Public vs Private
 

Do you think it's better to TELL people around you you're on a diet OR diet in private?

I told my friends and family so they wouldn't get upset when I said "no thank you" to food they offered me.

I only mentioned it to my partner and my two sisters. It's no one else's business what I eat or don't eat.

Jay

I was public about it - but not in a telling everyone about it. But, I posted a weight loss blog on FB, so if they are friends on FB, they see the links daily to my blog. I didn't tell anyone else, but after awhile it became quite obvious.

I've told the people who are closest to me. People who I know will be supportive.

I've told my good friends, mom, and my husband. No one else needs to know.

I don't tell, as soon as you announce that you are dieting the diet police will come out and monitor every bite you take.

In hindsight, wish i hadn't told anyone because now i have food police at times!

I've told my Family, and then a few people at work guessed when I was going to the bathroom 20 times a day, and not eating all the junk food anymore

At first I didn't tell anyone (I didn't really see a reason to)...but uh...48 pounds in it's kind of hard to hide it anymore. I've pretty much had to start being public about it and I don't really mind answering questions if people have them. However, at the same time I don't really think I should have to answer any questions if I dont' want to.

My experience was similar to sontaikle. I didn't go out of my way to talk about it when I started, but after a while people started noticing and I would tell them that yes, I was working at losing weight. But I still don't go into much detail unless they specifically ask. Interestingly, the person at work who asked the most questions is very thin and fit and is extremely careful with what she eats to stay that way. The second most questions came from someone who has been working at losing weight but who will freely admit she has not been as diligent at it, although she was not nearly as big to start with so even at 50 lbs gone, I still have a bit more to lose than she does.

I don't hide the fact, nor do I advertise it. Those close to me know it, mere acquaintances do not.

I didn't tell people just because I didn't want the "food police" around. I got so tired of people giving unsolicited advice (like just run after every meal). Besides, I like surprising people!

I tell the people for whom it's relevant - people I eat with. That includes my family, a couple best friends, my boyfriend, and his family. Also the guy at Starbucks, because he asked why I wanted a tall skinny. Answer: because I want to BE a tall skinny! ^.^

Thanks for asking this question Mouse, it's something I've been wondering about as well.

So far only my husband and best friend know about it, and I think I'm going to try to keep it that way.

I don't tend to tell too many people at all - those who "need" to know - like my hubs. Otherwise I tend to play it pretty close to the vest.

I guess I'm afraid if people know they'll be judgmental and watching for me to fail. I'd rather my failures be private...which probably tells you about my dieting experience. ;)

I only tell a few close people. I just don't like the attention.

What's funny is that we think it can be private. Unless we are talking about only needing to lose 10-20 pounds, it's pretty obvious if we are doing something. Even with 10-20 pounds, especially with adding in fitness, it's noticeable - especially to observant people.

We go about pretending that it's our own private battle/affair, but we wear our weight publicly. And our gains and losses are very public too - Just look at Oprah and Kirstie Alley - they weren't able to hide, why do we think we are any different?

It depends. People who come up to me and say "Wow, you are losing weight!" I always say "Aww thanks! I've been trying!" and then that opens a discussion of how, etc... I don't go out of my way of telling anyone I'm working to lose weight beyond my boyfriend. I do tell people regularly that I'm going to the gym, or whatever - but going to the gym everyday is a pretty normal thing around here.

I told absolutely no one that I was dieting, not even my husband. When it became obvious that I had lost weight and people started asking about it, then I was willing to tell them what I had been doing.

For me, it was a private matter, and no one's business but mine! :)

March 4th, 2008 I did not stand up in front of my church congregation or the PTA and announce..."Hey folks, this fat chick is on a diet!". But even at the beginning I found it important to talk about it to some people. Mostly because I didn't want to offend well meaning people who would offer food, and to relieve some of the fears for those who love me and were beginning to really worry about my health. I just plugged quitely along mostly.

No one even noticed any weight loss until I lost around 60 pounds and if they asked, I was completely honest. Shucks, half of my problem with my obesity was honesty with myself...I might as well jump over that hurdle. Later there were the people who though I was ill, or the people who were sure I had weight-loss surgery, or the ones who though I must be using illegal drugs or whatever they thought. I continue to be honest and open to whomever asks, but still to this day, (except on 3FC) do not publicly talk about my weight-loss unless it's a very close friend or family member, or I am asked. But hey, after 190 pounds many people don't even recognize me anymore so it's moot point anyway! :)

I was very private about it in the beginning. Only one who knew was DH and that was because I ordered differently at the Applebee's one night for dinner. I didn't tell people because
1. Didn't want the "food police"
2. What if I failed? Didn't want to do that publicly

My mom noticed first. Maybe once I had dropped about 25 pounds or so. Others I have seen noticed, but didn't say anything, I think, for fear of offending me. Most tell it to my husband (who himself is down 35lbs, and now at a 26BMI) instead of me.

