Hi everyone,

Sorry if this is a vent, but I feel to embarrassed to talk about my weight issues with anyone else. I have been overweight since I was about 13. I have tried and failed many diets and exercise routines.I am 5 stone over weight and am very unhappy about my weight I have just never found the motivation to get rid of it.

I am very lucky that my weight is the only problem in my life however I worry that if I don't do something about it, it will begin to cause problems. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he is very slim and sporty and I feel as though I hold him back and our love life suffers due to my unhappiness with my appearance. I am now looking to the future and I don't want to be a fat bride, being overweight causes issues for conceiving, I want to be able to run and play with my future kids, and I won't be able to if I don't do something.

I feel as though I don't deserve what I have, and I can feel my confidence draining away I know things will get worse and worse. And still I cannot find the motivation to exercise or even curtail my diet.

Can anyone please give me some advice about finding that motivation, what inspired you?

Thank-you xx

My inspiration everyday is that I am a beautiful wonderful woman inside and I want to treat my body as well as it deserves!

Welcome to 3FC! I have found a lot of wonderful support and inspiration from the ladies and gentlemen here.

My suggestion is to join in one of the challenges. I may not pipe in everyday, but I do log on and see the wonderful things other people are doing and it reminds me that I can do it too!

My inspiration is knowing that I deserve the life I'm striving for. I look at it like this...this is my last year at this weight. This is my last year feeling restricted because of my size. This is my very last year!!!! I keep telling myself that each day that I make smart choices makes me one step closer to the outside of me matching the wonderful, glorious person on the inside.

Hi Philiy,

One thing that I've learned through reading the 3FC forums is that motivation can be difficult to find and maintain. It seems to me that the people who have been most successful in long-term weight loss have been the ones who have committed to small changes in their lifestyles. If I were you, I wouldn't search for motivation. Rather, I would simply pick a small change and then commit to implementing it consistently. One thing I did, for example, was to decide to drink only water (or non-caloric beverages like tea). I don't try to get in a certain amount of water per day; I simply drink water (and only water) when I'm thirsty, or with my meals. It isn't hard for me to do this, and I think it's made a significant difference in the number of calories I'm consuming each day. Is there some small change you can institute? One thing?

Oh lordy, this brought back memories. I met a wonderful man who I was head over heals with. I was 150'ish at the time. I felt strong, confident and happy. Our relationship was blissful and I thought he was the one. In fact, I still do but whatever. Anyway, I started gaining weight over the course of our relationship. Sex life was suffering, I didn't want to go out anymore, I was unhappy, I vented my own personal frustrations out on him, I got jealous, etc.

So.... he dumped me!

And it was all because I gained weight. But it had nothing to do with how I looked physically but because he was no longer having fun dealing with my erotic B.S. behavior. He didn't know where it was stemming from and I didn't tell him. So, the end.

My point is -- the greatest motivation for me in losing weight (and hopefully keeping it off!) is not only to be in a happy place emotionally and physically but to be happy and fun and confident to all the people in my life that I love.

I had to learn this the hard way. I would absolutely HATE to see that happen to you. Especially since we have the power and control in our hands. Is it easy? No way. But neither is dealing with the loss of a loved one when they walk away.

I am dating someone new now and after I met him I gained a few pounds. I started to see the same behavior patterns from before come back. I got snippy, aggitated easily, etc. Now I'm back on the bandwaggon and feeling GREAT again!

I've always been overweight and I've always wanted to lose the weight - and I've tried many many times over the years. What worked for me was to really SEE just how much my weight was affecting me and my daily life.

I met hubs, dated him and married him as an obese woman. He loves me with all his heart and that's never been an issue. However, recently I'd begun to notice that I was tiring more quickly, I was unable to walk as far and as fast as I'd always been able to in the past, I was afraid to do certain things because of my weight. I was no longer willing to accept those limitations - so I committed myself to making a change.

I had to cycle through many weight loss methods before I found one that was actually workable for my life and then I made up my mind to stick with it. I'm not always motivated, I'm not always excited about it but I do it. I try to view it like a job - I don't always want to get myself out of bed to got to work in the morning but I do it because I have to. This lifestyle change in no different and, like a paycheck, the weight loss is the payoff!

Thank-you all for your advice. It's reassuring to know that other people are going through similar things.

I am going to take your advice on board and look at changing little things to start with. i need to remember that it is all in my control.

Thanks Philiy xx

Like you, I've been overweight my whole life and tried and failed many times to lose it, but what has motivated me recently is the success stories/pictures on this website! The ladies (and men!) here have accomplished amazing things, and many of them have done it with simple diet and exercise, no crazy fad diets or "magic pills" or any of that. Seeing how they've succeeded motivates me to do the same thing! The pictures on the goal forum help a lot too, to see how amazing everyone looks when they've achieved their goal! Good luck, you can do it!!

In 40 years of dieting, "this time" has been the only time that I've had any long-term success, and while there were a lot of factors for the sucess (including discovering that I do best on a lower-carb diet, a diet I'd always thought was unhealthy and unsustainable).

But the biggest change was actually in the way I looked at weight loss. In the past, I would always put everything else in my life on hold, and funnelled absolutely every ounce of energy I had into weight loss. When the weight loss slowed, or I wanted more than just dieting in my life, I would give up.

I only had two speeds - full-speed-ahead, and full-speed backwards. I was either rapidly losing - or even more rapidly gaining.

I also believed a lot of the "crap" we're taught about dieting (such as if you're a person who makes a lot of mistakes - you're "doomed" to failure).

You don't have to find a plan you can stick to - you need to find a play you can LEARN to stick to - and the "learning process" doesn't have to be a quick one.

My main change "this time" is in deciding to pick myself up after every stumble (instead of throwing myself of the nearest, steepest cliff).

I chose to only make changes I was willing to commit to forever, even if no weight loss resulted. By taking weight loss out of the equation, it became the "reward" rather than the goal.

And I don't think weight loss really should ever be our main goal, because it's not 100% within our control. You can "do everything right" and still experience a stall or a gain - which encouraged you to feel powerless and hopeless. Or you blame yourself for behavior that wasn't "wrong."

By focusing on stuff I could control, I could always succeed, even when the scale didn't always cooperate.

I am focusing on the numbers more, but I'm still not determining "success" solely or even primarily by the scale.

And I don't let small mistakes become gigantic ones.

Wow, there's a lot of wisdom there! I really saw myself in quite a lot of what you wrote - I love the part about the 'all or nothing diet mentality'... hmmm... food for thought tonight!