Nice gesture Butt!!!!
 

Has anyone ever had a friend that offered to give you all their "fat" clothes since they can't wear them anymore? While it's a nice gesture...... Talk about depressing.

Yes, and even though I needed and wanted the clothes I was hurt that they thought they'd fit me for some reason.

LOL I have given all my clothes to either my sister or a friend of mine. I don't refer to them as my "fat clothes".

I wouldn't be offended if someone offered me new clothes. Shopping gets expensive when you are in a new size every few months. I would be thrilled if someone offered me their "fat" size 12/14s!

I have to say this has happened to me twice and they didn't call them their "fat clothes" although clearly they were as they had had weightloss surgery. I took two garbage bags of clothes from them. One was all super nice clothes so I was please as punch, felt like I got a free card to mall. The other was casual clothes and although they didn't make me feel pretty, hey they were free. And now I had to give all those clothes to Goodwill because they were my "fat clothes". I never look a gift horse in the mouth and I try not to think of the implications. Free is free and that's nice. If you feel bad about the hand me down aspect of the "fat clothes" use it as motivation each time you wear them. You too will give them up as "fat clothes", YOU WILL :)

A coworker who had gained some weight brought me some clothes the other day that she could no longer wear. They were all too big! I felt bad :(

I've given away things that were too big and too small for me, but yeah, calling them "fat clothes" is a bad way to phrase it.

However, one thing I will say about my time on 3fc is that I've learned that for any person's starting weight, that is another person's goal weight (or at least a short term goal)

Yeah, years ago my aunt gave me some stuff she was too big for, and it was depressing for her because she felt so defeated at the weight loss game and figured it would be impossible to get back into the smaller sizes. I felt bad for her, but was happy to have some new duds.

Years later she finally lost the weight--Weight Watchers. :)

I give my sister my clothes all the time. Most of them are too small for her, but I know she's just like me with too small clothes and likes to imagine them fitting someday. I'm moving to Alaska in a couple months and she's already asked me if she's going to get all my "cute summer clothes." =) I would never refer to the stuff I give her as my fat clothes though, that wouldn't be nice at all.

I had a friend offer me a couple pairs of slacks that did not fit her right a little over 1 year. This year I was able to offer her a bagful of slacks in her current size, she was thrilled to have new pants to choose from.

I give my Mom all my "fat clothes" And she LOVES it. She likes to tell people she can "fit into clothes her daughter used to wear." She is losing too so I'm not sure if that has to do with it. I tried to give some to my sister and she never took them... hummm maybe she was offended?

I always give away my clothes when I go down a size, so hopefuly it will keep me otivated. But when I do I say " I have some size 14 (or whatever) I have no idea what size you wear, but if you are a 14 or know someone who is I'm happy to pass them along."

Luckily for me I kept all my smaller clothes from a couple of years ago, so I have options as this winter moves along. But changing sizes is expensive. So I am happy with give and take on that.

Love it when other people offer me their clothe, even more so when I try them on and tell them it doesn't really fit: too big.

Its never happened to me, but my friends are all guys... although I will steal the best-friend/ex-boyfriend/roommates clothes. And now that he is deployed, I admit to wearing his t-shirts. He always tells me my breasts stretch out the shirts though. LOL!

OMG, I love getting people's cast-off fat clothes, skinny clothes, old clothes. I wish I would have the opportunity more often, which is why it's just too bad that it's such a social minefield.

There's no socially "safe" way to offer someone unwanted clothing. There's always the risk of offending the person if the clothes aren't the perfect size or even if they are. It's often assumed to be an implied insult at either the recipient's size or their income.

I've had some wonderful clothes I would have liked to offer to someone but was afraid to offend, and likewise have loved being on the receiving, on the rare occasions that it has happened.

I resell my unuseable clothing and donate what the consignment shops don't accept. I shop the consignment and thrift stores as well, and I adore buying clothes "new to me." Although even at the consigment shops it bugs me that so many of the clothing has had the size tags cut out. Sometimes the lack of fraying on the cut edge even suggests that the garment wasn't washed since the tag was cut. Sometimes the garment looks so new, that maybe the person cut the tags out of all their garments, and they never wore the garment they donated. Other times I suspect the person cut the tags out right before donating the clothing. Which makes me wonder why? Were they afraid that the intake person would judge them?

We're just socially so weird about things like this. It's like we're all supposed to pretend that we can't tell when someone is about our size.