Now that I have lost 80 lbs +, EVERYONE says something, cause it is obvious and my weight loss looks drastic. Especially for family members who haven't seen me at this weight since I was pubescent, LOL!

My husband knows of course. I got lucky having a mom that's supportive and always positive about losing weight so I talk to her about it.

My close friends and family know I've gotten back on the weight loss journey and could see the difference when I was home visiting a few months ago. It's kind of a positive to live so far away from everyone and not see them often. I don't get a bunch of unwanted advice or input the way I used to get when I lived in the same city.

I don't really talk to anyone else about it. I chat with a couple moms while we're waiting for the kids at the bus stop and they often advertise that they're trying to lose weight. One of them was super talkative about it last year and she actually was telling us how she's back on a plan and down 3lbs in 5 days just yesterday. I've noticed them eying me lately so if they ask then I'll say something, but I'm not going to just make it public. I always feel like then there is an expectation once people know, and I don't want that pressure at all.

I'm not trying to hide the fact that I am dieting, I just don't care to have the unsolicited advice and comments. Eventually people will notice and say something. When asked if I have lost weight I just say,"Yes and I did on purpose" When asked how much I give a noncommital answer such as "Oh, some or a little".

Shame had a lot to do with why I started trying to lose weight "in private." I was ashamed that I had gotten to where I was and was ashamed that I needed to "go on a diet". Looking back, things would have probably been a lot easier had I been more open about it, especially since I was living at home and was eating someone else's cooking at the time. I honestly didn't know how to ask for the support.

I still don't feel like it's relevant to talk a lot about my weight loss, but people can obviously tell that I look a lot different and that my habits have definitely changed. My family is more of the sweep-it-under-the-rug types who would rather pretend like issues don't exist, so no one really says much about the weight loss.

Mine is similar to Bargoo. My husband and kids knew since we share a roof... and my mom knew because she was trying also and we both have medical issues that are obstacles (so two heads are better than one for solutions)... My 2 good friends knew and that's it. People have really taken notice at work now though and ask "are you losing weight? You look like you really are".... I say yes... but when asked how much, just reply with "not enough, I will celebrate when I get where I want"... had one lady not impressed that after asking me multiple times I still wouldn't tell her. It's not that I am trying to be rude... it's that most of these people have nothing to do with me outside of work...this to me, is a very personal thing... I wouldn't expect them to tell me personal private matters that take place in their home if they weren't comfortable... but... I am on here, and on MFP and that truly is a good thing. I share more than I shut up and to me, that's kind of public, but public to people who are not judging your outside, your history, your "expected" results... it's support, plain and simple.

Only my family knew. At work, I started skinny, so my co-workers saw my "evolution" to fat. They are all polite, so of course, no one said anything about it, even though the topic of diet and weight loss was part of our regular conversation when I was thin. I was the elephant in the room, so to speak :)! Now that I'm losing, I figured I would let them introduce the subject if they wished, but I didn't feel comfortable doing so. A few of my closer co-workers have commented on my weight loss, though, and have been supportive and complimentary, so I've told them "I'm trying!" and leaving it at that.

I don't carry a sign that says "I'm dieting" but I do like talking about my food and weight loss interests, so it does sometimes come up, even in casual conversations with strangers.

I'm extremely confident in my choices though, so food police, food commentary, and even outright criticism do not bother me. I can defend my food choices (if I wish to) just as easily as my choices in movies, books, and hobbies. My life, my choices, and I don't mind telling folks why I choose what I do (and even what I think they should choose if they want to hear it).

I think we're open to advice and criticism on many topics in our lives, and if we disagree we don't take it as personally as we do with weight loss and diet.

It just seems that diet and fitness are so outrageously taboo compared to other topics. It often seems less taboo to tell people how they should raise their kids, than it is to share our beliefs on diet, fitness, and wellness.

I always talk about being on a diet. I think it helps me to stay with it.

