It hasn't happened to me yet, but I suspect it will - I've been overweight since I was a kid so the only reality people have for comparison is the heavy me. I suspect that in another 20-25 lbs, I may start getting comments like this. Not because I won't still be fat at ~200 lbs, but because it's going to be a big enough change from what was my normal weight that there is cognitive dissonance and people will still have a mental picture of me at 260+ in their head, and yeah, the 200 lb me will seem somehow too small/small enough in comparison to that.

I think the best thing is to simply say thanks and change the subject - after all, it's basically a compliment saying you look good. But you certainly don't need any one's permission to continue to work towards the goal you want for yourself (and for the OP, it's certainly a healthy goal for your height)

this was really interesting. I don't think I considered anyone who was labeled as obese to look perfectly healthy. But for sure, the ones who were overweight did! And IMO, the majority of them looked better than the majority of those labeled as normal.

I still haven't figured out my final goal yet. There was definitely part of me thinking that I wanted to try to achieve a normal BMI. But after looking at those photos, I'm not so sure about that now!

Others have said it pretty well already but I think it boils down to a few things:

- Various perceptions of what fat looks like to people. I liked the link kelly posted and was surprised by my own reactions. I'd look at the picture and then try to guess where they were. Most of the time I was pretty accurate but there were a few times that I was shocked that someone was considered overweight/obese and would've thought that they were a category down from where they were. There were actually one or two times that I was surprised somebody was listed as normal because I thought they were overweight. And there was also one girl who I was really surprised was underweight. This is coming from someone who's lost weight and has been in all those categories (with the exception of underweight) so I agree it really is hard to tell.

- It's also somewhat of an automatic comment. Like Kaploids and others said too, fat can be considered a "bad" word so others like you as a person and wouldn't want to associate that with you or like Lovely said that they may think you're feeling down about yourself and just want to cheer you up.

- I could be insecurities too but I don't like to assume that in general. I like to think the best of people and it seems sort of devious to think that everyone wants you to eat more so they feel better about themselves. It could be the case but I think to think that it's rare.

- And, of course, I think the gradient is SO important. Just watch a season of biggest loser! I remember having a hard time believing some of the contestants are still in the 200's because I remember how they looked in the beginning and they look so different later on that your mind wants to believe they are already at a healthy weight. It's just hard to reconcile the images in your head.

This is a topic that will always ellicit different points of views and ALL of them
will be valid. The problem I have had with the "you don't need to lose any more weight" is that the *last time* I did this ......I believed it. That led to my downfall and I gained most of the weight back that I had lost. *This time* around I am doing it and trying very hard to accept the comments but use my own judgement. I think the opinion of people having seen us heavy for so long just aren't used to or comfortable with seeing us thin is the real issue.
That being said, just take it as a compliment and keep doing what YOU want to do.

I think you have to take the social context into account too - I can easily see myself being guilty of this if someone came up to me and said "Oh I am so fat!". Because 90% of the time this is someone fishing for a compliment who will actually be offended if you agree with them. The "socially polite" thing to do is say something about how they're not actually large and then keep the conversation going.

Also when people say "Oh you're melting away!" or "You'll vanish if you lose any more weight!" - this is just how some people give compliments. Unless they are taking you aside and trying to have a serious talk about how you're becoming anorexic, I wouldn't take it as anything more. Would you get annoyed if someone said "Wow I love that dress, the color is just amazing!" Is the color really 'amazing'? Are they actually awe-struck by your dress? I would guess they like it, but are not actually flummoxed by how such a wonderful color could even exist. I will say, tone plays a big role here. If someone is telling you "You'll vanish" and clucking over you negatively, then I'd probably roll my eyes a bit - but still wouldn't consider myself offended unless they start down the road of 'You won't look as good if you keep losing weight'.