I once complimented a woman who was about my size (give or take maybe one or two dress sizes) on her wardrobe and asked her where she shopped. She got extremely angry at me for asking, and for the life of me, I couldn't understand why. I don't know if she was offended that I was forcing her to admit she shopped plus sizes or that I was implying that we were the same size (I weighed almost 400 lbs at the time, and I suspect she weighted at least 450 lbs, because she was almost six inches taller than I was). Or maybe it was because she was a lawyer and I was a lowly juvenile detention officer, and I was audacious enough to think I could afford to shop where she did. I don't know, but even with the cold reception, I would have groveled to get her hand me downs (and I probably couldn't have afforded them any other way).

Another time, a neighbor I'd become friends with, offerred me some of her clothes that were too small for her, and I thought she was nuts, because I would have sworn she was smaller than me, and I told her that. She asked me to at least consider trying them, and darned if she wasn't right. They fit perfectly and were all in fantastic shape. I wore a 5X at the time, and she said she wore a 6X. I would have sworn she was smaller than I was, because she was perfectly proportioned for her size, and she also was well over 6'2" (my husband is a smidge over 6'2" and she was taller). Her height made her seem significantly smaller.

I love shopping and getting new clothes, but I'm on such a tight budget, that I would be extremely excited of the prospect of "new to me" clothes, whether they were someone else's fat or skinny clothes. If they fit (or even if they're just close enough for me to try on), I don't care how I come by the opportunity.

I guess I'm just that clothing deprived.

I'm with a lot of other posters here... I'm happy to accept free clothes from people! :D I don't care if they're their old "fat" clothes or whatever... free clothes are free clothes, and I don't have a lot of money to spend on clothes generally.

A few years ago, my cousin who is the same age as me, and who had been a similar size to me (although slightly shorter in torso), lost quite a bit of weight. I was really happy for her (if a little jealous!). When I went to stay with my aunt and cousins for a family wedding that summer, my cousin offered me some of her old clothes if I wanted them, because they were only going to the car boot sale otherwise. Happy for some new clothes, I cheerfully returned home with a nice pair of jeans and some tops.
I didn't feel resentful that these were her "fat" clothes, or that she was trying to be rude. She was genuinely just being nice and offering me some nice clothes.

It might just be me, though. I've shopped at charity shops and stuff for years, so as long as clothes are new to me, I'm happy to get them. Freebies are freebies!

The pair of jeans I got from my cousin? I wore them until I wore them out! :p

My mom and I swap clothes a lot. She used to always give me the clothes that were too big on her. When I went down to a 12, I loved this because it was the start of the summer and I had only a few things to wear! She then gave me a few 10s, but now I've gotten down to around the same size as her or smaller so I can't get her old clothes anymore. I've actually given her a few of my clothes that are too big on me! She generally likes her pants looser than I do, so my pants that are too big fit her nice.

We both don't really mind because ...Hey! free clothes! But this is my mom, it's a lot easier to offer her clothes than it is a friend or coworker. I have so many nice, designer plus size clothes that I'm sure someone would love, but I don't know how to ask someone if they would want them. It just seems kind of insulting, even though I know I have a few friends that would appreciate them (i.e. I've got a lot of business wear in 14/16 that would probably help some friends still in college and trying to get internships)

I wish someone would offer me their fat clothes though! I should ask my friend, I believe she's gotten down to about a size or two smaller than me so she might have some clothes she would just otherwise throw out.

I wish someone would offer me free clothes! I have such tough time finding anything that fits me locally and I have very few outfits that I can actually wear. Unfortunately, all my friends who live nearby are probably about a size 2 (not counting the pregnant ones who are still pretty small!) so, yeah, not going to happen.

I did have a friend a few years ago offer me some of her fat clothes. Yeah, it stunk at the time because she was in the process of losing weight and I wasn't there yet BUT it really appreciated the new clothes. It certainly saved me some money. ;)

I have a lot of clothes now that I can't wear anymore, some nice ones that I wish I had a good place to rehome them. I'll probably end up taking them to a consignment shop eventually and trying to sell them but I'd rather give them to a friend who could use them.

I love people's clothing castaways! I was losing so quickly, and didn't keep ANYTHING from when I was smaller, so I had zip, zero, zilch. It was so expensive to get new things, and goodwill didn't have much to choose from.

I had a friend who lost a loy of weight and gave me some of her old clothes. It was awesome, and now I have outgrown them, too!

I remember when I was just barely 20 and I just got a new job as a cashier and there was a woman who worked in the back who had apparently lost alot of weight well, she was talking to the cashier next to me and she was talking about all these clothes she had that were way to "huge" for her so she says they would probably fit her, meaning me and the other cashier looked over at me in horror and I smiled and said I appreciate the offer but since your about 30 years older than me I doubt they would be my style.