I have told a few coworkers who are also trying to lose weight so we share advice. I have also told my boyfriend & mom and dad.

Last Christmas I mistakenly emailed my whole family when I didnt mean to so everyone found out I was trying to lose weight which isn't a big deal but at Christmas when we were all together I had ANNOYING aunts saying "are you sure you should be eating that?" in reference to a couple potato chips - I flipped out ...... eeek .... but the rudest thing I can imagine is food police from someone who doesnt need to know your business and doesn't know your plan. I wouldnt tell ANYONE you think might annoy you about it or start judging your choices, you will regret it!

I've been pretty private about my weight loss journey the only people that know are my mother and one of my closest friends but more people are starting to notice that I've lost weight which opens up the discussion on what I've been doing.

I haven't told anyone. Then again, I haven't even lost 5 pounds yet! :D

When (if?) people start noticing I'm losing weight, I'll probably start being more public about it.

I think both options can be tough. Because if you don't share then people will notice and say something and it might be awkward or they won't say something and that might be weird too lol But they could also end up being food police like others have said.

And it also feels like if you say something then you are admitting you are a fatty and shining this huge spotlight on it and every move you make.

I also love to talk about my changes and all the positive stuff & accomplishments. But if you stumble and fall it is really embarrassing too.

My husband ofcourse knows. My mom & sisters know and I blog about it and they have the link and read it. I like to share but at the same time I have become a little more restrictive over what I share. You get alot of advice lol

No one else in my life I have told. Maybe when I have lost a significant amount. I have actually been thinking alot about it recently. Because I am very active on facebook and use it to stay in tough with my family that all lives far away from me but everyone and their brother wants to be your friend lol So like all of my husbands family and friends are on there too lol.

I am super close to having lost 20lbs total and thought of announcing it on facebook when I did like yay me 20 lbs gone. But I changed my mind. I would just feel too much in the spotlight and embarrassed :( But I think when I lose a bit more i might!

At the beginning, I NEVER talked about dieting or even that I was trying to lose weight, but now I'm pretty open about it. I have gotten some food police comments but I just laugh it off or whatever. I don't really care what people think. At this point I've lost so much weight that it's very noticeable and people ALWAYS comment and ask what I've been doing, and it's a really important thing to me to be able to talk about my weight without being ashamed, so I never shy away from the subject. And actually at this point I'm so interested in food, nutrition and exercise that once you get me started, good luck shutting me up! I'm sure my family and close friends get sick of hearing about it, but this is a big thing to me and I need to talk about it from time to time, so they are just going to have to deal with it, haha.

I don't advertise, but I also don't keep it a secret because that can result in a lot of wasted effort, and if you do lose much weight, it becomes obvious anyway. I told my husband, of course, and I told my mom because I still tell her almost everything. I also told my best friend because she also has a weight issue, and we've always understood each other, and she's a huge source of support.

Beyond that, I didn't announce it, but when someone asks (one friend asked after 15 lbs., but she's the only one so far who has said anything), I don't hide things, either. I imagine others have noticed as well, but lots of people just don't say anything because it's so taboo. It seems silly to feel so ashamed of going on a diet-- after all, if you're obese, people would surely think better of you if you're trying to do something about it. I do understand the shame-- I've felt it in the past and hid my diet as well, but as I've grown older (27, so not all that old, really), I care less what others think anyway, and it makes life so much easier to not have to expend so much energy hiding a secret.

Not having to keep it a secret can be so freeing-- first, if you know others know, there's a bit of social pressure to stick with it so you don't publicly fail. That can bother some people, but for others it motivates, so you just have to decide which type of person you are. Second, you don't have to feel weird about turning down food offers or bringing your own food to something, etc. because you're trying to keep your diet a secret. I've also been more successful when I feel like I can be assertive about my food choices-- I can't do that without raising questions if I'm trying to hide it. Most real friends will be supportive. I've found that the annoying ones are the coworkers or people who aren't that close to you and don't care as much about you or your feelings. People also sometimes have trouble with extended family or parents, but in most cases I think it's people older than you who have always seen you as a child, even if you're now 60 years old.

The only annoying food police type person I have ever dealt with in my family is my grandma-- but she makes up for at least three other food policemen! I can't ever do anything right, she always knows hte best way to lose weight, and she's weighed around 100 lbs. her whole life and never dieted a day (she's just under 5'). So, I try to avoid talking to her about it, but she eventually always found out when my efforts started to show results. Now, she's beginning to suffer from dementia, which is sad of course, but she doesn't seem to notice my WL at all now. I had lost 70 lbs. before getting pregnant, and she swore I looked "just as fat as ever" when my grandpa commented on how good I was looking.

