What is wrong with me??
 

I have been utilizing this site for recipes/tips for about a year, but decided to register for the forum because I'm in need of some help.

Backstory: I'm 25, 5'7, and I weighed 280 in March, 2010. I had been well over 250 for a couple years. Hadn't been under 200 since I was 14!!! :o

Well, over the past 18 months, I have lost 93lbs and weigh about 187. My goal weight is 140, so I have a loooong way to go. In that time, I haven't had ANY fast food items besides low calorie Subway options. As a girl who used to sit in her car cramming down 4 McDonald's double cheeseburgers and 2 McChicken's on her lunch break, I'm proud of that fact.

Ok. For the past couple weeks, when left alone at work, I sneak in the candy bins (we use the candy as rewards for our kid clients) and have been eating candy bars! :o:o I'm totally mortified with myself, and I sit there, eating it, thinking "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???????" I just cannot stop.

Otherwise, I still eat fine, even with those candy bars I stay under 1600 calories daily, and I actually have lost weight :?: but I know these are bad, and I have PCOS/insulin resistance so this is a huge no no.


HELP! I need support/advice, and I know you guys are the best for help.

Cravings can be huge, and you have to find a way to deal with it that works for YOU.

I'll give you an example. I'm not suggesting you do this, but it works for me. I was drinking alcohol. Not getting drunk, but I liked to have a drink or two every night. I don't like to get buzzed or drunk, so I think what I was actually craving was the alcohol sugars because when I'd decide to quit drinking what would happen is I'd start eating sweets instead. What worked for me was to promise God that I would not drink alcohol or eat sweets because I know these are empty calories. I have a moderate faith and so to me the idea of breaking a promise to God would be a big no-no. And for me, it works. In fact, the cravings don't even happen, it's like because I know it's not an option I simply don't crave it anymore. So each time I'm struggling with a lifestyle change, I use my promise-to-God method. I keep my changes one month at a time so that I don't make it a promise I can't continue.

Another thing that has been helping me lately is joining accountability groups. I recently re-started P90X and to stay motivated I watch the success stories on YouTube, and participate in 3 accountability threads (two on a forum and one on Facebook). I find that simply telling someone I'm going to do something makes me want to do it, so I don't feel like I fibbed.

When I first started it was hard to deal with the numerous candy dishes around the office! I decided every time I thought about them I would take a HUGE drink of water. It helped me up my water intake substantially ;). Now I am able to walk by the dishes and know I don't want them now.

I don't think it's the craving that you have to fight, it's the convenience of having them right there. If you have an old picture of you at your highest weight maybe you should keep that visible for your own motivation.

:hug:

First off: Congratulations on your amazing progress!!!

So onto the meat of it:

Why are you going for them?

Are you bored? Lonely? Craving something sweet? Or is it just the fact that they're available?

Would telling yourself that those candy bars are NOT YOURS help any?

Flex your resistance! Tell yourself "no" one day... but have a non-food reward planned to reward yourself when you get through a week without touching the candy.

Thank you for this! I don't have a faith system, but you have me thinking. A reward system could help...maybe say I won't buy something or watch a movie I had planned unless I go the week without binge eating.

I should participate in the weigh-in threads here, thanks again!

Thank you!!
:( I have no before photos that show anything but my face. One of my biggest life regrets, honestly.

You're right about the water, I haven't had as much as I used to take in.

Thank you so much!

The why's: Extreme boredom at work, stress and anxiety from a crumbling home life, being hungry (I eat like 4-5 small snacks at work that add up to 500-800 calories and sometimes I'm still so hungry) and being alone in the office. I won't ever eat bad food in front of others. Good to know my triggers.

That's a good idea too, to say they're not mine to eat.

Ugh, it's so crazy, I'd done so well for so long and then I do this? I don't even WANT the candy bars, I'm eating them because they are there. If it was a basket of carrots I'd binge on those too.

