when they see that their target is actually making the difference in themselves, it's a threat. I can change my health and appearance, but they cannot change their insecurities as easily as I can change my issues. Then I found the humor in it.
But when they starting bashing my 5 year old calling him homophobic slurs and saying he was gunna be fat like me, then accusing me of actual physical abuse, I became angry.
I know vengeance and retaliation are not attributes to be 'proud' of, but I'm honestly proud of my retaliation.
I think you need to really ask yourself too though, why you put up with the abuse for any length of time at all. Why is it that you weren't as outraged and offended FOR YOURSELF as you are for your son? It sounds like you might have some self-esteem/confidence issues dating back to when you were young.... I know I personally, if I heard even ONE single comment like any of the ones you describe, would have never spoken to that group again. Good for you though, for making the decision to leave and reporting them!
You are making amazing changes... you are a powerful woman and a thoughtful and protective mother. It's time to hold your head high and hold your 'friends' to a high standard. Don't let anyone treat you in that manner!! There are many many other people out there who will value your time and friendship, and treat you with the love and respect that you deserve. You just have to go find them!
I've never had this happen to me (I avoid social networking sites such as FB), but I've often read on some very interesting blogs that the blogger is having trouble because of all the negative, bullying emails they receive.
I really can't wrap my head around it. I have personally never met these people in real life.
Is it sort of like people play out all of the negative thoughts in their heads over the internet, hiding behind their anonymity??
I really just don't get it.... or I cannot identify with them at all. I can't even think of an example I could sort of identify with. They are like aliens from another planet.
I usually try to put myself into the shoes of lots of different people to try and understand where they're coming from. It can be helpful in many scenarios.
However, this is one of those situations where I find it difficult. Finding out that a group of people are bullying someone (or someones) over ANYTHING... it's difficult to understand the mentality. It's obvious they get a boost to their ego to put others down. We're all aware of that.
The most I end up feeling for any group of bullies is... pity. Honest-to-goodness pity. This is not that they aren't aware of their words and actions hurting another person. They're well aware! It's not accidental. This is not a group of 5 year olds who are in the process of learning. It's purposeful and willful ignorance. And, that's something I truly pity.
I can understand that we all get our motivation from different things, but I know that personally I'd never be able to be a part of any group that bullies. Whether they were bullying me or another person. Bullying me would result in me leaving. Bullying another person would result in me leaving a strongly worded message before quitting and reporting the group.
A side note: Believe me... it's not just about being fat. There are certain prejudices that are very much still "allowed" publicly. None of which need to be chatted extensively about on a weight loss forum so I'll avoid mentioning them, but they are out there. Trust me, I've been on the receiving end of more than just "fat hate". It's all based in willful ignorance.
I don't get it either. I would expect that kind of behavior from middle schoolers, but ADULTS? Really? What pathetic people these are.
On FB, I had reluctantly become friends with some of the old "popular" crew, people I never really associated with in high school. (Granted they weren't ever really "mean" to me back then, I just wasn't "good enough" to be in their group.) To my pleasant surprise, most of them have actually grown up and become adults and actually have intelligent things to say. It sort of restored my faith in humanity a little, lol.
I really don't know what's wrong with the people you knew though, wow. Just wow.
I'm glad you stood up for yourself, I'm glad you left the group and I'm glad you reported them. Now you need to find more positive people to surround yourself with, people who have matured past 7th grade, preferably, ha! Don't waste anymore of your time and energy on them, they're truly not worth it. Leave them to wallow in their miserable, spiteful little worlds.
As the old saying goes, "the best revenge is living well." It really is.
Last edited by NorthernExposure; 11-07-2011 at 11:04 AM.
wow. adults are acting like that? just walk. I cannot begin to imagine dealing with that! put your energy into yourself and into your son. it sounds like you are trying to do that now. if you do immerse yourself into yourself, your life and your son, you will soon find there is precious little room for anyone else!
the internet is a wonderful and terrible thing..... it gives people false confidence to the point that their inner animal comes out. and most are so ugly you wonder if they truly are human =( hang in there YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THEN THEY WILL EVER BE!!! <3
No I've never known these people IRL. I only knew them from a forum.
@kirsteng: I honestly found humor in their ignorance. How so very sad that people are truly that ignorant. I don't think it has anything to do with self esteem. I actually feel HOT more days than not. I hold my head high and walk with confidence. I feel good.
I can tolerate a lot now, whereas in the past I could not. But the one thing I CANNOT tolerate is bullying ANY child, especially when the bully is an adult.
Honestly, what scares me is that these people are of child bearing age. Heaven forbid they have children.
Purposely Allowing Bullying
that takes a LOT of courage. Theyre unquestionably babies and it's kind of comforting to me that you laughed most of the comments off (and inspiring).