Just my two cents - I agree if someone is trying to get you to eat a cupcake by telling you you're not fat, that's annoying. But don't take a well-meant compliment as some sort of underhanded sabotage attempt.

well, the "healthy bmi" range can look anorexic on some people. if i ever got to the low end of it, i'm sure i'd be showing my skeleton. that might attract more men and get me some compliments, but i'm not sure that i intend to work to get there. bmi was a theory that was based on every body shape being the same, and at all sizes, using one inch heels, and doesn't account for muscle composition. the only consideration i give to it is what i have to because i live in america; unfortunately the doctors have adopted it for a one-size-fits-all. i am going for what i want to see in my mirror, and i don't want my body to have to do extra work by hauling unnecessary weight around, regardless of what a bmi chart says.

i suspect a general reason for people saying things like "oh no you're not big" is due to the subcultures where "big" is more accepted than in others. so when someone defies that and gets skinnier, it draws attention. if you are in a family/area/whatever where weight has never been emphasized and you suddenly start changing yours, you will be looked at like "whut??". and then too, as someone said, "fat" has negative connotations and friends won't say you are "fat" even if you are. for me, i'd rather deal with those kinds of comments instead of the "wow!! you look so good now i didn't recognize you!!!!"

What's interesting to me is that most people who make weight comments - in any context - aren't close friends or anything like that, they are typically neighbors or others I see once in a while & my weight is none of their business. One woman remarked to me that she always had a boney behind and could I give her a couple of pounds! I looked at her as though she was speaking another language and that was the end of that. As far as food-pushers, I've used the 'I'm a bit off today' with a scrunched face and that usually ends that. Talking about wanting to be healthy, etc. usually starts a big discussion that goes nowhere.

I tend to think when someone says "you're not fat" it's more of a "niceity" -you know, being "polite", than anything else. Of course, if someone says that & they are fatter than me, then I tend to think that person doesn't consider me to be fat in comparison. And if someone says that while pushing food at me, I am very inclined to say "thanks, but my *** doesn't need that right now."

But in general, it doesn't make me angry. Sometimes mildly annoyed, depending on my mood. Mostly I just ignore it.

I've had people tell me that the weight I gained is "just muscle" I apparently am inhaling steroids in the air I breathe since I can put on 20+lbs of "just muscle" in merely a few months.

It's not necessarily self validation. Some people are also compulsive "encouragers". And by that I mean they always MUST say things like "you arent fat!" or "are you kidding? you did SUCH a great job!" (when you came up massively short of a goal). They simply can not handle "negative" and are incapable of seeing simple statements of possibly undesirable FACTS as neutral and feel compelled to counteract with "compliments" that often seem more patronizing than complimentary. This is the girl who will tell you that you look fabulous when your face is broken out and you were behind on laundry so you pulled out a pair of acid washed high waist jeans from 1985. If they think the truth might hurt, even if YOU say it first, they will refute it.

Yep, I've gotten that before. I remember when I was first diagnosed as diabetic, I got serious about fitness, healthy eating and losing weight. And lose weight I did. With the help of a nutritionist and some serious exercise, I dropped 60 lbs in about four months. That sounds like a lot of weight and it was but dang I still weighed 180 lbs. I'm 5'4". That's just too much fat on such a short frame.

I would turn down food and people would always counter that I didn't need to lose any more weight. Ha! but I did. Never did though. I hit my plateau right after that and after about six months of seeing nothing move on the scale, I gave up. I kept it off for quite awhile though but I eventually gained all but 20lbs back.

I've been back at the weight loss efforts for about a year now. I finally broke a nine-month plateau and have lost about 7 pounds in about a week. Still shaking my head at that. I'm getting compliments all over the place. I'm getting firmer and losing inches. In fact, I actually went down a pant size BEFORE I saw the scale move.

Now when I look in the mirror I still see rolls of fat. Stomach fat. Back fat. Jello thighs and arms. Sure my clothes fit better, but I know the real deal. The scale and the mirror tell no tales. LOL.

I have to say though, the "You don't need to lose any more weight." or "You're not fat." comments don't bother me nearly as much as the people who try to thrust food on me JUST because it makes them somehow feel better to have someone accept what they're offering. I often turn down food simply because I'm diabetic, and I'm just not trying to run my blood sugar up.

I can't tell you how many times I've politely turned down food, and then have to turn it down repeatedly trying my best NOT to give an explanation. Just simply, "No thank you." But people always want to counter with, "Ooooh it's so good...etc., etc., etc." I finally have to tell people, "It's ok, no, I'm diabetic."

Then they're like "Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't know." You know all apologetic and embarrased. Oh well too bad so sad. If you'd taken my first or even my second decline or even my third decline and kept it moving I wouldn't have had to reveal my disease just to get you to leave me alone.

But honestly, while I find food pushers rather annoying at times, it's usually done with good intentions. I don't think I've ever met anyone who was doing it just to be mean.