Is your food plan too strict? Is it becoming boring? Do you have "diet fatigue"? Take a good look at it. Maybe your carbs are too low--and you can raise them slightly with complex carbs, not sugar. Maybe you aren't getting enough protein and you could increase that.

You need to decide that those candy bars are NOT YOURS to just take and eat. And they aren't yours, right? You're essentially stealing them. Make a pact with yourself that if you want a candy bar, you have to leave and go to a store and buy one, not eat the kids' candy when no one is around (as though that doesn't count).

But make sure you're getting enough nutrition otherwise.

Good luck!

Jay

Sounds like you know why you're doing this...convenience ad stress...which is completely understandable.

You need to find the power to say no and ask yourself "will gaining the weight back that I've worked so hard to lose help my stress level?"

I sound like a troll lol, the candy bars are for everyone's consumption, but you're right, they're not for my consumption. I have 50lbs to lose.

I thought of that too, I do have a really strict diet, mostly because of budgeting and needing to stay in a routine to prepare meals for work. I get at these impasses with my diet, and don't know what to eat.

It surely won't lol. I think making this thread will help, I really needed to confess it, in some ways. To openly address this issue, because I'm sneaking these and no one knows. I could even pretend I didn't know. But if I put my feet to the fire and admit I'm doing this, maybe I can stop.

One thing that might help is to issue yourself a command and then forbid all discussion.

Tell yourself: I will not eat the candy bars at work--and really mean it.

And then when you find yourself thinking, 'Hm. I'd like some chocolate. Surely I can have one snickers without ruining my diet. You know, they're really not that bad and calories don't count when no one sees you eating them...etc, etc."

Then you tell yourself NO.

When the thoughts come back again, tell them NO. Not up for discussion.

It will become easier and easier to tell yourself NO and to silence the sabotaging thoughts.

And give yourself credit for every day that you don't give in. :)

ETA: And *Congrats* on the amazing weight loss!!!! Focus on your feelings of triumph and success!

Thank you, DV! I suppose that because this is a lifestyle change and not a diet, so to speak, I will hit snags. I was just lucky enough not to hit any for a long time. I was so determined to lose this weight, I had nerves of steel. Coworkers have left pizza on my desk, waved plates of fries under my nose, but I knew what I wanted so it didn't faze me.

It's such a hard balance, to not restrict too much but then not eat bad food. I treat this like an addiction, but unlike drug/alcohol addictions, I can't abstain from mine. I surely can abstain from candy bars, and the thing I hate the most about this relapse is that I didn't even crave them. Just ate them because they were there. Bleh.

Today I have vowed to drink three of my 20oz water bottles at work today, so hopefully that will keep me busy and full between meals.

Sounds like you need to bring more snacks to work...maybe even some carrots!!! I think another one of your triggers for bingeing that you did not list is not eating enough through out the day. It is my BIGGEST trigger.

You know the Ghirdelli individual squares or the Lindor individual balls? Take just ONE and put it in your desk, when the office is empty, take it out and take small bites and savor the taste of GOOD chocolate and drink a 16 oz bottle of water. You will be satisfyed with the "chocolate" fix, it is great tasting chocolate (you can get them with the Higher % cocoa-which is good for you) you will get in 2 more servings of H2O. All for between 35-50 Calories.

I think you're right, and this is my biggest problem lol. I can be heard every night at 8pm, talking to myself in frustration, peering into my lunchbox with all of these bags and storage containers going "this looks like so much food! how much do I need to eat???" LOL

Here is what I usually pack and I space these things out like every two hours:

Turkey sausage: 130 cals
Apple: 100 cals?
Salad with tomatoes/cucs and free Italian dressing: like...50-70 cals max, because the dressing is 20 lol
Tuna with green beans and olive oil: 150 cals?
SF pudding: 80 cals
The maybe imitation crab meat with broccoli: 120 cals

That seems like so much food, but I'm always hungry and then I flip out and eat the candy bar by 3.

if you are eating 1600 calories a day, and still staying under that with eating the candy bars, then you are not eating enough good food. Try eating some more food, esp. protein and healthy fats like avocado and see if that helps - it seems like part of the issue is genuine hunger and you need to work on satisfying that and then you can deal with the sugar cravings, if they are still there.