Im 44 now and this is still pretty fresh in my mind so obviously it had an effect...lol...So please be gently dont refer to them as your fat clothes :)

It's funny how some of us appreciate things while others of us feel insulted. I can see both POVs!

As for me, I never say no to free clothes (free anything is good!!!!) but my BFF once PUSHED a pair of "skinny jeans" on me ("oh, I'm sure they'll fit you! they're too big in the hips for me"!) and I kept saying no, no, no because (a) skinny jeans IMHO are meant for SKINNY people, I mean REALLY skinny people! - and (2) I could tell by looking at them that I wouldn't get them on past my knees! - but she KEPT.ON.INSISTING! - so finally I tried them on, and just as I'd suspected, nope - not past the knees. Made me feel even fatter than I was at the time! :(

however... she & I often "switch" clothes, I give her stuff, she gives me stuff. We have a lot of the same tastes style-wise, and then other stuff...um, not so much LOL. And even tho we are the basically the same size - same height, weight (give one or two pounds) and only 6 years apart in age, we have VERY different bodies. She is wide through the shoulders & much bigger breasts than me, and I have hips & an a** whereas she simply has the noass'a'tall disease. I have "weight lifters" legs, and she has skinny "runners" legs. :lol:

But I say "hey! free is free!!!!" - and I gladly take freebie clothes! Unless they're ugly as sin. :rofl: ;) :D

A stylish older lady offered me all of her "fat" business wear she had not only lost 50 pounds but had retired and no longer needed them!
I felt extremely lucky! Name brand suits (think DKNY) Now they look like trash on me and I don't even work anymore. I'm going to donate them to dress for success.
Don't be too down about it, soon you will have to pass the "fat" clothes along as well.

99% of my clothes are somebody else's castaways. I love getting those clothes. I don't have a lot of money, and heck I shop at Goodwill and consignment places anyway. I have changed size pretty drastically in the past year so anything that can fit me or will fit me in the near future is welcome here...fat or skinny! And if I have something nice that does not fit me anymore, I love to give it to someone I know and I have done that both ways-when I was too fat or too skinny. Once I had a great pair of jeans that I just couldn't wear anymore because I got way too fat for them. I gave them to my girlfriend that I knew was slightly smaller than me and they fit her like a dream! Also, I have a wonderful dress from Torrid, and I hope I can find someone who would love it as much as I did because it is in excellent shape and it made me feel like a million dollars. I know the emotional impact of receiving a person's fat clothes could be overwhelming to some, but without the kindness of strangers, I might be running around naked. :/

Thinking about this some more. I think one major reason people offer clothes is because they are so expensive. And they really want to see someone they care about get good use out of them. Also if I know someone is on the weight loss journey I know that they aren't going to want to spend a lot on "In between" sizes. So I am happy to give them if I have them. And if they don't fit (too big or small) maybe they could trade them.

Ohh also edited to say. Lately I have been shopping thrift (you can find nice stuff if you are patient) and I will donate them back when I am done.

One thing I do with a group of my lady friends that takes away any chance of offending anyone- make it into a party! We get a group of 5-10 women together, have some lunch, throw everyone's unwanted clothes on a rack and everyone goes to town. It's so much fun!

That sounds very fun, wickedlady!

Mt mom and sister are also currently losing weight and I asked them both for the clothes that are too big for them now. I am the biggest and have been since we have all been adults (actually prob since I was about 17 or so) When I was at my mom's a few weeks ago she had some size 14 pants that were falling off her and she gave them to me. At first I was afraid to try them on as I didn't think they would fit me but when I finally did not only did they fit well but they looked good! :)

I agree with other posters about one's goal weight being another's starting weight. I am also really working on self love and self acceptance and coming to the realization that how much I or anyone else weighs and the size of the clothes says nothing about who they are as a person.

I think it really depends on the relationship, the relative sizes of the people, and the style of the clothing.

I have a really good friend who is also in the process of losing weight. She's across the country right now, but has a ton of stuff in storage nearby. She's offered me the use of her 18/20s when I get there. I appreciate it, but I'm not likely to take her up on the offer. We have somewhat different styles--not radically different, but somewhat different. We also have completely different coloring, so a lot of her stuff is probably in colors I can't wear.

More realistically, she's a few inches shorter than I am. I suspect that pants that she likes are going to be shorter in the leg than I like. And, finally, I'd just feel weird going through my friend's clothes! But I don't know how to say "no", because I don't want it to feel like a personal rejection.