I've been pretty open about my dieting, which isn't typical for me. Usually I don't self disclose, for fear of others seeing me fail. When I strapped on a Bodybugg, I couldn't avoid the questions, so that sort of forced the issue. I probably wouldn't have said much if not for that.

It's kind of that thing people know about me, but we don't really have conversations about it. Kind of like hair or eye color. We know it's there but we don't have to talk about it. I haven't lost massive amounts of weight, though. That's the sort of thing that induces diet conversations.

Besides my husband, my family doesn't know. I'll tell them next time I see them or if the subject comes up.

It's kind of like that topic that is there, and I'm open for discussion, but I'm not going to go out of my way to bring it up.

The only people that I actually told, before losing a pound, were my husband and kids, and my co-worker who started losing weight about a month before me. I didn't think that anyone else needed to know! If I had failed, as I always had, I didn't need others to make me feel worse than I would have. Now that I'm succeeding at losing weight, others at work have started complimenting me and asking how I'm doing it. It's fun to share my excitement, and it helps to have their support. Luckily, the couple people who might not approve of my method (Optifast and SERIOUS exercise) don't ask. Once my clothes started sagging off me, it became pretty obvious.

I was surprised at how many of the gals that I work with really seem to care about what I'm doing! I've worked with most of them for years and not really been very close friends, but in hindsight it was probably my shyness and discomfort with myself more than anything that they did. I'm far from my goal, but my increased self-confidence and all-out joy at how good I'm feeling seems to draw people in. I get more smiles and even regular conversation than ever before, but I also think that I am walking wih my head up and a smile on my face more often than not, so that makes a huge difference.

My husband has tried a couple times to question my food choices, but I shut him down real quick. When I weigh in every week and lose weight, it just reinforces to him that I know what I'm doing, and I'm not going to go crazy over food and give up again.

Originally Posted by berryblondeboys:
What's funny is that we think it can be private. Unless we are talking about only needing to lose 10-20 pounds, it's pretty obvious if we are doing something. Even with 10-20 pounds, especially with adding in fitness, it's noticeable - especially to observant people.

We go about pretending that it's our own private battle/affair, but we wear our weight publicly. And our gains and losses are very public too - Just look at Oprah and Kirstie Alley - they weren't able to hide, why do we think we are any different?

I agree with you, we really can't be private about weight loss and it does seem silly to try. People are going to notice that you're smaller just like they would notice if you cut your hair, dyed it, etc. It's an obvious change and folks will take notice. Funny if you think about it though, we often get angry if nobody notices if we change our hairstyle :)

I think most of the "hiding" comes from fear of failure. If we tell everyone we're losing weight and then fail at it we're afraid we'll look like a failure to everyone. However, I think many fail to realize that by telling people (i.e. those close to you) of your intentions you may end up with a tight-knit support group which leads to success. Hiding due to fear of failure may just lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, unfortunately.

I didn't tell anyone because I wasn't setting out to lose weight when I started and when I began losing weight I too was afraid of failing. I'm lucky that hiding it didn't cause me to stop or regain, but I'm sure for others that's not always the case.

We need to realize that this isn't a private journey and people are going to notice :) There are so many people who haven't seen me since I was 200 pounds and the first thing they say upon seeing me (even before "hi!") is "WOW YOU LOST WEIGHT."

Of course, sarcastic me likes to say (depending on my relationship said person of course) "I thought my clothes were big on me!"

I don't like telling people. However, I'm at the point now that it's not something that I can really hide anymore (just see my thread about why I don't like talking about my weight loss in public!).

However, I think some people really do need that accountable and make their dieting/weight loss plans very public. From the beginning my DH knew and that's it. As I've lost I did tell my best friend and eventually my family but beyond that I might mention to other friends about habits that I've changed but only if it can up in coversheet and it was relevant to what we were talking about.

There's just so much nonsense out there when it comes to dieting and weightloss and everybody and their mom has some sort of vital opinion that they MUST share so I have to admit it's not one of my favorite conversations (beyond on 3FC where I love to talk about it ;) ).

My husband and best friends know, but that's about it. I don't consider it a diet, but a lifestyle change. People notice in FB photos and compliment me, but I just say "thank you" and move on. :)