Thank you for the suggestion. I used to eat a palmful of semisweet morsels here and there, but it's dangerous.

Maybe if I'm paying through the nose for expensive chocolate I won't binge :p

My chocolate cravings are usually quelled by SF pudding cups, I've eaten them throughout my whole diet. I think my body wants the fat. I used to eat a lot more avocados and olive oil, but it's very expensive for me to buy avocados regularly :(

ha, we cross posted as you were posting your food!

I would add things like a cheese stick along with the apple, some sort of protein with the salad, like a hardboiled egg, and if you are still hungry, add a bit more of the tuna and surimi.

Everything really went bad when I started making that salad a part of every lunch, hate to say it. I should add beans and low fat cheese or something to bulk it up, because I treat it as a meal when it is under 100 calories! Oy.

I actually fainted dead cold on the ground while visiting my mother in the hospital around Memorial Day because I hadn't eaten enough, and have the bruised facial bones to prove it :S

Maybe the quantity of food is tricking me into thinking I overeat, when I'm not getting enough. Ugh, the whole thing is so stressful to me. A constant game of math, trying to get enough food but not too much.

Thank again for all the help!

Do you refill the jar? If not, then someone knows that someone is eating them. You said you wouldn't binge in front of co-workers, whoever fills that bowl might find you out. Are you prepared for that? Like a wife finding her husband with a bottle in the sock drawer. She didn't see him doing it, but she knows. You are setting yourself up for even more shame.

You said you'd binge on carrots if they were there. So why don't you bring a bag to baby carrots to work. They are easy to pop in and crunch away and a whole lot less guilt.

I wish you all the best :)

When I looked at what you pack, I thought "not enough food." I agree with the poster who said you could add more protein, but also--where are your complex carbohydrates? An apple and some vegetables... not enough, IMO. Believe it or not, the body does need some carbs! Using my tracking program, it looks like you're getting 50 grams of carbs in all that food.

You might not feel so weak and have such bad cravings if you added a bit more. How about half a slice of whole-grain bread with your turkey sausage, plus a half-cup of fresh blueberries as a dessert, maybe added to a bit of lowfat yogurt? That would put you closer to 70 grams carbs.

Everyone is different, but I find that if I eat below about 100 grams of carbs per day while on weight loss, I don't feel right.

Good luck!
Jay

If you have insulin resistance, what's wrong with you is insulin resistance. Insulin resistance makes it very difficult to refrain from sugar and high-carb foods, because the more you eat, the hungrier you are and the more you crave.

With insulin resistance, it's often much easier to avoid concentrated carbs entirely than to indulge in them moderately. "Can't eat just one," really does seem to apply to all high-concentration carbs, not just candy and chips.

I can't eat dried fruit or even large amounts of fresh fruit, without setting myself up for an intense battle with hunger and cravings. I have to pay attention to the sugar and carb concentration in EVERYTHING (even condiments like barbecue and stir-fry sauces, which are my downfall).

I don't know if moderation will ever be possible with these foods for me. It's possible that losing weight will decrease the insulin resistance, and I will have a more normal blood sugar and hunger response to concentrated carb foods, but it's also possible that I will always find it easier to avoid than to indulge.

You may find luck with a higher calorie, lower carb diet. I was shocked to discover that to lose the same amount of weight, I can eat about 300 more calories on low-carb (I'm also much less hungry. I'm hungrier on 3000 calories of high-carb than on 1800 calories of low-carb. On high-carb, I can't eat enough to feel satisfied, because the more carbs I eat, the hungrier I feel. My stomach can feel unpleasantly full, and I'll still feel starved (an empty stomach is not the only physiological hunger cue. Blood sugar and hormone levels (including insulin) also trigger hunger cues.