It's a minefield. That being said, when my ex-husband started transitioning, she certainly had no problem ransacking my clothes. I was ticked at the time, but now, I'm mostly just glad that someone is getting use out of them, seeing as I've outgrown the rave pants/corset phase.

One of my best friends is four inches shorter than me, and has about 75lbs on me. At least. Shes always been much larger than me, even when I was my biggest at 200lbs. Do I care? Normally, no. Shes a lovely person and what she weighs, aside for my concern for her health, is no matter to me.

Except she offers me her clothes all the time and I am always declining based on the style, the color, the cut...anything other than the (hopefully) obvious fact that she is considerably larger than me and the clothes wouldn't fit. Because the only time I did mention that they may not fit me correctly, she said "oh, you're right. my butt is way smaller and my boobs are bigger"

It is really insulting to me that she apparently thinks we are the same size. Ya know, except for her way smaller butt. :rolleyes:

My point is, people don't always have the most empathetic, even realistic, views of their own actions. Is offering someone your "fat clothes" the most tactful route to take? Obviously not. But it is still a kind action...just like my friend offering me her clothes. Its just that the negative implications of the presentation can overshadow the generosity.

I think it's really crazy and horrible that size is seen as so horrible that it's ok and even flattering if someone smaller than us thinking they are our size or bigger, but it's not ok if someone larger than us thinks they're the same size or smaller.

There was a makeover show on not long ago that would make the featured women estimate their body size by putting themselves in a line-up of smaller and larger women, and almost universally the featured women estimated wrong in the fatter direction. I began to wonder whether the women did it on purpose out of fear of the stigma of picking "too small."

There was also a research study that found that of average weight women, the women with the best self esteems were the most accurate in the estimation of their body size and shape - whereas of plus-sized women the women with the best self esteems consistently underestimated their body size. One of the theories put forth by the researchers was that "fat" was so stigmatized that the best coping strategy fat women had, was perhaps denial.

When I was working, I was once complaining about finding nice, affordable business clothes "when you're fat." And my coworker blurted out, "you're not fat," and I burst out laughing - hysterically (on what planet is nearly 400 lbs, not fat). She snapped angrily, "you know what I mean!"

And I did, sadly. Fat is such a horrible and evil concept in our culture, that an intelligent, friendly, funny woman like me couldn't possibly be fat, so I had to be something else (and my favorite punchline to this story is that I'll slap anyone who says it's "fluffy").

I don't like euphemisms for fat, but I do accept most of them our of social courtesy (except for fluffy - I am not a sheep).

What I do hate is the untrue assumptions about fat and fat people, and the huge social taboo against underestimating my own size in comparison to others - and even the expectation that I must pretend that I'm larger than I am - and the expectation that others must pretend I'm smaller than I am.

Ideally I wish there weren't so much emotional baggage and social pressure against the social sin of making a mistake in underestimating one's own size or overestimating someone else's.

I know it's a social taboo that many people accept wholeheartedly, but things would be so much easier if we didn't have to be afraid of comparing ourselves to others, and possibly even being "wrong" without the risk offending others.

But that's the reason that giving clothing is so taboo - because the risk and consequences of being wrong are so great. If we overestimate the person's size or underestimate our own, it's a social crime of the century, and if we actually use words that reference size, it's essentially unforgiveable.

Heck, most of what we discuss on this site would be unacceptable in the real world.

Kaplods, I almost always cut the tags off my clothes not because I care what they say but because they drive me crazy and cause me itching and discomfort. I wish manufacturers would simply stamp the size and brand name on the actual clothes....some do that but most don't.

I have lots of clothes that are too big and I just keep them. I've donated in the past only to regain so giving it away doesn't deter me from regaining. This time around, I'm hoping that keeping them will deter me from gaining. ;) I do have a very good friend who started the weight loss journey at the same time as I and she has regained a whole lot but I don't dare offer her my clothes for fear of offending her. If she wants, she can ask me and I'd be happy to give her some great stuff.

I always do consider that possibility as I've cut out many labels for the same reason (though usually I have to cut the whole tag out, so I carefully pull the stitches. If I try to just cut the tag and leave an edge, it's actually more irritating than the full tag).

That's why I mentioned the state of the tag's cut edge and the wear of the clothing. You can tell a newly cut tag from one that has been cut and laundered several times. And if the clothing looks like it's been worn several times, but the cut edge of the tag hasn't frayed, that's pretty suspicious (the tag only suddenly started bothering the person, and they didn't launder it before giving it away?

Also, sometimes it's extremely obvious that it was the size the person was cutting out, because they don't cut the whole tag, just the size off (especially when it's a designer label, and only the size was cut off, the name is clearly visible).