However, I do get HIGHLY annoyed at people who KNOW I'm diabetic and repeatedly ask me if I want pie or something so obviously not good for me because of my condition. Those people (this guy at work in particular) annoys the H E L L out of me. LOL!

Napia-I agree with you, the food pushers are the ones who drive me crazy. This normally happens to me at work and also when I visit family. These people want to feed everyone the same stuff with no regard for a simple 'no, thanks', nearly always pressing the issue until I reveal that I'm trying to stick to a diet....I don't go here, but I'm also a recovering overeater and certain foods will trigger a binge. I know some people can have a cupcake and then carry on maintaining a healthy diet..but for me one cupcake might be the beginning of a binge.

Thanks everyone for the comments on this. And I do respect that there are different definitions of fat (I don't think of 'fat' as such a bad thing, I don't like it, but I don't attach a lot of the negative connotations to the word that society does, I am fat, but I've never been lazy or a slob or anything of the other negative **** that people assume fat people are--I'm just fat). This is my judgment of myself too...I know BMI or weight is not always an accurate measure of health, but I know by looking at me and how I feel that I am fat. I have 40-60lbs to lose, not 5lbs.

Kelly-Those BMI pictures were great..there were a few really surprising ones.

My office has been the worst of places for the "wasting away" comments or refusal to take a "no, thank you". It was really bad when I first lost 40 pounds in eight months. I changed so much visually. I was still heavier than several officemates who I don't think anyone called "anorexic". I gained a bit the next year after an injury. I've worked off most of that with about ten pounds left to get to my last low weight.

Nowadays, I don't tell people I'm still trying to lose weight. If anyone notices that I'm thinner, I tell them I'm just wearing a new top or toning up a bit or something. They accept the statement of losing 15 pounds is "toning" because they really seem to not know.

However, when pushed with food, I usually say "Thanks, I just stuffed myself so am super full". At another office that I have to go for meetings alot, they have CHEESE PIZZA and DARK CHOCOLATE and CAKE and other horrible trigger foods for me. I really have to be careful there because they push food like the worst kinds of junkies. I often walk away having eaten the least horrible of their food but feel bad because I went "full" and drank tons of water to prevent ANY nibbling. These folks are, sorry to say, my worst health enemies.

Officemates, this time around, aren't forcing food as much, saying you're wasting away, or anything. Partly, I think it's because people have now seen me very heavy, heavy, "thin", a bit heavy, and now "thinner". I don't think they'll be as surprised or unused to a "thin" me.

Also, my office--a municipal health department--is the home of a national model of healthy active living program. Over the years, more officemates are willing to try losing weight. They know it's hard. They've given up, tried again, and have started to see their own reasons to get healthy.

I think this time around, I seem less shocking but also folks are more educated by "thin" and "overweight". Considering how careful I am with eating/exercise now and still losing extremely slowly, I doubt I'll SHOCK anyone as I continue to lose more weight.

^^^Ha! One of the reasons I don't have a hard time with all the food that floats around my office from time to time is that I work with a bunch or repairmen. ALL MEN. Their jobs are nasty. They're sweaty and funky from being out and about repairing commercial laundry machines or they're working out in the funky, sweaty warehouse reconditioning machine. So when they come into the breakroom, I know dang well they have NOT washed their hands. Probably not even when they go to the bathroom.

If I was not inclined to get first dibs then you can forget it. I don't want NUTHIN' out of that breakroom that they could have possibly put their hands on.

These folks are NASTY with a capital N. LOL!

HA!!!
that's GROSS, extremely unappetizing, and hey, kinda funny!!! And what a great "diet tool"!

This is exactly why I avoid telling people that I'm losing weight. I don't want the arguments against it that I was getting when I was more vocal about my efforts.

Now, people are noticing my weight loss and bring it up themselves. I get a lot of questions like "How are you doing it?" and "How much more do you want to lose?"

I answer everything honestly - I'm losing it painfully slowly by exercising and calorie counting. And my goal - is about 50-60 more pounds.

When I say 50-60 more pounds, people *always* say - "NNOOOO! That is *far* too much." ....

I don't argue with them, I just shrug and say "That will be a healthy weight for me, and healthy is what I'm pushing for."

I leave it at that. It is terribly frustrating that people argue with you about not being fat or that you don't need to lose weight. Part of it, I think, is that calling someone "fat" or even acknowledging it - could be considered rude, so they deny its existence in an attempt to be nice.... I try to remember that they are trying to be nice and polite and just move on.