It's the IR insulin cycle that creates an almost OCD response, that "can't stop eating, even though I'm feeling sick from eating too much" cycle.

I used to think I was food-addicted, now I realize I am carb-addicted. I have to be extremely careful with highly concentrated carbs (I haven't had to limit nonstarchy veggies or very low-sugar fruits).

For me, it's simple. If I eat a high-carb diet, I can't control my eating. If I eat a low- to moderate- carb diet, I can. Even one bite of something very high sugar can send me into a hunger/binge tailspin.

I just added up your list and it's only 650! I'm not going to get into the great calorie debate with anyone, but in my personal opinion that is not near enough to keep your body going. Kuddos to you for trying to do this the right way without pills, but no wonder you fainted.

I eat an average of 1200 per day (I just started calorie cycling) and it's working for me. Granted, I still have desires for cake and chocolate...a LOT...but I don't feel hungry all that often.

Maybe you could try a calorie counting site to help you (I use myfitnesspal.com). I know there is no way that I would be happy on 650 calories a day...I would be fatigued, have headaches, and the major grumpies haha.

I was hungry all the time on less than 1600 calories a day.
And I was not eating empty calories. It was all good food choices.
Then I discovered the problem was due to my blood glucose levels getting too low when I exercized too much.

I was told to eat a peanut butter and honey sandwich on whole wheat bread. It does work to energize me and the hunger is a whole lot less now.
Today I am starving again. It is because I am moving heavy boxes due to flood damage. Geez, I'm hungry. :(

I also wake in the middle of the night very hungry. I read somewhere that eating a hard boiled egg before bedtime would stave off the midnight munchies.
It does work. I am not too fond of plain boiled eggs, so I chop it up and add a 1/2 tablespoon of mayonnaise.

I track all my calories on LoseIt.com
It is a fun way to keep track of everything I eat. And I like the colorful charts.

Maybe what you could do at work is to bring a few celery sticks with peanut butter every day.
Or set a basket of celery sticks and baby carrots next to that basket of candy.

Best of luck to you!

:hug:

JOGGING ADVICE FOR THE OVERWEIGHT:
START SLOW, THEN TAPER OFF!

As I mentioned, all the coworkers eat them regularly, they are not off limits. The neighboring judge comes in and grabs about 5 kit kats at a time, and we all laugh about it. My confession is one for my diet and recovery on a personal level. If someone knew I ate them, they wouldn't care.

I know I'm no longer at risk of eating those candy bars, at least for now. It was enough just to put it out there in the open. Now on to preventing it again! lol

Thank you!

Thank you!
I am certainly a carbophobic. I tend to refuse to eat whole grain pasta, bread, oatmeal, brown rice. I don't lose weight when I eat it. I do eat Fiber One 80 cal cereal or Kashi here and there, but that's about it. I treat myself to the healthiest options at Subway less than twice per month.

I was eating plan oats with fruit and protein powder in the morning, and I'd get horrible low blood sugar and wasn't losing weight so I stopped that.

Argh.

Thank you so much, this was very informative! I will say, I have PCOS, and no doctor/insurance, so I'm very in the dark about what my body specifically needs other than the general weight loss and healthy diet/exercise.

I think you're right about the carbs; it's all or nothing for me.

Oh that's just at work! I eat dinner after work, sorry!
I struggle with having a bottom heavy food schedule. My goal is to eat 900 calories at work and 400-500 calories at home, but I usually do the opposite :o 600 calories at work, and maybe 600-800 at home.

I think 1400-1500 calories per day would be good for me.

It's hard, for sure. :(
Thank you!
Celery and peanut butter could work, I cannot eat carrots too often because they throw my blood sugar off SO bad.

I like making deviled eggs but I was told cooked eggs can't last more than two hours, safely, and I can't make them in the morning D:

I tend to chew gum when that candy basket feeling hits me. :)

You might want to look at the plan I'm doing, it seems fairly close to what you are eating.