If the tag is completely missing, I do tend to suspect comfort was the issue. But when only the size has been cut off, while the designer name on the label is left intact, or when the label cut looks extremely fresh and unlaundered (unfrayed) on a garment that has signs of wear, I find that a bit suspicious, especially when the tag is cut in a way that it ends up being more uncomfortable than the intact tag would have been.

I realize I might not be shaped exactly like the original owner, but I find it pretty suspicious when a tag has been cut so that it sticks straight out, and is therefore scratchier and more uncomfortable than leaving the tag as it was would have been. It would have made more sense to remove the tag entirely than to cut the tag so that it sticks straight out and scrapes directly against the back of your neck.

I've also talked with the intake staff in the main consignment shop where I sell my clothes (one is a personal friend), and they've told me that when they get in clothes without sizes, they have to ask the seller what sizes the clothing are (store policy), and they say people will often get mad at the question, say they have no idea, or will obviously lie. If the person denies knowing, they measure the garment and make their best guess; but if the person lies they have to either reject the garment or put it with the sizes the person claims it to be. If they do reject it (because the size description is obviously a huge lie), they're not allowed to tell the seller why, so as not to offend the person.

They've even gotten clothing in that HAS had the size stamped on the garment, and the person has used permanent marker to black out the size - ruining the garment because the permanent marker showed from the outside (then they do get to give the reason of "ink stain" for rejecting the garment).

I love the idea of getting free clothes, but I've been offered several times, and it actuality it makes me uncomfortable, although not offended. If someone handed me a bag of clothes and said, "Here, take these, and pass them on if they don't work", I'd be delighted, but for me that's never been the situation. I always felt like I'd have been in the position of rejecting things one by one. I'm hard to fit. I also, it seems, wear a size or 2 bigger than people expect, and have more than once found myself arguing with people about it, as if I'm confused about what size is most likely to fit me. It's just a little awkward.

I've had only 2 wildly inappropriate offers of clothing. My tiny friend sent me her maternity clothes when I was pregnant. One of the items was a size large. Not maternity large, just large. I think the maternity jeans were a size 4.

The other offer came from a friend who weighed 100 lbs more than me. It was hard to find a diplomatic way out of that one.

This brings up an interesting question. How well can you judge size? When I was young, and much thinner, I knew how big I was. Now, I just don't have that same sense, I wouldn't be able to rank myself the same way. I know I'm bigger than my tiny friend. I was pretty sure I was smaller than the one that was 100 lb over me, but not positive. And I have no sense on a scale less than that.

My best friend offered me her maternity clothes a few months back when I mentioned how I was struggling to keep up with dropping sizes. I know she was trying to be helpful and I appreciate that... but the idea of wearing maternity clothes when I wasn't pregnant didn't sound so great to me, lol. I'm not an apple shape - I'm between an hourglass and a pear - so it's not like the clothes would have even worked on my body shape! Worse, I'd been trying to get pregnant for nearly 1.5 years at the time, and hadn't been able to. It was kind of a downer all around, lol.

I think a lot of times that's really hard to say and, in reality, what's the point? All my friends who live close to me weight less. They're all at least 2-4" shorter than me and smaller so it's an absolute no brainier. However, in the states? Well, it's always hard to say. I have a friend who I thought was about my size (turns out she was) who I wanted to offer a pair of pants that didn't fit me quite right. What I told her was that I had bought these pants and she could have them if she'd like but not to stress if they were too big for her or something.

But it's so hard to figure out your size and I know I've been shocked sometimes figuring out other people's sizes too (e.g. had a friend in high school who I swore was the exact same size as me, turns out I wore an 8 and she was in 12's). After weight loss it's infinitely harder. I still feel guilty shopping in regular stores and feel like they're going to kick me out and tell me to go to the plus-sized stores instead. It's silly but it takes awhile to adjust your mental image of yourself.

I'm trying to pay more attention to clothes and fashion now and I'll look at photos of other women in clothes I like to try and get a good idea of how that will look on my body. Many times you can look up the measurements of the models and sometimes I will be really shocked about how small they are (or how big) depending on the garment. I really like http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/ because they sometimes list the measurements of the models and it really helps to get a better idea on how they fit on your body type but it's also an eyeopening experience (and even if they don't list it you can normally google the model's name and find out).

It's only happened to me once and although it wasn't ment to be hurtful it actually really hurt. Then again, I am super fragile emotionally about my weight.

off topic but where are you going in alaska? i've lived here all my life and currently live in juneau