The thing that you could add (whether you try Dukan or not) is oat bran - not oat meal. A small amount has some carbs but not that many and it's low in calories and high in fiber and REALLY fills you up, withouth the after-carb crash. I have 2 tbs each morning - you can either make a pancake out of it with an egg and some fat free yogurt, or you can make a porridge with hot water, sweetener and cinnamon or other spices. I have several people I know who aren't doing the Dukan Diet but who picked up eating these from me and are very happy about it.

You know, it strikes me as ironic. You are saying that you don't eat plain oatmeal because your blood sugar drops out the bottom (and I know this does happen to some people, even those without PCOS or insulin resistance, etc.). And you don't eat carrots often because they throw your blood sugar off.

So, what is it that eating candy bars does to you?

See what I mean? What would be worse, eating 15 baby carrots, or a couple of Kit-Kats? :eek: 15 baby carrots have 18 grams of carbs and 4 grams of fiber. A SINGLE 1.5-oz. Kit Kat bar has 28 grams of carbs and only 1 gram of fiber.

It seems to me that given a choice, the carrots would be the better way to go!

ETA: I see a lot of folks box themselves into a corner like this. So many reasons that they can't eat so many foods--and then they go off the rails because they can't hack it and eat even worse foods. Plans have to have flexibility if they are going to last long-term.

Jay

There has been a ton of good advice already but since you've mentioned PCOS and no insurance, you might check out the PCOS forums here on 3FCs. There's a lot of really good information there including info on vitamins and supplements that help some with symptoms and blood sugar issues.

My body functions a lot like Kaploids. I'm learning that I will always have to be careful and yes, if I eat some foods that are "bad" for my system, I crash and burn. In fact, I'm restarting after a very long, hard crash.

The important thing is you know it's a problem, you know some of the triggers and can get on the way to fixing or at least minimizing it.

Congrats and good luck on your continued success.

I used to get the sugar crash and shakes if I didn't eat at least every four hours. When I got diagnosed with Hashimotos, an autoimmune hypothyroid disease and started treatment, that went away. So I'm in full agreement that a hormone disorder such as PCOS, or in my case Hashi's, can cause that to happen.

I will look it up, thank you!

Right

Truth? Keeps me full for about 3-4+ hours, surprisingly, with no crash. That's not why I have eaten them, but it's the reaction I have to them. Part of my addiction to cheeseburgers was self-medication for my insulin resistance. They were the only thing that kept me from cold sweats and dizziness. Probably a "hair of the dog" type cycle.

But I'm not looking for a "well it could be worse!" type food to snack on, I want to eat the best I can. I'm wasn't asking for an excuse to eat candy bars, just confessing I had and wanting to move on. Carrots make me feel like junk, so I will take the peanut butter and celery suggestion, yanno?

Eh, I don't feel I've boxed myself into a corner with my diet. I let my boredom and stress/depression take over and I made a very bad string of choices with things that were right in my line of vision. The problem was, I stopped thinking of consequences. I let go of control and took my eyes off my goal.

Thank you, I appreciate it. Good luck to you as well :)

:( ugh, glad it's better
I noticed a lot of improvements in my blood sugar issues with the weight loss, I haven't had anywhere near the issues I used to have. It was horrible, I was just too big.

I was never hungry when I was pushing 300lbs, just always...sick. Low blood sugar, high. Now, I actually feel hunger.

I think I need to learn to respond to hunger, and not fear blood sugar issues because they aren't prevalent. Bringing more healthy food to work and keeping my eyes on my goal instead of emotionally eating is going to be my saving grace :p

Thanks for the help, everyone, I appreciate the support.

I think that's a great approach!

I was going to say, if the candy bar keeps you satisfied and doesn't throw your blood sugar off (in whatever way you have been judging that), then it might be more evidence that you're not eating enough complex carbs as part of your food plan. So, I encourage you to take the approach you stated above. :yes:

Jay